Can't walk away
updated by @rene: 03/13/17 06:14:59AM
He's up on child enticement charges? As in:
"Child enticement is a crime that involves an adult persuading, or attempting to
persuade, a child to accompany him or her for the purposes of sexual activity."
I should hope he is institutionalised. By all means, go visit him - but have a heart for the lives of the children he may harm, outside of the family members already harmed. Screw his 'freedom'.
I agree with Lavender&rose, Happysoul and Gem - you are not responsible for your father's healing, especially not to the extend of self-harm! I know this is easier to understand in ones mind, than in ones heart. Have you considered yet that Spirit goes beyond space and time? It does feel like you have to unburden yourself of unnecessary guilt (with which you hurt yourself - and if we want to heal anyone, we should always start with ourselves first ) - but as long as you feel compelled to help your father, why not just do 'distant-healing' for him? Visit him etc, but do not put your physical, emotional, mental and spiritual health (and potentially those of your child etc.) at risk. If you do not know how to distant heal, it is easy, you basically meditate for him, or ask to be connected to ultimate good divine energies, and channel them for his benefit.
Prayer also works! And do not be modest with the amount of help you ask for, just tell Spirit, that you do not want to suffer anymore, and ask for unrestricted amounts of help (leave it up to Spirit how much, where, when, how strong etc. they help!)
And I feel you, sometimes what we have to deal with, regardless of grounding, meditation, prayer etc - is damn hard, but in my experience so far, if we allow Spirit to help full out, it always gets better again. Make sure you get some exercise, decent food and enough VIT d (great for energy, mood, and immunity) too.
Love and Light!!!
You are a good person - very good-hearted. But you need to walk away from your father.
It took having a life-threatening illness for me to realize I had to cut certain people out of my life, some of them family, some of them so-called friends. It was easy to do once I realized I'd almost died. When you're lying in a hospital bed with nobody to talk to, you get mad. You start reassessing your life.
You can't do this alone, however. Find a spiritual guide who can help you out of this. I'm just a newbie myself, but that's what I do when I can't figure something out by myself.
I disagree with the - 'and yes I know it can only do this if I allow it and there is some reason I'm allowing it.'. In my experience energies have consciousness to a certain degree. Psychotic, narcissistic etc energies can be very alive and manipulative (true little demons). And without trying to sounding all paranoid, they seem to like to hit on good guys, empaths etc. I.e. if some cord keeps on reattaching, it can be from their side, as they don't give a damn if you want it to, or not. that is the nature of such energies/ humans etc. - they do not just stop because you tell them to please stop. And believing that e.g. re-attachment is 'your fault' is just negative energy propaganda, to keep Lightworkers weak, and in guilt etc.
Just make sure you ask/ have asked for the divine big guns! I have armies of angels helping me fight my battles. Not just angels, but archangels too. Up the whole angel hierarchy, plus gods and goddesses...
It might still take some time to get that problem out of your life though (negative energy structures can be quite complex, and can take time to dismantle), so keep your wits about you in the mean time, don't enter into any unnecessary risks etc.
All the best!
that is a question of how one understands life, and the spectacle 'down' here.
I believe that suffering is pre-chosen (before we incarnate). In order for some to suffer, some have to choose the role of perpetrators. It is the only way suffering makes sense to me. Since every being is part of creation, and the Divine is in essence 'ultimate good", unconditional love etc, how can one part of the Divine hurt another consciously? I believe it is more like an S&M relationship, where we have forgotten though that we chose to be the Sadist or Masochist. The safe word is to pray to have ones sufferings cancelled. If that does not dissolve e.g. your fathers suffering, than he has chosen that his kids walk away, he himself has to pray for his absolution off suffering.....
The way that suffering can exist is by us forgetting what we are, for that the Divine had to create strong confusing and warpped energies (which are temporary artificial constructs, even if they can feel very real). Your father is not much less than a puppet of those dark energies. From my own experiences of channeling healing for psychotic or narcissistic humans, it feels to me as if most of their negativity is in the outside, supporting whatever is stuck, or open on their inside, enabling the manipulations (as much nasty as such humans can have, I don;t think it would fit in just one human body either....) I just had a narcissistic boyfriend. I channled healing energies for him and us, almost non-stop, throughout our 3.5 months together, he did not get healed though, and 3.5 months of receiving healing energies is a lot, cannot imagine that his bodies would not have been sufficiently cleansed....
I do believe that ones we leave our bodies, we step out of the illusion, so are 'saved' at least then (unless one choose maybe to stick around down here, but even that will be temporary)
well, I'd never say never! One does not want to block anyone's healing with restricting believes, but yes, some might not during their physical life time, or it might take them quite a few more years, during which it would be rather masochistic to stick around...
ACA (formerly ACOA - Adult Children of Alcoholics) a twelve step group for people coming from dysfunctional families (any kind of dysfunction - doesn't have to be alcohol/drugs) helped me more than anything else in my life.
You learn through this program how we are affected by growing up in chaos and dysfunction - basically we have to forego our own development in favor of survival. We develop ways of coping with the dysfunction which become our "default" coping mechanisms for life. Unfortunately, these "specialized" tools don't usually work in the real world but since they're all we've got, we keep banging our heads against the wall.
We learn how dysfunctional families are "enmeshed" and family members are not free to be individuals but rather must fulfill narrow roles within the family. Do you identify as the hero, the caretaker, the rebel, the scapegoat, the mascot or the lost child (or some combination thereof)?
We learn that dysfunctional families have three rules: Don't talk (never talk about the family's problems outside the home), Don't trust (never trust anyone outside the family), and Don't feel (I'll tell you what to feel).
Most often, we don't feel the effects of dysfunction until we're grown up and many years away from childhood -that's when the proverbial chickens come home to roost and we wonder why life is a painful struggle for us.
We learn to take responsibility for ourselves and our happiness while allowing family members to take back thier own issues. We learn that we have a right to our own lives and our own happiness. We learn to "detach with love" from family members who are a threat to that happiness. We learn to forgive ourselves and our family members who themselves are the product of dysfunction.
We learn that we are entitled to create boundaries in our lives and we get to chose what they are. Some boundaries are low and flexible, for instance: "I can only be around her one or twice a week unless something pressing comes up," or I can handle talking to him on the phone once a month. Some boundaries are high and permanent for some people especially in cases of severe abuse,as in: I'm done with the person and I'm freeing myself from the situation for good - no contact at all. The point is that WE get to decide.
Be careful of feelings that tell you "can and should" fix a relationship or "fix" someone. Most of us have spent our lives trying to do this, ending up by only hurting ourselves - you can't fix someone who doesn't think she's broken. Often misplaced guilt and and a sense of hyper-responsibility are the legacies of family dysfunction. Guilt and shame are often our automatic reactions to taking care of ourselves and not "them". I have to remind myself over and over that just because I feel guilty, doesn't mean I AM guilty.
I have counseled many people over the years who have suffered from the effects of growing up in dysfunction and pain - it is at the root of many human issues and it's very hard to work on by oneself because the remedies feel counter-intuitive at first. I know many people who are in the process of gratefully healing from this hell, myself included. I know two things for sure: you're not alone and there are changes you can make that will begin to effect this healing in you. Blessings
That's usually how it works - look good on the outside at all costs. ACA is a worldwide 12 step group. I was lucky enough to have a good group in my area. There are groups everywhere including online and phone meetings. There are lots of great books also. If you look up adult child/children, codependency or dysfunctional families you'll find lots of great books.
Most families are dysfunctional b/c most people are dysfunctional in this crazy world - it's a matter of degree. You can pm me if you want.
They are sending him home with you after he threatened your son's life?
A part of a neglected child will always want their parents to be like real parents. We keep trying to get the approval that we never had. We have been trained to be the one who takes all the crap...The sad thing is that we will never get it from the parents. We can only learn to approve of ourselves.
Your responsibility is more to your children than your mean, perverted father, no matter what feelings you have for him, as kind-hearted as they are. Sorry for being blunt but the thought of children being around such a monster (even though I'm sure he isn't all bad) brings bad memories.
The mean ones seem to live a long time, too. He could still be kicking when he's 90. I hope you can find a place for him to go so that you can begin to claim your life and before he does any more damage.
I agree that it is easier and more rewarding, if we channel healing, or assist in other healing ways, if someone 'wants' the healing. I have come to understand too though, that one is always allowed to keep sending healing, if it is out of 'self-defense' (and if necessary from a distance). Even if someone who causes me harm tells me explicitly they do not want me to channel healing for them - I will continue doing so until they have stopped causing me harm (directly or indirectly), and or disappear out of my life! If Spirit disagrees in any way, they are obviously always permitted to 're-direct' any healing energies I channel. I doubt they will though - as non-suffering always takes priority, once one has made clear that one does not want to suffer anymore....
(not saying you do not think the same way, just wanted to avoid confusion on this point. Free will, in my opinion, only extends as far as we apply it without hurting beings, which do not want to be hurt:))
Love and Light
By spiritual guide, I mean a human being who has studied the healing arts and can help you in a hands-on way. There are a lot of them around. Even where I live, a small rural community, I've found a few invaluable people. And you can contact Elise on this website. She's been very helpful to me.
I also worked with a shaman who removed two "entities" from me. She had to chase one of them away twice. One was trying to destroy me, and it turned out to be a male entity who greatly resembled my ex-boyfriend and my mother at the same time! It takes a lot of work to do this, and you can't do it alone. And unfortunately, there's usually some sort of cost involved. But it's worth it. And you are SO not alone in this experience.
Oh, Renee - I'm so sorry that you're having to deal with this. I know how it tears your heart in two. Even when you know the right and logical thing to do - that little voice keeps telling you that you're somehow "bad" or that you "should" be doing more... I am soooo familiar with that voice.
I always remind myself that just because I love someone, it doesn't mean they're good for me. Unfortunately for me this means a great many members of my family who are addicted to substances, drama, bad behavior - you name it. I remind myself that they are being "who they are" and although I fervently wish things were different, it's not in my power to change them and it's not my job - nor is it my right. Who am I to say what their journey in life "should" be. My responsibility is to myself and at some point (when I became physically sick) I had to stop the bleeding and get my nose out of their "stuff" and start taking responsibility for my own "stuff". I had to summon up enough love for myself to remove myself from a painfully pointless situation - the same way you would remove a child or a dog even from an unhealthy situation. Shouldn't we love ourselves at least that much?
I would watch my siblings repeatedly engaged in drama, chaos and violence and walk away without being affected in any way - they'd go back for more - they thrive on it! I'm different. I feel things - deeply - painfully - I'm an empath. I finally had to honor that and take care of myself - that's my job. Easy? No way. Time has helped and "talking myself off the ledge" (metaphorically) sometimes daily has helped. The support of people who "get it" has helped. Educating myself has helped.
I learned that "one day at a time" doesn't mean that I "white knuckle" it 'til tomorrow - it means that I remind myself every day (maybe every hour when the guilt gets bad) why I'm doing what I'm doing and I don't allow myself to slip back into unconsciousness again.
I completely agree Angel. We are on a journey and these people are our teachers - painful as the lessons are. Anita Morjani is a woman who had an incredible near death experience. As a result she was healed from Stage 4 Lymphoma. She had similar issues in her life. She was asked "What did you do with the life you were given?" "How did you honor that life?" She wasn't given one ounce of credit for having deferred to other people's demands. She was held accountable for not loving and honoring herself. She wrote a book: Dying to Be Me. She learned that the cancer was a result of not following her own heart and being who she was meant to be. Very powerful stuff.
Here are some quotes I came across today (don't know who to attribute them to):
"People learn how to treat you based on what you accept from them."
"I'm mature enough to forgive you, but I'm not dumb enough to trust you again."
"Close some doors. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because they no longer lead somewhere."
"Stop letting people who do so little for you control so much of your mind, feelings and emotions."
"Stop asking me to trust you when I'm still coughing up water from the last time you let me drown."
I understand what you're saying. It's all about boundaries. Do what you feel is right for you - some compromise that will allow you to have a clear conscious and is consistent with what you feel is right. Not what he thinks you should do for him. If he is going to make ridiculous decisions to try to force you into a corner, that's emotional blackmail and not acceptable. You should put yourself into a position to say "I'm willing to do x and y but I will not do z." After that, if he chooses to live on the street then that's the option he chooses. Somehow, with people like this, it never seems to come to that - they land on their feet because ultimately, they know how to look out for #1.
The point is, you are a person too with rights and needs and preferences His don't trump yours. He's an adult and he's shown you what he's capable of. If you offer any assistance, it's on your terms in a way that keeps you comfortable and safe.
Here's one more quote (Maya Angelou) "When someone shows you who they are - believe them."