Is It Just Me Who Attracts Narcissists/ Sociopaths?

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Sev91
@sev91
last year
8 posts

Hello fellow empaths!

Hope the start of your weekend has gone well :]

I have always found that the nearest narcissist or sociopath in an 11 mile radius ends up trying to romance me. They're drawn to me. I was wondering if anyone else here has had the same experience?

One google search, and I seem to find a wealth of information on this very thing!

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-20180/why-highly-sensitive-people-attract-narcissists-how-to-disengage.html

I wonder why this is? Maybe, part of us is attracted to them- their internal quiet. Like there's no noise- everything is calculated. There's no intense energy, except when they're mad.


updated by @sev91: 07/31/17 08:21:12AM
lilly
@lilly
last year
30 posts

Hiy yeah ive found this totaly. Its like i am a magnet for them and i fall for it everytime. I tend to only find people who want to take off me all the way. I find it hard to make other connections other than takers. Ive found online friendships better they cant take as much

I am slowly realising who is and who is not my real friend. I want to stop falling for their sob stories and coming to the rescue and thinking i can save them. I often find that there is no real sob story they are making alot of it up for sympathy. I have one real bad on in my life and she is definatley making it so hard for me to leave. Saying stuff like ' i wish everyone in the world was nice like you i know you wont hurt me and let me down' I

dont know if she actualy means this or its a ploy as to keep me with her. But she is sucking me dry. She never stops taking. I can almost feel her sucking the light out of me. She feeds on her own negative energy. Ive got to get away from her. She is always inviting herself to talk to me everyday and i cant stand it. She wants to take over my life!

This is just one example. For me they always act like the lost one that no one has ever loved. But if you give them any love they wont leave you alone. They latch onto you and keep sucking till they are full and you are empty. They will tell you anything in order to latch on.

It has got so bad for me that im afraid to connect with new people now. Cos it seems i have so many in my life. I dont know how to get rid of them so i usualy just leave them on the edge of my life and hardly ever speak to them. I have isolated myself from people cos of this. It is hard to spot them ahead of time. Its only once they are in your life that they show themselves and im so bad at getting out of friendships. It feels like im breaking their heart!

BUt i think this is just my projection onto them. I hate being abandoned so i dont want to do that to someone else

lilly
@lilly
last year
30 posts

i think we are attracted to the fact that they can read us like a book and put on our favorite show for us and tap into us and give us what we think we want. BUt its all just a lie

Bigg Hoss
@bigg-hoss
last year
36 posts

Yes it is common for me at least. I think there are many of them who are consciously or sub consciously even psychic "vampires". We are like all you can eat buffets for them without shielding and some good grounding. They use romance or demanding friend ships and relationships as a vehicle for "hunting" it seems. Sadly some do not even realize it or think it is acceptable behaviors and we can tend to wanna help or "fix" by nature. Or so it is for me at least at times.. I am trying to learn when to say no and realize not everyone is my responsibility.

billyscotia
@billyscotia
last year
5 posts
I know what u mean. I attract hedonistic females. It makes things easy for an empath, they want, we give. In a relationship I find it hard to express my needs because my need is to please there needs. When I was younger I would say I could go into a bar and come out with the craziest female in there. Finding that someone is a challenge.
Sarah
@sarah
last year
386 posts

Hell yes. I am a narcissist magnet. They can spot me miles away. I'm still not great at setting boundaries with them yet, mostly with my dad and other family members who are narcissists ,because I'm not sure what to do when it's family and they pretend to care about you, even when you know they don't. I know that sounds silly, like I should be able to just drop them and move on, but I don't really know how to do that. My narcissist dad is probably an energy worker, too, but for the dark instead of the light. To most everyone else, he is funny and fun and nice and a religious leader, but to me, he is a different person entirely, and I have a hard time being around him at all without getting sick or being off for weeks after because he is just so dark and can send such dark energy to me to try and keep me from seeing what he's doing, or to punish me for being me and not feeding him. It's all so weird.

I think it would be easier to have a father that hit me, so at least I could pin point to someone what he is doing, rather than trying to explain energy abuse and narcissism/empath dynamic.

I tend to draw narcissistic people into my life all the time. I'm better at spotting them now and cutting them off before they cause too much damage, but it might always be a bit of a weak spot with me.

Thank you for that article!

Mrwashington
@mrwashington
last year
2 posts
I seem to attract the complete opposite as well. Regardless, I have been speculating that those of us who are different or gifted may find more fulfillment and wholeness in not isolating our attentions or energies solely towards one person.
Nikki3
@nikler
last year
116 posts
I used to. After enough experience I can spot them a mile away and stay clear. I think there's a draw, they don't think or care or mull stuff over, they just act, how seemingly refreshing to us who struggle to separate all that goes through our heads. They are very destructive though, like a silent tornado, they hurt and injure and maim all the while making you believe that you caused it and you need them. Don't be fooled. It is what you think it is, don't second guess your intuition. sometimes we have to be selfish to protect ourselves.
GrumpyBear
@grumpybear
last year
4 posts
Im attract to narcisist too. Its interesting actully lol
Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
last year
1,185 posts

Yes, I was just recently made sick by one I met on here, who was mirroring exactly what I want in a friend and then switched to it all being done her way, which was not what I want at all. She had me fooled until I was so drained that I had a collapse and my stomach started to bleed. It's too bad, since she had a lot of good qualities, I think. I don't know anymore if anything she said was true.

think I finally understand that I must hold people at arm's length until I've known them quite awhile, and I must set firm boundaries at the very beginning, something I often fail to do, since it usually scares people away. I've made peace with being alone if that is what it takes not to be used like this again. It took a long time and lots of pain for me to get here. This hurts awfully also, since it seems like most people are only interested in me to use me. I married into a family with 3 narcissists, all of whom were/are persecuting my husband, who is not one. We had to cut all ties with them to protect our health. I agree, trust your gut not your head. I have never seen real emotion from a narc except anger when they don't get their way.

Cheshire Cat

Le'
@le
last year
9 posts

Great article. I have found encasing myself in a bubble of white light before leaving the house protects me from just such people. I can reach out and "feel" the energy of others when I choose to do so and leave the rest of them alone.

Sev91
@sev91
last year
8 posts

That's an interesting way to look at it.

It's crazy to see how many of you have had the same experiences,

Luckily, no one in my family but my brother has narc tendencies.

I'm still trying to stay away from my narc ex, but he is so intoxicating to me, still- even at a distance.

Cathy Johnson
@cathy-johnson
last year
2 posts
Got out of an extremely abusive relationship with a narcopath the first of the year.Financial struggles are the worst of it all right now.I keep myself smiling because I'm out of Satan's den though.
breezygarden50
@breezygarden50
last year
4 posts

Yes, I find my self attracting Narcissists and sociopaths

breezygarden50
@breezygarden50
last year
4 posts

Can someone explain in layman's terms exactly what is a narcissists/sociopath?

Nikki3
@nikler
last year
116 posts
s the common conceptualization of the psychopath.Traits of a Narcissistic SociopathHow do you spot a sociopathic narcissist? Watch for certain traits:A driven quest for power. If a narcissistic sociopath cares about anything other than himself, it is destructive power and control over people.Behaviors that seek love and admiration. To be sure, this isn't needy love. It's not even emotional love. It's superficial. A narcissistic sociopath sees love and admiration as power tools to manipulate and dominate (Do Sociopaths Even Have Feelings?).No apologies, no guilt, no remorse under any circumstance. A sociopathic narcissist believes that she is a gift to the world who makes it richer and more colorful. Therefore, her calculated, even cruel actions are always justified.Invincibility. The narcissistic variety of sociopath believes he is indomitable. Even punishment and prison can't stop him. They're merely part of the game.Wholly self-serving. The needs and wants of others are insignificant and undeserving of consideration.Act as the producer, director, and only actor of his own show. The narcissistic sociopath casts people in roles that increase his power and sense of importance and when bored, casts them aside.
Nikki3
@nikler
last year
116 posts
The important thing to understand is that we're easy prey for someone who wants something because we feel and we care. I don't think narcopaths actually recognize empaths, I think they use the power of numbers, they ask 10 people one of them will do it.. we'll ask that one over and over until it wears out and move on to the next 10. Empaths are particularly susceptible to this because we feel and care deeply and generally want to help and support people. It's not 'you' necessary. What is 'you' is not being able to recognize or say no because you can't control the negative feelings you get when you say no to a narcopath... they generate angry and negative feelings when they don't get their way to see if they can change that... another reason we are so susceptible... we pick it up where others wouldn't. It's very important for ths to have physical and emotional boundaries because they do intertwine. I have rules for myself, one of them is 'i care for those who care for me, that care must be verbal and physical and they must match'. Another is 'i will say yes to those that say yes to me'. Another is 'if someone's actions don't match their words, believe their actions'. Remember that our intuition can fail us if the feelings are strong enough and we're not savvy to determining if they are ours or not so our physical rules help out emotional rules and intuition by 'lining up or not'. You cannot change people's basic core values. They can change temporarily for a cause but once that cause is expired they will go back to what they were. Only spend your efforts on people who want to change AND physically take steps of their own accord to do so. You have choices! Love and light :)
Nikki3
@nikler
last year
116 posts
http://www.naturalnews.com/036112_sociopaths_cults_influence.htmlAnother good article... Google is your friend.
Roxanne
@roxanne
last year
1,562 posts

I have learned well from the narcissists in my life. Most importantly that life is too short to deal with that particular brand of crazy. As a healer-conscious person I spent most of my life thinking if I didn't try to help them I was not doing my best as a person of caring.
WRONG! -- On the other hand there is a 'range' of narcissistic abuse and disorder. The minute you know you are dealing with extreme range get as far away as you possibly can. It's about survival and self respect.
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow them to do to you.
I wish you luck. Find a nice boring guy. Narccissists tend to be charming and fun. But the quiet "boring' (for search of a better word) kind of guys always tend to be smart and loyal and super nice. We've been brainwashed into thinking 'flattery, charming and excitement' makes for a good catch. But in the end I'll take kindness and loyalty any day!

Carolyn S
@carolyn-s
last year
2 posts

Hello Sev91, I am a freaking magnet for Narcs. I let someone in and after they know I am kind or sensitive, it's all downhill from there. There is no reasoning. There is no empathy on their part. They are incapable of empathy. They pulse with a red negativity that is anger, jealousy, greed and all kinds of nastiness rolled into a f**ked up little ball. (you can see their anger and ulterior motives literally pulsing out from them) They stockpile backups (people) for the sole purpose of playing the victim so when one ofTHEIR victims stops playing the game they will have someone to cry to about your attack on them. There is NOTHING that you can do to help them. They areonly able to see things from their own perspective. I have also read in many places that psychologists can diagnoseand treat them,which is laughable, since they would have to actually admit anything they do as a fault. Just walk away. Save yourself. Trust that they will not give you the same courtesy. Slander is their favorite weapon and with social media the way it is, it's a perfect storm for them.Best wishes. Love and light! And most of all....GOOD LUCK

Sarah
@sarah
last year
386 posts

I am beginning to wonder if things other than people can have or resonate narcissist energy or vibration. I think my job has it. I can't even put my finger on why I am not happy there because there are a lot of good things about it, but every work day, I feel like I'm being swallowed up by a narcissist when it comes to my job. It has swallowed up my health and my energy and my desire to do the things I want to do with my life. Fortunately, it's a temporary job and I only have it until the end of June, but seriously, the energy of the job feels like it does when I'm around a narcissist. Anyone else have this before?

PeaceOnEarth
@peaceonearth
last year
32 posts
I had a sociopath in one of my classes last year(I'm in high school) and was always terrified he would target me. I still freak out whenever I run into him. Any advice?
Pisces_Male
@pisces-male
last year
11 posts

If it hasn't been mentioned yet I really suggest all empathic people read this book:The Empathy Trap.I came across it when I read an article that referenced the book. It was like a play by play of my last relationship.

Sarah
@sarah
last year
386 posts

Yikes! That must have been heartbreaking. :( I'm sorry that happened to you.

Sarah
@sarah
last year
386 posts

Thank you for that suggestion. I just bought the book so I'll know better how not to be such a target and how to deal with my dad.

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