Misreading or misunderstanding what I write or say

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The Importance of Being Jonny
@the-importance-of-being-jonny
2 years ago
794 posts

I dunno if other empaths deal with this or if this is just me, but online, people have a tendency to not read what I wrote and go on in response to something I never even said. In my online fan group, the members tend to not read clearly what I write. I could be asking a specific question and all the responses would be about something I didn't even ask. This happens everywhere online and it's happened so often that aside from getting on my nerves, has me wondering what about me causes this?

And not just online, it happens in life where I can explicitly say something and the person I am saying it to takes a whole different meaning from it. It ties a lot into the whole misunderstood thing we empaths go through. What is that about? Why is this a thing? I find it annoying, to be honest cuz I feel people are so quick to respond to something I didn't even say and it makes me wonder if they are paying attention at all. How can you be responding to something I did not say or write or wasn't even thinking about? Do my creepy empathic words confuse people? Do I have people under my spell? What?

I feel like I have to write a preface with everything I write that states before you respond, make sure you have fully read and understand what you are replying to. It happens so often that I don't feel like there's any other way for me to be understood.

Jonny


updated by @the-importance-of-being-jonny: 01/09/17 10:37:41AM
Reckless
@reckless
2 years ago
117 posts
Ask them one on one. They could be self centered. You'll have to get their attention without demanding it. Try to remain calm when replying to any.Sometimes people just relate to something you said and can't stop thinking of it. You would not know for sure.
Steph229
@steph229
2 years ago
1 posts

I find that this happens to me alot too. One of my friends and I often get into arguments bc she completely misunderstands what I'm talking about both online and in real life. I wonder if it's just that we're not clear enough on what we mean or maybe we view things in a different way than most other people do so it's hard for them to understand where we're coming from? As for this happening on your fansite, do you have a specific example of this happening just for reference? It could be that they agree with what you've already said and are just adding their two cents into the conversation by expanding upon what you asked. Do you ever reply back to people's responses and ask refined questions to any one person specifically? Or do you just ask a question once and see what responses happen? Sometimes people will misunderstand something especially online, and responding to one person specifically to clarify what you mean can help them understand what you're getting at and help others who read your comments understand you better before they add a comment.

The Importance of Being Jonny
@the-importance-of-being-jonny
2 years ago
794 posts

This is what prompted me to make this topic here on EC. I ask specific questions, one that cannot be misinterpreted, but people reply as if I asked something completely different.

The question was regarding one theme song from a show we all watch that have amazing lyrics which can be seen as iconic. My question was forthright and specific and not only do I have people commenting their favorite fight songs, but after I already clarified what I meant, people are still commenting their favorite songs when that is not what I asked. To me, the fact that they do this and continue doing this after clarification seems illogical to me. It makes me feel like I am not capable of having a human conversation because when I speak they apparently either do not hear me or hear something else.

This is but ONE example of many many many aggravating moments where I ask something and people trail off. Sometimes my question goes completely ignored while everyone carries on in the comments talking about whatever that does not relate to what I asked. I ask myself, "why are they telling me their favorite fight songs? Is this their way of telling me these songs are iconic to them? If so, why can't they simply state that instead of listing their favorite songs?"

Unless it's one person that answered something I didn't ask, I don't feel it necessary for me to ask them personally because then I would feel like I am screaming at someone to understand me, as if I am talking in American English but they hear a totally alien language.325_discussions.png

Visitor
@visitor
2 years ago
303 posts

I don't think people read carefully these days. If you write a paragraph, they're likely to see "I'm married with two kids andblalblablalbblablalbalbalbalbalblablalbalbalblalalalalbalalbalbalblalbawhenever it rains." Their own thoughts get in the way, the stress of the day, whatever. I'd like to see people slow down and pay attention to every word, myself. It gets annoying.

I preface a lot of comments with "I'm no expert, but I suspect that bla bla bla" and people accuse me of being a know-it-all, even though I didn't claim to know anything! They don't read the preface.

I find it help to use bullet points or numbers to list my thoughts. They're easier to read that way.

Rene''
@rene
2 years ago
1,194 posts
I'm guilty! I do get into too big of a hurry sometimes without feeling it out and do miss the importance of what a person is actually saying or feeling.
Dice
@dice
last year
284 posts

I have always been misunderstood in a way that resulted in my silence most of the time.

People are drawn to you. You are well spoken andintelligent. People may see your language and assume that you are making a statement (orchallengingthemto take it further) even though you clearly askeda simplequestion. In some cases it could be they are not reading the whole question/statement orthey are on a completely different level than you are.

That is what I see when I read your example of frustration.

What commonly happens to me is that I can be in a discussion and people will argue with meeven thoughwe are saying the same thing. There are times when I crave to be around people that are on the same level so I can have good conversation. It frustrates me and makes mefeelalone most of the time.

The Importance of Being Jonny
@the-importance-of-being-jonny
last year
794 posts

It's very irritating to write something and people read only a portion of it or ignore part of it completely.If I write an entire BLOCK of text, I can understand ignoring part of it, but if it's two or 3 simple sentences, that is beyond maddening to me. It happened again this morning. Whenever that happens, I typically ignore it because if they can't answer me based on what I asked them why on earth should I answer or reply to someone that isn't responding based on what I asked?

AlexanderHoff123
@alexanderhoff123
last year
10 posts

Yep! This sounds very familiar. Especially online, since they can't see my face and all.

And it really sucks when you're just trying to be nice, and they think you're messing with them. Why would I? I have no reason to be a jerk.

Karen2
@womanwhowalks
last year
783 posts

Hi...from what I read of your post on fb...the 3 people who responded were telling you no...they preferred/liked a different song to the one you mentioned...they didn't word it to make it clear to you ...the clarification question you posted, you lengthened and invited them to tell you which song they preferred...but the original queston does the same thing...so...I kinda think they responded in accordance to what they understood the original question to mean...you were expecting a different kind of response perhaps and was disappointed in the replies. ...how a person words sentences can lead to misunderstandings ...when people speak/write words there is actual energy attached to the words..which I'm picking up at the same time as the words flow into my ears...so...perhaps the energy doesn't match the words...I went to England one time...I went into a bakery to get food....I entered...the young woman behind the counter said...if you please...I said...what?... lol...she said...If you please.... I said..excuse me? If I please what?... by this time she was getting angry...and said...if you please how may I help you?.... I mean seriously...if she'd said it that way the first time I would have understood immediately....and wouldn't have made her angry...i'd never heard ' if you please ' used that way...lol...but she didn't know that and I didn't know that...and I appologized...lol...she speaks english...I speak english...but obviously not the SAME english...lol...variations of language also get in the way...

The Importance of Being Jonny
@the-importance-of-being-jonny
last year
794 posts

The thing about the people that responded to me, I know them and have known them for years so I know how they respond and how they write. Additionally, this has happened before. Countless other times where I ask something and they don't answer, rather they answer based on a question I didn't ask. I didn't ask them what they liked or preferred. Their answers were telling me their favorite songs. Notice all of them commented the same. "I like this and that." One of those song replies not even having lyrics, so how is it iconic? He was telling me his favorite song.

It wasn't a different way of answering my question. To answer my question, they would have to say "this song is iconic." not "I like this song". "I like this song" tells me they like a song. That doesn't tell me if they think it's iconic. The first person responds "I always like we need a hero". That isn't an alternate way of answering if a specific song is iconic, that is telling me he always likes we need a hero. The final person is just jumping on the same bandwagon telling me what he really likes and that person specifically is one person who always reads too much or too little into what I post and answers in a whole other direction than what was asked, something he did again just the other day. After I clarified what I meant, none of them except for one person corrected themselves and responded appropriately. That, too has happened before.

Dice
@dice
last year
284 posts

And that is where the silence comes in. I get really quiet when it is clear I am not going to be understood. This is the part where I would typically let it go. It seems pointless trying to continue.

What is even more frustrating is having a friend that says the SAME thing and her having it received the way I intended mine to be.

In school the first online class I took was in tone. I have to literally use smiley faces or other forms of visuals to secure my tone or meaning. It helps but there are simply times people do not want to receive what you are saying or are incapable of doing so. People get absorbed in what they want to see and in a range that is all about themselves. Empaths do not generally see anything in this way, so it is as if you are speaking a different language altogether. In essence you are.

Might it be that you are posting in the wrong environment? Is this a cue that you need to shift focus elsewhere? Are you speaking to the right people? These are a few of the questions I ask myself when I am in a place of frustration.

Not saying I am right, but something to think about.

Dice

Karen2
@womanwhowalks
last year
783 posts

You mean agreeing with you that the song you like is the best?... huh...

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