Introvert, Empath, HSP

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Lotusfly
@lotusfly
last year
410 posts

It's been a couple months since I've posted here. I just want to provide an update to help others and gain some feedback if others can relate.

Since leaving my spouse last Fall, I've been on a journey of self-discovery. I've found I'm (and always have been) all three of the above terms. For years, I tried not to be. I tried to fit in with the crowd, succumbed to peer pressure, being a people pleaser, being things I wasn't, because I'm so sensitive to my environment and the people in it and, being raised by alcoholics and addicts, I needed to be hyper aware of my surroundings for survival and to keep the peace in my household. But I do know I was born this way, due at least partly, because my mother was physically abused by my father when I was in her womb (I've read/heard and I believe that babies can sense their environment before birth). I did not want to come out into this violent world and I was a week late and would have been later if my mother hadn't been induced into labor. Therefore, I'm a sensitive person, always on the alert for danger and avoiding it at all costs. Very shy, timid, and inhibited child. I based everything on my environment and it bothered me when I saw others getting treated unfairly, more praise, more friends, etc. I felt bad for the loners and those who were different or struggling and I tried to help, to help balance things. I usually had one or two close friends, but if they weren't around, I felt very uncomfortable in social environments, because I didn't like to be standing or sitting alone. So I would try to conform to the people I hung around with and gain friends, even if it meant not being me. I tried to fit in with the people who appeared "cool" to me (the rebels usually). I got very lost along the way and tried on many hats and did many things (albeit successfully), but each time, I hit a wall and thought, "This isn't right."

Presently, I'm 35 years old. I have no children, though I hope to someday. But I've accomplished a lot of great things and I've found me and I'm comfortable with myself for once in my life. I know this, because I don't mind being alone. I PREFER to be alone than with people who are draining or negative or foolish. I thought I went off the road in my life, but I realize God led me this way so that I could gain experiences (different perspectives) and grow stronger. I just haven't figured out my purpose in life yet, but I now know that I've made a difference in other people's lives and I live each day to the fullest. I am truly a student of life, an old soul, and I'm fine with (prefer) being quiet and listening to nature, rather than people talking a bunch of nonsense (no offense intended). I am after inner peace and helping others without being drained. So my staying at a shelter presently is not very helpful, being so sensitive to my environment. I do not belong there and I do not intend to return. But, being a writer, I am hoping God has led me there to gain experience, as I hope to share my story someday. I still struggle with setting boundaries and not letting people get to me. I am definitely an Empath and grateful to be one, because I'd rather be emotional and sensitive than heartless (been that too before). I have been told by two people that I am a healer and, though I don't know how I can apply it, I hope to use that skill someday.

It's a pleasure to meet all the new Empaths here. May you be forever blessed.

~Lotusfly


updated by @lotusfly: 01/11/17 09:17:36AM
karma
@karma
last year
159 posts

Well, Hello Stranger :)

Hon you are a very wonderful person who is in touch with being something far greater than what this world tells you it is to be.

I totally agree you are here to gain experience and differing perspectives to grow stronger - The past has given you so much to reflect and obtain emotionally, spiritually and mentally - The bizarre and complex gift of hell to understand, know, experience and learn from - No sage/sophos was ever born into a free easy life to obtain the wisdom.

I think this is the hard part at times. The recognizing pain and trauma suffered for an enlightenment once understood - Purpose in life is a flaw at times (my personal view of course), we seek to make sense or know all what and whys - I have a cliched belief that the once you stop looking (because it tends to always be in the wrong place because we use the rational as opposed to the spiritual) then it will reveal itself.... Maybe the purpose is reaching the christ mind via excessive repetition of sadness, torment etc until recognized?

Since last having spoken to you here I am doing my best to stop using rational thought process - I am hard wired logic but, that is not the same (The logic is innate - if it makes sense it makes sense the truth cannot be denied)

The rational intent to think my way to enlightenment is my most damaging flaw - I am leaning towards allowing my mind to think for itself without conscious input (no easy feat!)

You speak of conformity too - we have all conformed to be accepted, understood, liked etc - I am conforming to rules daily in my job (I want more than anything to flee the corporate world because I know it is wrong to be a part of. I truly want to be free from this entire sham of `Who said life was supposed to be easy` ...

You are in a shelter at present that cant be easy with being around many people you do not know - Maybe as you say, you were led (by your higher self/God) to continue the journey of self discovery? I do not know but, believe you telling your story is a brilliant idea - I believe every experience needs to be expressed and you have many that could offer others an understanding :)

Inner peace is the hardest piece of the puzzle to obtain because of judgment/chastisement of the self is what keeps us so sensitive and prepared to take on all others pain as if we deserve it.

We can indeed be compassionate and experience others without enforcing it as something we must bear - it is not heartless to give ourselves the time out and self love we deserve

Maybe what I write seems a bunch of nonsense? lol (would not be offended if you thought so - your knowing yourself is all that matters)

I am glad you have come back to post though - Its been a while :)

Lotusfly
@lotusfly
last year
410 posts

So great to hear from you, karma. Thank you so much for your insightful and thoughtful response. I'm about to pursue a new career path that is unexpected and suggested to me that sounds pretty great and the best part is that the work should be meaningful and fulfilling, so I'm excited. It may only be temporary, but I could also grow from it and that's important.

How are you doing? Miss chatting with you :)

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