are you Alone? i mean really alone.

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Tonyvancity
@tonyvancity
last year
29 posts

are you always alone? i dont mean you ''feel '' alone or lonley...but you are very much all alone. With me, ive noticed it from a very very young age..my earliest memories of feeling alone was from around the age of 5. Even tho i grew up in a big north american city, in a family of both parents and 3 older brothers, of going to full public schools, etc....of always trying to fit in, to please others, to make myself available , to do and say the right things...it ended up in rejection. There are private things i could say here, but im embarrassed and ashamed. The amount of rejection i have recieved in my life would be enough to make many many throw themselves off a bridge. And it was not because i was overly sensitive or uncaring i didnt form close bonds...the opposite, it was me who was always trying , giving opportunities, doing kind things, being good to others and not wanting anything back...except friendship, or love...or just to be liked. But nobody wanted me...they all , one by one, just left me. There is nothing repulsive about me ...i am not fat or ugly (as a kid i was very cute, got some compliments as a young teen/adult), i am not tall, only 5''7 and i know its not really anything to do with height anyways....i always dress clean, i dont have body odour or anything physical to repulse. For the most part, i was a nice kid, a nice guy who had a sense of humor, who would help anybody, anytime...and not ask of anything . I was enthusiastic, i was cheerful and upbeat ...despite the negative stuff that was done and said to me from just about day one on earth. And there was a lot of negativity, a lot of decietful bad stuff said and done to me. I overlooked it, i stepped over and around it...but it just kept coming, from many angles, from many people. Most of it stopped, but it never really stops permanently, it picks up . And here i am...alone, with no one. What was the purpose of me being born if all i do is to go thru life always alone? just existing to eat, sleep , work is not life. 


updated by @tonyvancity: 02/03/17 10:28:16AM
Chrisis
@chrisis
last year
39 posts

you're not alone  - I mean: you are part of this community, aren't you?

don't give up. If you're not able to connect to "mainstream" people, try with outsiders. This always worked for me. sometimes, it's also a question of self-esteem. You're worth it. Don't let anybody tell you the opposite.

Rene''
@rene
last year
1,194 posts

Tonyvancity:

are you always alone? i dont mean you ''feel '' alone or lonley...but you are very much all alone. With me, ive noticed it from a very very young age..my earliest memories of feeling alone was from around the age of 5. Even tho i grew up in a big north american city, in a family of both parents and 3 older brothers, of going to full public schools, etc....of always trying to fit in, to please others, to make myself available , to do and say the right things...it ended up in rejection. There are private things i could say here, but im embarrassed and ashamed. The amount of rejection i have recieved in my life would be enough to make many many throw themselves off a bridge. And it was not because i was overly sensitive or uncaring i didnt form close bonds...the opposite, it was me who was always trying , giving opportunities, doing kind things, being good to others and not wanting anything back...except friendship, or love...or just to be liked. But nobody wanted me...they all , one by one, just left me. There is nothing repulsive about me ...i am not fat or ugly (as a kid i was very cute, got some compliments as a young teen/adult), i am not tall, only 5''7 and i know its not really anything to do with height anyways....i always dress clean, i dont have body odour or anything physical to repulse. For the most part, i was a nice kid, a nice guy who had a sense of humor, who would help anybody, anytime...and not ask of anything . I was enthusiastic, i was cheerful and upbeat ...despite the negative stuff that was done and said to me from just about day one on earth. And there was a lot of negativity, a lot of decietful bad stuff said and done to me. I overlooked it, i stepped over and around it...but it just kept coming, from many angles, from many people. Most of it stopped, but it never really stops permanently, it picks up . And here i am...alone, with no one. What was the purpose of me being born if all i do is to go thru life always alone? just existing to eat, sleep , work is not life. 

Our stories are the same.  Almost identical.  we give them our all and help them to heal then send them on their merry way.  Sad, they never look back at us.  It's sad that people on this forum probably knows more about me than my own family and friends does.  it would be nice , just every once in a while for someone to stop and look at us and say "you ok". Of course I would say, yes, I'm fine.   

what is sad is that one person everyone can count on has no one to count on.  

Nikki3
@nikler
last year
116 posts

I get it. I really do. I find i have lots of friends and family that love me when i reach out or ask for it. But I'm forgettable, if i don't bring something to the table or reach out no one calls or texts or emails. I go to people's places and events, they don't come to mine. I don't know what it is. I stopped having events at my house I've turned it into my sanctuary, it's my place of peace.  i make choices for me, i do the things that i want and i say no a lot now and I'm happier. I'm lonely a lot but happier because I'm not exhausted from giving and not getting. I give to myself. 

I visit a cousin and she tells me how much she appreciates my company, i bring calmness into her life and cancel out drama.... she only remembers this when I'm in the room. it's like people want my Aura present but not really me and they don't even really know why. 

I think I'm a good catch, I'm not bad looking, thin, i make good money, have my own house, no debt but my mortgage, I'm level headed and secure with myself. I go on a few dates with a guy who seems to have a similar lifestyle as me, he ditches me for a girl who is whiny, needy, bossy and has absolutely nothing going for her. then he whines to me about his poor choices in women.

I don't know what else to say except i get it, it's weird, i don't understand it. 

We're just different and rare i guess. I've decided to just enjoy me, do what i want, make myself happy, not give so much, say no, not ever rely on anyone else...It's easier, less draining and I'm happier. Lonely though. i do long for a deep connection wih someone but have lost the hope I'll find it so i just continue focusing on my passions. I ride my horses a lot in the mountains, i just got my class 6 license and a motorcycle, these things make me smile and I'll just keep doing them and investing in me.

Tonyvancity
@tonyvancity
last year
29 posts

....i dont get it either. I dont understand why I am the first one to volunteer my time and services , to do favors, to lend a hand, to be a listener and offer good advice....and then get ditched, abandoned, forgotten..ignored. And i mean i have done a lot, some big stuff for family, friends, coworkers....stuff that made me think --''This is it, this will for sure will be remembered by them and will bring us closer together.''.....but it never works out that way. They pretend to be grateful , got what they need from me and that is it. Then it goes back to the usual, the unreturned phone calls, unreplied texts, the facebook snubbings, the body language and tone of voice that shows they dont care for me, i was just used ...a convenient helper when needed, nothing more. So lately i wised up and started doing as nikki3 above mentioned, to do less for others and spend time on myself. But there are only so many things and places to do and go by yourself where you get tired of the solo adventures , of nobody to talk to, nobody to share . And that is a very sad and tough thing to go thru Especially when you are an Empath because we feel so compelled to be of good use, to be helpful and to share and you feel so uneeded...like a baseball player so full of talent and eager to jump in the game but the coach never lets you play ball..so you just sit there on the bench and watch all the other players out there in the game, hoping one day you too can join in on the action and show them what you got. 

Nikki3
@nikler
last year
116 posts

It is difficult, i agree. I made rules for myself a long time ago before i even understood what was going on with me because i got tired of being used and thrown away. When asked to do something i always say maybe and i think about it. I ask myself if they would do the same and that answer us the answer i use. Like i said i say no a lot because i have found a few people i know i can count on if i really needed them. It didn't help the loneliness because it's nit a deep connection but i will step out for them because if i called in need they'd be there in whatever validity they could. Those are the only people i say yes to. 

I've learned to enjoy my own company. I hate doing things alone but i talk myself into it and force myself to appreciate my own accomplishments. I do enjoy being alonesometimes now especially in my home where I've changed my perspective, it is my sanctuary and i don't really want anyone in it. 

Try making yourself some rules to protect yourself, find a couple people that would come when you CALL even if you have nothing yo give anddevelop a relationship with them. It will take time and a lot of effort but you have to build your own world. Maybe someday someone will come to share it, but don't stop building it. 

Goodenergyhealing
@goodenergyhealing
last year
373 posts

The explanation for the 'not-being-seen' phenomenon I have found is this -

Everything is alive! Everything has consciousness to a degree! That includes thoughts, emotions and believes! Energies, especially negative ones (anger, fear, guilt, arrogance, disconnectedness, etc, etc) need to be felt, and believed as real, to keep on growing and multiplying. Most empaths are 'lighter' than the average human. More unconditionally loving, non-judging, feel more connected, etc.... They feed negative energies less. If anything we can help enlighten and dissolve negativity. So we are a threat to negative energies! Ergo a person who still has a fair amount of negative energies in his/ her being - those energies will do what they can, so that that person forgets about us, does not see us etc, etc....

But I also belief that every time we do manage to make contact, think lovingly of someone, or perhaps are even just around more confused beings, we plant a seed of Light, and those seeds will come to bloom. So hang in there all! Let's not feed the 'loneliness energies' ;).

If i feel lonely, I try to shift my focus from the physical human plain to the spiritual helper plain. Sure, I cannot always see or feel them, but over the years I have become confident that there is so, so many. We might all have a million or more friends up there (or below us (Earth energies are very helpful too!). Or if you need to hold something physical, I get comfort form holding my crystals/ rocks during meditation, which I connect to! I am not allowed pets where I rent, but supposedly pets can feel much more connected and loyal than many humans too!

And yes, from the outside my life might look lonely, but it has become more sociable again over the years (took 10+ years, but then I did not have forums like during my darkest years :)). And I rarely feel lonely nowadays. And as mentioned by chrisis - perhaps start looking in other places for friends. Places were people are more awake already - meditation classes/ meetups, yoga, shamanism, etc etc. There is a higher likelihood of connecting more there. Just do not go in with too high expectations, it could be that your Light will have to shine there for a while too, before acknowledged.  I have started attending meet ups from last year, met some nice empaths. Have attended more spiritual events again too, but they are still hit and miss, and no besties yet :))

Cat Whisperer
@cat-whisperer
last year
726 posts

Sorry for the rant above going somewhat off subject Tonyvancity. Sometimes the grass looks greener on the other side. I wish you nothing but happiness finding someone you can share things with. If you do find someone, be careful of the baggage that they may bring to the table.

Goodenergyhealing
@goodenergyhealing
last year
373 posts

Cat Whisperer:

I love your explaination GoodEnergy! You look at the down side of being ignored and shed some light on it, lol. The other side of the loneliness...I am married and live way too close to my husband's family. They are all (as described by many here with the same problem) coming around when there is something to be had, or when they need something, but if I call or text....ingnored. There was even a period where all of the step kids and their spouses boycotted me on FB. The reason why? They didn't like that I would say things to oppose their manipulations and hidden agendas (not enough time to go into all the details, but they are masters at playing this game with thier dad, he goes along) They would all want to come to the vacation house for all weekend get together, but I would say one family at a time. (Too many of them at one time wipes me out...like 4 different families at once. The last time was a disaster.) Or if I would mention for them to clean up after the kids. They had a problem with that so I was snubbed altogether. So basically when I excercise my boundaries, they rebel. So with that said, sometimes I entertain the idea of being alone would be much more satisfying than living a life around people that just want to use you for thier own benefit then toss you aside like trash.

that sounds like quite a stressful family life.... I try my best to live after the Buddhist Wisdom - 'No expectations, No disappointments'. I believe that we really only achieve 'free will' once we wake up (or some are born more awake), and free ourselves of a good chunk of negative energies. Till then most are just puppets of their (negative) emotions, thoughts, believes, etc. So when I get upset about someones actions, think they should know better, etc., etc. - I remind myself, that it is not them (their true individualized divine self) acting, but that they are acting out what their puppet masters want them to do.... The true divine part in them would never hurt or disrespect me, but that part is covered up with confused energies, that still have mostly the upper hand. Sure, I still react too, get upset, angry, annoyed etc. - but with that kind of thinking I can calm myself quicker, forgive and let go.....If they cannot do something today, I just have to send them more healing energies, or remain patient that past healing prayers come to fruition....And if sometimes it comes form all sides, I have no time to think stuff through, remind myself of my believes, and act out my reactions, I can forgive myself for that :))

Cat Whisperer
@cat-whisperer
last year
726 posts

Yes, GE, it is. I am seriously thinking about getting out.  Before I awakened, I just went along with the games, trying to please everyone but now since I'm aware..I'm not gonna play anymore. I am finding it hard to not live in my truth. And they don't like it. I pray and send healing love but you cannot fix some deep seated issues because they use it to their advantage. It's better but I can still feel the negativity. There is a lot of jealousy and dislike in the family. I have even told hubby I cannot deal with his family anymore and want to leave. He is hanging on...just wish he'd find someone else so he will let me go...but he will be hard pressed to find someone that puts up with the crap that goes on. Just putting the idea into the universe and seeing what manifests. I trust that Source and the Angels will guide me when it is appropriate. I would be happy if I could just be the crazy cat lady down the street and everyone leave me alone, lol.

Goodenergyhealing
@goodenergyhealing
last year
373 posts

Cat Whisperer:

Yes, GE, it is. I am seriously thinking about getting out.  Before I awakened, I just went along with the games, trying to please everyone but now since I'm aware..I'm not gonna play anymore. I am finding it hard to not live in my truth. And they don't like it. I pray and send healing love but you cannot fix some deep seated issues because they use it to their advantage. It's better but I can still feel the negativity. There is a lot of jealousy and dislike in the family. I have even told hubby I cannot deal with his family anymore and want to leave. He is hanging on...just wish he'd find someone else so he will let me go...but he will be hard pressed to find someone that puts up with the crap that goes on. Just putting the idea into the universe and seeing what manifests. I trust that Source and the Angels will guide me when it is appropriate. I would be happy if I could just be the crazy cat lady down the street and everyone leave me alone, lol.

now we know why there is crazy cat ladies Laugh

Cat Whisperer
@cat-whisperer
last year
726 posts

Lol!

Billy Jo
@billy-jo
last year
14 posts

Hi tonyvancity :-) I too have experienced a lot of abuse, bullying, neglect and rejection in my life.

I agree with goodenergyhealing, and would just like to add something that might be relevant.

As empaths, we tend to attract narcissists and other people who see us as easy prey for their own self serving games. In my mind, these people are the leeches of the spiritual/emotional world.. attaching themselves insidiously and taking our 'blood'..  by the time we are aware of their presence, they have already taken most of what they wanted, and they drop off and look for the next victim. We need to sharpen our senses and hone our tools to protect ourselves. 

Stay strong - be conscious of your own power. A kind and and gentle spirit is not necessarily weak. Nurture your strength and wrap yourself in it. 

<3

Janet farmer
@janet-farmer
last year
1 posts

I to feel alone..even when I'm in the company of other people. I would like to be with someone who will make me feel whole and not alone. I'm tired of thinking pills will help. Normal people have no clue how an empath feels when rejected by someone they have connected with. The feelings are overpowering somedays. If anyone has any insight to helping me....it would be most welcome. Thank you in advance.

Nikki3
@nikler
last year
116 posts

My biggest problem is feeling that connection or chemistry or energy whatever it is with someone and having it go all wrong. I'm starting to believe that it rarely goes both ways and if that's the case then why? What's the purpose of feeling a connection with someone if they don't feel it? Am i supposed to help them in some way amd how do i know the difference before my feelings are hurt? Not just romantically but in all relationships. 

Rene''
@rene
last year
1,194 posts

Goodenergyhealing:


Cat Whisperer:

Yes, GE, it is. I am seriously thinking about getting out.  Before I awakened, I just went along with the games, trying to please everyone but now since I'm aware..I'm not gonna play anymore. I am finding it hard to not live in my truth. And they don't like it. I pray and send healing love but you cannot fix some deep seated issues because they use it to their advantage. It's better but I can still feel the negativity. There is a lot of jealousy and dislike in the family. I have even told hubby I cannot deal with his family anymore and want to leave. He is hanging on...just wish he'd find someone else so he will let me go...but he will be hard pressed to find someone that puts up with the crap that goes on. Just putting the idea into the universe and seeing what manifests. I trust that Source and the Angels will guide me when it is appropriate. I would be happy if I could just be the crazy cat lady down the street and everyone leave me alone, lol.


now we know why there is crazy cat ladies Laugh

Lol 

Rene''
@rene
last year
1,194 posts

I don't really feel the loneliness anymore but I do have a three year old living with me.  Lol.   

Something Goodenergyhealing said in a different post rang true from me.  I spent so many years working in an environment and having connected with so many different people , I had put myself on the back burner and now that I don't work any longer, I do set and ponder on everything, and filter every emotion That comes though and are facing a lot of fears that I didn't realize I had but I am also finding strengths that I didn't know I had.   I'm learning the word "NO" and stopping people at the door because I don't won't  my peacefulness invaded.    I have become pretty comfortable in my introvertedness.   Maybe too comfortable I think sometimes.  It's becoming a hiding place.    But as for being lonely , nah..  

Goodenergyhealing
@goodenergyhealing
last year
373 posts

Janet farmer:

I to feel alone..even when I'm in the company of other people. I would like to be with someone who will make me feel whole and not alone. I'm tired of thinking pills will help. Normal people have no clue how an empath feels when rejected by someone they have connected with. The feelings are overpowering somedays. If anyone has any insight to helping me....it would be most welcome. Thank you in advance.

true - sometimes, some feelings feel overpowering! I try to remind myself that there is a good chance that what I feel of any negativity is not mine anymore (since I prayed/ asked that I be please cleansed off all negative emotions/ thoughts/ believes in my being many years ago)..... So when I e.g. feel depressed energies from a massage client, and they are really strong, but the client does not look, or act like it, I think it is because what I feel acutely is what they have accumulated in depressive energies over a longer period of time; whereas my client had that whole time period to get used to those energies. He feels them chronically, and I feel many at once acutely.... Sure, that knowledge still makes it uncomfortable, but also easier to cope. And once I start giving them healing, usually a lot of those energies shift/ get channeled out, or grounded off...

And as for feeling whole - anyone, or anything helping you achieve that feeling from the outside, has a likelyhood of being temporary only. They can possibly leave... So it makes much more sense to discover the feeling of wholeness inside! In my opinion Hollywood is brainwashing us, lol. Hollywood keeps on telling us that we need to find someone in the outside to makes us feel whole, but we are individualized Divine Spirit. That individualized Divine Spirit inside all of us is perfect, and whole (well, unless one needs some soul retrieval work, but even then one can just ask for it), it just has to be dug out!

Love and Light!

Goodenergyhealing
@goodenergyhealing
last year
373 posts

Nikki3:

My biggest problem is feeling that connection or chemistry or energy whatever it is with someone and having it go all wrong. I'm starting to believe that it rarely goes both ways and if that's the case then why? What's the purpose of feeling a connection with someone if they don't feel it? Am i supposed to help them in some way amd how do i know the difference before my feelings are hurt? Not just romantically but in all relationships. 

like I said above - I believe that many folk are still puppets of their negative emotions, etc. Those energies will try their best from keeping them from connecting with empath, or other more spiritual people. Our energies, and or knowledge can help others awaken - and are hence a threat to confused energies....

One can simply 'hand over' confused energies to the Divine. Or ground them off. Or use something like EFT to release them. I do this regularly for all confused energies in my being - self-generated, or coming through me. And I make sure that I include feelings of loneliness, et al. regularly. For once such feelings are given the chance to accumulate, they can turn into desperation, et. al. We might then meet somebody that we think 'might' be an energetic match (for whatever kind of relationship), but we are so starved and hungry for a connection, that we cannot see if they actually are not a good enough match.... And then become even more desperate if rejected, it does not work out, etc.... Or we stifle them, forgetting how busy most people's lives are - and do not give them enough room....

So for one, like I said above, it is good to work on finding wholeness inside! Also many look for potential relationships in places where they are less likely - bars, clubs - or other 'conventional' meeting places. Whereas the likelihood of finding people to connect with might be more likely where people are more spiritual too - yoga, or meditation classes, Empath Meet Ups, etc... And if there is none where you are, maybe consider creating one yourself....

Love and Light!

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