Rene''
Rene''
@rene
2 years ago
1,195 posts
Dear Jonathan, First off, I have two sons. One 27 the other 23. And if either one of them came to my and said "mama, "I'm gay". I would actually love them more because the respected and loved me enough to share that part of their life with me. I wish all parents felt like this but unfortunately they don't. There are far worse things a parent could find out about their child than their gay. Drug abuse, terminal illness , Ect. Homosexuality is not a disease or a condiction. It's who you are. I was born with brown eyes. You was born a homosexual. Why would I change my eye color to please or be accepted by someone, I wouldn't. I'm sorry you are experiencing this. I can feel the love you have for your family but not how much they love you. Are they narcissist? My dad is. My mom was til the day she died. I would not be able to tell them I was a homosexual , if that was my preference, either. I have been saved and raised around christains but as I have gotten older, my eyes have seen so much control and deception in churches to the point that I do not go to church. They have forgotten what the greatest gift that God has given us, which is Love. Jonathan go Love! And for those that don't understand , well then, love them from a distance. But don't deny yourself of the love that is out there waiting for you. I know that's easy for me to say because I haven't fought your battles , and that's true, but I have fought battles over love and isn't that what's at question here. You will met death on day, we all will, but while you are here in human form, love all you can with every inch of your heart. One day you will be an old man and wishes you hadn't wasted you time on these matters, that is , if you go out, while your young, and find that love of your life. Remember, it is better to have loved and have lost than to have never loved at all. ...
Lulip
Lulip
@lulip
2 years ago
36 posts

I usually just read posts, never bothering to reply. But I felt like I should, since I can relate to what you're feeling/felt. I too, am a vegan, and have felt, if only briefly, complete and utter social isolation.

I went through a period about two years ago in the summer when I was completely depressed and talked to no one. I understand what you mean when you say you feel like you've gotten colder and harder. I used to have mental breakdowns and I would just completely shut myself down. I would feel absolutely no emotion or show any emotion. It felt like I was just a void. I'm still not sure what exactly triggered that summer of complete misery, but it took over a year to recover from it. During the recovery period I still had "sociopathic moments" as I call them. Over time, I started to learn that they were more of a defense mechanism than anything. I would put my emotions out there, get hurt or feel threatened, and then I would withdraw into myself. It was a completely vicious cycle. I used to wish that I could feel nothing to numb whatever pain I was feeling. I've come to realize that this sociopathic state that I go into is more harmful than just feeling the emotions.

As for advice, it's hard to say what I did to get myself out of this prolonged emotional rut. I think it was a combination of moving houses, settling, and finally finding my place. By my place, I don't mean physical place. I mean mentally. And I know, this may sound extremely cliche but I have no other idea how to say this. I had to find myself and my purpose, and accept my situation and who I was. Before that, my mind was constantly in an emotional war that just got more and more damaging over time. I know how badly it sucks, and how life seems to be awful, but it gets a lot better. MUCH better. I can't even stress how important that is.

Based on what you've written, what's blocking you from being at peace is the social aspect of your past. I know that it seems so much easier just to block people out, and that being near people is too painful, but that is just because you believe it's painful. I've been there, done that, and it doesn't work. Humans are social animals and we're meant to be around others and be constantly socializing. I've noticed that a huge part of socializing is confidence. If you work on your mentality and building your confidence, trust me when I say making friends will be extremely easy. As an empath, we are able to read and understand people better, which is so crucial when it comes to social interactions. Just think about it this way: you have a natural advantage.

As for your families religious conflict with your sexuality, it can be tough for people to accept someone when they have such strong beliefs. But people can become accepting, it just takes time and effort on both sides.

I apologize if the reply is a bit long, and I hope this helps, even by a bit. :)

Rene''
Rene''
@rene
2 years ago
1,195 posts
Good luck on you on your unforeseen quest Jonathan. Love and light.. to you
Karen2
Karen2
@womanwhowalks
2 years ago
977 posts
Hi...reading your post i'm noticing how well you seem to be doing in spite of all your self doubts and anxieties. I'm not vegan or homosexual...i'm a non practicing catholic who prefers being spiritual as opposed to religious...I Find religion too confining in rules and made up beliefs...you've been abused...bullied...and are confined to a religion that holds you back and ridicules and condemn you for something that you were born being...and in accepting all that your letting others dictate to you what your life will be like...your giving in to the pressure and bullies...what saddens me is that your doing your best to hold back...to hide and keep from growing to suite others and thinking it's YOU making the choice...and your willing to deny yourself the right to live to your full potential and from receiving the one thing you KNOW you need...and that's of course love.It's scary to open up to others and put yourself at risk, to let people see you for you...I don't think your cold or unfeeling...your Heart Chakra needs help healing...to open up...to let go of all the fear and pain and anger you DO feel...it's stuck...crying for me too is a necessary evil...but I do do it...you have to in order to heal the pain...it hurts like hell when dark crap leaves the body because it's been festering for years...but after...it's SUCH a relief...and the crying is just a by product of all the pent up icky dark feeling and injustices dealt to you that have been stuck for a long long time. It's time you looked after you...to heal and release all that.I think you should recant that promise you made to yourself to not cry for yourself, it might actually be hurting you by blocking your healing process .....and to understand that your worthy of love and the time it takes to heal your heart. Anyway I understand the family thing...my family have no concept as to what an empath is...they ARE practicing Catholics and have chosen to remain closed to everything outside that religion....it's not something I can change...so I keep my Empathic secret to myself when I'm with them...it doesn't seem fair...but it is what it is...lol..it hurts and saddens me that I must do it this way. In the meantime this is a good place to start learning about your empathic abilities...learn not to be afraid...since we can all identify in some way with what your going thru...you are definitely NOT alone ...not by a long shot...
Kit Kat
Kit Kat
@kit-kat
2 years ago
232 posts

Mind if I ask what church you're a part of? (I only ask to see if it's the same as mine)

Karen2
Karen2
@womanwhowalks
2 years ago
977 posts
You made a choice based on a child's perspective...being bullied at any age is traumatic...as a child it's doubly so I think because the trust of the child has been broken and fighting back isn't an option...in many ways...your choices made as a child did not come from self....it came from the circumstances you'd been placed in and the need for self protection to hide and be safe...as a child your choices as an abused and bullied kid dictated to you how to react and speak to self....your 21 years old and still growing up...and you have plenty of time to work this out...i'm 48 years old and still working out my childhood issues as well as everything that accumulated in my life and energy system over the years...you have a chance right now at 21 to face the childhood issues before it impacts the rest of your life in a negative way....the lie is the bullying and child abuse. The real issue is you...the child...who needs help...that child is still in you...still there and is a separate person from the 21 year old you....and deserves you..the adult...to help him heal...only you can do that..
Karen2
Karen2
@womanwhowalks
2 years ago
977 posts

Sounds to me your a very old soul....I'm an old soul too...I believe I've lived many lives,,, with various tragic outcomes...I've been stabbed to death many times...hung...been killed helping people...I went through childhood not knowing what I should do... what I was good at...I was taken from my brothers and sisters...from my culture...and placed with people who loved me in their own way but couldn't give me what I needed... I lost so much...I continue learning through my lost culture and my ancestors...I don't feel I belong here on earth....I feel more comfortable and safe with the spirit world than I do with human beings...my abilities give me what I need to thrive and survive this life and world....being an empath is who i am and what i'm meant to be and do...as well as driving a bus...lol...you love to write and that's a wonderful gift...learning about your empathic abilities might just give you the tools you need to help you in your journey through this life....and fill some of your emptiness...

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