Meeting new people

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TigerLily
@tigerlily
last year
308 posts
I've been struggling the past few years making new friends. Seems like everyone new person just wants to dump all their emotions problems. Some of these problems with people are pretty serious and they need help. Is this common for everyone else? I'm very happy and content in my life and it's great talking about other things besides their problems, and going out to enjoy all that life has to offer without a debbie downer. It really brings me down, and then when they are gone I feel much better yet alone. I started to notice this year the massive chest pains I get are from these people, and when they are gone the chest pains go to. Right now I feel alone as all my close friends and family are married with kids, and do things with other couples. Anything I can do to stop attracting crazy to me?
updated by @tigerlily: 05/24/17 03:02:50PM
Crownite
@crownite
last year
107 posts

Yes, it use to happen a lot. I think it has to do with the boundaries we set and the beliefs we carry about what our roles are in the world and in our relationships. If you believe that your role, as a empath, is to "save" people (and you'd have to examine yourself for this idea) then you'll attract people who want to be saved. But a big chunk of it goes back to you and what your beliefs are.

You're not a bad person for saying no to the savior complex.

TigerLily
@tigerlily
last year
308 posts
I really understand now I cant "save" anyone unless they are willing to "save" themselves. Yes I have tried helping people because of what I went through, but it turned out it was a waste of energy. I saw a psychic and he told me this was a common theme with people in my life and why I never became a counselor. All this was happening even before my bad time.I think you are right and I need to start sending out different vibes. My cousin also told me last night that it's hard for my friend to accept and see my happy and confident in life and she's not. (I recently had a friend explode on me because I couldn't help her) I really didn't feel I deserved that after all her "what do I do, you have to tell me what to do" People even have called me some rude names when I told them "you have to figure this out as I can't make decisions for your life"
Crownite
@crownite
last year
107 posts

I can definitely relate to all of what you've described with people.

Envy happens when someone you consider to be on the same page as you suddenly seems to be doing better and that's what happened with your friend. You seem happy and confident when in the past perhaps the both of you were not. Your perception of life being somehow unfair gave her perception of life validation because you were both on the same page.

You other friend who exploded on you, you're right she didn't need to explode on you. But she did it because she doesn't trust herself enough to make her own decisions. She wanted you to tell her what to do and you refused so she snapped because she was scared of losing the person who makes decisions for her and is scared she'll now have to make decisions for herself and what if she's wrong? who's to blame then?

Friends come in time. When you let one go, new ones come along and as you evolve, sometimes so does your circle.

TigerLily
@tigerlily
last year
308 posts
I mostly get the "you are so easy to talk to and a good listener" lol. I don't really think I've had the soulmate thing lol. But I do agree with you, some things get shared to quickly and next thing I know all this person wants to do is complain all the time.I'm trying better boundaries with a new coworker, as a test for myself. Yet he keeps talking about his problems, even when I just get up and walk away lol. I get what you mean about being closed off, but maybe we just need to be smarter about who to help?
TigerLily
@tigerlily
last year
308 posts
Yes! New friends and no counseling lol. There's more to talk about in this world than problems. Whenever I have one people don't care to listen and make it all about them, it's like I give up.I'd love to take a class.

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