empaths and your parents; some questions for you.

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Tonyvancity
@tonyvancity
last year
29 posts

hello!.....so i am curious to know from other empaths here what is/was your relationship like with your parents?I tell you about mine: my mother and father are very different from each other. My father was and still is very selfish, showed next to zero affection towards myself or my mother, was very negative in terms of how he spoke to his family and basically had no interest in his wife or children other then providing the basics of food, clothing and shelter. In a nutshell, just an A-Hole. I have 3 older brothers and i noticed that the brothers took after my father's brain/mind and are very similar to him with their selfish ways. My mother is very different, and i don't just say that because she is my mother...if she was like my father, trust me, i would say she is an Ahole too....but she is sweet natured, kind, enthusiastic, very innocent like , thoughtful, caring, considerate and loving. T o be honest...i think she is an Empath. I can see that i got it from her. As a matter of fact, growing up i would often hear my aunts and cousins say to me ..''You are just like your mother!''. We have a very good loving bond and i often protect and look after as she can be very childlike for her age of 80. I had read recently most empaths are female and very likely it runs in the family with mother/daughter/sister empaths....but in my case i am a male . So my questions : do you have a mother who is empath or you suspect an empath? any siblings who are an empath? Anybody have a similar parent background with one parent being the opposite of the other and if so, how did it affect your life ?thank you in advance . :)


updated by @tonyvancity: 01/17/17 12:07:32AM
RyuukoGo
@ryuukogo
last year
110 posts

My mother may have been an Empathand my father's mother is native indian...my guess my abilities came from those combinations and my parents have opposite personalities....both my sistersare borderline narcissists.

When I was about 20 I at times would leave the house in a rush and I would hear my father asking my mother why am I in a rush...she would tell him I sense something wrong with my girlfriend he would respond "oh"....that was a normal incident...both parents accepted my "oddness" the term Empath I discovered about 5 years ago.

Yes I am a straight male empath...but I have a really high "feminine" component to my personality...on this test I score +37-40....my female friends +15-20.. ;)

Trevor Lewis
@trevor-lewis
last year
272 posts

Hi Tony,

Not unusual! Our abilities come from our bloodline more often than not. The only question becomes one of whether we can recognize that in our family. When we and our relatives are well-balanced it is easier to see. Sometimes, the empath trait shows up as emotional imbalance, aka mental health problems.

Secondly, as empaths we attract (and are attracted to) people who are in energetic need of our abilities. There are articles on the Web about empaths and narcissists (although that is a clinical term that I prefer to avoid - let's just say "toxic people"). Given that we attract "fixer-uppers", it's easy to see that our parents often reflect the same patter - one a strong empath, one tending towards toxic.

And, yes, true for my own parents!

Blessings,

Trevor

Goodenergyhealing
@goodenergyhealing
last year
373 posts

it will be hard to come up with a more conclusive answer to your question with a post like this. You'd have to question hundreds of us :)

My mom is more emotional than my dad, and my dad can be more selfish, but then my mum can be emotionally manipulative (she just hides her selfish side more with a victim play...)

What I definitely would add to the equation though - I have always been quite sensible and sensitive (and a bit of a wise ass in my youth), but I only really became empathic through loads of spiritual work - meditation etc. So I mostly blame my abilities on that. I.e. likely we all have them, just with some people they are more blocked.... My father never was a great A-hole, just perhaps a bit cold and rational, but he has softened up with age. He is much kinder now, almost more than my mum. If that is me sending distant healing for the last 20 years, or a man's testosterone levels reducing as they age - who knows? Maybe both? He's been quite a strong atheist too, we had some big arguments about that in the past (him calling me crazy for believing that there is anything beyond matter and death, and the like),but last month, when I visited, he actually took up an offer of receiving some Reiki there and then....(miracles do happen?)

My sisters are both quite sensitive, but only the younger one perhaps more of an empath. Here too though, both seem to have developed their sensitivities somewhat over the years. Again, if that is natural, or due to a spiritual healer in the family - who knows?

Love and Light!

beb313
@beb313
last year
9 posts

No my parents aren't empaths. My parents got divorced when I was very young, and so I never had a relationship with my father but he wasn't a great guy according to my mother. I had a horrible relationship with her when I was a teenager since she is an alcoholic and a narcissist and she was extremely rude and mentally abusive towards me.. and I basically wanted to cut her off and have nothing to do with her. But now she isn't so bad so I can tolerate her and my relationship with her is okay but it's not that great. My sister is an empath though. It seems like a lot of empaths tend to come from narcissistic parents/bad family situations.

Rene''
@rene
last year
1,194 posts
Neither of my parents were empaths. Well, I never seen that part of them. They leaned toward narcissist side Very controlling without a loving touch or words. I was raised on direct and indirect innuendos of intimidation and manipulation. I know that sounds harsh but it is the truth. I still havent been able to completely shake that feeling.
Tonyvancity
@tonyvancity
last year
29 posts
I kept thinking my father is a narcissist...but i look up the definition and it includes loving their self image so much they always looking in the mirror. Mine was not a mirror looker. He was just cruel and very selfish, no affection ( very very little to me or mom).... I realize different levels of narccissism but im not quite sure he a true narccist. Like i said...more of an A-hole/crappy father and husband/selfish and negative.
heartbroken
@heartbroken
last year
10 posts

My mom has passed, but I don't think that she was an empath. Both of my parents seemed to me to be narcissistic. I was never good enough for them. I was the "good" child out of two, but they showered attention and praise on my sister and nothing on me. I have often thought of who in my family was also an empath and the only person I can come up with is my son. My sister only thinks of herself. You can imagine how lonely I have been in this family. I still thank God for the gift, I couldn't imagine going through life without it, but, for me, it's lonely.

Tonyvancity
@tonyvancity
last year
29 posts

....oh i can imagine the loneliness in your family for you. I lived it myself. My situation was very unusual and it compounded the problem. But yes....3 older siblings, a father , a mother...but grew up very lonely in my own family.

Tonyvancity
@tonyvancity
last year
29 posts

i scored 58-54......so a plus 4. (androgynous )

heartbroken
@heartbroken
last year
10 posts

Yes, it makes for awkward family gatherings.

Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
last year
1,185 posts

My mother was an empath but never knew that she was, and was thought of as a "saint" and "hypersensitive". My father was not a full blown narcissist, but had narcissistic tendencies like being selfish, spoiled and loud, and basically a lazy A-hole who thought he was smarter than he was. Both were alcoholics, and I was an unwanted only child so I was pretty much left to raise myself. The poverty was great with a lot of insecurity and crying over how to pay rent, no food in the cupboard, etc. so.....

I'm not sure if I got my abilities totally from my mom, or partly from feeling unsafe and insecure as a child, so I became hyper vigilant all the time. My mom and I were/are both physical empaths, becoming physically ill from what we absorb from others, and like me, she became a hermit as she aged and got sicker and sicker.

My husband's family is a lot like heartbroken's above. His dad was a full blown Narc and showered attention on his total loser of a Narc brother, while giving my husband nothing but endless self esteem destroying criticism. This often happens with Narcs, as they can't tolerate those they think rank higher than them in any way, so they try to destroy them. Their favorite is often the loser or the screw up, etc. since that child can be made permanently dependent on the Narc, which is what they want. My husband is not an empath but definitely an HSP. Nobody else in his family has a clue how to read even obvious cues about people that the average person could pick up, so I don't think he inherited it.

Family gatherings! I got to where I could not sell my soul anymore and I finally refused to go at all. I "divorced" them.

Cheshire Cat

Cat Whisperer
@cat-whisperer
last year
726 posts
Sounds like my ex...he was not a mirror looker either
h1234
@h1234
last year
49 posts

I would say my family was similar to heartbroken. I got all the blame and anger directed at me in my family. My mother is clearly a narcisticst and alcoholic. However, since focusing on my healing, our relationship is better. My dad was the enabler, he was like the single parent, raising both my sister and I. My sister is very selfish and I'm the opposite. I still can't understand why my parents married? They are poles apart in education, intelligence, common interest. My dad is now 70 and very cynical cruel and selfish, low tester one maybe, but anyway, he calls me very abusive names when I see him, tells me I'm useless and i daren't ask him for a favour, as he gets mad that if i don't return a caring favour, I'm selfish! I took my computer over to my parents house to get connected to the internet, as I didn't want to pay a computer advisor silly money. Dad then said why didn't you do a chore in the house! Im 37 years old and why do i need to do chore, when I'm not living in your house!! He can leave me in tears, is very harsh and mean, i think i need to send me energy healing to calm him down!!

h1234
@h1234
last year
49 posts

would say my family was similar to heartbroken. I got all the blame and anger directed at me in my family. My mother is clearly a narcisticst and alcoholic. However, since focusing on my healing, our relationship is better. My dad was the enabler, he was like the single parent, raising both my sister and I. My sister is very selfish and I'm the opposite. I still can't understand why my parents married? They are poles apart in education, intelligence, common interest. My dad is now 70 and very cynical cruel and selfish, low tester one maybe, but anyway, he calls me very abusive names when I see him, tells me I'm useless and i daren't ask him for a favour, as he gets mad that if i don't return a caring favour, I'm selfish! I took my computer over to my parents house to get connected to the internet, as I didn't want to pay a computer advisor silly money. Dad then said why didn't you do a chore in the house! Im 37 years old and why do i need to do chore, when I'm not living in your house!! He can leave me in tears, is very harsh and mean, i think i need to send me energy healing to calm him down!!

Cat Whisperer
@cat-whisperer
last year
726 posts
Mom was the empath in my family. My older brother shows signs too, however, we have never talked about it. I would like to but not sure how to bring it up. My uncle probably had the gift as well but when he came back from the war he was messed up mentally. (Paranoid schizophrenia). Perhaps due to being sensitive and witnessing such atrocities.
Ruby Fox
@ruby-fox
last year
64 posts

I just like to bitch about my extended family members. Particularly the Taurus $hit-talkers who apparently have gold nuggets come out during rest room time. My cousin Laura, for example: I know she hacks my laptop, and private emails (she works for the gov. and makes $$$ Much much $hit monies.) Hides behind her money with her family even though they stink the most, point the finger at everyone else, and need the longest shower in history-because there is a hideous stench coming from behind the money they hide behind. My other Taurus relative, I'll leave her name hidden for now) stole pictures off my sisters phone of both of us b/c the jealous bitch saw dollar signs-and sent them to someone. I don't have total proof(but when you feel something strange going on, it is usually true) at least with me it is. My 6th sense was always strong. Be careful, with all the stinky gold nuggets, lets hope the golden throne of your home doesn't explode from the backup

Ruby Fox
@ruby-fox
last year
64 posts

Most of the Rich: They see their own worth -Me: Where? where is their worth? Let me whip out my magnifying glass

PeaceOnEarth
@peaceonearth
last year
32 posts
Agreed! I have divorced parents that I think do fit with this pattern- dad is an Empath, mom is not.
TigerLily
@tigerlily
last year
308 posts
My father totallt is. He doesn't talk about it, until I asked him one day lol. He is really gifted when it comes to people, and not falling for people who need help. It's like he knows to only help when that person genuinely needs it. He's even pushed away family, and then bent over backwards for others. I know those family members and see why he did that.He has always said things here and there "I just don't like them" "they feel abnormal" "he is going through alot of pain" "I like this one as he is happy" And he never even said one word to them lol.He told me if I didn't want to be taken advantage of by people, to be mentally strong. From as a kid, and his book collection now, it's all about self help and strengthening yourself.
Ruby Fox
@ruby-fox
last year
64 posts

Anyone ever talk about their nosy extended family members? Like when they come to visit after not visiting or talking much for almost ten years? Both of my uncles are full of $hit. Dollar sign b/c that is the only language they understand. I am glad his daughter is a stuffed up plain introvert (meant for public school) not very interesting, not that smart-just worked hard for her stuck up status. I admire status and all, but they are in a category entirely by themselves. So uncle dickie, kiss my A$$$$ and enjoy watching my success while you share in nothing that involves me

Ambre
@ambre
last year
3 posts

I was waiting for my profile to be approved so I could respond to this post lol. I find the subject of empath parents intriguing and Im actually writing a book about my own. Ill try to make it concise here.

After much consideration, I believe my mother to be the narcissist and my father to be the empath. The tricky part about it was that my mother is the affectionate one who dotes on her children and seems compassionate, caring and overprotective. My father, on the other hand, is the aggressive brute, physically and verbally abusive misogynist that shows little to no affection, has a quick temper and loves to throw around accusations. Hes also quite paranoid. To an outsider, my mother may seem like an empath and my father the narcissist. I was inclined to believe so as well since I usually favored my mother and currently want to be as far away from my father as humanly possible. But this is not the case.

After much research Ive found that my father is more likely to be the empath which explains his destructive behavior. He was abused as a child, both physically and verbally, and dealt with a lot of racism growing up (something he still has trouble dealing with today). He was taught to always look out for himself first and to never show emotion. He had only one true friend who recently died and he never mourned. It was as if it never happened. My mother, who was also physically and verbally abused, was not as easily swayed to hit her children. It took me a long time to notice that she had other ways of hurting people. She is extremely manipulative, vindictive and vengeful. As sweet as she may seem, shell flip in an instant. Although he shows little emotion aside from anger, I can always see the abused little boy inside of him that wasnt loved enough. And although my mother will say and do just about anything to have her way regardless of who gets trampled in the process, I can still see the abused little girl inside of her that just wants someone to care.

This would be hard for anyone to deal with, I think. But growing up as an empath (which I strongly believe I am) has made this nearly impossible. I love psychology and tend to psychoanalyze my parents often, and I know that they project all of their anger, insecurities and past traumas onto me and use me as a punching bag. I resent them both for this, but I also understand where it comes from and cant help but feel sorry for them. I used to think it was my responsibility as their daughter to help them through it but you cant help someone who wont admit they have a problem. And between the two of them, the problems are endless.

My older sister was physically abused more than I was and I watched her changed in many ways over the years. I think she could have been an empath but theres no way to tell now. She got involved in a small religious cult, married into it and had 3 children in about 3 years. Communication was rare and when she did speak to us it was a shouting match about heaven and hell. Its hard to remember who she was and to see who shes become, abuse really changes people. And worse yet, she and her husband abuse their children, and because of the strained relationship we have with their family my mother always begs me not to confront them about it. I feel like the crazy one because Im watching my family destroy each other and Im the black sheep because Im the only one who seems to care. Im constantly asking why I was given these parents; I just dont understand why Im here if I cant help them.

h1234
@h1234
last year
49 posts

nwow! Ambre, I am shocked at your story, I thought my family was dysfunctional! Im sad to hear about your abuse, I too seem to get everyone's anger, traumas thrown at me, do other empaths feel like their always on the receiving end of people shouting at them, I've been called lazy and stupid most of my life my my parents, yet they are doing the same behaviours! Do you think its because we are more caring than average and soft, so people know we don't stand up for ourselves as maybe we don't know how to be assertive, they treat us like doormats! Has anyone gone to assertive classes? Do you ever have trouble standing up for yourselves?

Im confused whether to sometimes be awkward on purpose and say no more than people know I'm not a soft touch.

Ambre- how have your relationships with men been? For me, Ive turned away most me, as i get bored or restless in a relationship. In my mind, I see the perfect pairing, yet none of the men I've dated or been in relationships with are appealing enough to keep going with? I find it hard to stick with one man, I know deep down I'm searching for a soulmate who 'gets me;, but as i near 37, I realise i need to make my list smaller to 5 qualities rather than 50 odd!

Ambre
@ambre
last year
3 posts

Hello h1234. I'm afraid I won't be much help in this department. Ive only had two relationships. A two-year relationship with a boyfriend (somewhere between 15 to 17 yrs old) and a short 3 month relationship with a girlfriend just a couple years ago. My experience in the dating world is very limited, but I take on a lot emotionally (and physically unfortunately) so Ive lived vicariously through the relationships of those close to me, and my experience is much greater in that respect. I understand how people can get caught up in this idea of a perfect pairing, I think most people do at some point or another. Also, I think being an empath and having the emotional trauma that comes along with that may cause patience to become thin. Having a gift that so few people understand makes finding a suitable companion super difficult and frustrating. I dont even try, honestly. Because I am so quick to read people (not always intentionally) I know or at least have a pretty good idea whether someone will be compatible with me or not. Most of the time theyre not. Ive learned to accept that being as I am, most people will come into my life to learn something about themselves (I act as a mirror in that way) and theyll be off onto the next phase of their journey. I dont expect to keep people in my life forever, and although Ive been extremely lonely and depressed to the point of suicide, I wont ever settle because its an irresponsible thing to do. Too many people do this and hold on to relationships and people that become toxic to them and are just not emotionally strong enough to let go. If your standards are within reason I wouldnt necessarily give them up, but keep in mind that humans are incredibly complex and you cant expect to find one that fits into your mold perfectly. You may find someone whos missing a lot of the qualities on your list but may also have a few qualities you didnt realize you wanted ;)

In addition to that, I find making a list is only helpful if it is not too specific. Meaning as opposed to listing things like:

Doesnt leave his clothes on the floor

Doesnt leave the cap off of the toothpaste

Pays for dinner

Doesnt leave the gas tank on empty

Cuts his toenails over a trash bin

You should make a more general list that focuses on the persons personality as it compares to yours:

What sort of temper do they have?

Are they a generally neat or well kept person?

Are they generous/kind hearted?

Do they think/plan ahead?

Are they open minded?

Do they express feelings well?

Aiden
@aiden
last year
32 posts

Hey all. Just joined EC and am super excited to be able to communicate with other like minded individuals. My mother has always been an empath like myself and I am very close to her. Growing up, she would tell me about strangers who would approach her daily to vent and how she would feel drained or even ill after certain encounters. She is an amazing mother and I wasn't super aware of how connected I am towards her until i moved out when i was 24 (I'm 28 now). She is very emotional and moody at times but so loving and generous as well. My dad is the opposite. He rarely emotes and was always very secretive. Not much of a deep thinker or conversationalist. He's not a bad a guy but he can seem cold like most of his siblings as well. We were never super close but as I got older, I always felt like there is a lot about my dad that I still don't know till this day. I also have an older sister but she doesn't seem to be an empath. We are complete opposites. She is more argumentative and harsh when it comes to certain things.

Tundra2
@tundra2
last year
57 posts

Hi Tony, Very interesting questions and a lot of very interesting replies. I have a narcissist mother and just an A-Hole father. I found out only a few years ago my father had an uncle that no one spoke about. The only answer I got was that "he did not fit in with them". I wonder if he was an empath? No one in my family that I can think of that I would call an empath.

Live & Appreciate

danielle
@danielle
last year
4 posts
My father and mother got a divorce when I was 6 (I'm 14 now) me and my younger sister would see my father only on weekends, but I always got a really scary feeling whenever I was there. My father used to drink and smoke all the time, he used to abuse me and my sister. He used to scare me all the time and I always have a bad feeling around him, when I got back to my mom's I told her what he was doing, she went back to court and got full custody of me and my sister but my dad is allowed to see us if my mom is with us. He's been gone for 5 years, but came back last summer because he was homeless and jobless
danielle
@danielle
last year
4 posts
Oops sorry I'm new. I wasn't done I'll continue now..... he was back for about a month but instead of smoking he was popping pills, he eventually left again and I haven't seen him since then. My mom, she's more laid back, but sometimes I don't like to be around her because I can feel that she's stressed and some other things I'm not sure about yet because I just found out I was an empath. But sometimes she gets so stressed she takes it out on me, she doesn't hurt me physically, but emotionally she does, she calls me horribly names all the time and she barely says anything nice to me. My younger sister (I have 2 sisters) she has ADHD and some kind of psychotic disorder, she takes what my mom does but puts it on a whole new level, sometimes she hits me, like she has cut my bottom lip open with a stick before when she was fighting with her friend, I tried to make her stop. Another time was when she whipped me with a metal dog Leash, or when she pulled the dog off me roughly and made the dogs nail go into my arm and made a huge gash, there was skin that was almost falling off, she also has tried to burn the house down before a few months ago. My oldest sister, I don't see her much but I like her a lot, we have so much in common, unlike my younger sister.
Ambre
@ambre
last year
3 posts

Hi Danielle. Has your older sister moved out? You should ask to move in with her. My parents also have a problem with displaced anger, they take a lot out on me too. It isn't healthy for you to stay there. I realize you're 14, but if you have another (better) option, I would consider it. But I'm glad you are finally able to identify with being an empath. I think it becomes a little more manageable when you can put a name to something and start to find resources/people to help. Do you have any school counselors/therapists to talk to?

Bigg Hoss
@bigg-hoss
last year
36 posts

I believe in the closest possible open loving relationship with ones family and BFF's. I have always been told that if you are an empath without a doubt one of you parents are too or grand parents. With that said, I believe both my parents are sensitives of some sort. My mother I KNOW is an empath she just picks up on everything like me. She will wake up and just fall apart crying for no reason and just know someone somewhere close is hurting. Every time I feel sick with anxiety at the same time it's quite challenging. She has never really considered herself a sensitive/empath so she has no control or practice at her emotions leaving her open to ALL influences unfortunately. She is really sweet and loving but can be sharp and snappy too and is very sensitive to other people and cannot stomach witnessing suffering of any kind. I live in and take care of her and my father around the house as they just retired and she is bed ridden now. So I take on all their BAGGAGE even if I don't want too :( My Father is the kind of guy who is also easily affected by energies. But, this is also something he never recognized so grew up trying to hide his sweet sensitive caring energy and his sensitivity to outside influences. He tries to act like he cares about no one or anything and can turn his back on his family in a second if he so chose and they slighted him enough to make him do it. On the other hand when he aint putting on his "Darth Vader" act I catch him laugh crying at almost EVERYTHING he watches on tv. He worries about people and tries to do nice things and when someone hurts or suffers he feels it pretty deeply. The moment anyone notices these things though he instantly goes sociopath and crazy "Darth Vader" mode. He thinks he will be perceived as weak if he doesnt :(

This makes him and my mother a constant ROLLERCOASTER day in and day out. When someone gets mad or offended they tend to use their force of will and domineering energy on each other or me around the house. I am constantly in a state of anxiety or sickness sometimes especially when a crisis is afoot. Always trying to work the energies and mediate between them and myself in to a positive direction. This is all day every day work and taxing and extremely stress full. Sometimes the energy and discontent is so deep I can feel it thick in the room like humid hot air. But we also have lovely family nights and I foster happy feelings and togetherness and the concept of forgiveness and love with them as much as possible. It is working too and it makes me very happy and proud. I have them both aware now off their "Sensitivity" and not losing their minds and going "Darth Vader" over every little thing. They are some of my best friends on this planet I love them dearly.

Shadow
@shadow
last year
11 posts

Not sure. I had a lot of family growing up, but majority of my family died off from random as i grew up to where its just my mom and 2 brothers now. Growing up the fam was really secretive about pretty much everything and wasn't abundant with sharing emotions or thoughts. I know one of my brothers use to have dreams like i do, but he grew out of it. Also, i know that at least 4 generations on my fathers side were alcoholics, which is relevant only in the fact that i use drinking when i'm overwhelmed to block everything out and be able to sleep without dreaming.

Growing up, sometimes, my great grandparents would talk to me about my dreams and beliefs, but once again they never really conceded anything or answered any questions. Always seemed to end off saying we'd talk when i was older, but once again they all passed before it could happen. I could be reading into it as they were all Masons and Eastern stars and maybe that just leads back to whatever they do, but i always wondered

jessvet03
@jessvet03
last year
11 posts
I can comment to you about having a negative home atmosphere . Mother is very weak and scares but shows it off by telling and cursing , talking really loud. Honestly this is my first time writing here becauss for the first time in a while I am home alone and I can concentrate on me.Does anyone know why that is such a common trait in empath? Is it so we learn how to manage it faster?

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