Oh Gem, I feel so bad you have to endure this kind of thing. I know how it is to live with someone that is so..two faced. I don't know why these types cannot understand that we can tell dishonesty a mile away and just at least be honest and not try to convince that you are crazy. It sounds like your son is pretty attached to him, which does make this all the harder to deal with. Not sure how to tell you to approach this one, but just wanted to let you know I understand your pain...but remember, you and your son will get through this. It's sounds like you have got all your spirtual entities working with you. You are not alone in this, just let your intuition be your guide.
- "All this over porn"...if it bothers you and disrupts your life it is a big deal. Yes, the lying is the hard part. Regardless of what the offense is, it comes down to trust and feeling deceived... Which someone that really loves you should not do. But it happens so often. There are very few people in this world that are truthful...especially when it comes to their inner demons. Most people lie to themselves on a regular basis in denial of facing those demons.
Don't ever doubt yourself. The crazy making is a way to get the spotlight off of the wrongdoer and back to you so they can "blame" someone instead of looking at themselves. Kinda like sticking their head in the sand. You cannot fix that kind of behavior no matter how hard you try.
Yes, you and your children deserve better. Venturing into the unknown is always scary...but you will wind up in a better...and more sane place in the end. In the future, when you look back you will be glad you got out. I know I am when I look back at all the times I had to jump out of the pan into the fire.
Dear Gem, so sorry for your pain. I know they call porn an addiction but to me, it's much more. It's degrading. A lot of people thinks it's fine, I think it's sickening. And I really don't care who agrees with me or not. Why do , we as an society, need porn? I think it's one of the many things we could do without. Just like drug, alcohol and gambling, they all cause pain but no one who enjoys them seems to care or sees the innocent victims and the aftermath they caused. I would say I hate him and his kind but I would be hypercritical because my son is a recovering drug addict and I love him and know he can relaps at anytime. But I would like to poke his eyes out so he could no longer be able to watch it and realize the pain he is causing you and your son.
Mans believe me when I say this, You was good enough! You didn't do anything wrong, you were who you was supposed to be, he wasn't. Stop blaming yourself because this was out of your control from the begaining. You daddy not take daddy away, daddy took daddy away from his wife and son. I will be praying for you and your baby boy. I feel your pain and I see how unbearable it is. Stay grounded and don't forget to love yourself.
I'm so sorry, Gem. I feel for you and I'm praying for you. Things will get better. I'm sure of it. Keep your head held high for your children and eventually things will smooth out and make more sense. In time, you will have a better perspective. For now, focus on healing and the things in your life that you want. Let go of the rest. Blessings~
While you was still living with your husband and other than your instinct , did your ever see and shadows in the home? Dark or black shadows moving around the house, maybe at night? Maybe something out of the corner of your eyes but you ignored thinking it was nothing ?
I smug my house also but it seems to me, and after some research, smudging is like a lock on your door. A lock keeps only the honest criminals out and sometimes smudging only remove the less aggressive spirits. I have heard that some spirits and or entities can be stubborn.
I have a friend who's husband is addicted to porn, gambling and cheating on her. She has seen the shadows on her wall moving though the house and she is very religious and prays hard for him to stop. He is also a violent narcissist and she is afraid to leave him. I know, that sounds strange in the day and time but she is scared of him. Personally, no one can keep me anywhere I don't won't to be. I would put the fear of God and the universe up the side of his head with a ball bat but she isn't as fisty as me.
As much as I would like to think people with these problems like your husband and my friend husband have, something evil or low energy has either attached or has entered their body and is in control , I think sometimes they are just bad seeds.
My friends husband has befriended his demons and doesn't won't them to leave. It's become a game to keep secrets, lies, infidelity (I consider porn watching a secret infidelity but that's just me) gamble. she has notice is he's not gambling he is cheating and if he's not doing them two he's watching porn. He will not pull away from that thrill for anyone or any thing. She tells me she has put it in Gods hands and he will take care of it. I tell her God has taken care of it, He has...he put Louisville Sluggers bats on sale at Walmart. In prayer, when you ask God or your higher power or powers to "fix" a situation, that don't mean your going to like the fix, just that the doors of opportunity will open, He/they seldom pushes you though.
I didn't realize you two were living togeather still. I have to ask , without going back and reading because I have a huge headache, is your husband a narcissist or is the porn addiction the only major problem with his personality, if I may ask. And also, have you seen any shadow people in your house?
Hi @gem I am so so sorry to hear of the pain you and your child are going through and just really want you to know you are most definitely not alone... I haven't had a chance to read through all the responses above, but just wanted to respond to the original post. I too have experienced a similar thing, my (now ex) partner and i separated 2yrs ago now, he is undiagnosed bi-polar or personality disorder however experienced a sever episode with delusions and psychosis during which myself and our children became the centre of. So I completely understand where you are coming from with regards to doubting yourself and your intuition and the desire to believe them as i did a similar thing and am still trying to recover and build my confidence back up. However what i wanted to share, and this may not be right for everyone so if it doesn't resonate with you feel free to disregard, is I walked with 5 kids, (then) ages 1, 2(now know him to be an empath),3, 9(empath), 13(empath), each of my kids has experienced different aspects of the separation, both the effects from their father and from me, however, they have all seen me have extremely severe panic attacks and literally breaking down (and i do mean the whole thing - on the floor crying convulsions unable to move etc). I know so so many parents who try to hide this side from their children for fear of damaging them more, however from my experience it has opened the door for increased communication regarding how we are feeling and how to manage that. My 1 (she's now 3), 2(now 4) year olds now know we must have quiet time outside in nature to make us feel better, they know they feel a huge sense of sadness and grief and that its ok to cry even if they don't know what they are crying about, they know when we get upset we need to stop and take deep breaths and feel our bellies. My 3 (now 5yr old) has suffered tremendously and now has quite bad anger issues, however knows what things he needs to do to "fill his bucket up" , he now knows we do yoga every night to quiet our mind, he now knows that if he gets really angry we can go do boxing on the bag, he can now identify where in his body he is feeling different emotions and associates them with colours to understand them. My 9 (now 11) knows she must have "health and wellbeing mornings" as we tell the school every now and again, mornings at the beach to scream, cry, talk to her father (he is no longer allowed to see any of them and hasn't done in 12 mnths) or remember good memories of him, she now has a good grasp on mental health issues and all the things above that the other kids have, she also knows that as a woman we do not have to just put on a smile and keep it all together, sometimes we will break and thats ok too... The oldest one (now 15) also has a whole toolbox of strategies to help him as well...... what I'm trying to say is, take deep breaths and allow yourself to feel that whole spectrum of emotion and don't to so afraid to allow your son to see it (maybe not the most intense parts) but allow hims to see that sometimes emotions just suck and are painful and hurt. But that other times we can still experience happiness, love joy excitement as well. He will be ok as long as him mumma is ok. And there are so so many opportunities for growth and learning throughout this period that will also assist you in healing too. As you teach him he will teach you. I also remind myself that we all chose to be here, together at this time to have these experiences. Just as your child has chosen to be with you. YEs he is only 3, but he agreed to his sacred contracts just as you agreed to yours and together you will both fulfil them. take lots of deep breaths and just go one step at a time.... much love and strength to you as you move through this tumultuous journey xxx
As a empathic child (now adult) whose parents had a very bad relationship and eventually separated and got back together repeatedly and finally culminating in divorce (there was abuse (physical, emotional, and verbal) and some associated PTSD from the other parent), I can say that my parent's approach for my sibling and I was not good, and was about the exact opposite of what said. I think that encouraging me to feel all the feelings rather than telling me that my crying or any sign of anger was me "being bad" and I was "too sensitive" and "just trying to get attention," would have been helpful. I mean, I was in preschool not an angry teenager. I'm okay now, but in retrospect, I think it would have been really helpful for someone to let me know it was okay to feel. Also, in my experience as a fairly sensitive child, dealing with the effects of the abuse on the abused parent was, many times, a lot worse than being around the abuse to begin with. Please remind yourself of that when your 3 yr old cries about daddy leaving. In the end, he will benefit by having a mommy who is actually able to be there for him emotionally when he needs her.