28 years of purgatory

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seanw4202
@seanw4202
last year
54 posts

For the first time in my life I understand who I am, what my purpose is, and why my entire life has been a prison.

From childhood I was a very gifted individual, learning (I think now, I have never really done) was as easy as seeing, instruction manuals never came out of the boxes, as soon as I had my hands on new toys, electronics, computers, speakers, lights, everything was already in my knowledge, as if as soon as I looked, the knowledge of the item, down the the minor details in its operation and process became clear to me and I had a (90% of the time) correct assessment, if not completely imagined the engineering set up in an entirely different fashion, however still serving the same function.

This was my first gift, my parents not understanding deemed me a child prodigy and genius... having known now that being an empath, their emotions towards it became mine, and in turn confused me shunning me away from expressing it or "showing off" to a degree, and I began suppressing my gift in defense.

As i grew older i was a very awkward person, inside I had an imagination exploding with ideas and theories, that I also kept to myself, as most of my family and friends weren't willing to hear a kid talk of things they knew nothing about. After puberty I normalized to a degree, never exploring spirituality, and undoubtedly considered people of such "abilities" to be a scam, which also do exist, helping social engineering to further suppress the freedom of love and energy, the catalyst for the fall of the corporate empire of america...

At 24 my mother passed from cancer, I had been couch surfing and was doing (*No drug talk, i apologize but i feel this pertains to my awakening and speaks on behalf of my mental experiences*) psychedelic drugs on a bi-weekly binge for almost 2 years, (2c-e, 2c-i, 2c-p, 2c-b, dmt psilocybin, lsd, etc...) prior to her death.

After a childhood of suppression and "go to school, get a good job, make money", thanks DAD! I ran off and found the capability of the mind to be scientifically engineered(able) to work like any other machine or organ mind you, unknowing of the energy I had always sponged, the brain to me was a computer, i tried to explain what was going on, however with the simple truth lying so far from logical resolution angered me as I went on with life just KNOWING something was there. Scientific theories were and still are now just theories, and due to the shunning of my gifts and without any spiritual knowledge year after year went by, happy, sad, angry, and my head locked on the question "WHAT AM I MISSING HERE" whats wrong with everyone, why do you all need so much money, why is everyone so angry, why do i fix everything, why does no one want to listen to me for a change! LIFE SUCKED@!

I had dreams, everything was natural, I was happiest when exploring and learning, THAT is what life is about, not having a bigger house, or a better job. ITS THE EXPERIENCE and everyone else seems to be ruining it for me, so PLEASE allow me to absorb your negative vibes, and go home and confuse them with my own, and then fill everywhere i've ever lived with nothing but PURE NEGATIVE ENERGY and people felt this from me, and I was dying on the inside bursting with love, community, and pain for everything that was wrong. TV and radio have been completely turned off since i was 20, i cannot take it, I get enraged when I see someone watching commercials for dish soap in a trance of amazement, and i cant get you to LOOK AT ME?

Since my mother passed I looked up every mental illness that existed, symptom, causes, effects, i'd hit one or two symptoms on very illness, but none had fit the bill, i spent years contemplating professional help, but once again JUST KNEW that wouldn't help, and anti-depressants would only lead to messed up brain chemistry and more emotional hiding. I was determined to figure out what was wrong with me, and eventually i gave up for the first time in my life I couldn't find the answer.... fix the problem.

No sooner I gave up, I came to peace with not knowing, and here i sat 28 years of pain, learning, working, isolating myself with the information super highway and a fear that i didn't belong anywhere while seeing the vast array of scientific innovation around the world, anarchist groups declaring war on greed and malice. I learned a lot about the government and history, and because i see through all lies, also a wonderful and painful gift, i always KNOWN that wasn't the way to go, making me a unpatriotic a**hole as well.

So my wife and i have been together 4 years, and we have 2 kids, we fight we love ect... until we really started talking through our problems, and she allowed me to express myself and listen like no one really had before, because no one would last past the explosions of rage and temperament.

2 days ago, she looks at me as if "how did i not see this" after the first few lines of the empath definition, once again I KNEW, but this time, the heavens opened and 28 years of pain was rationalized, summed up and clear to me in an instant more information clicked in my head at once than had ever happens before, it was enlightenment, a calm rushed over my body, I cried with joy for the first time in my life because I had to give up and find peace with who i was before i was allowed to know. Only adding to the shroud of spiritual mystery, my wife knew because she was told as a child because a empath came across her path and seen her silver aura, she guided her without letting her know what it was she would experience. when she came to the realization and we both saw the abilities associated with the empath, our dreams no longer made us wonder, experiences in my body were energy from other event I thought everyone had rushing emotion randomly, coming and going as fast as it begins.

i looked in the mirror and practiced seeing my aura for the first time and it was easy, as soon as i saw a yellow ring almost shaped more like a shrouded hood i completely broke down and cried and felt something unlike anything i had ever before, ITS REAL HOW WHY OH MY GOD I was in shock the first 24 hours, almost the same feeling after mom passed because it was real.

will update later


updated by @seanw4202: 01/18/17 08:54:02PM
Ember
@ember
last year
10 posts

Hello Sean, Your story is one that many of us empaths can relate to. I am so glad you are no longer in purgatory and found this community. Now that you know that you are an empath nothing will ever be the same. But in a good way. Hopefully for you it will bring more joy and happiness. Being a empath is never easy, many of us are torn as to whether this is a gift or a curse. It is both things. Some advice I can offer is first, to read everything you can to help you navigate through this new extension of your life. The second thing is to learn to protect and/or shield yourself from others emotions. That way you can eventually control what you want to feel. You have definitely come to the right place for guidance. I wish you all the best!

Ember

Cat Whisperer
@cat-whisperer
last year
726 posts
Welcome home seanw2402 :)

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