The great struggle

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4peace
@4peace
last year
187 posts

Hi all,

It's been about a year since I've been on this site. When I got back to this site, I reviewed my discussions and realized that I have a yearly meltdown and end up on here just after my birthday, trying to figure out what the heck I am and where I am going :)

I am overwhelmed again, not shielding, though I remember to do it more often. I am so tired of the hatred and fear I am feeling that I want to evaporate. I live in the South and get to experience a lot of Trump supporters here. Even in my classes I'm feeling overwhelmed. Last semester, I was trying to lecture on Sexuality in my Psychology Class, and I would start to explain something and suddenly get very unsure of what I was saying and sounded like I was changing my viewpoints every few minutes. The students were as confused as I was. After class I was sitting at my desk completely confused and realized I was channeling my students feeling about different subjects. I had to start wearing my stones to class so that I could teach.

My doctor wants me to see a counselor because my depression is getting worse. The logical part of me says that metaphysical things are not real, however, the other feeling part of me says that they are real. My experiences show me that I am a pretty serious empath and wickedly good at dream interpretation.

If I tell a counselor I am an empath, he/she will think that I need to be committed because I am psychotic.

Last year I figured out how to work around my knee problems and immediately developed back problems and I have not figured out how to maintain employment with both problems.But I'm in a lot of pain. I will teach a night class this July, but I don't think I can do regular classes in the Fall. And I'm the only income earner in the house. So good thoughts/prayers would be appreciated.

Ok, this post t is too long. Right now my shielding consists of stones and using a mirror or bubble to shield. Any other suggestions. How do I reconcile the two parts of myself? Maybe I am crazy :)

Suggestions are seriously appreciated.

Peace to all

Rhonda


updated by @4peace: 01/09/17 12:52:01AM
Lavender&rose
@lavenderrose
last year
82 posts

"The logical part of me says that metaphysical things are not real, however, the other feeling part of me says that they are real."

I struggled with this for a mighty long time, and can still go back into 'Gosh, how embarrassing, I made all of that up!" The last several years I am more stable in accepting this is going on, and hence take better care of myself and get onto things quicker to flush them out, disassociate from them, etc. But for me it has been a long journey just to get here.

I've hinted around this to a therapist I used to see, who was aware I had a very reactive nervous system and considerable past trauma and put it down to that without blinking too much of an eye - but expect most medical professionals would think I was delusional if I went into explaining it full-bore. So I can relate to your hesitancy. It is a dilemma.

"How do I reconcile the two parts of myself? Maybe I am crazy :)"

I think that is a healthy question to keep in mind. Too many people do some quiz on the internet and next thing it's "OMG I is empathy!" I think I finally wore my doubts down by collating so much evidence. I keep a journal recording various things anyway and am very much aware of my baseline state, and then the major changes that are care of miscellaneous pick-ups stand out (I still check I'm not conflating/imagining/projecting my own stuff). Sometimes I think, what if I die, whoever reads this will think I'm mad!

Maybe start acting as if this IS real - you can always change your mind at a later date...

I think daily grounding, centring and recharging of oneself is very important (for me, at any rate). Maybe introduce a care package for yourself that you do every day - whether that is a brief period meditating, showers or baths taken with intent to cleanse and rebalance, light visualisations, prayer, intention setting and affirmations, flushing as well as grounding and shielding, etc etc. Baths also help me with chronic pain - I add Epsoms, sea salt, and bicarb.

I find Caroline van Kimmenade's videos and articles helpful and calming. If you don't know her site, here is a link:

http://thehappysensitive.com/being-empathic-versus-being-empath-crucial-differences/

Where she goes into Empaths and Worldview further down the piece, I think is really important. She doesn't give any answers, really - unless you shell out for her expensive coaching! I am not sure there are any real answers for this, but we figure out our own way with it, eventually, amassing information and little tips and tricks; some work, some don't; slowly, slowly, I think.

Good luck with your employment. Getting calm and centred in your (painful) body, day by day, and looking after it and you is the best advice I can think of from my own experience. Courage! :)

4peace
@4peace
last year
187 posts

Thank you for the link! You are right about grounding, and at one time I was taking a lot of epsoms salt baths - which I think I will do again. What a great idea to do a journal and keep up with things that happen empathically. Last year, I kinda accepted the fact that I was empathic and then just let it go. Didn't maintain my grounding and stuff. So I've come a little way. These last two months, I have several things happen that just made it more clear to me, and now I have to really pay attention to it.

One of the strange things that happened was a woman was on the side of the road, she flagged me and I stopped and she just got into the car and told me to take her to the bottom of the hill. I wasn't scared, but was a little nervous because my kids were in the car. I just suddenly knew she was withdrawing from drugs. After I dropped the kids off at school, I bluntly told her she was withdrawing and did I need to take her to the hospital. She started crying and I just told her she was worth more than what she thought she was and she wanted out of the car. How could I have known that? I don't hang around people who are on drugs - how did I know? I felt it. That is sooo not logical!

Anyway, it's good to hear that other people struggle with this too. Not that you struggled, but that you have mostly overcome the doubt ;) This is all just a process right :)

Thanks!

Lavender&rose
@lavenderrose
last year
82 posts

It sure is one weird trip! :)

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