yea i feel something like that like if i am having difficult remembering something i dont like writing lists to help me remember or if i am feeling like im in a bad mood id rather not just eat a bunch of bananas (they reduce depressive moods because of the potassium) since its like if you do that then what are you gonna do without the bananas you know lol. and if i do drugs when in a bad mood that can easily lead to reliance and i think to myself if i dont have those things and i use them a lot then i will be screwed over and then there is no progress
I've had this craving with relying on outside sources when I younger. Not drugs and alcohol, but internet use, forums, chatrooms, etc. I felt it was necessary for my growth at the time and I was addicted to it. So yes, I have felt like my true self wanted me to figure out things with the help of other things. I had something to learn about those things. But I don't anymore, because that chapter is over. I wouldn't advocate others seek outside for things, especially not drugs and alcohol or social media to have people decide life for you, but...it can be enlightening.