Does the word "No" sound like the word "Maybe" when spoken by an Empath

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Rene''
@rene
last year
1,194 posts
How hard is it for you all to tell someone "no" to minor deviations in your everyday life or plans. It's a real problem for me. Major issues I don't have a problem with. It's the little things that pushy people will ask from me knowing I'm going to adjust my daily plans to accommodate them. And I get as aggravated at myself for not saying no as I do them for keep asking for favors. Example: plans to weed your garden but someone calls and needs a babysitter or for you to go pick things up from store for them because they aren't feeling well. Or to stop everything and listen and giving advice for everyday problems These sound like small simple setback in our day to day life but it will devour our energy because we cannot say no. I dont ask people in my life for help or advise due to the overwhelming effects it puts on me when I am ask constantly to put my life aside and do for everyone else. I know I'm venting and it's my own fault for not saying no but I need "quite "me" time" but it's hard to break this habit and I'm afraid to say no for fear of them not getting the help they are seeking. If I was going to comment on this post I would say "it's ok to say no, they will live though it but when it happens to you , it changes your thoughts. You may say "you should of never started it" but that would of mean not being born because I've always been this way. I was wondering how others cope with this.
updated by @rene: 01/20/17 12:49:44AM
Cat Whisperer
@cat-whisperer
last year
728 posts
I can relate!! It normally goes like this....I will say no, and that is accepted. Then I get the overwhelming feeling of guilt, which then makes me recant my no and do the bidding anyway. Then after the whole scene plays out, I'm angry with myself for not taking care of me first. Several of my family members know this cycle and expect the above to happen, but if I do stand ground, I get the feel that they are angry with me which just makes it worse. I sometime feel like such a pushover, but I guess that is just our nature. I'm getting better at saying no, but it is hard to deal with the after affects of saying it. It usually takes days to rid myself of the guilt, which in turn drains me as well.
Goodenergyhealing
@goodenergyhealing
last year
373 posts

have you tried 'revenge healings'? :))) If people put me in a position such as the above, and somehow there is no way to say NO, without being an utter ass - I pray for tons of healing for them! Whatever necessary so that a similar situation will not arise again. And somehow it seems to work (at least in the long run!).

In a way I consider anything that disaffects me as a cry for healing help....

Love and Light!

Melody
@melody
last year
23 posts

I struggle with this as well. I make my plans known to my husband but then he comes up with something else that takes priority and I feel horrible if I don't put my plans aside to get the other "stuff" done. It's tough to balance And my self care suffers as a result then I feel guilty about that.

Nikki3
@nikler
last year
116 posts

I totally get it, I used to drop everything for anyone and help everywhere I could. I got tired of being walked on and when I needed something no one was there. So... I told myself no more the only time I will drop my plans for someone else is if the person who is asking would do the same for me. I ask myself "would this person come if I called?". The answer to this question is my answer to them.

karma
@karma
last year
159 posts

Lol - YES!!!

I say No and it is pretty much taken as `she will do eventually` It takes no genius to identify the usual process - I will say No, ponder on it and see myself as in the wrong for having said it so backtrack....

Is it a matter of how our saying No is projected? - If we feel inside ourselves guilt for saying no, uncomfortable in saying it etc then we, (because we are empaths) project that unseen energy of guilt or discomfort... The maybe why we are so easy to bully and manipulate at times

It is not your own fault for saying No..... People are subject to take advantage of anyone nice and helpful, in an ideal world saying No should be accepted as `No` and `End of subject` - We all have a right to say it esp if it serves us well, in health and `Me time`.

It is difficult though - I have a hard time asking others for the help that they may well be asking of me - I somehow feel I have overstepped a mark (though have no rational explanation as to why I feel that way - Maybe because these people are energy takers not givers and I know subconsciously? )

My biggest problem is saying sorry for everything, someone steps in my way, I say sorry for being in theirs, I drop something that belongs to me I say sorry, cant cover someones shift on my day off, I am sorry...... I get so annoyed and upset with myself for saying it.... I took back a sorry not long ago by saying `I dont know why I just said sorry` It didnt make me feel any better though.... Saying it in the first place is the real problem

karma
@karma
last year
159 posts

Cat Whisperer

I identify with everything you have said.... The guilt makes no rational sense yet, it is overwhelming - I have often been told I overthink everything and at times maybe I do. I am told I always assume to know what the other person is thinking and feeling (Like your feeling someone is angry at you)

This annoys me though, its not so much a case I assume to know what others are thinking as much as I sense it.... To say `that` does me no favours.

I truly do feel like a pushover, it takes me months and months of persistent hassle of the same kind then I implode... It is only then am I taken seriously and understood... But, with the implosion comes the guilt and self loathing. The Why didnt I just put my foot down in the beginning? - But then I counteract the situation why couldnt they just accept my mild mannered self why push me to a point ?....

Regardless of the questions I ask myself - The guilt remains - That said I think over the last few months I am firming up (a little) I am forcing myself to say exactly how I feel as opposed to others telling me I am overthinking what they are thinking..... It seems as if its a bullyish tactic on their part at times.

Cat Whisperer
@cat-whisperer
last year
728 posts
You are not alone Karma. I am also guilty of over using the word :)
Crownite
@crownite
last year
107 posts

No. Being an empath doesn't quite justify people pleasing tendencies. Even as empaths we have to learn to speak up and advocate for ourselves and learn good, strong communication techniques and clear cut boundaries.

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