It's been a couple months since I've posted here. I just want to provide an update to help others and gain some feedback if others can relate.
Since leaving my spouse last Fall, I've been on a journey of self-discovery. I've found I'm (and always have been) all three of the above terms. For years, I tried not to be. I tried to fit in with the crowd, succumbed to peer pressure, being a people pleaser, being things I wasn't, because I'm so sensitive to my environment and the people in it and, being raised by alcoholics and addicts, I needed to be hyper aware of my surroundings for survival and to keep the peace in my household. But I do know I was born this way, due at least partly, because my mother was physically abused by my father when I was in her womb (I've read/heard and I believe that babies can sense their environment before birth). I did not want to come out into this violent world and I was a week late and would have been later if my mother hadn't been induced into labor. Therefore, I'm a sensitive person, always on the alert for danger and avoiding it at all costs. Very shy, timid, and inhibited child. I based everything on my environment and it bothered me when I saw others getting treated unfairly, more praise, more friends, etc. I felt bad for the loners and those who were different or struggling and I tried to help, to help balance things. I usually had one or two close friends, but if they weren't around, I felt very uncomfortable in social environments, because I didn't like to be standing or sitting alone. So I would try to conform to the people I hung around with and gain friends, even if it meant not being me. I tried to fit in with the people who appeared "cool" to me (the rebels usually). I got very lost along the way and tried on many hats and did many things (albeit successfully), but each time, I hit a wall and thought, "This isn't right."
Presently, I'm 35 years old. I have no children, though I hope to someday. But I've accomplished a lot of great things and I've found me and I'm comfortable with myself for once in my life. I know this, because I don't mind being alone. I PREFER to be alone than with people who are draining or negative or foolish. I thought I went off the road in my life, but I realize God led me this way so that I could gain experiences (different perspectives) and grow stronger. I just haven't figured out my purpose in life yet, but I now know that I've made a difference in other people's lives and I live each day to the fullest. I am truly a student of life, an old soul, and I'm fine with (prefer) being quiet and listening to nature, rather than people talking a bunch of nonsense (no offense intended). I am after inner peace and helping others without being drained. So my staying at a shelter presently is not very helpful, being so sensitive to my environment. I do not belong there and I do not intend to return. But, being a writer, I am hoping God has led me there to gain experience, as I hope to share my story someday. I still struggle with setting boundaries and not letting people get to me. I am definitely an Empath and grateful to be one, because I'd rather be emotional and sensitive than heartless (been that too before). I have been told by two people that I am a healer and, though I don't know how I can apply it, I hope to use that skill someday.
It's a pleasure to meet all the new Empaths here. May you be forever blessed.
updated by @lotusfly: 09/01/18 11:17:05AM