I'm glad to be here on the new EC. I go back to July, 31st 2010 and every year, I celebrate the anniversary of when I discovered I was an empath, the day I joined EC. I don't post very much anymore but I always read the topics and see all the new members joining.
I thought over the years I would learn a lot and grow. Don't get me wrong, I have. I've gained a ton of knowledge just from being here, but my problems with grounding/shielding have made me this uptight ball of bitterness inside and while my bitterness comes from many different sources, it is mostly due to my nature as an empathic being. Since 2010, my life has gotten so strange and the things I experience cause me to question my sanity, asking myself if this craziness that I experience is real or is this some dream that I haven't yet woken up from.
The way people treat me is my number one gripe. They say people treat you how you allow people to treat you, but in this case, that isn't correct in the least. People are just so attached to me and want me 24/7 to be there to talk to or be around and sometimes people cross a line by crossing boundaries with me by not knowing how to leave me alone. The problem I have is I expect humans to have logic and realize what they do but that is never the case. This being empathic thing causes the strangest reactions from people, and apparently when in the presence of an empath, they don't pay attention to what they are doing. It's leaving me feeling ultra smothered and I want to escape it all. Empath Community is like Xavier's Institute for Gifted Youngsters. It's a school for growing empaths and those learning about themselves. If there were a real place where different people could join and be amongst each other, I would give up my life and career in the human world so I could be there and learn with them.
Day to day is a massive struggle and I can't help but feel like this thing that is made of light that people gravitate toward. Just today on the bus, a very strange man who I see on the bus frequently, got up from the front of the bus and sat in front of me in the middle section of the bus just so he can look behind him, all around like he always does, everywhere. I caught him staring at me and my ID badge which is also my bus pass and it's things like that which freak me out seriously. I dunno what is the matter with him, but the way he stands up in his seat to look behind him and all around him is very disturbing and for him to leave his seat up front and sit right by me so he can do that just unnerves me severely. If people realize how often things like that happen to me, they'd know why I have a problem with it and stop thinking I am being paranoid. I feel like people just want to be around me even if I want to be alone and I just want to turn it off so I can have a moment to breathe without the next person bothering me for something. At this point in my life, people have become so disrespectful of my boundaries and personal space that it doesn't even occur to them that they are being a bit much.
I do feel like I've lost my way. Six years ago, I was more confident and liked when people came to me for help. I still do, but so many people disrespect my boundaries and they don't get that they are being disrespectful. I never thought I would have to verbalize to multiple people that they are being clingy and I need my space. I told my father that and he downright got annoyed at me because I was so bold as to tell him that he couldn't talk to me whenever he'd like to. No matter what I say and how I phrase it, people misunderstand my words and twist what I am saying and it's ever so frustrating to deal with.
updated by @the-importance-of-being-jonny: 01/27/17 09:26:26AM