Coincidence or not?

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CrystalRose
@crystalrose
last year
48 posts

So I took the day off from work today because I needed some time away from the warehouse that I work at. I felt like being there was draining the life out of me. And I've been finding it increasingly difficult to be working there this month. Not sure if that has anything to do with mercury being in retrograde or what but lets just say works been hell.

I called in this morning and went back to bed and got to sleep in, which was absolutely fantastic. I needed that extra bit of sleep. My body was sore, and I felt lifeless. I knew if I had gone to work I only would have felt worse by being there. So even though I used up some of my time off for work by not showing up, I felt that it was well spent. That the bit of my sanity that I regained from missing work will make up for the decrease in my next paycheck. Or at least, that's what I'm telling myself ... lol.

Anyway, after I decided that I've slept in enough (which is crazy for me to say as I could have slept all day if I so chose) I got up and did my morning routine, and then when I had the house to myself, I began to reflect on things with my ex. I had last been with him on Sunday night. I started to reminisce my time with him. How I've enjoyed every moment we spent together. How I know that I'll always love him. How he is my favorite time of my life. I recalled the moment I first felt something for him. The moment I realized that I loved him. The adventures we had at the beginning of our relationship. And how I miss it all so much. I sat there on my kitchen counter, speaking allowed to myself, with tears streaking down my face. Occasionally wiping them away. The odd thing about all of this was that even though I was missing him and that I was crying, I wasn't sad. Not like how I have been before, anyway. And I realized that it was because I was focusing on love and not my "loss". Once I realized that, I knew that was my key to healing myself. Just focusing on what I know to be true which is my love. For myself as much as my love for him. None of this means that I don't want to be with him. I do. Just as much as I always have. But I know that we still care about each other. I know that he's still in my life and I am so grateful for that. And I know we can work through this. Right now, it's our time to heal ourselves of our pain from our pasts. Separately. That's what was so hard for me to come to terms with. Separately. But I know now that we aren't really separate because we still have that connection.

Right after that whole moment on my counter he texted me saying that he hoped that I was feeling better. I had been feeling sick to my stomach. This was around 11 am. I responded saying that I felt better after getting some much needed rest and thanked him for asking. Just over 30 minutes later, he texted me again saying that he was at Urgent Care. That he was having loss of breath, chest tightening, and heart palpitations and so was getting checked out. Then he said that it was a panic attack and that this happened around 11ish. I was so worried about him. I still am even though he says he's okay. But the truth is, I know that he's not. He's suppressing things. I can tell that he's been off lately. He hasn't worked much all this month. We work at the same building and he says he's tired of being there. Much like I am. It just breaks my heart to see him like this. And I wish he would open up to me. I'm not trying to heal him. I know that he is the only one who can heal himself and that has to be when he is ready to face his problems and I can't make him be ready for that. All I want is for him to let me know what's bothering him. I know that talking about it is a form of release which is why I do it all the time. Even if it's just talking to myself like some crazy person. So I just let him know that I'm here if he needs to talk. And that's all I can do. Which, of course drives me nuts.

I don't know, I just find this all very weird and I'm not sure what to make of it. I wish I knew what caused his panic attack. I know that sometimes it's not always known what the cause is. Especially when you've been suppressing your emotions for so long. Just thought I should share this and see what you guys think. Anyone going through something similar? Any advice? I find myself really wanting to talk about the deeper meaning of things and I figure, this is a good start.

Hope all is well with everyone. <3


updated by @crystalrose: 03/13/17 10:26:54AM
Soakedsponge
@soakedsponge
last year
2 posts
It sounds like he formed a bond with you that created a big codependency. I am guessing he may not have a lot of friends, perhaps? I have a friend doing the same thing.. really he needs to focus on the trigger.. . What is he thinking when it happens? He needs to focus hard like a lion.. look at the place we store shame, guilt, fear and regret... acknowledge and spend that energy loving himself. He also sounds like that job is not for him... I have been dealing with the same.... which sounds like you absorbed. Guilt/doubt free love of yourself is the key. Good luck, sweet soul and good seeds.:)
Snap
@snap
last year
103 posts

There are no random coincidences, imho. Especially in cases like this, the events are connected somehow. Question is: how? From your descriptions, it's hard to say.

Jung defined synchronicity as a meaningful coincidence. I think all coincidences have meaning, although sometimes the meaning is not great and most of the time it's not consciously recognized.

Karen2
@womanwhowalks
last year
783 posts

Hi...he may not even know what's bothering him...I usually give people some ceder... u can make him a lil pouch of it in 100% cotton wrapped and tied with hemp cord....so he can carry it in his pocket...it does a lot to clear out the energy....sometimes that's all you can do at the moment...it's a good way to help heal in a non intrusive manner...lil gifts like that would help your own anxiety over this issue...since you'd helping him...

CrystalRose
@crystalrose
last year
48 posts

He actually has a lot of friends (or acquaintances I suppose) but doesn't really spend a whole lot of time with them as most of them live far... aside from his childhood friend who he considers a brother. Mainly, he spends a lot of his time alone, that I know of, aside from night outs with some people we know from work about once a week or so. I'm not sure what he was thinking of at the time. He hasn't really gone into detail about it with me. And I don't want to pester him about it. I really wish he would confide in me. Yeah, the place we both work at is not so great right now. But warehouse jobs usually aren't so great anyway lol. You're also unhappy at your currant job?

Thank you so much for your response. :)

CrystalRose
@crystalrose
last year
48 posts

Snap,

I feel that way about coincidences too but sometimes it's hard to find the connection, like you said. That's why I sometimes feel unsure about coincidences. But for the most part, I believe things happen for a reason.

I really like what you had to say. Synchronicity can be a beautiful thing. I hope I will realize the meaning of this at some point. I figure, the reason that I haven't is because there are still more things for me to learn.

Thank you for responding. :)

CrystalRose
@crystalrose
last year
48 posts

Cbxjohn,

I do feel that he and I feel each others emotions. It can be very confusing and intense sometimes. I'm not sure if I feel better or not. Maybe I'm unsure because I still want to be with him and because I've been worrying about him. I was actually hesitant in getting into a relationship when I first met him because I wanted to build a stronger sense of self. And I told him this as well and he said that he would wait and that he wasn't going anywhere. We dated for a bit before I finally decided to become exclusive with him because I felt so drawn to him. I just couldn't stay away from him no matter how hard I tried.

Anyway, I'm glad you're feeling better about yourself! I'm starting to feel better about myself too and I'm really proud of that. Especially from where I was coming from which was a very dark and lonely place.

I do feel that I am in the right place now, though. And I do trust that things will work out for the best. I'm learning to love myself and discovering what I can do. It's gonna be interesting.

Thank you for your comment! :)

CrystalRose
@crystalrose
last year
48 posts

I don't think he knows either. I think some of the recent things that have happened to him triggered this. I think he suppresses things instead of dealing with them and then when something happens, it all comes flooding to the surface and he doesn't know what to feel. Like an overload of things that he had been hiding and had thought he forgot and moved on from but hasn't because he never dealt with them properly and so he never really healed.

He definitely needs to clear out some energy. Do you mean cedar as in cedar chips? I would love to make him a little cedar bag. Maybe I could even add some other things to it. And actually, just thinking about giving/making him a little thing like that relieves some of my anxiety over this so I will definitely do something with that. I love this idea.

Thank you so much! :)

Karen2
@womanwhowalks
last year
783 posts

No...not ceder chips...the green needles....if you have a ceder bush or tree...you can pick the green tips...then let them dry a bit...and wrap in 100% cotton...I use hemp cord to wrap and tie closed...I found those cotton squares at walmart in the arts and crafts section and I cut to the size I need....and yes you can put any herb you want....for extra strength I put in sage and sweetgrass...but you can put in whatever you think will be helpful...my people call it a medicine bag/pouch...can be any size...but they need to be smudged to release the negative energy they collect...just like cystals...and ourselves...so if your smudging just pass them through the smoke....

Karen2
@womanwhowalks
last year
783 posts

And...your welcome :)

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