Struggling with Hate in my heart

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hana
@hana
last year
45 posts

I've just figured out the guy I spent 3 and a half years (my ex) with cheated on me for months but he blocked his posts from me on Facebook so I didn't see them. However everyone else saw it and assumed we broke up.

Not only did he do that, but he lied to my friends about everything, and he slept with my friend while we were dating...

Now the guy is engaged and apparently having a kid with the girl he cheated on me with even hough she cheated on him with half the office at his job.

Please someone help me not get consumed with revenge because I am so mad at myself for letting him do this to me.. I'm such a nice person and I've never said a bad thing about this sleezeball, but now the only thing I can think of is how to end him..


updated by @hana: 01/21/17 12:52:06PM
Raven3
@raven3
last year
15 posts
When I find myself in this place, I cry. Then take a nice hot bath/shower and listen to some music. Or I will do something creative. I've been where you are and understand the feeling totally. And, just remember...it'll bite him in the rear end :)
Rene''
@rene
last year
1,194 posts
Ok..first off..be mad at him! You did not see this coming and he took advantage of your love and trust As Emaths, we tend to blame ourselves when In reality, we have hurt no one. They hurt us.You have a good reason to be hurt. All animal has instincts to fight back when attacked.The "old me" would say he would get what he deserves but, now, after living though some tough personal situation and knowing the outcomes I have to say that there is nothing you can do about this situation except to find a way to learn from it and start your life over again. Easier said than done, I know. But you can not change what happened, you can only choose how to handle it. And as bad as you want to beat him in the head with a ball bat, that will not stop your pain. I would back away slowly.It's not just what he did, it's the shock, broken trust, the thought of someone being able to do this right before your eyes and not picking up on it. You have a lot of self healing to do. Cry, scream, get this pain out. Meditation, cutting cords, grounding, and protections. But most of all, forgiving yourself for not being able to protect yourself from this unforseen monster. And learn to trust yourself..again. You need to give yourself time to except the pain then let it go. Cut it loose. Find peace in your heart and forgive...but never forget. As for him...he was only a lesson for you. A rocky spot on your path.I don't know what your defination of a friend is and this is why my circle is very small. A friend would of dropped me a text and ask if I was ok and sorry about the break up. A friend would of never slept with your man, for no reason.I know these words does not heal your broken heart, but that's what I needed to say to you. Im sending you love and light.
Lastars
@lastars
last year
96 posts
These matters are always personal and we each resolve/heal in our own specific ways. Perhaps your mind is looking for a way to make sense of it all, but it is the nonsense of selfish, immature behaviour. In time you will be very thankful the relationship didn't continue and people will see their true colours (and they seem to deserve each other, but poor future child stuck in the middle).Start creating a new dream for yourself.You don't feel heard and/or understood by your ex and what he did to you and the way your social circle was affected and that you, mostly, haven't been able to share your side of the story. Some times 'Time' is what is needed. I believe moving forward, keep your eyes focused on the future, and the most important thing is to put your attention on things that result in feelings of accomplishments and that can be as simple as cleaning out a closet or helping an elderly neighbour with gardening, just keep busy/active. You need to shift your mind onto other topics and engage in nourishing conversations with others, not recycling this situation. Don't stay stuck, don't let him rob you of more of your Life.Because you have sooo much rage, I suggest finding an increase in physical endeavours to get that energy out of your system.Homeopathic Nat Mur or Ignatia/Iamara (30ch) will help with the grief/betrayal (and are inexpensive).The difficult stuff in Life is what helps us grow and understand....~*~...
hana
@hana
last year
45 posts

OH yeah!

I'm hoping I'm there for it because I'm a super nice person....

I will have to do that soon

hana
@hana
last year
45 posts

Yeah... you're right.. I truly wanted to strangle him and I still do...

As far as the friend goes, I cut ties with her as I did not heed the strong negative vibes in the beginning.. She came forth and told me because she thought we weren't together thats when they did it, but it's still terrible..

She's a snake and a terrible person and it's a shame either took me this long to figure it out...I wanted to believe I was wrong.. :/

I truly appreciate your words and I needed to hear this. I'm with another now thankfully and I did also talk to him about this.

hana
@hana
last year
45 posts

Yeah!! And here I was thinking how weird it was that everything didn't work out in our relationship, and the universe was conspiring against us...

I feel bad because I feel like he's going to do what his mother did to him.. his mother was a french woman involved with his father whose parents separated because he wasn't around and my ex probably won't be able to see the girl he knocked up because she's in France and he's here and his visa is messed up so the situation is a bit out of whack apparently..

and thank you so much for the tips dear as I will look into the solutions and help you have given me..

All in all I'm definitely looking to make sense out of this situation, and I will try to free myself from this energy.

Dice
@dice
last year
284 posts

Nightmistress,

Oh how I know what you are feeling right now.

Your'e better off.. though like you, I was so angry with myself for not seeing it! What I was feeling from him wasn't him at all?! The questions start flooding in and there are no answers that make you feel better. I will tell you this gets better because eventually you will realize you are a caring person with alot of love to give, and you now have an opportunity to do that. I have more red flags about relationships than I should. But I also realized that what I was doing was attracting these men to me, and I was falling for them every single time. I learned about myself and that I could not have changed the ending.. I might have prolonged it for a while if I knew more, but there would have been another one eventually.

I could go on and on with this one. If I learned anything.. I learned they want you to feel that way. Do not let someone like that change you. Truth is you are just to good for him and his play time ran out.

At least it did not take you 17 years and four children to shed of him.

(I also learned that Karma is far better to take care of this than I was)

Dice

Gem
@gem
last year
220 posts
Hi Nightmistress, I'm so sorry for your pain.There are similarities to what happened with my husband and I last year. My husband didn't act out with another person but had hidden his 'viewing' addiction for our entire relationship (by which point we were married with a child).His addiction had started to evolve to signing up to chat rooms (although just for the thrill of signing up and viewing the pics)That rage you feel, I know it very very well. I had to keep finding sordid thing after sorded thing rather than him tell me the truth. I'm ashamed to say..I did lash out (that is not me at all..I'd suffered domestic violence with my eldests Dad and don't agree with it at all) however I did and he just sat there crying and took my hitting him :'(It didn't make me feel any better at all. He actually attempted to take his life a few days later because I'd thrown him out of our home. (He's fine now and in counseling)You DO deserve better. You did NOTHING wrong. You will recover from this. You need plenty of self care now.For me that was meditation (sometimes twice a day), mindfulness colouring books (for when my mind just wouldn't switch off), aromatherapy (palma rose is good for grief, sweet orange is good for lifting depression and lavender/chamomile/benzoin for help with sleep) I also have been in counselling ever since and it helps so so much!This was the wrong man for you..a lesson as the others have said!My husband has narcissistic parents and is the scapegoat child..sadly viewing p was his coping mechanism before he met me and he was too ashamed to ask for help. He's been technology free..and subsequently p free for a year at the end of June. I still have far too many triggers.Sending you much love/light and understanding. I hear you! I acknowledge your pain!A book called 'My Sexually Addicted Spouse' helped loads...maybe check it out if you're struggling to feel 'heard'.This too shall pass!HugsGem x

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