About the people that sometimes come into your life

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Kate
@kate
last year
131 posts

... and they seems to fall when you need them most at one certain point even if you fail to realize on the moment. They try to help you and you might refuse, then you try to help them and they might refuse. Then you come to understand each other better, then everything goes nicely, then fights again, then everything gets ok again and no matter what happens, no matter how many times you feel like you've found an old friend an you keep going back at it, the experience is both meant to bring happiness and absolute sadness. 

So I met this person online practically speaking (not dating sites... on a more complex game, and it was pretty funny actually) and yet we were so happy when we met/started talking it's as if we knew each other from long ago. We never articulated it this way, and yet I learned over time we both shared this feeling for some reason or another. In fact at first it wasn't even serious, especially from his part, and i wondered if i was the only one feeling so strange about this (I did not quite like it at first, actually). Eventually we became closer, and I think the link with this person helped me realize a lot of things about myself, even though truth be told I was pretty resistant towards it in a way, blame my ego, or both egos, if it should so be said, because it was the other way around as well. He said things he did not believe in kind of like "mantras" (well he tried to do them but) and I apparently was "blind" towards the obvious things that I already knew and I did not act.

The problem is how we keep fighting, and how much I regret these things and they hurt, even though we never met (yet) in reality. And at the same time we are so close, that we say same things at the same time, shared common views/or root values on certain things... sometimes i can correctly know what goes through his mind. This is how clear it gets, and yet I have a feeling, that while he knows his own instinct is good, he had no idea about the depth of these things and how rare they are or to find someone like this. It's like a knife through my heart every damn time misunderstandings occur (it's like it's doomed to happen) and all i wish for is understanding, maybe from my part as well. I cannot get why I am, for example, continuing this, and yet, in reality, breaking the link with this person would probably tear me down. At first, it felt like i wanted to go away but I wasn't let... it is the weirdest thing ever, and I reached a point where i don't understand anymore what and why, why it feels like "we shouldn't even talk anymore" and yet at the same time a completely different thing goes inside. It's like the words become empty or just worsen it, or simply express what we are "taught" to say or believe in a certain way while our behavior does the opposite... and yet this was our only way of speaking, writing, except skype, of course. Well...

I don't know what I should do except knowing that I shouldn't just... let go, especially since when i should have in the beginning the message about "please no" was so... ufff, how to say :/

It's hard describing these things, and we are both young and talking about ourselves or our lives even though we reduced the personal context and kept it to the game more than not (we still ended up talking a lot, sometimes for 6 hours straight). It's so hard and I gave so much energy and time to this, and apparently he "volunteered" to help when he could, that I keep wondering what was everything for if in the end it's about not talking anymore because of the most stupid fights ever. And then I remember how different it would have been and it is when people can see or touch each other and blame this. 

I met one of my best friends on a forum about horses... we were both passionated about them and about drawing, painting, and many other subjects; and we've been in touch for 8 years, and met each other so many times and told all about ourselves and our fears or thoughts, even thought we were from different parts of the country (our paths still crossed as we both went to universities in the capital). So I know it's possible, and I am so happy i did it so i can tell others ^^ But this one was a piece of cake, no struggle no tears and it felt just right, we never doubted we have to be friends or talk, hen again,we shared common interests, were both open to the idea, were younger and not judgmental... Second time was about someone whom literary works and creations i very much enjoyed, and only after months i found out we were from the same city...

With this person right now, it's so hard. And yet, it's rewarding. It's like everything becomes better when it goes ok with them. 

So I am asking you, have you went through similar experiences? have you met people whom you just knew you can trust? Did you turn the thoughts realm and instinct into material reality/friendship? 


updated by @kate: 01/26/17 05:01:56PM
Jenstone
@jenstone
last year
72 posts

I once had a client say that I had "changed his life" because I sort of told him not to sue a person unless he wanted to change the relationship with that person, which seems obvious doesn't it? But honestly, I don't most lawyers actually talk to their clients about how legal action impacts relationships and sleep, and life etc.

Anyway, it was many months later that we began to speak online, I had never met him in person, because I don't know, he lived about 300 miles away, and his accountant had found me somehow, anyway. We talked by email for hours and hours like you say. It was incredible, and it wasn't a dating thing although it also wasn't asexual....it got to the point that it almost felt wrong to ever meet each other in the physical world, but we did what you say in your post, it got to the point where it felt like we should meet----- but we wanted to do it in a different way---- so he organized that I would come and stay at one of his apartments in the city and he would go to his vacation house, and I would live in his daily life while we continued to write to one another.

It was absolutely fascinating. I slept in his bed, prepared meals in his kitchen, I even wore his slippers and his robe after my shower. I ate at his favorite local restaurant and sat in his favorite seat just so I could see the water from my table. I shared the experiences of everything with him, and then we arranged to meet.

There was nothing unappealing about the other... or at least we reported it that way, but suddenly, things shifted and we were all into the real world stuff.... like his elderly mother, and kids, and something really changed. When I got back home, we picked up where we had left off, writing to one another... I was making a big decision in my life and he ended up helping me to pick the Helping Career choice even though it was less money, (by putting the amount of money I need to pay all my bills in my bank account). At first I didn't want to accept the money, and we talked at great length about why and strings and all that earthly reality stuff, and finally I started paying my bills out of the money he had given me. About a month later, he asked me to never contact him again, said he wasn't angry, that nothing had happened, but that he was dating a woman who didn't feel comfortable with this unusual relationship. And so I never contacted him again for two years, I really missed him and felt sort of cheated.

Recently, I tried to contact him, and he responded. We picked it up again for about two days. The emails are long and talk about light and darkness and little beings that teach us things etc. ha ha this is before I identified myself as an Empath, but he had mentioned this to me before..

Anyway, he did it again, said not to contact him and he might be back in a few weeks, and I felt so hurt that I responded by saying..... OK, but like a butterfly in the garden, when you return I may be gone." And he said that's probably better, and it just seemed like such a waste of something beautiful....

All this to say, that I totally empathize with your story here. It's almost like there's a glitch with some people. I don't have any answers, really, just compassion and shared experience.

Thanks for sharing, @Kate. I have a follow-up question, that you may answer privately or publicly or not at all, Do you have a lot of sexual energy? I do, and I wonder if sometimes that gets in the way or makes things glitch on the transition to a real/physical world relationship.....

Hop Daddy
@hop-daddy
last year
502 posts

This kind of touches on a topic of kindred spirits from past lives. I still have a tough time understanding and believing in this (I think my religious upbringing conflicts so I have trouble being open to it). But it sounds like both of you have relationships with a kindred spirit. Perhaps someone that was very important to you in a past life. Someone you are drawn to in this life.

I would say follow your heart. Maybe both your relationships were meant to be.

Jenstone
@jenstone
last year
72 posts

Yeah, good point, Hop Daddy. I am becoming more open to this idea that people are either from a past life or a parallel life, and that's why we know them, but also why it doesn't necessarily flow like we expect in this life.

Occasionally, and this is funny, I bring an object back into my room from my dreams. The other night I brought back a red disk with a long tube-like structure protruding (looked like the front of an airplane.) It was about the size of a steering wheel, and I woke up and saw it floating over my bed for a few seconds before it went away. The object was so familiar to me, and yet when I was fully conscious I didn't really know what it was and had no recollection of a dream about it or anything. I still have such a vivid recollection of it that I could pick it out of a line up of objects, but still, don't recall ever seeing anything like it or have any idea what it would be used for even though when I was super close to the dream, I did know it just like I would know a rake or a laundry basket in this reality. 

Lotusfly
@lotusfly
last year
410 posts

I can relate. I am in a soul mate/twin flame relationship and sometimes we fight a lot and then we'll grow and realize what's important and then the waters will be smooth again. Fighting is unavoidable until both persons have worked out their issues - individual and relational. The fights should lessen in frequency, intensity, and duration over time. But I don't believe you will have an accurate view of your relationship until you meet in person.

Kate
@kate
last year
131 posts

Thank you for your answers. I will read more about people's stories and kindred souls... It had a different feeling, and it still has. It's fun how many 'little' things life has programmed for you, or how many little enriching things you can find sometimes. I would definitely meet in person first rather than starting a kind of online relationship first, blame the values I've grown up with, but I'd find it too shallow. I am uncertain from his part when it comes to this though and he has been disappointed by people before, making him more sensitive/less trusting from this point of view than I am. Either way, we've actually talked about it jokingly. I'm sad he was sad about things lol The only thing I wished for is for this to just end well and remain friends, I would be hell worried if I wouldn't talk again to him or at least see a "ye, ye, I'm ok." I felt a few things I did not like either (danger lingering? in a way, about him) but I am glad it's over now (not entirely). I also know and felt he has something even more than the empath streak. 

Will see...


updated by @kate: 09/29/16 01:43:48AM

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