Is there anyone who can offer advice on mother-daughter relationship healing?<3
updated by @jls: 01/13/17 01:07:23AM
I'm sending you a lot of love right now. I was in a very similar situation just a few months ago. My mom pushed me out of her house with her comments. I am now, on my own, finally healing and forgiving her properly; whereas, in her home, it would have been impossible (like the old saying, "too close to home").
I believe that if both family members are not receptive to healing on the same level, it can be fruitless (and possibly, as in my case, harmful) to try, unfortunately.
Because someone can't change (or influence) another if they're not ready, I personally think the best way for someone to heal from old wounds is on their own or with the help of others who are on the same path and/or a professional (e.g. therapist, counselor).
The good news is, once the person heals, they can inspire and help the other person to heal as well (if and only if they are ready, of course). Otherwise, no healing occurs for either person.
So I honestly believe it would be best if you were to venture on your own (if possible) and do your own healing in a safer environment that is not so triggering.
I wish you the utmost best in your quest and please know that it is possible
I was raised in a dysfunctional family and have carried the pain from my childhood most of my life. Is this past year I have been on a journey of healing. It hasn't been an easy journey and I have had professional help to get through it. I feel so much lighter and my belief in myself is beginning to return. I am seeing a side of myself that I didn't event know was there.
That does sound familiar. I'm with lotusfly. If you can get away from the abuse it would be better for you. You could try getting your mother in to therapy with you if you can't leave. It could be that she is somewhere in the Cluster B group of personality disorders and maybe ODC...but wouldn't jump to a conclusion with so little information. You could read up on them, tho, and see if it fits."Walking on Eggshells" is commonly used by people who grew up with such persons. In fact, there's a book called "Stop Walking on Eggshells." It was a term I constantly used growing up and I left home as soon as I was able. I've found that at least 3 hours apart is best for my mother and I and still when I see her I often have the same old buttons pushed and I go into depression. I try to limit my time around her but often still get drawn in.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. I too have had problems with my mother. I moved my family 8 hours away. A bit too far, but I love where I live.
Abuse is not just physical, it can also be emotional. It helped me to recognize that she is sick. I spent years just crushed because I could see and feel the love that other mothers had for their daughters, and I do not get that from my mother. It hurts. But now I realize that this is just my path, that it is part of the reason I am like I am today. I might not be as empathetic towards others as much if I had not experienced (still experiences) what I did/am. My grandmother also told me some things about her like she was always sick and would faint for no reason. My mom now has cancer, she had a port put in her neck for chemo - and she told me she was worried about it because it was something she could not push away. Then I realized how uncomfortable she is with receiving and giving love. Look for clues on how to deal with you mom, ask for clues to help. Wear black tourmaline or another stone that gets rid of negative energy (I LOVE black tourmaline for this!) I have also made a grid for my mom to help with healing, but added a lot of rose quartz in addition to the sugilite to help with giving and receiving love.
Once again I'm so sorry you are going through this and hope that you get some info from somewhere that helps. Very difficult situation when you have to live with her. Work on keeping yourself healthy or healing yourself.