Finding Love as a Male Empath but definitely want responses from the Women here too

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BV27
@bv27
last year
5 posts

Not sure where to start so Ill probably start in the middle and work my way forwards and backwards :). Sorry if I mention examples of or explain things about myself, I hope that those things will not be perceived as conceited, cocky, or arrogant. Still feeling out this community as I am new, but I think perhaps I can be understood here for what it is. Anyway Here goes:

If you are not single is your partner an empath? If you are single are you picky as heck or do you go for looks and try to make the best of it? Do you always play the game or if you find someone with that special energy and connection do you just let yourself open up?

Short version of a long story I recently ended a 10 year (on and off) relationship. I would cry myselfto sleep sometimeswhen I was younger thinking of how mean people were and whyI couldn't just be normal or find anyone that could understand me.At the time I waschurch going religious and Igot so frustrated one night I cried out to God almost yellingpleading with himPLEASE SEND ME SOMEONE THAT WILL UNDERSTAND ME! The very next day I met her and we talked for three days straight.We were engaged 10 years later, but there was too much negativity and worry and history. She had the "IT" factor when we met (which is what I call people with that energy that comes off of them that you know they are powerful and special). The unfortunate part is that somewhere along the way she lost "IT" and became consumed by her own fear. It started fights between us and I hung on for so long in hopes the person I knew would come back. It was time to let go.

I have the ability to make people open up to me immediately and have them feel sense of connection, comfort and safetywith me. I usually can tell things about them that they wouldn't admit (pride) or say outwardly to anyone. I know what they want, how they feel and can adapt to the situation. I've experienced a lot in my thus far short life and it makes it easy to empathize with others in that way. That is my gift in bringing a woman in however its not that simple.

My "problem" with finding someone is that not only am I picky on looks, but I am so picky with the mind. Everyone has a standard when it comes to physical attraction and when you see someone you like those alarms go off in your brain and its like boom. But for me and maybe some of you as well I need that boom to go off for her energy and mind too. And I don't mean finding things in common or her being smart, she has to have a certain energy that I wish I could explain.

I cant, like some of my guy friends, just go pick up any good lookinggirl to bring home and have sex with (even though sometimes I wish my morals and standards were turned off because I am human). It just feels completelyagainst my nature. I am just not turned on by someone who doesn't have that love or energy. I am not saying I am looking for a full on relationship every time, just the right person....

Its hard enough finding another empath but finding an empath that I find attractive next to impossible locally at least.

I know this post is jumbled and kind of everywhere, but can anyone man or woman identify with this? Anyone have their own examples? Any advice? Am I being unrealistic? Would love to hear your thoughts. Thank you


updated by @bv27: 10/18/17 11:45:46AM
Kit Kat
@kit-kat
last year
230 posts

Interesting.... I'm just curious - do your moral standards come from religious beliefs, an intrinsic aspect of your belief system, or something else?

Where I fit in is "single and picky as heck." lol. I sort of get what you mean by the "IT" factor. I'm not sure if it's different for everyone, but I use my abilities to determine the 'depth' of a person's soul, so I can tell if they're as deep as I am. It's kind of hard to explain :)

The one time I connected with someone who I thought was as deep as me, it was an illusion. I was reflecting his "love" (not love, just hard to find a better word) back at him which he liked, and I was also projecting who I wanted him to be onto him, which made me think I liked him. It took some time apart to wake me up to what was happening!

I wish I had advice. I don't know - it's tricky. But one of the best ways to attract the person you're really wanting to be with is to love yourself. One way to tell if you've found the right person is to see if you love yourself more when you're around them. That is, of course, only possible if you're being true to who you are. It's all too easy for us as empaths to change who we are based on who we're with.

Goodenergyhealing
@goodenergyhealing
last year
373 posts

picky, and 10 years single (well, except for three months with a narcissist last year). I do do occasional casual sex (maybe easier being gay?), but the frequency has gone down. Unless I am brimming with energy, and have much to share, I rather watch TV - lol.

Cannot say I am lonely, or desperate though (not implying you are). Luckily I have learned on the spiritual path, that I am individualized divine Spirit, and as such - whole. I did/ do my best to work on that, and it has the great side effect that I do not believe anymore, that I 'need' a second half in the outside to feel happy. I allow myself to be happy single too. Sure, if a twin flame crosses my path, another whole, interested in walking the path together for a while, I would not refuse - but it is not essential...

Love and Light!

Goodenergyhealing
@goodenergyhealing
last year
373 posts

forgot to say - in London we e.g have a Meetup Group for empaths. It took me a while to find this, but 2016 has opened more doors for me, to meet and get together with other spiritually interested and aware peeps. If none exist where you are from - found one. Or alternatively you can look at yoga groups, meditation groups, tantric groups, spiritual dating sites etc. to find women, who are potentially more on the same frequency as yourself....

BV27
@bv27
last year
5 posts

To answer your question, after thinking about it I am sure that my basis of moral standardBELIEFSin general came from religion. However my moral standard ACTIONS followed those beliefs from I believe a natural born intrinsic aspect. I am a very passionate individual when it comes to affection and sex. My emotions and feelings go into those activities and for me to give someone that much attention and that pure love they have to be on that deep level as you say, because I also put so much into that I become committed in a way mentally (not relationship wise).

Its funny the way you describe the "IT" factor because I think you know exactly what I mean, but again there is only so many words that you can really use to describe it. Deep soul, human lover, cultured, light within, potentialetc... But none of that really says what IT is. You know what IT is when you have it lets just put it that way.

While I will forever have things to improve on I definitely learned at the right timing in my life how important self worth is which I can truthfully and whole heartedly say that I do love myself. It came from realizing who I was and that it was ok to be me :).

What's funny is I only recently discovered the word Empath, but I think IT is more than being an Empath. I agree that there may be a change to who we arewheninitially meeting someone, but if we are strong enough in who we are, that "change" is only an aspect of who we are. Ability to adapt and take things about others and make them our ownis a part of us, and it is us even though it may not be exactly how we normally are or used to be (if that makes any sense).

My ex would make fun of me sometimes for adapting my way with people. I remember being in Morocco and quickly became friends with all the locals, my accent would change and I would drink tea and play backgammon with them in the mornings. Same thing with Indians I still do the tilted head side to side when saying yes or no because I love them and their culture I have used that to say hey I am here and I respect you with openness. I dunno...... We are gonna be A ok though we have such a wonderful gift and someone will realize it :)

BV27
@bv27
last year
5 posts

I love your response. I definitely enjoy my alone time to improve and reflect. I found that I am very comfortable not necessarily needing someone or being with someone for my happiness because I know who I am. What it is, is I feel something inside of me reaching out to connect with that counterpart. Its not an emotional thing I don't think, its almost like an incomplete atom reaching for the other atom to complete the molecule and make it whole and neutral. So I am assuming that it is a biological response or something but I feel the other atoms reaching back out to me from somewhere. I just think there is a great power inside and to have another half which stabilizes and adds and contributes to that power can change the world :)

Rebecca Michelle
@rebecca-michelle
last year
19 posts

I know as an empath I always end up with emotional manipulators and the balance is very unstable. I actually just created a pretty long discussion post about this. What I have had to learn is...watch out for the types of people you can attract as someone is is more of an "empath". Emotional manipulators love to use (often disguised as needing) us and we (as empaths) love to feel needed. You can check out my whole discussion post about this. Or better yet read The Human Magnet Syndrome by Ross Rosenberg. Best of luck!

Kera
@kera
last year
22 posts

I haven't been in many relationships, but the ones I've been in were with manipulative men. I feel like I attract them. I'm too nice and forgiving, I usually let people walk all over me (definitely something to work on!).

I want someone who hasn't been with many others, I guess I'm looking for true love/soul mates type thing. Sometimes I feel it's unrealistic, but you don't NEED to be with someone. So i want to wait and try to find the one, whether that ever happens or not, who knows.

I would continue life as normal. I'm sure someone will come into your life. Much like the one you were with for 10 years. Keep up positive energy and I'm sure you'll attract the one!

star love~pritha~ dancing love-
@star-lovepritha-dancing-love
last year
13 posts

Well, if you are sensitive or an empath, it is wise to look for some one with some sort of spirituality in them . That said, there are many different people on the path to spirit and seeking spirit, not everyone with a love energy is always the right match for you. Every person and every couple has a frequency of their own. Maybe it is programmed earlier to meet someone, like soul mates for example. Sometimes it is more than just the energy of the other person, one has to go deeper than that in a relationship. If you are opening up to your abilities, it has to go deeper and more intimate than just anything superficial. Because anything on the surface will only end up in hurt and disappointment. Going for the superficial will feel so so wrong then, because we start with being empaths, but along the way, when we handle our gifts we become so much more. The journey is more than anything just on the outside.

Rene''
@rene
last year
1,194 posts
I think we all here have the traits that make strangers pour their hearts out to us.
I have to say, and I say this with much love, and something I had to do myself , loose the ego. I know I may of just bruised it a little bit but that's not my intention..stop looking with your eyes and start feeling with your heart. I notice in your post, or it made me feel like external beauty is #1 and her being empathic is a plus. Keep in mind if she's an Empath she's going to see though you anyway. Your never going to find that perfect person because she don't exists. And if she did, she would be boring. I do think, as Empaths, we have heard so much from so many people it's hard for us to trust. But trust this. When you met that "it" she won't be a centerfold but she will be the one that spoke words you remember days later that didn't not mean anything but the way she spoke them and the softness of her words , you just can't get them out of your mind. She will be easy to be with. She will be your calmness. She will be where your mind wonders off to
without trying. Not as a lover, but as a friend.

Realistically speaking. If you put five women and you in a dark room for 8 hrs 4 of them being externally beautiful and one internally beautiful. And you did not know what Any of them looked like. After 8 hrs you choose one then they turned on the lights and she was not one of the four , what would do. Would you change your mind. I ask this because I have two sons one 23 and one 27. Their answer is after I ask them this question is "oh man, idk. It's according. And I told them " then your not mature enough to be in a relationship then. I'm directing this toward my sons, not you.

I just read back over this and I sounded kind of blunt and I'm sorry because I wrote this from my heart but I couldn't change it because it's how I feel.
Good luck on your quest for love. But first, be "who " you are looking for. . Be "it".
Kit Kat
@kit-kat
last year
230 posts

Wise words Rene :) to be "IT." I love that philosophy

Kit Kat
@kit-kat
last year
230 posts

Yeah it sounds like we have similar views on what "it" is :) Also, similar to you, religion has definitely shaped my values (e.g. no sex before marriage), however -and this might just be hope- I think I would still follow a code just as strict without religion, not just cause I know it's right, but because I feel it's right, if you know what I mean..

That's funny about your experience in Morocco - reminds me of myself! Anyway, I agree that others will realize our abilities if we don't hide them :)

Rebecca Michelle
@rebecca-michelle
last year
19 posts

I like what you said about "she will be your calmness". I feel like I constantly end up with the overly charismatic snake in the grass who keeps my anxiety on high alert because it feels "exciting". My next relationship will be "calming".

BV27
@bv27
last year
5 posts

The she wont be a centerfold made me chuckle a tad :). I think that my posting may not have been fully explained or possibly misunderstood as far as the thinking that external beauty is my "#1" factor. The funny thing is I don't like what most guys would consider gorgeous or hot blue eyed blonde "bombshells" as it were. My preference is actually quite opposite, I tend to like thicker natural looking women and women that my friends wouldn't consider "hot". And its because I search for that inner light first and foremost. But I don't care who you are, you would be lying if you told me that attraction was not an important part in making a connection or being in a relationship with someone.

As for as having too much "ego", I think that word is thrown around in the wrong way. Ego is defined as 1. an inflated feeling of pride in your superiority to others

2. your consciousness of your own identity

I do not in any way shape or form feel any pride or feelings of superiority to anyone. In fact I put others first every time and hold others in high regard. My disclaimer in the beginning about explaining things about myself was for the fact that I hate talking about myself. I get even uncomfortable at times when peopletry to talk me up and divert the attention backto them so they can get credit which I don't need. So its not about me :). Do I have a strong sense and know who I am? I do. But that does not give me any feeling that I am superior to anyone.

Aristotle said that "Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom" so I would counter that claim of your definition of ego.

As for the realistic scenario in which you provide about 5 women in a room. At the end when they turned the lights on if I was not attracted to the individual, then we would probably have a great relationship as best friends however, there would be no biologically triggered feeling of attraction which would not lead to a relationship. I can cite about 5 studies that show the major importance of attraction to your significant other.

All in all I appreciate your bluntness and encouragement of luck on my quest and I hope that I cleared up any misunderstandings in my writings.

Nikki3
@nikler
last year
116 posts

When I was younger the sign of love was all about feeling, you know the spark, wanting to be with them, etc. It was all uncontrolled feeling. Always ended in disaster, at the time I didn't realize who I was and that I attracted broken people. When I got older I started making 'make it or break it' lists so I could narrow the playing field and find someone who had similar life goals. Again, disaster. Now that I've been through some serious long term relationships I've learned a lot about people and a lot about myself. I still continue to attract broken men, they all seem to need me to make them feel better about themselves - compliment after compliment and it's so shallow to me. Words mean nothing to me and so I find it hard to communicate in that manner and have to remind myself that most people need words. I also don't find attractiveness solely in the physical form, I mean I am human and I will occasionally drool over the nice body of a beautiful actor, but I agree with the 'it' factor. There's just something beneath the physical that can't be described in words but it can make an attractive person ugly and a seemingly unattractive person beautiful for lack of better words. I sometimes feel like I will never find someone because I am not only picky but do not wish to have my space invaded ever again. I've lost too much and the risk now is too great.

Rene''
@rene
last year
1,194 posts
I understand your statement "words don't mean nothing to me". I'm also like that. I wonder if it's because we feel without words. But I'm more like "show me" instead of telling me.
The Importance of Being Jonny
@the-importance-of-being-jonny
last year
794 posts

Hi BV27,

I completely identify with this. I'm 33 and have never been in a romantic relationship. It has just never happened for me. When I was younger, I was more outgoing than I am now, but the few girls that I did go after, it turned out they only led me on to their advantage. They weren't interested in me in that way and it hurt my feelings. Occasionally, I may run into a girl that I find attractive who may have even been flirting with me, but I'm so clueless that I don't typically notice it until after the fact. When I was a cashier at a local art store, I often had the female customers who were extra flirty with me and while I enjoyed that, I didn't think anything of it and it wasn't til a friend who was totally eavesdropping on our convo told me that that girl was flirting with me. You should ask her out!

I am very much into looks when it comes to a mate or even someone to go out with. I think that is a human quality, but a person's personality can completely tarnish a person's looks and make them unattractive to me. As I got older, I just thought that it wasn't possible for me to find a mate for several reasons. A) I could not be sending out the right vibes for one, B) the empath in me can't be with someone who is unlike me because we will just conflict like oil and water. But there are many empaths who have non empathic spouses. I'm not saying THAT isn't possible. I just feel it isn't possible for me.

I would love to find someone to be with who is an empath or who is human and isn't a person that lives their life based on what society tells them to do and think and act and say. As much as I think and feel having a relationship will never happen for me, part of me has some glimmer of hope that it will one day happen.

Nikki3
@nikler
last year
116 posts

That too, lots of people talk but don't do. I also find that so many people formulate pretty words that don't match their body language. I guess they think we can't see - maybe most people can't?

Lotusfly
@lotusfly
last year
410 posts

Have you been single before (as an adult)? If not, now may be the time to find you before looking for someone to complete you. For a relationship/partnership to be healthy, we must feel whole before entering the relationship. If we feel any lack, any need for something (or someone) else to complete us, we have some inner work to do.

Best of luck~

Rene''
@rene
last year
1,194 posts
Bv27 than I stand corrected. I hope you find what your are looking for.
Rene''
@rene
last year
1,194 posts
Sometimes I wish I couldn't ..I think. Lol
Ragnar
@ragnar
last year
16 posts
Hey BV27,

"Is your partner an Empath?" No, not at all.

I saw this thread and it interested me because I recently met a woman with more "It" then I've ever seen. In at least 20 years of looking, I've never felt anyone more "right", more perfect for me, my personality.

The screwy thing is, I'd stopped looking years ago. I'd given up trying to find her and was convinced she didn't exist, or that I'd never meet her. She stopped me in a store. She touched my arm and said something innocuous about thinking she'd almost run into me in a parking lot earlier (we both have children in the same school). I was floored because all I felt was that she was sweet, nice, genuine, passionate and she was so full of love that she glowed with it like she was illuminated by a bright, warm light. All this and she's beautiful. Yet she doesn't flaunt it, doesn't dress to accentuate her looks and often doesn't even wear makeup. I know I'm going on and on, I could write a few pages about her, lol.

So yes, I'd say you'll know when you meet someone with "It". For me it was like being struck by lightning. She's not an Empath though. I don't know what I'd be like to get together with another Empath. Seems like it would either be paradise, or hell. Your personalities would have to match for it to last. I'd be a little afraid to meet a woman as emotional as I am! Even though I've learned how to turn my emotions down or even off, it's really difficult at times and like with the woman I'm talking about, I can't seem to completely hide all of what I'm feeling.

The thing you said about how you blend with other cultures and adopt people's accents. I didn't know that was an Empath trait. I thought it was just something I did. But it sounds exactly like what I do, so it's got to be a trait.

What Kit Kat says makes sense. Funny thing is, I like myself when I'm with this woman. I actually feel good about myself and the world when I'm near her. I know that if I'm not attracted to someone, if they aren't my "type", I can't fake it with them. It just won't work for me. I wouldn't worry too much about looking for appearance first. If you meet the right person, you'll know.

I hope some of this helps. Finding this woman has really surprised me. I'd quit looking. Mostly I'd tried to not look closely at people so I didn't have to see the negative stuff that seemed to stand out in so many people. But meeting this woman has changed me. I find that now I've been looking at people and seeing into them without it depressing me. So maybe it was me that was responsible for seeing so much negativity in others?
Ragnar
@ragnar
last year
16 posts
I seem to attract manipulators as well. I've never had much luck with casual relationships. I get too emotionally tied to people I'm intimate with. I used to lose myself when I was with someone, like I wanted to be so close to them I adopted their likes and habits. As I've grown older, I've stopped doing that and it's made me happier, keeping more of myself intact when I'm with someone. I can't totally stop it though. It still happens to some degree.
julia_paris
@julia-paris
last year
9 posts

About romantic relationships...

When my last relationship finished last year, I realized a few things:

- 1st/ We can be happy in a relationship only with a true warrior. When I say warrior I mean with someone who is in internal war with the parasite (the ego) and who is awake and want to evolve.

- 2nd/ We can only be happy in a relationship if I trust truly my inner power, my intuition, my dreams, my heart. I learned in the harsh way that words can lie but energy never.

- 3rd/ we can only be happy in a relationship if we stop to be a begger of love. When we stop to try to find reconignition in the eyes of the other by our side.

Its also by our mistakes that we learn I also think a few books helped me in this topic:

- Don Miguel Ruiz, The Master of Love.

- Marianne Williamson, A return to Love.

A nice extract : http://www.google.com/translate?hl=fr&sl=auto&tl=en&u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.imagesetmots.fr%2Fpages%2Flitterature%2Fnotre_peur.htm&sandbox=1

- Also a video conference of Wayne Dyer, Change your thoughts change your life, The wisdom of the Tao. (Available on youtube)

In my few long term relationships I was in unbalanced relationships and I tried so hard to make everything right until I realize it was by being unfair with myself But by this experiences I realized what I didnt wanted and step by step Ive understood what I want, I ve learned.

If I have an advice to tell it will be : the dont try to hard rule: always be light /and dont think by transforming you in a carpet on the feet of another you will be in a relationship in the way to happiness

And follow your heart your passion and do what youre meant to do, be yourself rule no matter what : by singing your song and realizing yourself, realizing the love already inside of you, you attract one of the good one. I believe that you attract what you think of. And the law of attraction is especially faster for empath.

It is what I did recently for the past 10months. It feels good

I should begin with the middle like you In my last relationship my ability as an empath evolved and I was able to not just feel but also has images about thoughts like telepathy And I believe my ex is an empath. He was pure at the beginning at least, but with his addictions alcohol I lost him. He lost himself. He lost it. But I had at this time the illusion that I could save him somehow. I know. We can only save ourselves. At some point, he was in so deep depression, with the anger, the excuses. He became very mean with me. He was always thinking about another woman. I became crazy about that. He try to make me lose confidence in my intuition, my gift, my empathy, my art and everything. It didnt worked, no way. I have a little sad story like anyone, but I trust in myself, I know who I am. I realized what sabotage he tried on me after we broke up. When we broke up last year I was released. Light and bright.

The truth is no one can harm your authentic self.

About sex, I try to be authentic so I can not separate my feelings and my attraction. Im religious. Im a Christian, and for my humble opinion, my faith saved me from a lot of blind alley. About attraction Im sensitive to beauty. But I know that the inside beauty reveals outside. That or Im a superficial woman.

After that I wanted to do something good for myself. I went to Stonehenge. And then visited friends in Ireland. I felt good there. Like I was in India, became a yoga teacher. I think to move to Ireland, because of the stars. Sounds clich, I know, but when I was with my irish friends lying on the grass at night and looking to the shooting stars I felt alive. And also I never seen so much trees. It s amazing The energy is pure, and people are nice. The question is Whats you calling ? If its to go there : please go, if its to play guitar do it please. I know when you accomplish yourself you find love on the way

Peter
@peter
last year
18 posts
I have been with my gf for six years. We are both empaths but we have a bdsm 24/7 relationship to give us the structure we need to keep from exhausting each other haha.life is good. Stay open even if it hurts you can learn and being closed is just slow suicide for empaths.
Cari
@cari
last year
2 posts
Hello there BV27! There is one key thing that stood out immediately to me...you're pickiness. This leads me to believe you have a possible unconscious fear of long term commitment. You are actually in your own way, and are unaware. There might be a negative core belief you hold from childhood that is hindering you and it needs to be purged.
Cari
@cari
last year
2 posts
The real reason you are picky is because you are afraid. If you can admit this, then you can start to look for its source. Maybe write down possible reasons for this fear. Maybe, the household you grew up in and the parental relationship that was modeled to you. Perhaps an old relationship ended badly. In an effeort to protect ourselves from experiencing these pains again, we try to control the love experience. That's a clear indicatior fear is present.
Crownite
@crownite
last year
107 posts

Honestly, I'm not as picky as I make myself seem. lol But finding love in this day and age is difficult.

What is love? Many people don't really know and "love" isn't exactly enough to keep two people together.

We have higher expectations of our partners today. We want someone who understands us, who accepts us as we are, who is smart, funny, sophisticated, good looking. Yeah, I think it's too much to outsource to one person.

Peter
@peter
last year
18 posts
Love is not finding a soul who meets your checklist. You think you can pick someone to love? When has that ever happened successfully? Sorry but the truth is that love chooses us we don't get to choose it. Be who you are and stop stressing over where you are not. Then if love.picks.you great, if not you still get to be you and that's the best we can hope . for.
Crownite
@crownite
last year
107 posts

Romantic love? Yep, I agree. It doesn't happen for everyone or lasts a long time like we often imagine it will.

Nikki3
@nikler
last year
116 posts
Another note is that we are taught that when we love it conquers all. I've learned that love is not enough, just because I love someone or feel for them in some capacity does not mean we were destined to be together or are compatible at all. We can be drawn to people with feelings of what we call love but we are not taught to decipher what that means. Love is not enough to form a lasting long term relationship, there are so many other factors that we need to consider. Doesn't mean we shouldn't be there for the people we are drawn to just not in the capacity we were taught it means. I hope that made sense :)
Layla223
@layla223
last year
5 posts
I can relate to a lot of this, I'm very picky with partners and almost everything else! Haha. It's very hard to find anyone that's compatible with me.. Makes me wonder will I ever find the 'right' person. I think it'll take time. But no, I don't think you're being unrealistic. compatablity is everything but don't strive for perfection, something I'm trying to learn within myself. Having value system is good. I always try to keep within mine... Gives you boundaries.Hopefully, we all find the love we deserve eventually!
RyuukoGo
@ryuukogo
last year
110 posts
As a fellow empath I think we may have unique challenges compared to "regular " males who I don't understand...lolI don't think you are being picky but just having standards.Myself I have had dozen of relationships and was married for 15 years but have been single for a year by choice....I've come to the conclusion I do well in a relationship with a woman who is an Empath or as I refer to as our kind....so far the Empaths I have found live too far for even a LDR but we still write each other.Myself I am an Empath,HSP,INFJ...70% right brain....my brain is so "female " I could qualify for HRT but no way I would change gender....I'm built like a QB.
Angel
@angel
last year
607 posts

I am happily married and no he is not an Empath, though after we got married we our abilities seemed to mesh.The hardest thing about being with someone who is not Empathic is the depthness of emotions. I expected my husband to have the same depth but he doesn't. I also realized that this depthness was also part of being an Empath and had to accept that he wasn't. He used to be pretty superficial and sometimes that side still comes out, but he also has a heart of gold. We have been together for 10 years and I have known him for 20. We seemed to balance each other out very well, where I fall short, he makes up for and visa versa. Over the 10 years we have been together, we have really evened each other out.

Though he has his faults, we all do, he also has some admirable characteristics. His hands, he is a natural born healer, very innocent in nature and has a gentleness I rarely see. It's not the typical relationship I would be in. Because I am often attracted to deep emotions, I am usually attracted to emotional people. So, I don't the fierce " OMG, It's the end of the world" when we disagree, he grounds me. He has taught me to tame my emotions at certain times, and I have taught him when to show his. We can talk about anything, and there is no threat there. And that's really the foundation of our relationship, friendship. It's not always easy because at times it feels like the lines between relationship and friendship seem a little blurred, but we have learned to talk about it. For example, if we spend to much time talking and I want a hug, instead of getting upset because I figured he should know when I need one, I just walk up to him and give him a hug,which he always gives me a loving one back. That's his signal to know what I need.

Through this process, and let me tell you, it wasn't easy, but we both learned, there isn't the perfect one out there, overtime, you become the perfect one :) He started out wanting to settle down and have a wife. I was on the same page. Our differances almost ended our relationship after the first year, but we talked and made a choice. We both wanted this to work and make it a partnership. It's not about loosing your identity in a relationship or changing the other person, it's about learning each other and learning to share a life together, if your both on the same page. Love isn't a feeling, it's a partnership, working together for a common goal. Alot of that has to do with trust, respect, and compromise. If your looking for some hot, passionate fierce feeling, then you will get that for the first 6-months to a couple of years and then get ready to move on. If you want a commitment, then you will have to accept the ruts and continue to work through them. Maybe something needs to be changed up a bit, maybe life got boring, maybe the cute guy or girl at work is giving you attention and you mistake that attraction for lack of love for your spouse. That's not usually the case, usually, it;s nothing more then a desire of the heart of something your wanting fulflled that isn't being fulfilled. It doesn't mean the fire is dead or that it's a sign that you should look elsewhere, it just means that it;s time to make some changes in your relationship for the better. If your partner is on the same page, then these changes should be made to help the relationship grow.

No matter how close you are, connections between romantic partners are like the tide, sometimes the tide comes in and your close, other times, the tide goes out and you feel like stranger's. At that point, you make a choice. Do I wait for things to get better, or do I go in kiss them passionately and allow that spark to turn into a fire again.

As an Empath, it's important that not all emotions are going to be fiery, nor are all the people that come into our lives. Fiery love often results in the opposite, fiery disagreements. You usually can't have one strong emotion and the rest not be just as strong. It doesn't work that way. People inherantly are drawn to the feel good emotions, and often depend on the feeling in a relationship, but when that emotion is gone, there is nothing left of the relationship because there was no other foundation and the relationship falls apart. Happily ever after isn't the feeling of feeling happy every single day, it's defining what happiness is and working together to fulfill that. Happiness can also be an illusion because people often say, I just want a house, a spouse, kids and a dog and I will be happy, but if things stayed the same and nothing ever changes, that happiness because unhappy because can become boring, especially someone who strives for that feel good feeling only.

I hope that makes sense. If you want a long term relationship, you need to define what that means to you. Get an idea of what you expect out of your partner and envision the type of life you desire. Define what is realistic and what isn't realistic. It's realistic that you and they will be together everyday, it's unrealistic to believe that they are going to swoom all over you each of those days:) It's realistic to believe that they will share a huge part of their life with you, but it's unrealistic that they will forever wrap their world around yours and they will eventually have some part of life that you are not a part of. And then you have to accept this. You have love life, married life, parent life, work life, and EC life:)

If your looking for a relationship that only has feel good feelings, then your not looking for a relationship, your looking for a specific feeling, and then you need to dig deeper to find a way to fulfill that and find someone who is on the same page. It sucks when there is a goose with a gander :) But, that's what keeps us from being completely selfish human beings :)

I always looked at emotions as screaming children. You have a ton of them and the ones who scream the loudest are the ones we always pay attention. Not because they are more important, but because we just want them to shut up! lol. However, this is where logic and reason come in, to keep us from going off the deep end and doing things we may later regret. Or to help us decide the importance of it and push us to take care of it.

You say that your GF had alot of fears, I'm assuming one of her fears was infidelity, which probably resulted in jealousy. This is an emotion followed by a reaction. You can't control the emotion, and it sounds like, neither can she, but we all have our insecurities, question is, can something be done to help elevate that. This is where communication comes in. You already know she has it, you know why she reacts the way she does, question is, is there anything you can do to help build that trust and is she willing to acknowledged that she has a problem? If she is jealous, tell her that her jealousy is driving you further away, and if she tells you,in a calm matter, hey, I'm not feeling right about this, or, I am feeling this way, then listen to her and don't take it personal and use that time to help her sort through those feelings instead of taking offense. Miscommunication and taking offense is the biggest killer in any relationship. You can't change the emotion, but maybe you two can find a way to help her change her reaction to that emotion. It's that kind of work that is needed for long term relationships to survive. It may not take away a jealous feeling, but it does help her trust that you won't judge her for that, and help her to respect how her reactions effect you and what it does to you. At this point, pride is out the door and the common goal is to find a compromise or a better way to handle things that will bring you closer together and push each other further apart. This is where real commitment comes in.

Sometimes it's just not there, and if it's dead, or it's one-sided, then it's time to go. Anyway's I wrote another book, sorry. This is just my opinion, hope it helps.

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