Hi Gem...I'm so sorry you have to go through this...the fact is...he hurt you, you were NOT responsible for that...he was...he broke a trust and needs to take responibility for it...but...this is about you now...all the methods of ridding yourself of the negative will only work up to a point...I think this situaltion is one where your gonna have to ride the waves of emotions till what ever happens happens...and know it's ok to feel anger...resentment ...pain..hurt and yes... even hate...negative emtions are a part of human beings...no matter how hard we try to suppress them...I personally think they're stupid...lol.....but suppressing them can do more damage as I've discovered myself...this is a big hurt for you...don't bury it for the sake of saving your marriage...things have changed I'm sorry to say...this expereience isn't stunting your spiritual growth...it's helping...anything negative that happens has a purpose...what's this painful experience teaching you? I guess you'll find out...there IS a message in there somewhere...
You will continue to awaken. There is no stopping it now
Why do you feel that you must stay with him? What do you "owe" him, besides the fact that you signed marriage paperwork? You didn't sign your soul away...
If it's too personal and you can't (or don't want to) say, please don't. Just some thoughts to consider <3
It's also possible, that you are confusing his being with you (his "love" for you) as your love for him. I've been with people in the past when I confused the good feeling I got when someone loved me or wanted me (or even their feeling of being in love with me) as my love for them. But when I "stepped away" from the feeling, I realized I didn't even like the person! That is something us empaths need to be aware of. Our feelings can get mixed up with others' feelings.
You will leave him when you're ready. You can't wait or hope or make someone change. If you two are meant to be together, if you separate, you will end up back together when the time is right. ("If you love something, let it go...if it comes back to you, it was yours; if it doesn't, it never was.") So if you are meant to be together...if you are soul mates, twin flames...you will find one another again That is something that is good to know...what happens is for a reason and everything is meant to be and will turn out right in the end. There are no mistakes...only experiences/lessons (and hopefully learning). You've probably gained all that you can from this experience with your husband, and you can find comfort in the thought that your next adventure is up around the bend
In the meantime, time is never wasted. The situations we are in are opportunities for growth, and the most difficult situations produce the most growth! I've noticed lately how I get too comfortable (and even back-track) when life is "easy," so I'm actually starting to enjoy the tough moments...because that is where the growth happens...and then I'll get to the "other side" of ascension faster
My thoughts are with you <3 and my heart feels your pain. What "kills" me is that you are sticking around this guy who brings out panic attacks in you Why do you feel that you deserve to be hurt like that? You don't. If you're an empath, especially, you don't deserve to experience pain. You've been hurt enough.
I know you will do the right thing. It may just take time to figure out and do what your soul is calling you to do...and that's okay It took me a month to tell my ex-husband I was going to be leaving him, after my realization that he wasn't the one for me. So no worries. Do what you need to do when the moment is right. You can't leap unless you're ready