Mirroring Vs. Empath

LoconnorO
LoconnorO
@loconnoro
2 years ago
165 posts
Hey everyone I hope we all are well. This post is definitely aimed towards the fellow INFJs here but everyone is welcome to share thought or opinions too. Thanks to another user on this site I've been able to self explore after finding out I was also an INFJ, but after doing a lot o research I've realized I barely know myself because I mirror what everyone wants to see, which can definitely feel like empathy, especially because it can help people be happier.To understand the difference, people who do the INFJ Mirroring often find themselves feeling almost fraudulent or different with different people they interact with. They see the wants and needs through intuition and are able to mold themselves to help. This is different from feeling the emotions of someone else, don't let this hit you in a negative way though, as it mad me mad when I found out and realized it was actually true.Now this isn't to say that INFJs can't be Empaths as well, I know I'm also an Empath, and I'm sure people who are INFJs that have mistaken Empathy for Mirroring, but we do have every thing in place for being an Empath, it takes us understanding who we are and standing firmly in who we are to realize when we are mirroring and when we are feeling someone else's emotions.The only way I know how to describe this is I found a rare person who genuinely wanted to know me and get to know me. At the time I had no idea how to act and I had this feeling of anxiety constantly because I didn't know how to act around him, but that's because I didn't know who I was to be able to be genuine and completely myself around him. Months after not understand this experience I finally realized this, but in the times that I would be around him I would be able to feel all the emotions of him and the people around me and now I realize that there is a difference, and I have a lot of work yet to truly be able to understand when I Mirror and when I'm feeling someone's emotions. Anyways I just wanted to share this because it's made me realize that I have a lot of work to truely find myself, but I know feel like I'm headed in the right direction instead of pointlessly wandering. I hope this helped someone and please feel free to leave any comments or questions or concerns... See you guys around and I wish the best for everyone!
updated by @loconnoro: 09/02/18 10:10:18PM
LoconnorO
LoconnorO
@loconnoro
2 years ago
165 posts
Something I want to add: once you realize who you are and can tell the difference of what it feels like to mirror what someone wants to see and to feel the emotions of someone else, you'll be able to become a better empath and that's when the gift will truely be able to shine as you can help and see anyone you meet, especially because you can see what they see in you which is just another advantage to understand people.
Rene''
Rene''
@rene
2 years ago
1,195 posts
Ummm...I may have done this unconsciously to get out of uncomfortable situations but all and all, I don't do this because I don't have to. Unless using nice words to get my point across. I usually don't know what's coming out of my mouth until it's out. I actually feel someone else's emotions if they speak or not and what I feel about it usually comes out in random words. Nothing practiced. I'm pretty blunt, but nice. Sounds sorta like a chameleon or a survival instinct. I do adapt to different personality very easily but I thought it was due to my opened mind and trying not to be judgmental.Why would an Empath need to mirror? The look on our faces is usually a dead giveaway. Lol. I have met people who knew all the right words to say to make someone feel better. I didn't know they was using their intuition to do this. I thought it was "the use cars sale man" mentality. Always knows the right words to say.I got to do more thinking on this. Very interesting.
Lotusfly
Lotusfly
@lotusfly
2 years ago
410 posts

I call it people pleasing: changing yourself to cater to those around you. It is a symptom of growing up in a dysfunctional family. I used to do it and I figured out one day I was a chameleon: able to change myself according to my environment. I'm finding my true self now. Granted, it is good to be flexible and change yourself slightly depending on the occasion, but mostly a person should stay true to themselves.

Good luck on your quest to seeking yourself :) <3

Love and blessings~

LoconnorO
LoconnorO
@loconnoro
2 years ago
165 posts
So when I would talk about INFJ I mean the personality type... It's kind of how INFJs brains function, they cant help but mirror what they see the other person wants... Maybe you're one too but I just wanted to share my findings that I do mirror for people more often and when I'm mirroring what they want to see I feel fake and it upsets me and it's exhausting, but I also feel people's emotions, I'm just quicker to do this thing called "INFJ Mirroring" before feeling someone's energy and emotions... Idk I just wanted to share because it hit me hard when I realized this and I want to be able to become a really good empath because I want to help people and I feel like this was a huge piece of understanding myself so I can get there...
LoconnorO
LoconnorO
@loconnoro
2 years ago
165 posts
Thank you for your kind words and I guess that (having a dysfunctional family) would have that affect on people who are already sensitive to their environment... I never thought of that before thank you for your comment!
Rene''
Rene''
@rene
2 years ago
1,195 posts
No no no. I wasn't criticizing your post. I was criticizing myself. Sorry if it come off like. that. Your post are wonderful. I love post that challenges me and make me think. If you knew me in person you would know I'm my worst critic. Lol. Thank you for sharing
LoconnorO
LoconnorO
@loconnoro
2 years ago
165 posts
Oh sorry hahaha and I'm glad you like them it takes a lot for me to share i honestly hate it but at the same time I just want to see it help people, thank you for always taking the time to read my posts too!!
Cat Whisperer
Cat Whisperer
@cat-whisperer
2 years ago
780 posts
I'm an INFJ also. I am working hard on what Lotusfly has accurately described as people pleasing (mirroring). I have had a tendency to do this for wanting to be accepted (since for the bulk of my life I've been an outcast). I have come to the realization though in doing that I am not being my true self..which feels like almost a lie....and in the end still cannot make everyone happy or gain any true friends in the process. I am becoming more comfortable in just being myself right off the bat.
Lotusfly
Lotusfly
@lotusfly
2 years ago
410 posts

Hi Heather,

What's helped me grow as an Empath (it's been a year since my realization) is coming into my true self, which has allowed me to distinguish where I end and another person begins (in other words, which feelings are mine and which belong to others). Being an Empath, it's easy to sacrifice oneself to please others, because we can feel what they feel. But I have found that working on developing my sense of self (individuality), by discovering who I truly am and what works for me, has helped me to function better in society and to help others more.

Like the saying goes, we can't truly help another unless we help ourselves first, you should focus on yourself first and foremost, and then you're better equipped to help others, which is essentially the life purpose of Empaths (why we were given this gift).

It takes time though. I had to mentally strip away the layers of conditioning and control from 3+ decades, trauma, and past actions and habits I'd absorbed like a sponge, to get to the root of me - my soul - and then build up from there.

It also takes assertiveness skills: setting boundaries and saying no without guilt. It's all about becoming an individual and respecting others' individuality. We're most effective in this world if we become the best version of ourselves that we can be.

I hope that helps! I was a people pleaser/pushover for years, because I was an introvert and an empath. It's a very uncomfortable state, but once you find yourself and practice assertiveness, you will feel better :)

Kindness and blessings~

LoconnorO
LoconnorO
@loconnoro
2 years ago
165 posts

I think I agree with you that Mirroring isn't necessarily bad, It's just exhausting for me though... thank you for the uplifting message, it was really nice to read!

Tundra2
Tundra2
@tundra2
2 years ago
63 posts

Just being me and not the people pleasing, has effected many relationships I have with people, have you noticed this? Most of the effects have not been good.

LoconnorO
LoconnorO
@loconnoro
2 years ago
165 posts

I've noticed this... I mirror people because I like getting to the person, beyond their boarders and mirroring someone is a way to get in and change people's lives (Hopefully for the better). I hate that I mirror people so much, but I love that it helps me connect with someone and work with them better... it's just sad that most people need someone extremely similar to them to talk to....

LoconnorO
LoconnorO
@loconnoro
2 years ago
165 posts

Heeyy you're an Intuitive Feeler too! I think all the NF's are empaths or have to potential to be Empaths lol

Lotusfly
Lotusfly
@lotusfly
2 years ago
410 posts

That's me too, Rene. I'm a -T. I love that website's personality test :)

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