Ok, before you label me insane, read it though. LolAs a young child I always feared my parents was going to die. To the point of crying. I would play it out in my head and feel that pain that I thought I would feel and it would devastate me. It's not because they loved me so much , they are and were narcissist.Over the years I often "rolled played" my death in my mind. How people that was in my life at that certain point of time would react to my death. I would imagine how shocked they would be and their crying and grieving and once again it would make me cry and grieve.Now, since my children are grown, I have thought about it once again, seeing them crying in my mind, it makes my cry.I have never had a big problem with depression but as you all, I'm very sensitive. After watching my mother die after a painful three month battle with cancer, any questions about death and grieving in my mind should of been answered. I'm not nor have never attempted suicide, this isn't about that. You would think being an Empath, I would have enough feelings to deal with without mind mutilation.I have never dealt with death calmly. Especially my animals. Maybe because it's the one thing I cannot control. I don't know. I do think my death through months down the line and know everyone will be ok after they get use to the idea of my not being there so it's not that. I just wonder why I harm myself by think about stuff like this. Its a waste of time and energy. But I still do it. I've never told anyone about this but would like to hear your comments on this. Do I love too deeply? Am I questioning my own character? Hmmm...I wonder
updated by @rene: 01/26/17 12:44:38AM
The illusion of Death.
I have done this too, not sure why, it's like I was feeding off my own emotion... somehow I felt the need to finish the feeling of the thought for lack of better description. It's a total waste and I had to catch myself and cut the thought short and push the feeling of it away. I think I did it because I needed to reassure myself I can survive such an intense emotional experience... similar to practcing first aid - you go through the motions so you know what to do. I lost my nephew tragically a few years ago and nothing could have prepared me for that, it was a million times worse than anything I ever imagined. I can say though that I don't really have those thoughts or daydreams anymore about dealing with a tragedy. I don't know if my nephews death cured me or I just don't have time anymore... but I do understand where you are coming from.
Hi...i'm thinking you may be experiencing a past life memory...a past life you've been may be thinking or needing to tell you something...someone may have experienced a traumatic death that requires acknowledgement...sometimes you just gotta delve into thoughts and feelings that seem out of place in order to get your own peace...for me when it's persistent it means I have to listen...watch your dreams...there may be something In those that could help you too....
I've done that on and off since I was young too. If awake (daydreaming) I'd come out of it sobbing and if asleep I'd wake with tears rolling down my cheeks.I've always grieved for my beautiful animals as I would a human family member.I'm facing losing my mum now, after her terminal diagnosis. The grieving process underway while she's still here is really hard and knowing what I feel now is nothing compared to her last days and after is terrifying.I think maybe its more common than we think (role playing death) this is the first time I've told anyone...just like you Rene! Maybe death is such a hard one for us here on Earth , that we try to prepare ourselves through role play.Of course Karen may be on to something with you and past life...for me though I think it's just been a real fear of losing those I love to fiercely... Or them losing me.BlessingsGem x
I'm so sorry to here about your mum. I have often wonder is it easier to loose a person quickly or to have sometime to say good bye. My mom was in terrible pain until her death. I stayed by her side to the end, hoping she would finally acknowledge me after all the years of abuse but she made phone called to everyone she thought she may of wronged though the years but I was not one of them. But I have somewhat come to terms with that.
Having been through both I can say I would never wish the sudden unexpected loss of a loved one on anyone. However, to be fair the ones I've had to say goodbye to were elderly and I had expected their demise. My Nephew was 26, had a wife and a little girl, he was on his way to my house we had plans. It is akin to having your heart ripped out and reattached in a botched surgery no one can repair. So, even if the goodbye is rough and not what you expected be grateful you have the chance to say goodbye. Just my opinion.