Thanks Empath Community, for your recent comments (waterlily, lotusfly) and especially KM thank you for sharing your interesting experience of "crossing over" to a different paradigm about work and money. Whirling energy surrounds me right now, takes my words away....
Whew, but here they come now.
One reason I came to the Empath community is because I kept drawing narcissists and sociopaths into my life. I am learning about "gaslighting" --the technique of Soc/Narc to shift communication away from the dispute at hand and onto flaws of another party's basic ability to perceive things or make judgments.
The one thing that my legal training has taught me is how to recognize flawed logic. Gaslighting is flawed logic.
I wonder if Empaths are more often the target of gaslighting--- they perceive something--- and then they reach so far to 1) fully "get" other people and 2) consider the accuracy and nature of their own perception (maybe perceiving energies, auras, glimpses of the future, pain from other people, knowing things without being able to give them words.) During this period of "receiving" new information, Empaths can be caught of guard by soc/nar who are so quick to sound confident and logical--- the experience of an Empath is: hmmm this is confusing and the Narc/Soc takes it a step further by saying that if an Empath feels confused, then they are confused and confused means that perceptions are flawed---- no! The world is confusing!!! Thank God that some people stay present in this reality!
I wonder if I became an attorney to gain a capacity to sort out things that I would not have understood or perceived otherwise, to understand arguments and the "way things work" in our society?
Having force-fed myself a way of thinking, (legal education) I learned that the law can be used as a tool for good and evil, but it is no different than, no more inherently good or evil than--- MONEY.
The law is POWER. It feels dangerous to wield this power. It feels overwhelming to wield this power. On the other hand it feels dangerous and overwhelming to allow others without conscience to wield this power. Occasionally it feels just or victorious to practice law, but usually when I have gotten a good result, still playing the game that is bizarre and makes me nauseous.
I HAVE THE MARK OF THE BEAST NOW--- When I put down those letters J.D. (juris doctorate) on electronic applications under education, no self-preserving coffee shop, store, clinic, art organization even responds to my applications for non-lawyer positions--- they think I can't be serious, I can't be wanting to leave THE LAW--- something must be wrong with my people skills, my character, my performance, my finances, something.... I don't know, but I've never had trouble getting a job in the 15 or so years I worked prior to becoming an attorney. Some people suggest not putting down the education, but my name is all over the cyber-universe as an attorney and this wouldn't bode well for my signing the statement that everything I provide on my application is true.
So I feel this heavy reality marching at me through Oct/Nov ---- the reality that I will continue to practice as a lawyer. HELP ME GOD! to tolerate this cognitive dissonance, this sprititual dissonance --- this weight of the world's dysfunction! What do I do with the perception that the system can't be better until most of it is cut out like cancer and thrown out and we start a new way of thinking about practical justice, mercy, and self-government. And I don't mean taking a political position, I mean the definition of a "child" is several hundred words long in immigration law---- how are ordinary people supposed to do the right thing? Family law provides a model, whereby husbands and wives have to bring a lawsuit against one another to dissolve a marriage, businesses can spend millions to create documents that cover all their risk and then the documents don't hold up when tested by others who have the power of money... and then the documents do hold up against those who have been wronged and don't have access to lawyers---
If I help the underdog, I starve my family. It's just gross, the whole thing is gross.
AND SO---I am exploring an alternative legal practice, where I tell people what their legal rememedies might be and then I walk alongside the person to explore other avenue for solving a problem. A man came the other day and asked how he could get his neighbor to clear out 10 garbage bags full of stinky garbage that she stacked between their houses. He has his house for sale, and probably could bring a nuisance suit against her. He would need to file paperwork and pay fees and take his time and he might win but then he would have to enforce it and there are no lawsuit enforcement police. Abd then he would be even more angry at his neighbor and she at him. I told him how much it would cost in time and money to do all of this, and then I sat with him and we breathed for a awhile, what do you want?
I want to have the house look nice so it will sell. I want the neighborhood to present well, and I don't want to spend all my time and money to do it.
I then paused and really absorbed his desires and needs---- I suggested his best chance of obtaining his result was to load up that garbage in his own truck and take it to the dump himself.... then purchase flowers for the neighbor every day for a week and say thank you for being my neighbor. He could purchase two large bins for the garbage to contain the stink.
Think about how this might turn out?
There is certainly a place for rights-based thinking but rights-based thinking doesn't mend fences and bring about peace. It certainly doesn't change people who don't value throwing the wishes of their neighbors into people who give a crap. Rights-based problem-solving can create strife on top of strige--build walls and escalate war--- At this hour in history, can the soul evolve to a higher plane?
Can I as a lawyer speak with authority about the rights-based system, and be a believable advocate for alternatives that hurt and are hard to carry out, but WORK better than what we've tried till now? I've got a few colleagues who are gaslighting me, telling me I've gone coocoo with all this Empath, voodoo, stuff. For my own part, I feel like a lazy bum, questioning myself. Am I looking for a way around working hard? I just want peace. And I want it for others.... I look at the leaves, and the grass, and the people walking down the street and I feel so much gratitude and joy for creation, for breathing, for food and health and friends... I want to live in this place of peace and joy.... and still the clock ticks and the world gaslights me and says that Money will chase me down and win this battle between doing what I perceive to be curative and paying for my heat and mortgage...
"You'll learn Missy.... even if its the hard way.... that work means doing something you don't want to do for someone who will pay you to do it.... ughgh"
Am I gaslighting myself? Probably... Breath. Breath. Breath..... ohmmm that's all there is to do as this washes over me, through me. May I be mindful in all of it.
[I would love to hear more stories of work, earning money, and how Empath's approach it. ]