Warning: intese emotions.

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CrystalRose
@crystalrose
last year
48 posts

Hello everyone. I hope all is well with each and every one of you. Right now, I'm posting mainly to release some emotions. Maybe gain some insight or advice from any of you or to share similar situations and help each other out by consoling one another.

I left work early today. I sensed something was up with my ex yesterday and I discovered some heart wrenching things. It's crazy how my intuition is always on point with these things. Before yesterday I was feeling fine. Happy, optimistic, and I felt generally good. I hadn't talked to him for a week and I felt good. Not something that would have been easy for me before. Sure I missed him but I didn't really think nothing of it. I didn't get upset by it. Even now, despite everything, there's a part of me that feels okay. But this other part of me feels so hurt. I have no words for the pain. It literally made me sick. I didn't eat dinner, barely ate breakfast this morning, and half my lunch. And I still can't even imagine myself stomaching any food. I've been drinking so much water because I find that makes me feel better. Water always seems to calm me down some how.

I just don't get why he pulls away from me and then when I pull away and he sees that I'm doing okay, he comes back but only to pull away again. He'll want me and then act like he doesn't and say that things with us are hard. But he's the one making it hard. It literally drives me crazy sometimes and I don't know what to do. I know it's because he's been hurt in the past. That's why I've had so much patience with him. I just don't know what to do. I stay away and I feel okay and I know that I am but he's always somewhere in my mind. And if not on my mind I can feel him in my heart and soul. We have a deep bond. We have deep feelings for each other. I can see how that can be scary because it scares me too. Especially when he does things like this. There's nothing I can do to stop these feelings that I have for him. No matter what has happened because I love him unconditionally. But I'm starting to feel like a love like that sucks. I'm becoming afraid to open up to him or be around him, even though that is what I long for most, because I don't want to be hurt anymore.

I leave him to contact me first as I can't get myself to do it anymore. I've had a psychic advice that this was the best thing to do because he needs to be the one to step forward. And that seemed to help but after yesterday... I'm not so sure. I wish I could forget. As much as my time with him has meant to me... right now.... I wish I could forget. And just be. And not worry about anyone hurting me ever again. Right now.... I wish I could just shut off. Everything. Not die or anything.... but just shut off. Not feel anything for awhile. Not think about anything. Not do anything.

I hate to just pour this all out on you guys. But I can't open up to anyone else about this. And if you guys could spare a few moments and send some positive vibes... I'd really appreciate it. I was doing so well for awhile. I wish I could have made that last longer.

Sending love and light to you all always.


updated by @crystalrose: 02/09/17 11:06:54PM
Rene''
@rene
last year
1,194 posts
I agree with dreamers solution, that always help me and doing cord cutting, grounding in the present and protection meditations helps also. It sounds like your still going through the grieving process and the solution for that is (if your are finished with this relationship) putting space between you and him and Time... Cut the control cord he has attached to you. I can relate to your situation though. Even though I was divorced and I was wanting to start my life over ex husband would constantly be driving by my house and phoning me wanting to come over.(when convenient for him) As you do, I would give in because I felt sorry for him then he would be gone again and I would have to start the grieving process over every time. This went on for about 6 months . I finally told him to leave and not come back cause I'm tired of the pain and doubt of if we had done the right thing. That's been about 20 years ago . Don't know where he's at and don't care. I hope he done well.
Karen2
@womanwhowalks
last year
786 posts

If you don't know...you should learn how to sever energy cords...as an empath that's pretty much the only way to get control away from others...those are what's causing you trouble...sever his from you and yours from his energy...and do that till you feel clear...you may find he stops bothering you...but everytime you see him or talk to him...remove those links and cords immediately since they WILL reform upon contact with the guy....I was in contact with my mom this weekend...felt hef link attatch...and had to remove it when I got home and felt much better...lol....

Rene''
@rene
last year
1,194 posts
I know that feeling. Lol
CrystalRose
@crystalrose
last year
48 posts
I could and I'm guessing I might have to. I really don't want to. I don't want things to be over. But I do need to take care of myself.A coworker of mine was telling me that today too. She knows the whole story. She said he's a good guy but she knows he's an ass to me. And he is a good guy. But his behavior to me has been unfair.His birthday is tomorrow. I'll text him a happy birthday but that's it. I did get him a gift but I don't know if I should give it to him now.I was already considering cutting him off after his birthday. I guess that's what I'll do.Thank you for your reply to my post. It really has made me feel better.
CrystalRose
@crystalrose
last year
48 posts
Thank you. I don't want to end things but I think some space will be very good for me. And if things work out later on... That would be great. But I won't be putting myself on the line anymore. The pain is too great and is distracting me from getting my life together.Thank you for responding. It means a lot.
CrystalRose
@crystalrose
last year
48 posts
I'll look into it. The sound of that actually makes me kind of sad but him having that hold over me is more sad because I'm not getting what I want and need. I really don't want him to be gone from my life. But this pain is too much for me to handle. I guess what's made it so hard and why I've let this slide for so long was because I know he cares for me. But his behavior towards me... The distance, the excuse that it's too hard for us right now... That is what gave me doubts. And right now I feel very doubtful about it all. And I have a right to.Thanks for your reply. It means a lot and I will be looking into what you've said.
CrystalRose
@crystalrose
last year
48 posts
It really sucks lol Hope you are doing well! <3
Karen2
@womanwhowalks
last year
786 posts
The thing about severing energy cords is that it's like unplugging an appliance...the cord is always there to plug in if you want...but you can unplug at anytime...the connection to other people's energy through these cords is what causes imbalance within my energy...as an empath it's doubly so cause I can FEEL the other person's energy as well as hear....dollars to donuts your bf is not the only link bothering you...it's an accumulation of many that could be an issue and need to be cleared...I can always feel when OTHER people are overloaded cause contact with their energy is actually painful...I then have to clear those people from me...it's not really a big issue...it's really a healthy thing to do especially for an empath...by clearing those links you can be more in control instead of absorbing the energy through those links...you have the right to talk to him etc...but you don't need to stay linked to him in your energy...give it a try and see how quiet it becomes without those links there...
CrystalRose
@crystalrose
last year
48 posts
I have been trying it for the past hour or so. I came to the park and I've been relaxing and doing breathing exercises and it's helped. I focused on letting go and disconnecting from him and I do feel better. Trying not to think about it so I don't revert back to how I was feeling earlier but I'm going to keep doing this until I get better at it. It does seem to really help. And it doesn't mean I don't still care or have feelings for him. It just means I'm taking the time to step back and take care of myself. Have any more tips about the disconnecting thing? Thank you so much. :)
Karen2
@womanwhowalks
last year
786 posts
Please don't give him any gift at this point...giving gifts to someone your trying to distance yourself from is kinda setting yourself up for more trouble...and connection is done through giving gifts as well...wish him a happy birthday if you feel you must...but the gift would be sending him the wrong message...
Mrwashington
@mrwashington
last year
2 posts
You pull away and when you are doing ok he seems to come back. Seems like he comes and goes to take your energy. When your drained and you want some from him, he books it. When he sees or knows your doing ok he comes back to get his fill.
Nikki3
@nikler
last year
116 posts
I agree too, he is not a good guy if he treats you like crap, you can't be both. It's difficult being an empath and not seeing someone only for their potential. Don't stick around for his potential when he's showing you he clearly isn't going to live up to it. You deserve better. Cut him out, stand up for yourself. Good luck!
CrystalRose
@crystalrose
last year
48 posts

You're right. Sent a happy birthday and no gift. Throwing my focus on myself now. Looking into school and a career change. Thanks!

CrystalRose
@crystalrose
last year
48 posts

Yeah, staying away from him now. I have more important things to focus on. He can try all he wants to take from me now but he wont get any of my energy anymore. This little dance is just a waste of my time.

Ragnar
@ragnar
last year
16 posts
If he treats you badly, no matter why, then it's bad for you, the relationship. Years ago I fell for someone who was broken. She couldn't really love because of some bad stuff that happened to her when she was young. I tried to make it work, I tried to change for her and adapt to her changing needs. In the end, despite how much I loved her, I had to just sever the bond. It sucks, but in the long run, you'll be happier.If he truly cares, he will realize what happened, what he did and he will change. People can change, but it's not easy. I realize this is kind of grim and I'm sorry for that :/ You have to protect yourself though.

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