Need help with narcissist friend

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adda
@adda
last year
17 posts
This person i feel like she wants to ruin me. She has turned many of my friends against me. When i am around this woman she always insults me unless she is using me ffor something. The conversations are all about her. When i talk it doesnt matter unless shes ubsorbing the info to use against me. I can tell she thinks im very ugly. If a guy hits on me she will say that guy was using me to get to her. She cant accept a guy would ever want to talk to me. She dresses slutty around my boyfriend and she tells me how much my boyfriend wants her. There is soooooo much more that has happened its just so much drama around her. I feel so tired after im with her and somtimes i get really ill. I will throw up like the flu.Ive stopped talking to her but i feel like shes planning on doing evil things because she is paranoid why i dont speak to her. She will post pics of her and my previous friends that dont talk to me anymore.Im actually scared of her cause she thinks so evil. I worry all the tjme about how she plans to ruin me.What can i do to help calm myself?
updated by @adda: 07/26/17 02:01:06PM
Goodenergyhealing
@goodenergyhealing
last year
373 posts

Have you prayed for help? If i have problems with someone I send hordes of angels their way (to them and whichever energies/ being they might be associated with), to either give them Love and Healing until they genuinely change (for the better), or disappear from my life. Make sure you cleanse your energies regularly (if you don't already), ground and regularly cut cords with/ to her. Hope that helps. It can be stressful to deal with a narcissist for sure, but just try to remember that in the long run the good energies always outnumber any negative ones, and we always win ;) Love and Light

Cara2
@cara2
last year
1 posts
My reply is going be different from the other one left, because I'm not a believer in prayer solving these types of problems. I feel that you have to solve them yourself. I just dealt with a similar type of person who I worked with and rented a room to. In my perspective, the best thing to do for yourself is cut off all contact with this "friend." Completely! They will likely not like that one bit, but stand firm to reclaim your space. The harder part is how it is affecting your other relationships. Since you have mutual friends, that is a really tough one. I was fortunate enough for my person to be fired, so once he no longer lived with me I didn't have to worry about him bad talking me to coworkers, which I found out he was doing.

As someone who is sensitive in nature, you simply must protect yourself and your energy. I'm 43 years old and have gotten way better at doing this over time.

I wish you luck. It helped me to research narcissistic personality disorder online to understand that when dealing with someone who has that type of functioning that they are not capable of adapting to any requests of adapting their behavior. They can't change, so you are the one who must set the boundaries. It's really hard for empaths to grasp how a narcissist thinks, because it is almost the opposite of how we think. We are always concerned with how our actions impact others and are empathetic in nature. Narcissists lack empathy and do not care how their actions impact others.

Lastly, I completely understand that fear of the person lashing out at you in cruel ways. My perspective is that if she is not getting the reaction she wants from you, she will move on to torment someone else. Try not to let your OWN mind get paranoid. Focus on other things in your life. Surround yourself with people who are not attached to her in any ways and ride out the storm until she moves on to her next "mark."I wish you luck! I'm no professional in any way, so continue to search for your own answers. This is simply from my own personal experience, very recently.
Arielle
@arielle
last year
13 posts
If you've cut ties with this woman, the next step is cutting ties in your mind. Your fear of her is what keeps you connected. Your fear could essentially become a self fulfilled prophecy as well. If you wish to no longer worry, NO LONGER WORRY. Your old friends will eventually realize what has happened and start flocking back when they see how miserable they are in her presence. If they don't, were they ever really your friends?If this fear has evidence backing it and you are legitimately frightened for your safety, perhaps you could consider a restraining order?Just never forget that you hold the power in your life. No one else. You are a beacon of love and strength, and are capable of anything! Even overcoming fear and finding the beauty in letting go.Stay safe, and healthy, and do what's best for you, always.
Goodenergyhealing
@goodenergyhealing
last year
373 posts

forgot to say - it helps to remind oneself too that people like her are usually (on some level) jealous of people like us. We are (on average) the calm, strength, confidence, compassion, insightfulness, etc. that they which they had (ie have lost the connection to inside themselves)... When I think about narcissists that way, all that is left is pity. I am still not going to let them exploit me because of it, but it is a better position to be in than hate :)

Goodenergyhealing
@goodenergyhealing
last year
373 posts

just commenting (not having taken offense). I meant prayer on top of all the usual - i,e. reasonably controlling ones thoughts, emotions, reactions and actions usually is still necessary. In my experience narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths are often just puppets, there is a lot of negative energies/ beings behind them, and which are the actual driving force. I know a few narcissists, and sociopaths that really are not intelligent enough to do all that plotting, or controlling and guiding of the energetic havoc they cause - there must be something intelligent behind them. I.e. if such people come with negative energy back-up, it is only fair that we draft in positive energy back-up ;). (given obviously that one has higher believes and is open to ask for spiritual help. And in my experience most believers under-use the help that is available to us, rather than greedily overuse (if there is such a thing)). Love and Light!

adda
@adda
last year
17 posts
One other important thing i forgot to mention..one time her boyfriend contacted me and told me she was crazy on a text. I told him to talk to her. She saw his text to me and told me i should never speak to him and shes going to tell my kids im a bad mother??? I dont know what she would tell them cause i do nothing but spend time with them. They are 9, 11 and 12. They r goods kids and she just wants to ruin my relationship with them. So im afraid also by not talking to her she will starting texting my kids with lies about me. Shes afraid im going to tell everyone what her bf told me.Thanks for the replies...im going to try everyhing. This lady is a BULLY!!!! I was awake at 4am worried of what she will do to me next.
adda
@adda
last year
17 posts
Also those friends she now hangs out with were originally my friends i introduced them.This is high school stuff im in my 30s thought that was all done with!
Rene''
@rene
last year
1,194 posts
All the above advice is what you have to do. She will continue to try to manipulate you though other people but you need to put these people out of your life also or she will still be controlling you though them.You took the first step but still have a long way to go.I have only been in jail one time in my life and it was due to a narcissist. I was a very good friend to her, spent lots of money on her because I played into her pity. As soon as I ran out of money she started treating me the same way. She started restricting her post from me on fb and was saying the awful things about me. One day some one screen shot it and sent to me and I completely cut her and her groupies out of my life. It was hard because I thought the world of her and would do anything for her. She was very upset when she lost all control over me. She would have people call me a say awful stuff to me but I blocked every number that contacted me. After a month she flipped out and came to my house and caught me completely off guard, came in with a steal bar and beat the side of my head so bad it busted my head open. I finally got it away from her and I about choked her to death. The only stop me was the blood pouring out of my hair dripping on her face . I didn't know I was bleeding up till the point. Then I started getting dizzy and let her go. She jumped in her car and took off. I called 911 for a ambulance and the police. I gave them a description of her and the car. The stopped her and brought her back to my house while I was in the ambulance being checked out. An officer came to the door and told me I would have to go to jail also because she said I tried to kill her and she was protecting herself and her neck was red. I tried to tell them what happen and that was criminal trespass cause she came to my house trying to hurt me and assault with a deadly weapon for using the bar. He said he didn't know what happen her so we both was going for a fray She had worked her narcissist magic on them and had them believing her. When I bonded out I went to the court house and put charged on her and got a protective order against her.So. I know this is an extreme example but when you take that control away from them they cannot handle it. It drives them crazy with rage. Don't underestimate their abilities to manipulate others. But stay strong and don't give in no matter how pitiful she sounds or what she tells you or other. I know how hard it is to let go of that friendship but it is toxic. You can not fix her. No matter what she knows or lies she make up about you. Don't respond unless it's with a court order. People is going to believe what they want to believe. As for your kids. Don't let her around them. Period!!! They are your kids. You got to appear strong no matter how weak you feel.
Goodenergyhealing
@goodenergyhealing
last year
373 posts

like Arielle says - if she becomes a danger, or starts involving the kids - consider a restraining order (you might already, considering that she has threatened to involve the kids? - see what your gut tells you.) . I'd maybe also preempt, and talk to the kids calmly, saying that this woman is a bit confused at times, and might start saying mean things about you, or them, If she does they should just come to you and tell you - you'll deal with it....

Visitor
@visitor
last year
303 posts

Adda - your post shocked me so much I had to take a day to think it over. This ex-friend of yours is scary and dangerous. I was in a slightly similar situation several years ago. An ex-boyfriend (I use the term loosely) was trying to get custody of his stepkids, and I knew VERY well that he shouldn't have custody of any kids, ever. You get my drift. It was my word against his, and he had a lot of friends. But I had to come forward and testify against him, because no way was I going to stand by and let him get those kids. Their mother was incompetent, and he was counting on that.

I was afraid he'd kill me, ruin my reputation, etc. etc. Fortunately, it turned out that a lot of people in the community knew exactly what he was like, and came forward to testify against him as well. He ended up losing his job and did not get custody, although he probably got visitation rights (I never found out). I'm obviously alive, although the stress nearly did me in. I protected myself by telling everyone I knew what was going on.

Anyway, all this extra information is leading up to this: A lot of people probably already know how crazy your "friend" is, and they probably would side with you. People are never as blind and ignorant as they seem. She might say whatever awful things she wants, but it won't stick if people know her to be a liar. You might confide in some trusted people - I don't know if they would be friends, parents, counselors, whatever, to cover your butt.

Also, don't talk to her anymore, period. Remove her from your Facebook page and all social media. Don't answer her calls or texts. If she's trying to seduce your boyfriend she is one immature @#$#, and it's likely she's trying to seduce her other friends' boyfriends too. She may be a victim of violent sexual abuse and she's acting out. You really need to cut her out of your life as much as possible and not let yourself react to her insults. Easier said than done, but I've done it, and it works. I've had so many so-called friends (and boyfriends) like that, and it feels so good to just chop them out of my life. When I have time to think back on it, I don't feel sorry for them, and I don't feel guilty. There is a difference between a good person with problems, and a sociopath like this girl.

adda
@adda
last year
17 posts
Thank you for help. I really needed this. I think she knows im afriad of her and she plays on that. When i first met her she was so nice arent they all...red flag!!!. So she can be very fake and shes fooling my friends right now.
adda
@adda
last year
17 posts
Thanks everyone..this has been bothering me for days now. She hasnt spoken to me since ive ignored a very long text from her. I feel like shes working on something to ruin me. Or she will play the victom and rext me Why do you hate me so much what have i done wrong. I try so hard to get this out of my head but i feel like i need to keep on guard and be prepared for her next action though. I think she might even be a psychopath not a narcissist. I keep thinking about how much she has bullied me and made me feel so bad about myself. I stll trying to recover from all the hurt she has caused me. Its been so nice without the hurt and drama but im afraid its coming back with a vengeance :(
Karen2
@womanwhowalks
last year
787 posts
Hi...the only thing to do...and don't ever have regrets...is to cut her out completely....there's only so much one can take of such treatment...and you've had enuf...don't talk to her...cut all energy cords to her...and continue to do so...block her from calling you...pull back completely from everyone you associate with who also associate with her...and cut all THEIR energy cords from youself as well...just walk away...cutting her energy cords to you should calm your energy and fear..being linked to her at the energy level means she can still feed your fear and not be near you physically at all....everytime she send you a text erase it and cut the cord...her texts reattach the energy cord everytime you read it...if you have anything of hers or gifts from her toss em...you CAN take your power back...your much stronger than she is....and the thing is...she KNOWS it...that's why these people do what they do...she's afraid of you...
Sarah
@sarah
last year
386 posts

Oh my gosh! I can so relate to this with several people in my life. I had a recent episode with a friend who is on that spectrum. I told her the truth about some of her behavior in private, and she was NOT happy and posted about what a terrible hate-spewing person I am and all this stuff. I was totally shocked. I had no idea she'd take my message that way. I meant not disrespect or harm. In fact, if I didn't think she was able to address this issue or would take it SO PERSONALLY I would never have said anything at all. She sent me all kinds of dark energy and bad things, and I was so off, I had to have an energy worker friend clear them. I guess there are a few hundred people now who think I'm a hate spewing person and my friend is now decided to be a bitter enemy. This is super crazy to me because I can't understand that reality of narcissism.

Definitely stay away from this person. I do think some narcissist are good at psychic attack. Look up psychic attack and see what you can do about it. I used energy work to clear mine, but it was hard work and took a couple of days. Something else might work better for you, and videos and articles about it can have some good advise what to do. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. Narcissists are drawn to empaths like bees to nectar so it's always good to learn about that dynamic and learn to protect ourselves from those kinds of people. Hugs, friend! I hope you feel some peace and calm and resolution, soon. I'm glad you are staying far away from that person!

Nikki3
@nikler
last year
116 posts
I agree, cut off all ties to this person and anyone who believes them over you, they were not your friends to begin with. Better to have a small pool of people you can trust than a large pool of mediocre friends. If someone asks you why you don't speak to them, be honest, tell them it's because they choose to believe the lies this person tells them... but don't dwell on it, if they aren't willing to see the truth don't waste your breath further. Walk away and mentally cut ties, they can't do anything to you unless you let them, push them out of your mind.Narcissists may not necessarily be smart but they will watch and copy behaviour they deem effective for their cause, so don't underestimate them simply because they wouldn't think of something themselves, they probably didn't... they are cunningly able to gleen off others who are.
Nikki3
@nikler
last year
116 posts
Tell your kids the woman is crazy and block her on their phones, kids won't believe her and will stand up for you. Classic narcissistic behavior don't even worry about she's using what matters most to you to get her way. Stand strong and tell her to get lost. She has no power over you! I know it's hard but you gotta be the bulldog protector of your life and happiness.
Nikki3
@nikler
last year
116 posts
Exactly! You got this!

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