Dealing with a narcissist that is a freind of a freinds

2 years ago
17 posts

My good friend has a narcissist freind. This narcissist is the biggest attention seeker/flirt I've ever met!

She is loud fake and dresses very provocativly (see thru dresses for example).

She filrts with everyone shes knows husbands or boyfreind. And these men just flock to her... they just adore her. She will try to get these men to fight over her. Its just crazy to watch

She also has to have ALL the attention everywhere she goes. Its very important to her to have all the men want to her though.

Anyways I ignore her but my freind will sometimes bring her along and she never lets me talk or she will say something rude to me.

How do you deal with a narc? I really never want to ever associate with this person ever again but its hard cause this narc can never be alone so shes always with my freind.

Should I just cut off this freindship?

updated by @adda: 01/14/18 10:32:06PM
2 years ago
374 posts
Tough situation! Have you spoke to your friend about not bringing the narc around?
2 years ago
1,195 posts
I guess you have to ask yourself how important your friend is to you. It's a very hard decision because your friend hasn't done anything wrong except for befriended a narcissist. If your friend isn't seeing what you are seeing then they are under that narcissist spell. If you talk to your friend about it and they don't agree with you , then discuss it with the narcissist, you will become the target. So be prepared to walk away anyway. I have been this situation so many times. You friend may not walk away until they do something the narcissist doesn't like and become under attack them self. Narcissist are some of the worlds most charming people...till you get on their bad side then watched out. If you can live without your friend in your life, I would start slowly pulling away and when they noticed I would tell them the truth that you don't like that person and you think it's in your best interest to not to be around that person. And be strong about it. Don't make your friend choose between you . Don't try to convince your friend that their other friend is a narcissist just tell the truth about your feelings. Then let them decide and slowly start backing off. It's up to your friend if they want to save your friendship. But do what's best for you cause narcissist are monsters. Beautiful ugly monsters.
Cheshire Cat
Cheshire Cat
2 years ago
1,276 posts

Hi adda,

I'm a psychiatric social worker and just want to point out that by your description of how this person behaves, she does not sound like a narcissist. She sounds like a classic case of Hysterical Personality Disorder.

The good news here is that most people with HPD are pretty normal in the rest of their lives except for wanting constant attention from every member of the opposite sex, and this includes trying to steal your man even if they don't want him, just to prove they can. This usually is the result of a hyper-critical father whom she can never please or be good enough for.

Narcissists have no empathy for anyone and you don't really even exist, and this applies all the time in every part of life. You are an appendage to them, and if you don't obey them, you must be destroyed. All personality disorders are very hard to deal with, since the person who has one will almost always deny it and refuse treatment, so avoidance is the best policy, but IMO, NPD is much worse than HPD.

I know this doesn't help much with your problem, but if you read a bit about HPD, you may get some ideas. You'll have to decide if your friend is worth putting up with this other woman too. If it was me, I would email my friend a short article on HPD and ask them if they recognize anyone they know in it, but I am at the age where I am DONE putting up with people I don't like, period. If you do that, you may have to face your friend choosing her over you, at least until this woman steals her man. Younger people like you usually have a lot more tolerance than I have, so you may want to just wait it out. A woman with HPD doesn't keep friends long, except for the ones who never have dates for her to steal. She uses that type of friend as her "wing woman" so she doesn't have to go out prowling for male attention alone. She will steal all men away from her friends, causing them to end it with her if they have normal self esteem.

C. Cat
2 years ago
8 posts
Sounds very entertaining!!! Enjoy the show....those men deserve what they get. Try to get to know the human being inside. She is not her facade. There's more there. If she's rude get up and walk away. Send Jesus to her in your mind. Recenter and then come back. You can deal. You are bigger than this. Seriously. People that dress provacitivly usually think they have nothing else to offer. It's sad. Be secure in who you are. If she continuously disrespects you, I wouldn't hang out with her anymore (that's just me).A true friend wouldn't want you to be treated badly by their friend.

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