Can't tell what is my energy and what is from outside myself

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Sarah
@sarah
last year
386 posts

I work at an elementary school. I worked there last year at the after school program and just loved it. This year I took a different position because it had more hours and I needed the money. This new job is a sort of community service type job at the school and so I don't technically work for the school now, even though I work at the school. I work for the service organization that set up this program. The problem is the lady who runs it on the state level is maybe a bad person or something. Whenever I've met with her for training or evaluations, she seems nice enough, but I always leave feeling off or sick or having things start to go wrong in my life and I have to do energy healing to fix it. I thought it was me being sad to leave my after school job for a job with more money, and my anxiety at being new on the job. I was so distressed after I met her the first time and started this job, that I went through a huge depression and started being worried for my safety. It was terrible. I learned this week, though, that the problem isn't me. It's the director lady.

She came for an evaluation for the three of us that work for her in the school a couple of days ago. The day she came, people's cars started breaking down, people started getting sick, everyone was just off. Even one of the ladies in my office who isn't under this director and who isn't an empath in any sense of the word, said she had nightmares after the evaluations that the director walked into our office and wrecked everything up and made it so we couldn't get any of our work done. It turns out, this director lady had just blasted all of us with bad energy to keep us down so she could have control and have all the power. It was so strange and shocking to me. We just want to help the kids at the school. It's not about power or control at all.

I had an energy worker friend clear all that bad energy from me and my co workers the next day, and things got better from there. I realized, though, after that how much energy I pick up from everyone at that school. They had bunches of issues with the computers and testing today and all the teachers and kids were off. I got so exhausted, I could barely sit up. I even thought I was going to be sick from exhaustion. I want to use the techniques here to protect me from other people's energy, but I can't really tell the difference between their's and mine. I don't know if I'm actually exhausted or if everyone around me is exhausted and stressed and I'm just soaking it up. I want to go back to my after school job next year, even though it's less money, it just feels better and makes me happier, but I need to stick this job out for the rest of the school year and summer school. I need to learn to figure out what is my energy and what is other people's if I'm going to do this. I don't know why this particular job is hard for me to tell my feelings from others, maybe some people I work with have such strong energy it's bombarding me or something. I just don't quite get it. All I know is I'm exhausted and I am counting the days until the end of August when I can be done. I hope I can protect myself enough and be able to tell what is my energy and what is other people's to get through it a little better from here on out.


updated by @sarah: 01/14/17 01:23:34PM
Karen2
@womanwhowalks
last year
783 posts
Hi...she may have a link/cord to you that you need to sever...anytime I feel tired for no reason I start looking for the cause in my energy...and I do a complete sever of anybody that stands out with bad energy...I don't care who it is..family member...close friend...etc...I clear everything....and I don't think twice anymore...everytime you encounter her...clear her ASAP. ..so she doesn't drain you...
Karen2
@womanwhowalks
last year
783 posts
Plus...I think your doing just fine at figuring out what's yours and what's not...sometimes it DOES take a while to figure it out...i've been doing this for quite a while...and even with all i've learned and implemented. ..I STILL get confused...but I keep plugging away at it...lol
Sarah
@sarah
last year
386 posts

Hm, after I read this, I looked inside to see of there was chording left, and there wasn't, BUT, I did find that one of my other co workers is feeding off my energy. I guess that makes sense. She doesn't even have a chord to me or anything, she just takes from me when I'm there. I'm not sure how that works. I guess I can go to work today and see if I can figure it out. Thanks!

Sarah
@sarah
last year
386 posts

Yeah, I thought I was better at knowing what's mine and what's not, but when I got this job, I got all confused again. Oh well, maybe it's an opportunity to strengthen my empath super powers and learn on a deeper level what is mine and what's not or something. :)

Snap
@snap
last year
103 posts

It's comforting to hear you still get confused having been doing it for a while. Being aware now, there are some situations in which it's obvious to me that I'm sensing someone else's energy/emotion. However there are many situations in which I don't have a clue. I'm trying to focus attention inward to get a sense and that often helps (having just seen a 'sparkle' exactly when I typed that I suspect a guiding force agrees). I'm finding the challenge lies in stepping back and feeling centered, especially in any kind of charged situation. Also, I had to deal with an ex-colleague who emanated extremely powerful anxiety for extended periods, and I did not possess the skills/tools or ability to do much about being practically engulfed. Hopefully one day I will. Fortunately I realised it wasn't me and also I had the knowledge and skills to get avoid working with the person and effectively have nothing to do with him now.

Steve

Sarah
@sarah
last year
386 posts

You sound like me, Snap. I have known for a while I was an empath and that I soak up other's emotions, but I don't always know what to do about it or to be able to tell what's mine and what's not. I, too, have people that are hard to be around because of the negative energy that is overwhelming that they throw at me. My dad is probably the biggest one. I can hardly be around him without huge anxiety attacks and getting sick. It's been that way for years. I didn't know he had such deep animosity towards me until this summer at a reunion. I guess all that time, he was spewing hate at me and his own self-loathing and anxieties. I just thought I always caught something and had anxiety for no reason at reunions. Good luck to both of us as we learn to navigate this world of being an empath. I hope both of us find the best techniques for each of us so we can use our abilities for the gifts they are and not get as bogged down with the hard parts of being an empath.

Snap
@snap
last year
103 posts

Very difficult with a family member with whom you have a long history and connection, huh? My mother is highly anxious and I think I got tendencies toward anxiety from her. Basically, she'd get anxious in association with various things, I'd pick up on the anxiety and I suspect the anxiety took on a life of its own within me to some extent. Learning about being an empath really puts a different perspective on your life!

How do you know your dad has animosity toward you? If he has self-loathing and hostility toward others, might you not just be picking up on that which has little to do with you? Or do his actions suggest animosity specifically toward you.

Yes I agree on finding and learning ways of using our abilities and nature and minimising the hard parts, particularly when they're unproductive.

Sarah
@sarah
last year
386 posts

He told me. He said he thinks I'm brought here to wreck up his life. Very sad thing to say to an empathic, highly sensitive person who is a light worker. I expect it happens often, though. I think before we come here, we choose families that are suffering so we can try and stop the cycles and help heal. They have to accept it though, if they want to get better. We can't do that part for them. I think sometimes they find the one that is the empath healer and heap most of the abuse on him/her because they sense it and don't want to get better.

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