about almost 2 years ago my marriage ended due to my ex husband's adultery. I lost my house that I had lived in for 10 of those years and had nowhere else to go but my dad's where I reside now and I absolutely hate it. My dad was my first abuser when I was a child and I swore I'd never live in his house again once I got out but here I am. I can't stay downstairs very long as it feels so heavy with depression which is where my dad sleeps and my brother who also lives here hangs most of the time so when I'm not at work I spend the evenings in my room all confined.
Since the break up of my marriage I have had suicidal thoughts numerous times. My children have both told me they are grown and have their own lives and dont' have time for my "stuff" and that I need to "get over it" that my marriage is done. I am almost 50 years old. I have not one close friend and in fact I really find it hard to make friends at all so I'm pretty much a loner and have been forever. I have always had a huge fear of being alone and here I am alone now. While my ex has been going from one woman after another since he left me and is now currently off in China thinking to bring himself back a China woman and her children to be with him. Her being only around 30 years old and him being in his 50's. I have joined dating sites but to no avail. Most of those men are scammers and liars. I have been told by numerous mediums and psychics that they see a man entering my life. my soul mate and then go into detail about it but I don't know how that would be possible considering I work all day long from sun up to almost sun down and live paycheck to paycheck so the only places I'm really able to go to is the park on the weekends just to get out of this house.
For the longest time now, I just feel tired in every possible way and feel like my life is over that there is nothing left for me here. I have no one anymore. I was married for 14 years just to find out in the end that most of those years my ex had been fooling around on me and the last being with a Russian woman for almost 3 years before I found out. I keep feeling like there is something wrong with me that I can't find that one person I am meant to be with and I don't want to spend what's left of my life completely alone.
updated by @jodi-hill: 07/24/18 12:35:17PM