In law clique draining me
updated by @cat-whisperer: 01/09/17 09:26:07AM
I don't know. If there is a toxic person in the mix, others will often rally round them to do their bidding. It's all quite odd, and very hard to deal with being the target.
Is it your step-daughter? Because, if so, good luck with that! There is envy and resentment and a desire for power over you in there for some reason (in the instigator), it seems to me.
I would focus on making things comfortable for myself in this group, and that would involve a lot of retreating, and doing the necessary chores to make myself absent and expecting to be ignored - in fact hoping to be ignored. Go all beige and see-through! Just back right out and act like a pleasant skivvy until it's over, and go for long walks on my own. (Silently count the hours until they all leave. Smile big as they go!) That's all I can think of. Accept this is how it is, unfair as it is; regroup your own forces, and perhaps something will shift in the dynamic over time. Especially if you are not showing your hurt... People are weird.
Have always hated cliques, basically school play ground behaviour in adult form - And it is very nasty and it hurts.
This is a tough one - Have you not attempted to speak one on one with the ringleader herself to as her exactly what the problem is? Do you think this a possible? or is it a case of you already know there would be no use?
Denial would usually be the onset of course but, if you raise every uncomfortable issue and say it may be you did not realise but, this, this and this has been a problem for me, and maybe even suggest different weekends different activities chosen by different people? The kids even?
Of course I dont know if this even possible? I do not now this lady but, clearly she is very determined to be centre of attention and doing her best to undermine you which is unacceptabel.
Well done you regarding the sleeping arrangements - The hell to pay should have been enough for people to see her for what she is, - if it is ever mentioned now, I would politely remind her the campers were suggested.
This lady has no right to dictate your holiday plans at any moment - Nor has she any right to alienate you. I get that the real issue now is what happens if you say enough is enough?
Try a one on one first if you feel comfortable enough?
If it turns sour politely remind her you are/were trying to resolve an issue - Your husband does not have to be alienated from his grandkids - the issue of this woman is with you, he can visit them anytime - the holiday home is open to all if, and only if no animosity aimed towards you - Not suggesting this is easy though
What do you think?
I feel for you truly - I wonder what goes on inside the minds of people like this lady
It truly does seem you have exhausted all angles but she just wont play nice. I also hear you in saying she knows that you can see through her behaviour and do not go along - So yes she sounds like an extremely spoiled and obnoxious little madam.
In situations like yours/this, it is clearly to a point where you are suffering and little madam or not, this lady has no right to dictate anything, make you feel left out, cause arguments etc all the while you have opened your holiday home to her....
Maybe write her a letter explaining all her behaviours and for that reason she is no longer welcome to be around you?
I suggest `that` as opposed to confronting or just ignoring because writing does release tension and you will know that she knows she is at fault (regardless of whether she accepts the fact openly) You finally get to have your say and she cannot interrupt
Of course this is easy for me to say - I do not know the impact of what I say above will do concerning the rest of the family and what you want from them?
If they all rally round her and call you out, hold your head high, she will undoubtedly start on someone else eventually - And without any rudeness towards your husband - he can see it but, does not say anything to defend you (that might just be his nature?) but, its not just the son who has to put up with up this lady, she has affected you and upset you.
The methods of trying to deflect negativity don`t work when still around the toxicity, they work when removed from situation and deflecting the energy left hanging around.
Forgiveness meditation can only work when situation is over and done also..... I think you already know this but, being the lovely person you are, are wanting to exhaust every option - Trying too hard is damaging to you, it will drain you further
I am not saying have the answers and I certainly cannot say `kick her to the kerb` its not my situation and the consequences are not mine.
A wonderful way of deflecting negativity without too much effort is to identify `I AM` - It sounds so cliche but, is extremely powerful in vibration and energy field (It is not at all new age and in fact goes back thousands of years in practice) - Recognizing the self and sending out that vibration of the self - To say inwardly or outwardly `I AM strong/confident/loved....` Whatever you want that vibe to be.....and repeat knowingly that you are what you have deemed yourself to be - the vibe will do all the work for you.
I tend to use I AM before work - `The I AM liked` works wonders in my awful role of customer service - I have been attacked many times by impatient, bullish, impolite people yet I am more often than not told how lovely I am, how nice I am etc.... Its a case of saying the I AM in confidence and believing it wholeheartedly to be true....
Good for you - You have articulated the `too many is too much` and quality truly over rides quantity (applauds you)
Make the I AM all about you - the shorter the term, the more direct and powerful it becomes - `I AM respected` will work a lot better than a sentence because the I AM recognizes a definitive intent as opposed to a need or want (does that make sense?)
Still applauding you
Dear Cat whisperer,
I'm sorry you have got into bad politics, women style, they can be so catty and power hungry and the weak will always follow the person who is perceived as 'the leader. Well done I love the explanation of quality time for one family at a time. As an empath it is vital to ''find your tribe'' to keep your sanity and composure and to find reciprocity for your loving nature. When you need to be in a tribe that is different and you are ignored, just be mindful that the dynamics of power play are at play and that you and your opinions probably threaten the power of the ringleader. Just like chickens, the average person plays into a pecking order, and this has little reflection on how good a person is perceived to be. Much Love R