Too much empathy for my kids

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Sarah
@sarah
last year
386 posts

I grew up with parents that were damaged and couldn't have empathy for me. I believe they love me in the best way they can, but it's not like healthy people. I, on the other hand, being an empath, find that I have too much empathy for my kids and it hurts them and me. I wish I could turn it down and find a happy medium.

A few months ago, my son grown had a bout of depression that had him fearing for his safety. We had him come stay with us for a bit and helped him get on meds and get the help he needed. The night he came to us so distressed, though, I was so upset by his pain, I was just shaking and I couldn't sleep all night or for a few nights and I had trauma symptoms for a few weeks after that. I tried to fake that I was totally fine so I could be there for him, but it was obvious, I was rattled.

My not-grown daughter came to me last week with the same problem (it runs in our family). I was jarred again. She is an empath and was upset talking to me about it because she could see that I could feel and accidentally mirror what she was going through. We got her help right away, too. Last night she had what I think might be an adjustment period to the meds and had a bad night. I tried to keep cool to help her, but I wasn't fooling her. When she was better enough that we could all go to bed, I was shaky and off and woke up every few minutes with nightmares all night. Now it's morning and I feel like I ran a marathon in my sleep or something. I'm afraid I wan't be able to handle it if she has another bad evening.

It's so frustrating to not be able to turn off all that empathy and be there for your kids without your own empathy getting in the way. When I had kids, I knew I wanted to understand them for who they are and honor their individual journeys and have empathy for them as people, because I felt I didn't get a lot of that growing up and I felt every person deserves it. It feels like sometimes it goes too far, though. I don't want to be one of those useless moms who falls apart when her kids need her most. I've been able to keep it together for them, but I definitely fall apart later. I just needed to vent, so I can get up and help my daughter in whatever way she needs today and hopefully keep myself together in the process.


updated by @sarah: 01/09/17 12:52:07AM
4peace
@4peace
last year
187 posts

I'm no expert, but what I think is this. Your kids came to you when they were hurting. They know you are there for them and trust you. You already are what you wanted to be, an understanding and loving mother. You've already experienced what it's like to have a parent that cannot possibly understand you, and you made sure that your kids never experience that. How awesome is that!!! BTW, I don't think you can be too emapthic for your kids. You can be strong and cry with them too.

Peace,

Rhonda

Sarah
@sarah
last year
386 posts

Oh wow, I never thought of it that way. Thank you!

Jennifer5
@jennifer5
last year
1 posts
I, too, am in that same place as you. Same parents, same issues with my family. I haven't been able to relax or de-stress in the last 2 months, and don't know how much more I can keep up this 'front' before I come undone. Which is why I joined this community. If you find a solution, anything, please share! As i will do the same..
Karen2
@womanwhowalks
last year
786 posts
Hi...if your kids are also empathic...they have the same issues as you...as you say they pick up your anxiety...and you pick up thier. ..but they're also picking up OTHER peoples' energy not just yours....if your son is living in an apartment block or on his own....he may also be picking up spirit energy...none of you are sick. ..it's a by product of being connected to people by energy cords and links and not cutting them from your own energy...cleansing your homes and his place of negative energy would help...learning to sever links and cords from people after socializing....would be a good thing for you and them to practice....this is what helps me a great deal...I went through a period where I severed everyone from my energy...my parents...brother...cousins...grandparents...and as I severed it got much quieter...I did everyone...friends...Co workers...classmates from my childhood...everyone I could think of...now I can keep up on it...and it's much easier to sense when something enters my energy field...the nice thing is that if your kids learn all this now they'll have a much better way of dealing with all this rather than suffering...and you as well...
4peace
@4peace
last year
187 posts

Karen,

You are so right! My kids are also empathic and when one person in the household gets upset the whole house gets upset and it just builds, lol. I'm laughing, but it gets pretty bad sometimes. I'm trying different things to change the mood, like projecting love toward them when they are upset. Because they can pick up on that as well. Good luck everyone!

Rhonda

Sarah
@sarah
last year
386 posts

Oh man, I'm sorry you can relate. I am finding that, even though the issues are bigger--like dangerous depression, it's easier when they are teenagers than when they were little. When they were little, I could empathically feel that they had needs from me every minute. I let motherhood swallow me, and I sort of lost myself in it. Now that my kids are older, they can meet most of their own needs and I don't constantly feel that stress of needs, but it's still tough, because when they do need something, it's often really big like this. I hope you find some help, too. I think it's super important being empaths that we don't forget ourselves. I think we should do something that is nourishing to us every day and that give us as much distance as we can from everyone else's energy (as much as that is possible). Good luck to you and to all of us!

Sarah
@sarah
last year
386 posts

Karen, I do that stuff regularly, BUT, I think it might be time to do an overhaul chord cutting, and ask my angels and guides to go ahead and cut any chords that are draining me, or that aren't necessary, or that aren't there to meet a need for my or someone else's highest and best good. I bet there is a lot of chording that I don't know about. I think I'll go do that now. Thanks for this suggestion. I think this might be a good day to focus on that and see if I might have a fresh start with less of this stuff.

Sarah
@sarah
last year
386 posts

Rhonda, I can so relate to that family dynamic. It plays out like that here, too. Good luck to all of us!

Karen2
@womanwhowalks
last year
786 posts

Hi...4peace ...my feeling is that projecting emotions to highly sensitive and empathic people would make things worse...I myself when confronted with too much emotions and energy just hurts too much....all I want to do is shut it off....any energy projected would just feel irritating at that high state of turmoil...on the energy level love is just an energy and to me would feel irritating rather than good...lol....just a question....is there a room in your house where the tensions start the most?...

pebble
@pebble
last year
21 posts

Hello, Struggling with this myself at the moment.

My son is having a very difficult time at school at the moment due to an insensitive individual and I can feel every hurt as it happens. It is exhausting.

The school has very little understanding of children who are sensitive and their advice is "just get him to ignore it" . My son is an empath too so can feel the other childs aggression and can feel my frustration with the school and can feel his own sadness reflected back from me!! I am starting to feel myself shut down to try and dampen my feelings and his but I don't know if this is going to help.

Pebble

4peace
@4peace
last year
187 posts

Hi Karen, Yeah, I realized last night that I might have violated my kids by projecting. Sometimes I get desperate though :) I have started making sure I meditate every day and ground myself. I have also been using crystals. If I can make sure I don't contribute to the chaos... that will help :) We live in an apartment where a man was murdered. I don't feel him at all, but I saged the place a couple of times. My daughter hears voices sometimes, so I put crystals in her bedroom in all the corners. I have also given her amethyst necklaces, but they end up breaking within a day or two... she plays hard and the necklaces are not very durable to begin with. Downstairs is where we end up fighting the most.

4peace
@4peace
last year
187 posts

Hi Pebble,

I'm just curious, does he know he is an empath? I haven't exactly explained to my kids yet that they are and was wondering what everyone else does? Can you get him a good crystal for blocking and teach him to shield? Lapis is my stone, I'm drawn to it, maybe you can let him chose a crystal for himself, then clean, charge and program it??? Or a crystal to turn negative energy to positive, that would be great! Best of luck dear!

Peace,

Rhonda

Sarah
@sarah
last year
386 posts

Pebble, Oh man, I so know this feeling. Schools are definitely not set up for empaths and sensitive kids. I'm so sorry that's happening to your child. :(

Sarah
@sarah
last year
386 posts

Onyx, is good for blocking bad energy and energy designed to hurt someone. Poor kid, though, I feel like mama bear when anyone is bullying my kid, and crystals feel too soft for that kind of protection when I'm in mama bear mode. :)

Karen2
@womanwhowalks
last year
786 posts
I wouldn't say 'violating' ...that's a very strong word...and protecting your kids is NOT violating them....if I had kids I'd do just about anything to protect them...and I was never thinking you violated them when I suggested not to project while in a high emotional states....simply it's the wrong TIME to do so...
Karen2
@womanwhowalks
last year
786 posts
You can sever/cut the energy cords and links that have attatched to your son and the bully...from your son and from yourself on a regular basis...you are not hurting anyone by doing this.....
Karen2
@womanwhowalks
last year
786 posts
You can also ask your son's own spirit guides and higher self to do so...after all they're part of the family and want to help too....
Rosie333
@rosie333
last year
20 posts

Dear Sarah,

In our world of being an empath there is never a situation of too much empathy, that only exists out there in the other world in which we often have to try very hard to fit in. It is more a question of dealing effectively with the pain and suffering of our loved ones. I have been in a similar situation when my daughter was sick and I had a breakdown after months of stress due to bullying at work because of this. I think daily meditation and yoga nidra for insomnia may be very helpful as it is important to shut off one's thoughts so that it is possible to recharge and sleep.Your care and compassion will give your family strength as they know you truly care and this is like an island of refuge from the sea of people who just shrug their shoulders and manage to live a life where their emotional involvement in other's pain is minimal.. Self care like our fellow friends on this site have said is very important and as a mum we feel a very strong responsibility to hold it all together. Good nutirition, sleep and being able to talk to friends to release and talk about our fears is very important as is being centred and focused on possible practical solutions if this is possible.

Love and light R

Rosie333
@rosie333
last year
20 posts

ps sometimes we can worry incessantly and this can break down our energy. Its important to breathe through the nose (mouth closed) as this encourages the relaxing alpha waves whereas mouth breathing encourages the busy worrying thoughts of beta waves. Catching yourself worrying about things you cannot change and then 'thought stopping' by saying stop to yourself and then changing the subject of your thinking may also be helpful

Much love R

Sarah
@sarah
last year
386 posts

Thanks!

Sarah
@sarah
last year
386 posts

Good advise.

pebble
@pebble
last year
21 posts

Thanks for the reply. Schools here in the UK definitely are not set up for the sensitive amongst us. I will try some of the things suggested Thanks again!

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