there's no relief
updated by @kristen: 03/15/17 08:44:02AM
Peace is found at the end of every conflict thoughtfully and lovingly resolved. Our ESP (elevated sense of perception, I find it to be a more accurate description), gives us an opportunity that not everyone is provided. We are acutely aware of our surroundings in any given moment, and once awakened, we are shown the things that we are meant to be shown, hear the things that we are meant to hear, and feel the things that we are meant to fill <---- I nearly removed this typo, but when I read it i found it to be honest, and left it. The universe connects and communicates with us in ways that are beyond even our understanding at times. We can not expect understanding from others, but we can be open to receiving it. It the universe communicates with you, then inversely you can communicate with it, all roads are necessarily two way, as you can choose to go one or the other, the only question now is which way you will go and how you will travel it. If we are aware then we are drawn to those things of which we are aware, either on purpose, or on accident. Purpose indicates growth, a lack of growth indicates stagnation or moratorium. Growth does occur on accident, but it definitely benefits from a stable environment conducive to ones' goals. We program ourselves one we are awakened. Do you want to win? If so you may take victory in this one thing, but another conflict will always come, it is necessary. So it is no longer about winning, winning reduces your options. Winning is always winning, But NOT LOSING could be any other thing. Consider all the perspectives that you have been the gift to perceive before making the decision. If someone else KNEW how you were feeling how would you like them to use this information? Be the change you want to see. I do not know you, but I do see, feel, and hear you. I hope this message finds any and all who need it.
I lived with a bipolar/sociopath for 17 years. I loved him and felt sorry for him and wanted to help him. It finally came down to the realization that there was no helping him and he would sink. The only question left was will I sink with him? I finally left with PTSD and depression that took years to overcome. I can't say if your situation is in any way similar to mine, but there often comes a point in life that you have to think of yourself if you want to live. Rene is so right that his illness will become yours, or some version of it. It is noble to care for others in pain, but we must also include ourselves in that caring. We count just as much.
There were other reasons from my past that caused me to not let go of that relationship (absent father, narcissists everywhere growing up). Could there be something from your past that makes you feel you are not worthy of a happy life and your only worth comes from taking care of others?
All the best to you.
You are not alone. Don't ever let the pressures, hate, or negativity win. I am probably not the best to give advice as i struggle with control myself, usually resorting to alcohol and debauchery to try and block out reality, but there are some other things i've tried that sometimes work for me. Meditation is usually a no go, as it's hard for me to stop my thoughts, but i have been able to relax and unwind by laying in the bath and listening to music or i have a rain generator that seems to calm me down a bit. In social setting i try to steer conversations towards a more jovial end and try to make others laugh. Though this is not ideally helpful to myself, it does seem to change the moods of those around me away from the darkness that is usually there and that in turn relieves some weight from me. I hope some of this helps even though its not much and if you ever need an ear i'll try to be around. Luck to ya and yours
No worries. I'm 36 myself and am also still searching for what to do in this world. Egotistically, i've been good at just about any job i've ever had, but i also generally end up sabotaging myself. One of the cool things this "gift" has allotted me is that i tend to go off on people whom I sense are bad, negative, manipulative, or uncaring when i can't take their darkness anymore. This unfortunately happens more than i like and i usually end up having to find a new job.
As far as the supernatural aspect, I'm sure there is quite a bit that people have experienced, but are just as apprehensive in talking about it as you. I found a long time ago that it doesn't always receive positive response from regulars. Here i wouldn't worry about it so much. Either they have experienced similar thing and will open up to you as well with their experiences, or at worst it would be same as talking to regulars and you lose really nothing as this is just a faceless blog (no offense to everyone). Either way its always good to get things off your chest/out of the head
Your husband will have to be willing to let go of these energies/entities and he probably isn't in a well enough mental state to do that. Sounds like he has welcomed them since he has even given one a name. I hope you can find a way to focus on yourself. Get rid of the fear you have. These energies thrive on fear, weakness, mental illness and drug abusers. If you are committed to staying with him, you can try to fight the darkness but it will take lots of strength and time and the outcome will depend largely on your husbands state of mind, willingness, and ability to heal himself. . . also on your strength to endure and overcome. I feel that even if the dark energies are conquered, you still have his illness as a permanent issue which will perpetuate the energies to come back. Sorry to be negative here. I just hate seeing people suffer like you when it reminds me so much of what I went through.