How can I deal with being ugly and social anxiety

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adda2300
@adda2300
last year
3 posts

I am requesting positive energy. I've never put in a request before but I have been depressed and need help. Please read below

I've been told that I am ugly all my life. I hate being ugly!! I wish everyday I could be pretty! I think people would not be as mean to me!!!

The hard thing about it is, I am empath and I can feel that people think Im ugly. Most guys don't want to talk to me cause they don't want to be seen with me or they don't want me to like them. Or if I am out somewhere buying something people are mean to me and nice to the pretty girl in front of me. Its very hard to deal with. I also get lotssssssss of stare downs. Do you think because Im and empath I look weird to them?

I just had to disconnect myself from a narcissist friend. I could tell she thought I was ugly and she would make me cry without even saying that I was ugly. She told me I was weird looking one time so I thought maybe thats why I get the stares? Anyways she would say stuff to me all the time about how much she gets everything she wants cause shes so pretty. She even told me when a guy was talking to me that he was talking to me to gacne scares and my face sags.et to her. Shes probably right. She is very pretty and Im just not.

I am writing today because I was hurt again yesterday. I was sitting with a freind of mine and a guy came up and introduced himself to her and not me... he just gave me a very dirty look. I didnt know what to do. I felt ugly all over again. This happens a lot. What would you do in this situation? This completely crushed me I went home again and just cried.

I know I shouldnt worry about what I look like but I have to deal with the people in the world everyday. They are just mean to me and I dont know if its because Im ugly and weird looking or because Im Empath?? Its hard for me to leave the house because I know what Im dealing with. Just wish I could be a hermitt! Or I wish I was blessed with being pretty! How can I help myself? I am truly depressed everyday and I just don't want to be reminded by everyone out there that I am not Ms. America (wish I was). Please send me vibes to make me feel and look pretty :)


updated by @adda2300: 02/05/17 04:27:09AM
MoonlitBiscuit
@moonlitbiscuit
last year
3 posts
Hi Adda. You might not believe this, but your experience is very similar to how I felt as a pre-teen, teen and young adult. What I can promise you is that your own perception of yourself ("I'm ugly") is creating this problem for you. I used to be so convinced I was ugly that I literally thought people were lying to me if they found me attractive. Years later I now know that I am very attractive and my experience in the physical world matches it. I grateful to receive compliments on how I look. I'm so unbelievably flattered by it because I know what it's like to be young and find your own reflection disgusting. If you'd like to talk about it further, please message me. Oh, by the way, don't be so sure that you are picking up that people think you're unattractive! Not every thought you have can be trusted, Empath or not.
Rene''
@rene
last year
1,194 posts
To start with why do you call that person that said you looked weird a friend. That's not a friend. Why are you hanging out with narcissist? I don't care how beautiful a person you are they are going to make you feel ugly. That's the game they play.I'm going to tell you something, until you see beauty in yourself , no one else will. Until you start to look for real beauty, you will never see it.You are expecting this response from people because your telling yourself your ugly. I know this to be true. If I get up, get my self together and go out. No one is looking at me like I ugly. And if they are, I don't feel it They say "here comes Rene'!" Because they don't feel my unattractiveness , they feel my energy. And my energy is beautiful. Now , it I get up and throw my hair up and put on some old clothes and have to go to a store. I will think "omg, I look awful " and go in, keeping my head down and I swear everyone is staring at my cause I look so ugly. In reality, no one cares what I look like. It's MY assumption that they think I'm ugly. People will treat you the way you treat yourself. Take a long look in the mirror , that person you see is not ugly. You know yourself better than anyone else does, why are you telling yourself your ugly. Would you tell someone "their ugly"? No you wouldn't , so why treat yourself that way. Surround yourself with people from your tribe and you will feel better about yourself. If you surround yourself with narcisstist then, yes, your going to feel ugly. Loose the ugly ego and send your beautiful energy out into the universe and I promise it will be returned to you as beauty. I'm promise., I have tested this theory and it works.
adda2300
@adda2300
last year
3 posts

Thanks for the advice guys!! I am really going to try with your advice.

I hate that I am on here having to write this but I am just down all the time. I need to work on my positive energy.

So for what happened above when the guy introduced himself to my freind and gave me a dirty look what should i do. This has happened many times and I know it will happen again. Its like I feel like Im a disease... I dont want to be treated this way. I have so many other things going in my life.. i was just out trying to have a good time and I was hurt again.

And Im no longer freinds with that narcissist. She crushed any type of self esteem i ever had left. She is now sending the typical narcissist messages "I miss your face" etc. Weird how they are all programmed the same. I want to reply back and say you mean the ugly face that you used to make yourself feel better!! But I did not say anything back.

Anyways, I will try really hard to fix myself, but this is a real struggle for me. Actually its the people that hurt me and call me ugly and weird looking thats what starts i all over for me again.

Thanks for the advice and any more advice is welcome.

Cat Whisperer
@cat-whisperer
last year
728 posts
I have delt with people not introducing themselves. I stick my hand out and introduce myself to them, they in turn have to respond. Always works ;) I know this sounds cliche' but you are beautiful on the inside. And as Rene' said...your energy is beautiful. Don't be so hard on yourself...you are in good company here :) Try some self esteem building meditation, that would be a good start on the inner work that needs to be done so you don't attract the bad energy. It took me years to get over my complex. I remember in school all the boys used to bark at me, the girls all told me I looked like a cow pooped on my face. But now, all that has changed...I changed my perspective.Blessings
Kit Kat
@kit-kat
last year
230 posts

Sending you all the positive energy I can <3 I wish I had more.. I'm dealing with similar difficulties. & depression. In other words, you're not alone :)

Looks really aren't everything. Sometimes movie stars even can seem "ugly" when they're playing the role of a villain. The most ugly-sounding person that you talked about is that guy who gave you a dirty look. That's highly unattractive to treat another human being that way. I'm really sorry you've been treated that way!

I think you may be right about people avoiding empaths. People are afraid of what's "different" but in the end confidence and kindness always will be some of the most attractive qualities, no matter what.

adda2300
@adda2300
last year
3 posts

Thank you for the positive energy Kit Kat and thank you Cat Whisperer for your advice.

I never worry about my looks until someone so nicely reminds me how ugly I am. Its hard to have confidence when I think the world thinks Im so ugly....

Im really going to try this self esteem meditation... Im actually excited and I hope it wards off all negative people and energy!!!

So when these people treat me this way does it make them feel better about themselves? I mean why can't they keep their mean comments to themselves...why do they have to tell me Im ugly. Do they want me to feel hurt?

I had a I guy pull up to me in his car while I was walking to tell me "ewww you're ugly as shit" Now what was the purpose of that? To hurt me? I was doing nothing to bother this person....

I just don't get it :( And Im here trying to understand all this pain I feel and how to deal with it.

Thanks again for helping me and any advice/comments are greatly appreciated.

Emmy Long
@emmy-long
last year
484 posts
Narcissists will ALWAYS try to make you feel ugly, in order to make themselves feel more beautiful. Whether you are less attractive than them or not. Secondly, and this isn't just a cliche, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Truly. Some people will like curves. Some will like bones. Some will like dark skin. Some light. Some want designer labels and up to date trends. Some want originality and comfort.No one trend is better than the other. They're just different and that's ok. Try to remember that there may be one specific body type you find more attractive. That doesn't make you shallow. We all have preferences. If we were attracted physically to every person who liked us, it would make dating very complicated.I do understand waiting for the person who finds you attractive can seem horrible if you don't think it's happening soon enough. Just don't write yourself off as "ugly".We're all different but not ugly. Ugly is the person who doesn't feel not care. And none of us here are that.I think a lot of times we hide our beauty behind insecurities because we're afraid if we showed all that we cared for then we'd come off as "ugly and sad".But that's not true. The human body in itself is beautiful, and to show a kind heart, only magnifies that. Show all the love you can. Be kind. Make conversation. Own your body size. Meditate on the fact that, DAMN, your eyes/hair/skin/clothes/makeup (whatever you do to feel beautiful) really IS BEAUTIFUL. Because it is. And know that whatever that is, is only second to the beauty of your heart.It may seem cheesy, but as empaths, we're given the gift of seeing the heart in it's at beautiful form in others. And, while it may be a rare occurrence, we deserve to fall in love with the same depth of beauty. Don't wrote yourself off as "ugly" because you don't feel as "thin/curvy/tan/pale/hip/vintage/retro/unique/young/old etc". You are beautiful, I promise (and I haven't seen you physically) as the next person, but you have to believe it first.
Cat Whisperer
@cat-whisperer
last year
728 posts
That is so mean, but the world is full of this type of behavior. For some, I think it makes them feel superior, others just thrive on negativity. Sad, but true.
Tundra2
@tundra2
last year
57 posts

Hello adda, I was going to reply to you yesterday but your situation got me to remembering things that happened to me and it started to make me upset. I feel better today and I really wanted to send you some positive energy. In short, years ago, I was excluded from my sisters wedding party. I was told by my sister and mother " you do not take a good picture". But I went and sat among the other guests. Just recently a women came in my office to get her mail. She made a point of coming around to face me and make a strange comment about my hair. I did not pay much attention to it. Thank goodness. I just figured out when I was coloring my hair that she was making fun of my roots. So why do they do this...because it makes them feel good. Something I can not understand but it makes them feel good.

This is a wonderful place to get some great advice, hang in there!

wiseriverowl
@wiseriverowl
last year
32 posts

adda2300, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. I was once told that I was ugly, all the time I like you had low self esteem and the guy never took a second glance at me. it wasn't until years and years later that I learned that the reason my sister told me I was ugly was that she was jealous of me. she told me I was really pretty in highschool but she told me I was a fat ugly cow because she didn't want me to be happier then she was. I also found out that some of the guys form my high school the reason they wouldn't talk to me is they though I was out of theirleague. being depressed sucks, but at the same time vanity sucks even more.I understand that the message now a days is your have to be beautifulto be accepted in society but that isBull sh*t.If your not happy but bitter that will show,and the natural beauty wont shine.I'm going to share something with you, when I was depressed and hated my life andhow I looked. I started to distance my self from everybody and every thing. then I was doing some historyresearch and I started to get a good feeling in my heart. I then realized that it didn't matter what other peoplesaid to me or about me I decided not to care. I didn't want negative emptions in my life. I wanted positive and good feelings. so I stopped talking to and hanging out with people who were bad influences in my life and foundpeople who were nice and kind. as for thepeople who don't like you its their lose not your, you don't need them anyways. if someone cant love you for you theoh well

I hopeyou nothing but good thoughts and happy days

Wiseriverowl

TigerLily
@tigerlily
last year
309 posts
Beauty is inner deep. Some of the most beautiful people are actually ugly because of their personalities and how they carry themselves.I've been told many times I'm beautiful, but I still get people being mean to me. And with those people I pick up alot of jelousy, insecurities, depression, narcissism, etc. But I don't allow for them to push me around, to an extent because alot is at work and I have to keep it professional :) But yet, I've also had people point out my imperfections because to compensate for theirs. It's made me insecure lol.It really is a cruel world and I try to not let it bother me but I sense it everyday. It's great on those days when I'm somewhere and I don't sense it alot.I think it's best to look at yourself for all the beauty you do have. You have a good heart, and I bet you are not ugly as you say. I think you've met to many judgy people, that's affected your self esteem. I bet once you can find that in you, your esteem will pick up and you will handle those situations differently. :)
Rene''
@rene
last year
1,194 posts
Abba2300, your not ugly. I hate that word. I'm like Cat, I force them to make contact with me. I prefer eye contact. The eyes are the windows to the soul. And I have very sarcastic eyes sometimes. Lol.
CrystalRose
@crystalrose
last year
48 posts

I agree with what everyone else is saying. You are NOT ugly. Those people that are treating you like that are being ugly. NOT you. :) I've always had issues with self-esteem as well and I'm starting to gain more confidence in myself. It's a practice. Tell your self everyday that you love yourself. Explain why. Make a list of the reasons why you are beautiful. Trust me, you have plenty of reasons. We all do. It'll be hard to find them at first because it's not something you're used to doing but those reasons are there.

Here's something I do when someone tries to make me feel bad by making a nasty comment or whatever. I'll say: "Awww thank you so much!" As if they paid me a compliment rather than an insult. I'll say it with genuine enthusiasm and a smile and it completely throws them off! It's pretty funny actually.

Really, if they feel the need to insult/make you feel bad, it's a compliment. They're taking the time to do so because for whatever reason, they feel insecure about themselves. That's why they feel the need to make others feel bad. To make themselves feel superior. They almost need to do that to feel good about themselves because without it, they don't feel anything. They thrive on it. So don't give them the response they are looking for when they act this way. It will make them face themselves in the ways they are trying to avoid. Let them feel ugly. Let you feel beautiful. <3

Sending lots of positive loving energy to you! Things will get better. :)

Karen2
@womanwhowalks
last year
787 posts
Hi...one thing to help yourself is to think of all the positive things about yourself....some might say it borders on being self absorbed...but I don't think so...fixing yourself should NEVER be a requirement of being a friend or loved one....none of us here REQUIRE you to fix yourself to please us...we have no expectation other that wanting to help you heal yourself....to become sure of yourself...to know that your ARE a beautiful and smart loving person....you DO know this...changing how you see yourself TO yourself is the key...what others think really doesn't matter...and that's what you need to realize...the people who are giving your the cold shoulder...disrespecting you ..are of NO importance...the one who gave you the dirty look...NOT important....walk away from them...that's the only thing you have to do to show YOURSELF respect...you show YOURSELF respect when you walk away from people who disrespect you...THAT'S what you do...and don't look back....you don't need others to validate who you are...THAT'S what you need to heal...how you see yourself to YOU....I don't know what you look like...and I already know your a good person who can love...that for me is enough...i'm no beauty..and I don't always love how I look either...but if someone tells me i'm ugly or disrespects me....I walk away...I don't need the negative stuff...and neither do you...stand tall...look people in the eye...and be proud of YOU...that's what you should work on...but for YOU....not me or anyone else....your MUCH stronger than you think...the narcissist is ALWAYS the one who feels ugly...they know they are...what you may be hearing when your in their presence...about hating you...your ugly....may actually be them thinking that of themselves and thinking it's about you...what I do is smudge when I feel overloaded with other peoples nasty energy.. to clear what i've picked up from them...one time my parents came to visit...my Mom isn't always nice....after they left I went and stood where she was standing...and all I heard was negative things...and they surrounded her...so she carries a lot of accumulated negative energy too...so I have to take that into account when dealing with her...what also helps me is to think of the narcissist as being a sick individual...that's how I perceive them...as being sick..their energy is just all wrong...anyway...there's lots of ways to protect yourself and make yourself strong...that's the only thing you need to change....nothing else...
Bookworm
@bookworm
last year
85 posts
:) good answer as always!
adda
@adda
last year
17 posts

Thanks again to everyone who responded.

I have been doing a little better until this weekend happened :(

I went to a cook out with a friend and had the worst time. I tried to start conversations with a few people but I felt as if they didnt want to be bothered with me. And I was really hurt when we were standing with a couple of other girls getting ready to leave and a guy we know walks over hugs all the girls except me, he shakes my hand. I was completely embarrased!!! I felt so ugly and ashamed of myself.

I have been crying a lot today...I am just way to sensitive and cant handle going anywhere with being the "not so pretty one".... I have got the worst depression and I think I need to see a counselour. I don't know I just get lonely and want to go places like every else does. But I don't want to be treated like an alien. Now I have to start all over again and try to fix my self esteem.

I am going to add more daily meditation and prayers for now.

Please continue to send me good vibes. Thanks everyone for your support.

adda
@adda
last year
17 posts

Thank you Karen this is very nice. I love everyones respnses. I had to come back here today just to take it all in again to help me feel better. Im trying to snap out of this deep depression. I am having a hard time with it though.

Karen2
@womanwhowalks
last year
787 posts
What kind of unidentified pain The Dreamer?...and Adda...I wouldn't worry too much about the guy not hugging you ..I can understand your confusion as to why he did that...i've had it happen to me me as well...I used to hang out with a woman who was the life of the party..lol...she'd get all the hugs and i'd just be standing there wondering....but at the same time I wasn't comfy with touchng ppl...I can hug ppl I know really well...but not those I don't. ..i'm not good at instigating touch with ppl I don't know very well...I don't know how well you knew the guy.. but a handshake can also be a respectful gesture...and i'd take it that way...a handshake is NOT disrespectful...
Karen2
@womanwhowalks
last year
787 posts
Have you had any strange dreams of being attacked? I use sweetgrass to help heal wounds...I make a pouch with cotton and wrap it with hemp cord...I made one tonight to help heel a wound I got today via a psychic attack...but it's also great on other wounds...you can also make a tea and drink it...put the pouch over the areas that hurt....you can also use the water to rub on your skin over the painful areas...
Karen2
@womanwhowalks
last year
787 posts
Sure...
seanw4202
@seanw4202
last year
54 posts

Imagine you were born socially beautiful

How nice is must be to know that everyone in your life loves you because of your surface beauty, that your accomplishments are as hollow as your head, and how nice to have everyone competing for your attention, so they can be seen with you and show you off like the trophy you are. How nice it is to go through life never knowing the struggles of true intelligence and achievement, how nice to get better service because of your body than human rights....

Being beautiful on the outside curses the person to be empty on the inside....

They are used and abused everyday and don't even know it....

Are you saying you would rather be ignorant to truth?

You are beautiful, in mind body and soul, the opinions that you are not represent the shallowness of those around you, and you don't need them in your life anyway

Believe you are so much more than that, because you are.... Beauty is a curse

Karen2
@womanwhowalks
last year
787 posts
What?...beauty is NOT a curse....it's something that is misinterpreted by the media...and by society...beauty is in everyone....lol...everyone has something they don't like about themselves physically...but beauty is not a curse...someone who looks beautiful is not always beautiful inside...but somewhere in unhappy people who feel ugly there is something beautiful that's hidden...they have to find it to share it with us...in Adda's case if I were to meet her I wouldn't consider her ugly no matter what she looks like...I know she's not.. she needs to know that she's worthy and is cable of great things...being shy and awkward isn't a bad thing...it's a learning thing...I have to wonder where you got the idea your ugly tho Adda...who told you that originally?
seanw4202
@seanw4202
last year
54 posts

I apologize, what I mean is social standards for the superficial definition of beauty... that is not real IMO, it blinds us from the true nature of life. I absolutely agree with you Karen.

Weight loss commercials, acne commercials, teeth whitening, hair products, makeup, lingerie.... everything is thrown in your face to spend money trying to be beautiful on the outside.... and you apply these products, and gain nothing in your mind or soul....

Appearances are important, yes... But looking the part, and looking hot/sexy etc.. are not required

Tundra2
@tundra2
last year
57 posts

I agree that beauty is not a curse. Beauty and ugly are both opinions. We all have a right to have an opinion but I think people should keep their negative opinions to themselves. People need to respect others. My beautiful ( on the outside) sister would tell me constantly when we were young how ugly I was. In my opinion, she is ugly, inside and out, for telling me that. She has "issues" yes but that does not give her the right to say negative things.

Karen2
@womanwhowalks
last year
787 posts
Hi...I agree with you 100%...I think the problem is that as an empath we pick up the negativity of others. ..right down to how they REALLY think about us...and even tho it's not spoken out loud an empath still receives it ..and it feels awful...at the same time this energy filled with negative thot that we receive is not always about us personally...we get confused and mistakenly think it IS about us...and our feelings are hurt...we get depressed thinking it's us...our energies are constantly flowing overlapping with others giving and receiving info when we're together but also at a distance...we have energy links to one another...some that fall away others that don't and need to be cleared away...these links and cords are how we exchange information...if your haven't cleared them then you may be picking up someone else's bad thot moods and experiences...your mirroring them...and loosing yourself...and start to believe everything your receiving thru these links and cords that it's all your doing or sickness or depressions..your life... as an empath I had to learn about all that so I could disconnect and clear all that so I could find me ..this is at an energy level...different from your conscious mind...these cords and links are connected to you all over...and all that energy from others flows through your system eventually to your brain...so you become overloaded and depressed.. taking the time to clear these might help with the bipolar symptoms as well as bringing down your anxiety issues..cutting all those energy cords and starting fresh...like clearing your phone of contacts no longer relevant to your life...should be dun on a regular basis...and as an empath pretty much on a daily basis. taking control of your energy is really important....
Cat Whisperer
@cat-whisperer
last year
728 posts
Very well said Karen :)
Nikki3
@nikler
last year
116 posts
I used to hang out with this girl all the time and we go to bars and party. I don't think I'm ugly but I'm not stunning either. The guys would hang of her and give her numbers etc and never look twice ay me. One day I asked her why, she was 10 years older me too. She looked at me and told me I am unapproachable, I'm always frowning, I look miserable. Wow. Sounded mean but she was right, that advice changed my life. When I go out now I smile a lot, I talk to everyone I can regardless without intention or expectations. I am approachable and it is a very different experience... or at least I can choose when I want to be. Ugly or pretty doesn't have to define us, I know some people who aren't that attractive by societies standards but everyone wants to be around them. Be that person that others enjoy being around. Love yourself and don't let the opinions of others decide whether you are beautiful or not.

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