Struggling to shake it off

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Gem
@gem
2 years ago
220 posts
Hi all, it's been an up and down week emotionally with my mind harping back to the cause of my marriage problems..then feeling guilty because we've been getting along well so I've not properly voiced how I've been feeling because I don't want to put him on a downer.Then last night I went into the city with a homeless outreach team to give warm drinks/clothing and survival blankets. Obviously it was emotional but I was in control of it till I came across an older man just 3yrs younger than my dad. He'd been sleeping in the rain on the same bench for 4 nights. His leg was injured and he wasn't able to get to any shelter..I felt so helpless and such deep sadness. I only had two women's wool cardigans left which I covered him in. Was heartbreaking to have to leave him there.I'm struggling to shake off the emotions of both the above situations.I've meditated and my departed friend whom I believe is one of my spirit guides came and I saw green and blue light which I believe is love and healing..but then I got profound grief because I miss my friend so so much I wish he would manifest in front of me so we could talk like we used to. I've sobbed and pleaded like a child :(I had been doing so well and now I just feel lost.I'm not sure how to drag myself out of it!Just needed to put that down somewhere but any suggestions are welcome.BlessingsGem x
updated by @gem: 01/21/17 07:53:11AM
Rene''
@rene
2 years ago
1,194 posts
I've been I. Your shoes and know about that uncontrolled crying during meditation. I'm no expert but maybe tying some different grounding techniques but I know it's had to calm your mind when your feel like your going insane
Karen2
@womanwhowalks
2 years ago
787 posts

I am of the mind that no one truly dies...we're all programmed to think that when a person dies...they go far away...in my experience that isn't the case...the soul simply leaves the body....to resume their journey in a different way...but they never really leave the people they love...you are never alone...even though you think you are...there are spirit people everywhere...and your friend is there with you...he doesn't have to be visible for you to talk to him...the grief you feel may be his too...i do think that it takes human spirit some time to get used to not having a body...shaking off the illusion of dying...is probably one of the greatest gifts that was given to me....it gives me great comfort in knowing when I leave my body I'll be joining everyone who I have here with me.....but until then...I'll have to be content with how things are right now...lol...give yourself and your house a smudge...that always grounds me and I feel so much better after...

Gem
@gem
2 years ago
220 posts
Thanks both of you :)Yes I did feel insane for a while. Maybe I didn't let myself grieve properly back when he died.. I mean I did cry a lot at the time and missed him but maybe more needed to come out?He was one of the very few people I could be completely myself with and tell anything tooHe also gave great hugs lol.I agree Karen. I definitely know he's there but I can't see or hear him. He sometimes appears as a white horse in my meditation and o cuddle into him, other times its his human form usually leading me somewhere.I sometimes wonder if he was an empath because he really was like a counsellor as well as friend at times and sometimes cried right along with me.Yes I will smudge.. Last smudged about two weeks ago so suppose I thought maybe it was a bit soon after the last one..but its worth a try.Thanks both of you x
Gem
@gem
2 years ago
220 posts
I never told him how much I loved him and appreciated him as my friend and confidant. I told him over and over after my meditation yesterday though.It's taught me to always let my loved ones know how dear they are to me.Just wish I could feel his hug and hear his kind and wise words one last time... Well until we meet again for my next journey :) x
Lotusfly
@lotusfly
2 years ago
410 posts
Hi Gem,Not sure what your marriage problems were, but what I feel from your post is that the helpless homeless man is symbolic of your marriage (as in it's a hopeless situation, i.e. not meant to be) and you feeling powerless to helping the homeless man (or helping/saving your marriage). And your guy friend (spirit guide) is who you are meant to be with or, at the very least, he is making you aware that you need something that your current marriage cannot provide you so there is an emptiness from something you need that you are not getting. And the helpless homeless man exacerbates your empty/powerless feeling, with the purpose of motivating you to make a change in your life, whatever that may be <3Blessings~
Lotusfly
@lotusfly
2 years ago
410 posts
Sorry, I didn't realize your friend has already passed on. My heart goes out to you.
Gem
@gem
2 years ago
220 posts
Hi Lotusfly, there are elements of the marriage problems that can feel hopeless (his parents have always been a nightmare), the initial Trauma was me discovering unhealthy secret behaviour that spanned across our entire relationship. Started before he ever met me. We're both in separate counselling before we go into marriage counselling.He's a good man and I know he loves me. Unfortunately he'd developed very unhealthy ways (not conducive to marriage) to 'escape' from the damage caused I think by his controlling narc parents.It does sometimes feel helpless because his parents won't ever change and I feel our only chance is to move far away which he agrees to. We need to Wait two years tho for my son to finish his apprenticeship.My friend died in 2008 and I'm missing him terribly right now. I always missed him but this situation with my marriage has intensified it because I know I'd be able to say exactly what comes into my head with him and he'd 'hear' me. I think it's the loss of having him to talk to right now that's made me feel so lost.Thank you for replying :) xBlessingsGem x
Lotusfly
@lotusfly
2 years ago
410 posts
Can you pretend that you're him (your friend) by listening to yourself, being compassionate with yourself, comforting yourself, taking care of yourself, being your own best friend?
Lastars
@lastars
2 years ago
96 posts
Gem, do you know about homeopathy? It can be very helpful for sensitive, empathetic ppl.There is a herb RHODIOLA, it is called the Well-Being herb and it isn't expensive. We live in very difficult times and sometimes a bit of help along the way can aid us in keeping us from sinking too low while we process and sort out feelings and causes....~*~...
Gem
@gem
2 years ago
220 posts
Thanks Lotusfly that is a good idea to try to practice. I've never tried anything like that before although I suppose it's similar to trying to think what he'd say to me.I'll be going to his grave Xmas eve with some flowers.. In the meantime I'll try what you said.Blessings x
Gem
@gem
2 years ago
220 posts
Hi Lastars, I supplements vitamins but don't know much about homeopathy. I'll go check out if they have it on Amazon. I'll certainly give it a go. I've found I can't relay my meeting the older homeless man to anyone eg my son without starting to cry.I have tried voicing my trouble reliving the cause of marriage problems to my husband and he gave me the space to cry it out which helped a little.Thanks for your adviceBlessings x
Lastars
@lastars
2 years ago
96 posts
I would search Homeopathy and then add words like grief, over sensitive, etc and see if a remedy fits the ticket. For me Hepar Sulph 30ch to take me down a few notches and capable of accepting society.
...~*~...
hpathy.com may be helpful ('it's a bit confusing at first)I've never used this, but maybe try??
http://www.justanswer.com/sip/homeopathy?r=ppc%7Cms%7C4%7CHealth+%2...
Gem
@gem
2 years ago
220 posts
Thank you so much I'm going to do some research now by following your link :)I've always been hsp I'm really waking up to myself these last few months and it brings with it many highs and lows!I'll take all the help I can get. I want to help people but realise I can't if I myself am running on empty.Thanks again it's much appreciated x
ChrisApril
@chrisapril
2 years ago
5 posts

I have a friend like this (ok, none of us is gay, but she's married) and I just cant imagine her not being here. I am terribly sorry that you lost someone like this!

Gem
@gem
2 years ago
220 posts
Hi Chris, thank you and I hope you enjoy many many more years of your special friendship...bonds like that are few and to be cherished :) x
Lotusfly
@lotusfly
2 years ago
410 posts
Kinda like pretending he's there with you but instead of beside you, inside you, like his energy/spirit running through you as if it were your energy. After all, energy is energy, and it may be comforting to picture that during tough times. He's always with you anyway...just let him be a part of you :)Bless you, and I hope you enjoy the visiting on Christmas Eve :) Remember that it's good to feel and release negative emotions...it's the only way we get over them <3

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