Fight or flight response

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Jamie Lex
@jamie-lex
last year
22 posts
I handle confrontation very poorly and I work in a do it yourself frozen yogurt kiosk in the mall so I'm constantly having to take charge and tell people what's what. I don't know if it because I feel what they feel and in my mind their argument is justified because of that so I feel like I'm wrong or if its me just being grossed out by other people's anger but I really need to figure out how to stay in control. I shake violently and my voice stutters and my pupils blow wide... My fight or flight gets activated instantly and its really over the top when all I'm doing is telling some asshole to not steal toppings. Does anyone experience similar things or have any advice?
updated by @jamie-lex: 01/21/17 12:55:27PM
Goodenergyhealing
@goodenergyhealing
last year
373 posts

Hey - don't experience on a regular basis (have a different job though), but can have similar reactions of stuttering, croaky voice, insecure feelings etc.... What usually helps me distinguish weather something is my own insecurity or something disaffecting me from the outside is monitoring how I feel in equal situations but with different people. So if you e.g. get customers who add extra toppings, but it is no problem telling them about an extra charge (because they are likely on average 'nicer'), than those where you do have confrontation energies are the most likely source of it, i.e. not you. E.g. I do the same quick chat with new massage clients, about 5 questions& instructions about health, what they can expect, etc. I have not changed it in 8 years, and mostly there is no problem. But with some clients I might suddenly stutter, throw in German words, not be sure if I said something already or not, etc.... As that is the exception though, I am confident it is not my stuff.....

Do you ground? Grounding (consciously connecting to healthy divine Earth energies - you can just ask them to please connect to you, and help you, as long as you are e.g. working, during meditation, or as you are sleeping) can help one stay more centered, more in ones own energies, not get sucked in my other people's emotions, and 'ground off' what one received off others (like a lightning rod).And you could wear or carry a crystal (e.g. hematite) on you, and think of it when getting in such situations....

Practically maybe rearrange signage in the kiosk, so that customer's are clearer about what's included, extra etc.... Plus you can also put up etheric signs (invisible to the naked eye, but visible to the higher self & subconscious) with e.g. advise, instructions, or a 'please behave'.

And last but not least pray/ ask for any necessary additional back up/ support to make your life and job as effortless and enjoyable as possible...

Hope some of that helps :)

Love and Light!

moon
@moon
last year
73 posts

Jamie, I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. I can relate to this. I find that anxiety becomes habitual for me: I expect to be anxious in certain situations and my anxiety doesn't disappoint! I'm working on this too. I have been working on visualizing different outcomes in these situations and it does seem to help.

Here's how I would do it in your situation: When you are at home (or sitting in your car - not driving) try deep slow breaths until your body can relax deeply and your thoughts can take a backseat. Then visualize a typical situation that would trigger your anxiety. Try to involve all the senses, as if you're really there: smell the food, see the crowds, hear the voices. Try to seee only happy, pleasant customers and see yourself interacting in a calm, assertive and friendly way. This is simple but not easy because your thoughts will keep trying to rush in but with practice, it will definitely help. I think it helps to change the energy. Somehow our anxiety seems to "call in" people who will challenge it. Also, make sure you're grounded to the earth. There are lots of tips on grounding on this site or the web in general...

Working in a mall is probably one of the hardest situations for any empath - all that energy! You definitely need a calming practice of some kind to keep you balanced. Remember to breathe - our energy follows our breath. If you are not breathing deeply enough as you go through your day, that can trigger fight or flight.

Keep us posted and remember you're not alone with this. You have lots of company!

Jamie Lex
@jamie-lex
last year
22 posts
Thanks for the replies! Its nice to know that I'm not the only one lol. I do agree that working in the mall, especially out in the open in a kiosk, is super difficult because of all the energies I'm confronted with on the daily. I'm also the assistant manager so I usually end up being the guy who deals with most of the customers, mall management and our area managers. Its a stressful situation to begin with and my not being able to bridge the gap between normal and an extreme stress response makes me afraid that I'll lose it on someone and I also worry that its going to make me sick. Breathing is an good focus point for me because as soon as I get angry I lose track of all that and I will definitely try that visualization technique. I'm really tired of this reaction and at the end of the day its super embarrassing to not be able to maintain composure over a 15yr old kid stealing a handful of gummy worms.
Goodenergyhealing
@goodenergyhealing
last year
373 posts

something else just came to mind. Some people do well on Back remedies - I'd definitely look into Rescue Remedy (if it works for me it would be something that works quickly and can give you a quick energy boost and calm - as visualizations can take a while to take root and change things in the outside). Or there is aromatherapy remedies to calm and de-stress. Over here in the UK you can get little roller, you can easily keep in your pocket ('Tisserand - De-Stress', but not sure what would be a similar product in the US?)

Rene''
@rene
last year
1,194 posts
Hey Jamie, I too respond rather quickly to certain types of people. My response is usually due to someone being mentally attack for no reason. I don't know why I feel the need to defend and protect those who is afraid to speak up for themselves and sometimes it comes out of my mouth before I have thought it through. Although I pretty much have my anger under control these days there is that one specimen group that i do not tolerate in any environment , the narcissist . I know it's bad for me to feel that way but even if I'm not the target, I never let my shields down around them. My energy clashes with theirs to the point where any negativity in my body comes out full force. And that's wrong. I should be sending love their way but something in my soul will not let me.I have one thing that I do to keep control. I listen to a certain song at the beginning of my meditations, enchanted elven melody, to help me relax and I have found that when I'm in a situation that stresses me or depresses me , I start hearing that music playing in my head and I start to relax. It takes me back to my quite place.I'm not saying your battles arnt valid , I'm sure they are as mine are to me but maybe if you can find an escape like I have, it will makes humans more tolerable. Just a suggestion. I hope your day smiles
Goodenergyhealing
@goodenergyhealing
last year
373 posts

Hey Rene - in case you have not considered this yet. These are some 'tricks'/ tools that help me re 'reacting' (negatively) to people. I have stopped beating myself up about it, as I have come to understand that it is pretty much out of my hands. I.e. I have e.g. done marathon meditation sessions trying to purge all anger energies form my system, only to feel some anger again within the next few days. Observing my empathy and reactions to people nowadays, I do not really blame such reactions on myself anymore. With e.g. narcissists it feels like they get easily angered themselves, expect all people to be like them and hence project that expectation onto those around them. And/ or they are connected to narcissist energies in the background, which send anger energies to their victims (trying to stoke the drama). Plus maybe a few other energetic happenings. So personally I do not beat myself up for feeling anger with some people, I'll just try to not live the anger! Not feeling guilty about occasionally feeling anger anymore already seems to have decreased the number of times I do (I guess because I have stopped feeding guilt energies connected to the whole complex). For any anger that still manages to come through I generally ask for perfect protections of the outside against myself and any potential negative energies still inside me, or coming through me. For any energies still potentially coming through those protections, I ask for perfect healing for any damage they might cause. On top of all that I ask that any negative energy I might feel does not manage to 'feed back' to, and strengthen any outside connected negative energies, but that they get channeled on into the Light.

Love and Light!

P.S. nice musical track, could not find anywhere to buy/ download though...

Sev91
@sev91
last year
8 posts

Thank you for posting this!

To answer your question: Yes, I have experienced a similar sensation. Some advice: Have good boundaries. You are in a role at work, and this role has certain responsibilities. It's hard when you're an empath, because you empathize so much with people. but keeping that boundary will make it easier. You're not punishing anyone after all- you're just playing a role, a role that isn't harming anyone :]

PS: Your post made me realize something about myself. I always have found that I don't like confrontation, and during a debate, I almost change my opinion sometimes. I didn't realize it, but it is for the reason you said- that I feel so in tune with others that I really "get" their point of view. Thanks for mentioning this!

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