I need help dealing with an Experience

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LoconnorO
@loconnoro
last year
151 posts

Hello again everyone!

I've been a lifeguard this whole summer I've had a decent experience... It's not Ideal for what I want to do as a job since I want to really feel like I'm making a difference in people's lives, but it helps for right now as I go to college.

Today was a dead day at the pool and no one was there and this family drove up and tried to drop off two kids around roughly 1:00, which isn't allowed by the pool rules but I could tell that the family was under a lot of stress and me being me I wanted to help them because I really want to help and I strive to help people in everything I do, so I let them in (They also didn't have a key-bob to get into the facility but I knew they lived in the neighborhood and they pay the HOA so I was fine with letting them in.)

I let them stay for an hour and a half (til really 2:30) because at about 3:00 school lets off and it starts to get busy and I can't watch them and it'll get to stressful to watch the whole pool and babysit them and they made a mess that I needed time to clean up so the deck was clean for the families who were going to get there soon, AND I couldn't stand the way the oldest kid (he was 18 but he acted less mature than the 13 year old and talked about women in the most disrespectful tone and way) so I very politely asked them to leave and I was extremely nice about it and they were fine about the whole thing. Another lifeguard was suppose to come in and relieve me so I could close another pool but he was an hour and 30 minutes late so I was stuck there later than I needed to be and the person who was at the other pool was suppose to be home so that alone was causing a lot of stress, but then the family came back right before another 2 families pulled up. I said

"Hey again I'm glad you guys are back, you're with an adult right?" and then the lady asked where the other lifeguard was and I told her

"he's late and I need to go to another pool so it's kind of a problem right now." Then she said

"well I'm dropping my boys back off at the pool for a while." so I told her the rules that they need an adult with them and the youngest was 13 and I told her my home pool (I was subbing at a different pool today) says you have to have an adult to have kids. Then she says

"Well he's 18, he's an adult" so I told her

"Ma'am, at my home pool, you have to be 21 years or older to have childre-"

she started getting really hostile towards me and and extremely rude and interrupted and said

"well sorry this isn't your home pool"
and I said "Well I'll be happy to ask my manager about it"
and then she said in an extremely harsh and aggressive tone (it really screwed with me honestly) "You're going to let my kids in or I will report you for letting them in without a Key-Bob" and at that point I was honestly ready to start something but I could tell that she would have taken it to the next level and started cussing at me and spitting on me and there was family with children walking in at that moment and I did not want them to have to see that so I did nothing except let the kids in... But I can't get rid of the feeling that I should've said something. I hate confronting or making a scene but I could tell that she manipulates and uses people and knowing from experience how much that can mess people up I was going to *gently* put her in her place, I don't believe in talking out of hate but I would've let her know she can't take advantage of people and treat them like a rug and walk all over them. I didn't want to even do it for me I wanted to do it for all the people I could feel like she does that too. I honestly hope to see her again because I feel like I'm one of the only ones who would let her know she's ruining people's lived by treating people the way she does without throwing more hate back at her. I don't know I talked about this with people and they don't understand why I like to help others so I was hoping to talk about it on a community where thats a common thing we are almost forced to do because of how we are... Should I go back to her if I do see her again? The feeling I got from her and the emotions were beyond unhealthy and they can only come from a hateful place. And I can tell she has plenty of issues herself.... and now I'm trying to justify her treating me like dirt lol I always do that xD... anyways please leave any stories or comments or ideas that come to mind it you read this, and thank you all so much! See you all around!


updated by @loconnoro: 01/10/17 03:24:12PM
Rene''
@rene
last year
1,194 posts
You know, I have been though a lot of different Empath levels. I have been from walking with my head down and not looking at anyone to a very bad anger problem. And I do think my anger problem came from years and years of being ran over by people like this lady. I use to be in an authority position for years and it is had to stand your ground sometimes and it's hard to look "hard" when your an Empath. I would of probably would had done the same thing because I end up in some stressful situations because it's hard to say NO! Then again , it's according how her words hit me. When your up facing a narcissist personality you have to be able to take charge of the situation in the begaining because if you don't they will try to make you look like a fool. You were the authority in this situation and you may have been putting others life's at stake while you was babysitting. I'm glad everything turned out good that day. But I understand why you gave in though. I hate to be the center of a big scene also because a loud mouth lady couldn't watch her own kids. If I were you, I would stick by the rules closely so your authority will not be questioned again. And learn to say NO. No one has never died cause you didn't bend over backwards to help. Especially when lives are at stake.
Heather6
@heather6
last year
10 posts
I'm not sure my comment went through? In the off chance it did not, I will give the short version. I agree being "abrupt" is difficult as an empath, I also agree with ren. This is just my opinion I would find her information and "ban" her from the pool. Something written sho other life guards enforce the "ban". You gave several reasons to ban this person if only for a day. If one of her children (while horsing around) hit his head on the concrete and fell in the pool, who do you think she would blame? As for her "tattling" on you, I assure you that won't happen, it was totally an empty threat. The means by which this person "controls" the situation as well as other people. My 2 cents, hope i didnt offend, sending love and light!
LoconnorO
@loconnoro
last year
151 posts

Thank you for the comment I'm definitely not bending the rules again to help people, it just stinks because at my home people I've done it and it helped the situation, but now that I see how some people will use it against me I can no longer try to help people... The whole thing just like made me lose faith in humanity is was a horrible feeling I don't understand how people can just walk on other people like that...

LoconnorO
@loconnoro
last year
151 posts

Thank you for your comment i was scared of the same thing, I had to tell them to stop 5 times and that's part of the reason I wanted them to leave 30 minutes early because I just couldn't deal with the amount of stress TWO kids were causing me... Do things like this happen often where you get used and then you feel like completely hit by what happened... It just felt like this massive loss for me when she did that it really upset me... I don't know thank you again for the comment I'm definitly not helping people on my job like that no matter how much I want to... it just stinks that I've helped kids before and now she messed it up. Oh well :c

Karen2
@womanwhowalks
last year
783 posts
Hi...one thing i've learned is to ALWAYS protect your ass when dealing with the hostile public...whenever someone threatens my job i'll call in and report the threat and what transpired even if it was considered wrong by management...then if the hostile public does happen to call and report you to management they can say why yes he told us and we told him to follow the rules and NOT let you in....lol...always protect your butt...you may get a lecture or a warning but diffusing the situation and controlling it 1st BEFORE the public does is how to do it...pass on the problem tomanagement....that's what they're there for..
Karen2
@womanwhowalks
last year
783 posts
Also...you may have no choice but to confront her again if she approaches you again...this is about your job and having a safe and respectful work environment...teaching the public that is quite difficult...instead direct her to the rules and regulations posters or bill boards and have her read thru all the rules again...or carry pamphlets if they exist and hand her or whoever causing problems...one to read. ..it's ok to do a kindness for people but there is ALWAYS someone or more than one person who will ALWAYS take advantage of that kindest for personal gain or just to cause trouble..those are the people who you pass onto management. ...but you will always have to deal with these kind of people in any kind of public service jobs you have...always...
LoconnorO
@loconnoro
last year
151 posts

Thank you so much for the comment, luckily I went with my gut because I figured she would call back because it was obvious I wasn't going to let her walk on me until the other family came in so I told my manager, and I told her it won't happen again because I learned my lesson, and she agreed with me... she went to far to say "You were in the right, you were trying to be a caring human being and help someone else out and they tried to abandon their children and then turned around and used you... I'm so sorry that happened to you" -- she sees the world as a place to help other people and go beyond the rules if it's necessary... It was just a horrible moment but that you so much for the comment and I will definitely keep the rules on me from now on.. It sounds like you have a lot of experience with this lol do you have to work with the public often?

Karen2
@womanwhowalks
last year
783 posts
Everyday....lol...i'm a bus operator ..so I do have a lot of experience in protecting g my butt....and good you told management...it takes a lot of stress off when you know management has your back....

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