updated by @kim4: 03/13/17 07:33:08AM
Hello Kim, I also had traumatizing events in my childhood and had no one to go to, Mother was never around and when she was she was cold and harsh.. she thought me to be tough and never cry, any sign of compassion or empathy that I ever showed to others she would criticize and made me feel like I was weak. I knew Iwas affected by others feelings since I was a kid but did not understand it until like10 years ago. Iam now realizing that I might have desensitized myself because my 16 year old dog ran away 10 days ago and I had not been able to cry over it until I got drunk with one of my girlfriends and she started crying when I told her that Yolie ran away, I had her since she was 6 moths old.
I personally believe that it won't be long before you feel the emotional side in your heart. From previous replies I was detached for a good decade (my entire 20's) emotionally with my heart, but not with anything else. It's where the clairvoyance and healing was possible (without realizing it was empath related). It wasn't until my emotions "boiled over" that I suddenly had no choice but to feel it inside my heart and soul as well.
Scary as hell, though enlightening in the end.
Hang in there, don't analyze it too much, and work on the gifts that you do have control with. Seems like you're learning what triggers set it off (like the drinking) - and that's, in my opinion, learning and fine tuning it. And remember that the journey is the best part!
I'm a brand-newbie so I'm just beginning to understand this. I've met empaths who feel other people's physical pain in their bodies. I don't experience that; I just internalize emotions and I'm having a horrible time trying to sort that out. I don't read people's thoughts unless they're SO obvious that it's like they have a thought bubble over their heads! I think there must be a whole spectrum of empaths, and you're on it somewhere. You say you don't cry unless you're drunk. That's a big clue to me that you're very blocked - probably you're blocking some pretty overwhelming feelings that you don't know how to manage. I remember crying a lot as a child, for normal reasons like getting hurt or scared, and then all of a sudden I stopped crying and hardly ever do it anymore. I sensed that my mother got "turned on" when I cried, like her maternal instincts went WAY out of whack, and that terrified and disgusted me. So yes, I've been desensitized, but only on the outside. On the inside I'm a mess.