handling broken trust when you saw it coming
updated by @thamara: 01/14/17 05:08:54PM
I think it's frustrating to feel something is off, but not know *why*. Most of the people I have met who give off that bad vibe act like sweethearts, and if they are truly manipulative, they ask you for a favor here and there so you like them (it's counterintuitive, but it works). Maybe the person in question's secret agenda is a temporary preoccupation and you can get to know the real person when it passes, and maybe they're just manipulative with their own agenda. I respect you for reaching out anyway, and honestly if they do have something on their agenda, you're more likely to find out about it if you reach out. (Like that old saying "keep your friends close and your enemies closer.")
On a more tenuous note, you never know when your being there is going to be what they need to tip the balance to the good. People tend to want to meet the expectations others have for them, and maybe your trust made them a little more trustworthy for a while, or make their conscience haunt them more than it would have otherwise - who knows? I say tenuous because putting yourself out there can bea lot of investment on your part and be too easy to stomp over your own boundaries, discount your own impressions, and feel somehow terrible about it later. I would venture a guess that we've all done it.
That buzz at the back of my head that anything I do or say can be used against me usually makes me pull into my shell rather than get to know the other person better. I'll make an effort, but only as far as I can keep my own mask on. At least, that's what I tell myself...
I think the two opinions expressed by Leaderer and Cheshire cat are excellent. I would just like to add, Intuition is no. 1. Trust your intuition at all times and do not overlook these feelings nor add logical explanations to counter them. As an empath this is one of your prime gifts, it is there for protection. Yes we are here to Love first and foremost, and forgiveness and the search for good qualities in all is wonderful. There may be a point however when you may need to detach from others to guard your vulnerabilities.This is better done sooner rather than later if you feel that reality aligns with your initial feelings.
Hey, I've been through this before, I'm pretty sure it is an empath thing. I think it's especially frustrating because when you do express it to other people, you can't explain how you know, and they don't understand so think you're stirring. Please do not blame yourself for this, you felt their bad vibes instinctively, there is nothing you could've have done about it. You were pleasant to the person you weren't trusting despite your weariness, and you tried to like them, you have done all I would do in that situation too. I would advise you to trust your intuition, and if it's saying not to trust people, then don't overlook this or try and counter them. By all means don't act on them in terms of confrontation or treating people differently, but trust it. When there is someone you can trust, you will know equally as effortlessly and strongly.
I just want to point out that it was Cat Whisperer, not me, who gave that excellent second opinion on this thread, but I do agree with her and with your comment on hers. There are several members here with Cat or Kat in their screen names, so it's easy to do this. I just don't want to seem to be taking credit for someone else's comments, but it's nice to know I was on your mind! That is probably due to the long conversation we've been having on your blog post!
I am going through this right now with someone I initially thought was a saint, someone who is "too good to be true", and calling me her "dear friend" way too soon, when she hardly knows me was my first clue something was off. Sure enough, I've found out there have been lies by omission, outright lies, damage done by carelessness, and a hidden agenda.
How do we deal with this type of person when we must interact sometimes? That's the hard part for me. I've had way too much of this, and have developed quite a temper when I hit the point where I'm DONE with someone's B.S.
Dear Cat Whisperer, I am very sorry to have mixed up your name. Cats are very dear to me so Im glad you can whisper to cats. Thank you for your reminder Cheshire cat! How best to deal with these people that are 'too good to be true'?' Well luckily I have been a work trainer and this background has saved me from getting overly disappointed in people when I feel they don't measure up or they have been dishonest. I tell myself that they probably aren't trustworthy, or maybe some type of underlying competition has been set up which brought about clarity, leading to the disappointment. I think to myself , what am I disappointed in and try to encourage and motivate that person to improve in that area and focus on pointing out positives whenever they engage in these more productive thoughts and actions. The good thing is that you have had clarity and you know that that person is not a true friend . It can be difficult to find friends who are honest and who want to equalise the power between themselves and others. Keep looking, don't be disparaged they may be hard to find and you will love them even more when you do find them!