Illness and empathy

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Alison
@alison
2 years ago
71 posts

Hi

I have CFS and am constantly reminded of how different my approach is to people who are unwell. I've always been a real helper and have realized over the years that I'm really driven to help people with their problems - health or otherwise. I've had to learn to hold back because in the past, if anyone's told me their problems I'm just there. It's like those problems become mine and it's my job to sort them out. And it's been a big eye opener to see that most other people don't respond in the same way.

From my perspective if someone close to me is ill, I do all I can to help make them feel better. My family are really good. I know they really care and want me to be better but I just don't get the same level of support that I give. I think what I'm trying to say is that if someone close to me was unwell, it would become a priority for me to help them but that's just not the case with most people. I think my empathic 'gift' enables me to tune into others' problems and to lend love and support in whatever way it's needed. It's not that people don't care but they don't have that empathic ability to tune in and just understand and support me in that way. I don't know if I'm explaining this very well but it's just exhausting sometimes not getting the support I need (and that I give).

I guess it's just the classic 'I'm different' and so people don't understand. It's not their fault, they just don't have the same level of understanding and empathy... is just hard sometimes and I just wanted to say that :-)

I guess we can all relate?


updated by @alison: 01/10/17 11:15:40PM
PD2012
@pd2012
2 years ago
20 posts

I know exactly how you feel. I'm a magnet to anyone with problems and I go through the same thing, wanting to resolve their issues for them. Very often, I exhaust myself in my attempts and no not everyone is appreciative.

I had a customer once who after maybe 3 minutes into conversation completely fell apart and unloaded her medical history and her fears onto me. What do you do? you listen and offer a shoulder. At the end of the conversation she thanked me for making her feel better but she no longer felt she could work with us as she was embarrassed by her breakdown. I wanted to tell her not to worry about it, this happens to me all the time but I didn't! She promptly left and I wanted to hang a sign outside my store, ($100.00 an hour for psychiatric sessions). I was a bit put out as I did nothing there..... Eventually, she came back but geez. Magnet, we're just magnets.

Lavender&rose
@lavenderrose
2 years ago
82 posts

I, too, know how you feel. I did this extensively in my thirties and early forties. I can't say there was ever much understanding for my situation, only more need for my help of all kinds - as I became very ill myself.

I am now older and would say wiser. Many on these sorts of forums blithely claim that empaths are hear to help, to heal others. I came to the conclusion that I did not want to be extremely ill any more, and that to do so I would have to learn to look after myself - and this involved turning down the engine of my need to rush out and help; for my heart to rush out to others, and that sense I must help. This I found very hard to do.

I am now weller. Surprisingly well! And I now help judiciously. Many of those I felt so deeply for, and so responsible for are not so well (a lot of them, addicts), and have faded from my life completely. It is sad. But I came to the conclusion that it was better for me to be alive than dead.

I am still a magnet for certain types, but I have an early warning system I listen to - and though I still try to be kind I do not encourage them to attach. The ones I poured most energy into over many years really just chewed up all my energy and fervent desire to help. There are others I can help, and that is gently rewarding. Really, I had to entirely rewire myself over a number of years, to prevent that automatic burning leaping in to help people (who were generally not interested in helping themselves, and deeply disinterested in spending more than a second's thought on me!).

Your situation may be very different, but there may be something in there that I wrote that you relate to. I do hope you can find ways to rest and heal yourself. I spent so much of my life ill; I spent almost all my childhood very ill, and felt it was my role from a tiny age to help, heal, and save both my parents. I am trying to learn better ways to use my gifts, so that I can live a long and healthy life and do what I am meant to do - not chew myself up on bottomless pits.

I hope you find a way through your situation that brings health and healing, kindness and thoughtfulness to your own self, and that a full recovery from CFS is in your future.

Goodenergyhealing
@goodenergyhealing
2 years ago
373 posts

there is no use for the helpers to help so much, they get sick over it! But I know it is not always easy to not be all in there.

2 things come to mind

- do you channel energy? As a spiritual healer I learned to ask the Divine to attach to me (make sure you ask divine Earth energies to attune to you as well, always good to be grounded), and then I channel that energy for my, or a healee's benefit. I.e. I do not give my own personal energy. (But even with that do not go overboard. In my experience even channeling healing can trigger healing resistances et al., which can take (own) energy to handle. If I feel exhausted I just pray for people, without the channeling)

- are you taking Vit D? I used to suffer form CFS. Discovered that I likely do not get enough sunshine and supplementing high enough doses of D3 does seem to help a lot! Also good probiotics (make my own Kefir)!.

(In the end I think most of my CFS was getting bad stuff from the outside, energies resisting my Light. The greatest leap was to discover that I was not responsible as such in creating it (unless you count regular meditation), and to just let them pass through (to make sure I ask for my energies to be cleansed regularly), as well as ask for healing help - wherever, whatever, whenever, and unrestricted!)

Love and Light!

Alison
@alison
2 years ago
71 posts

Thanks for the thoughtful replies.

PD2012 and Lavender & Rose - yes, I have really struggled over the years with 'needing' to help. I actually feel this is a lot more under control now and do wonder if it played a part in my getting sick. I don't see many people these days and I wonder if this is something I need to help myself heal.

I think what I find difficult is that people are so lacking in perception. I've always focused on being highly sensitive but recently I've been reading about high perceptivity and it's been a bit of an eye opener. I pick up on so much stuff from others and just keep forgetting I won't generally get the same back. And I get annoyed that I keep forgetting and keep getting disappointed. It's been interesting because I think it's very hard to see how your empathy works ... it's just normal for you ... but this has really shown me how differently I respond. I try really hard not to get hurt by people's insensitivity and thoughtlessness (because I know they don't mean it and they do care for me) but is just hard going sometimes. I am trying to focus more on who I am and what my gifts are and being more accepting of myself.

Good energy healing - I have been doing the nutrition/diet thing for a long time but it's not working unfortunately. I have lots of sensitivities and have developed a whole load more this year, it's just ridiculous. I've had to stop taking all my supplements including Vit D and I can't tolerate probiotics because of a histamine intolerance... but thanks for the suggestions :-) I always feel likea drama queen when I tell people about how sensitive I am but I'm not!

Re channelling energy - I just feel really cut off from my spiritual self. I've done SO much inner work over the years, I've just kind of reached the point where I think there's got to be more to it. I've spent hours agonising, is my CFS caused by something emotional or something outside of myself? And I suspect it's probably both. I have a mould allergy and suspect many of my health problems are caused by mercury ... I know that environmental toxins affect the nervous system and brain so maybe they're an obstacle to my spiritual connection too???

Goodenergyhealing
@goodenergyhealing
2 years ago
373 posts

I might be arrogant, but over the years I have become pretty certain that my CFS is to a very large proportion externally triggered. I have the benefit of having seen many clients 1-on-1 (for massage and healing) over the last 9 years, and could hence observe how different people make me feel. Most uncomfortable energies seem to be either healing resistances (to my Light and the energies I work with) and or those energies trying to use me as a 'channel out' (they are tired of being the bad boy, and just want to go 'home'. But like a baby crying their communication ability is limited, and a depressive energy e.g. will use depressive feelings to get your attention, or feel depressive when passing through).

There also seem to be energies in the outside that support inside suffering energies, so one has to pray and ask that those are stopped and or removed as well!!!

I.e. if you have done so already, give the Divine card blanche regarding how, much , where, when, how strong etc. they help (you do not want to limit their help through limiting believes)

I have, what I consider, a perfect prayer on my website - containing what I think is essential to ask for. www.alexander-king.com

I did feel blocked and not properly connected for years, it would drive me potty! Very uncomfortable. Except for not working in an office anymore, Vit D, and eventually stopping smoking, there weren't that many life style changes. Do not think anything that would warrant - less toxins (well, except the smoking bit obviously). I am stubborn and refused to believe I was forsaken. Connecting to the divine myself seemed difficult anyway (where exactly do the angels live?), so I ask all relevant divine energies to connect to me instead. If I do not feel it, I 'know' they are there anyway, and they shift and heal anything that creates the 'disconnected' illusion. And luckily these days I rarely feel disconnected for long periods of time.

I assume you know that oily fish has decent amount of Vit D? Also if you can eat mushrooms, supposedly if you put them out in the sunshine for and hour or two, they produce natural Vit D. You can keep them in the fridge after.

Is that all probiotics? E.g. Kombucha as well?

Love and Light!

Alison
@alison
2 years ago
71 posts

It doesn't sound arrogant at all. I think we know best about our own health. I'm trusting myself more as time goes on but it's a slow process! I can't eat any probiotics (used to make my own sauerkraut) because some of them are histamine producing and I have a problem with histamine. Fish are high in histamine and I can't eat mushrooms because I have a mould allergy. I'm very limited in what I can eat now which is not good.

I wonder if my sensitivity, over the years, has set the scene for CFS and a compromised immune system. I know I need the energy work but I suspect I need to repair physical damage that's been done too. I have trouble trusting my intuition but it is telling me to get a damp area looked at in the house because there's mould there and that could be continuing to keep my immune system suppressed. A lot of CFSers struggle with mould. In many ways, I wish I could just do it all via energy work. I live with my parents who don't understand CFS (don't think anyone does until you experience it) and so it's not just my decision to get work done in the house. And that's not been easy. I'm not great at asserting my needs (especially within family) so it's been quite a challenge for me to speak out.

Thanks for the prayer link. I thought your prayer was lovely. I especially liked the bit where you gave permission to override (paraphrasing here)any limiting thoughts and beliefs. I do remind myself every day that I am consciousness and I'm bigger than my problems and negative beliefs but they just feel so big, I don't really believe it. I never thought of asking for help in that way so I'll definitely give that a go. I suppose it'slike asking the divine to undo the negativity instead of having to do it all yourself. I like the idea of asking it to connect to you rather than vice versa. It takes the pressure off me thinking I'm doing it wrong ... something I do frequently.

Like I say, my intuition is telling me mould but it's hard to believe without back up and validation from others. Maybe my energy work is working via my intuition and I am connecting more than I realise. Time will tell.

Thanks for replying. I enjoy reading your posts and your upbeat advice :-)

Goodenergyhealing
@goodenergyhealing
2 years ago
373 posts

hmmm - I wrote a lengthy reply, but must have left the page before posting :(

So I will just repeat this -

have you maybe tried a natural mould spray as a temporary solution? E.g. vinegar with oregano and or clove essential oil (and maybe some water)?

Glad you liked the prayer - hope it helps (quickly!).

Love and Light!

Goodenergyhealing
@goodenergyhealing
2 years ago
373 posts

obviously try any self brewed mould spray on a little bit first :)

Alison
@alison
2 years ago
71 posts

Thanks :-)

Lastars
@lastars
2 years ago
96 posts
Alison, it has been proven (about 95% if memory serves me correctly) that those with fibromyalgia had trauma in early childhood. Because CFS is in the same family I think it is worth mentioning. I've had both labels and have been totally free of and had them reoccurring and it has lead me to numerous observations and conclusions which I won't get into.

The environment with your parents doesn't seem like a healthy environment for you to be in. I think, literally sucking the Life out of you. I believe you must now be fighting the forces of stagnation upon your body.

I can relate to your level of sensitivity and caring and it is true that most of the world doesn't have this level of focus, at least 80%.
I too had to learn to not take care of others the way I had done for decades and be self involved/selfish first. It's a hard lesson to learn late in Life.

This may help you understand some of your sensitivity levels:
http://youtu.be/FQLBnUBKggY
Elaine Aron on HSP (highly sensitive person). All 3 vids total about 50 min.
20% of the population are HSP, equally split amongst fe/male.
There is a physical diagnosis explaining this, HSP have shorter iliads in the insula/brain. Nature intended us to be problem solvers. We take in much more information, are much more aware then average ppl. This also causes us to become overstimulated and overwhelmed much faster then others.
...~*~...
Alison
@alison
2 years ago
71 posts

Hi Lastar

Thanks for the info. Yes, I too believe that our sensitivity makes us susceptible to illnesses that might not trouble others.That's interesting what yousay about childhood trauma and fibromyalgia. Do you have a reference for the95% figure you mentioned?

I have to disagree with your comments about my parents 'sucking the life out me!' Can't agree with this at all. I wish they understood a bit more but then I wish most of the world did!! But they are extremelysupportive in other ways and I'm really grateful for that.

Thanks for the reply :-)

Lastars
@lastars
2 years ago
96 posts
Alison, when I was assessed (for fibromyalgia) we were given info and the 95% (+/-) was part of the info given and discussed, but sorry, no, I didn't think to make note of the source. I know Trauma is very true for my young Life. The info came from a clinic that specialized in pain and is mandatory if you wish to continue receiving pain medication. I would imagine one could find same on Internet.
I remember being shocked at the high percentage and questioned them about it, especially considering it was mainstream allopathic medicine.
As an example of caring too much, in past days I would have gone back to the clinic and gotten the info and shared it with you, and if I had all the time in the world, I would, but now I don't do these things. There is so much in my own Life that needs taking care of it is essential I fulfill MY needs before others as Life has proven to me others won't.

As for sucking the Life right out of you, look for what is draining you, even the thought of it makes you feel tired, and that will help point out source. Moving forward, action, is a huge step in recovering from CFS.

The mind really is in control of the show with our bodies. Considering every few years (7?) our cells are completely replaced. It's the old messages/patterns that are stuck within.
...~*~...
Alison
@alison
2 years ago
71 posts

That's ok. I was just interested because, as you say, it's a high number. Thanks.

Glad to hear you are taking care of yourself. Yes, definitely, we need to put ourselves first :-)

Lotusfly
@lotusfly
2 years ago
410 posts

Hi Alison,

My heart goes out to you. I have experienced CF during my spiritual ascension. I currently have chronic pain (undiagnosed fibromyagia) and besides going through a lot of emotions and changes (internally mostly), that is my only ailment right now. Though I've been diagnosed with a mental illness in the past, I do not consider that to be accurate. I have been through a ton though, and many traumas in my life, so I found Lastars comment about that interesting. I also agree with Good Energy about the importance of energy healing. Because traditional medicine today is very limited and only encompasses one aspect of the human body...the physical, tangible part. If traditional medicine is not able to help you at this time, don't give up. Keep searching.

In my opinion, everything that ails a person today (which includes symptoms, illnesses, diagnoses, etc.) are actually a surface symptom of an underlining issue/problem. Western medicine "treats" symptoms, not what is causing the problem, and that can often lead to more symptoms/problems, unfortunately :(

Just so you know I am sensitive like you and I also have the ability to see things from a multitude of perspectives. My "feeling" about your CF is that it is a symptom of past problems that you still carry with you in your mind today. And these problems, when not released, continue to build up in the person's mind and heart, and eventually there is no more storage room left, so in order for the mind/heart to continue on and deal, they begin to store the negative thoughts/feelings/memories/resentments, etc. in the body, and that is when physical illness is a bi-product of mental/emotional distress. The mind/heart can only handle so much pain.

Your chronic fatigue, food sensitivities, and any other ailments you are experiencing should be viewed as a "red flag" so to speak to look within and realize the negative things you've been holding onto and release them.

Early childhood trauma (or any trauma a person experiences) and all other negative life and people experiences, get stored in our mind/heart memory until we deal with them (feel, accept, forgive, and release). You have a lot of pain inside you right now and it's now showing externally.

The CF I experienced recently lasted 2 days (though I've experienced needing huge amounts of sleep before). I felt completely run-down, depleted, as if the world had sucked the life out of me. I realized it was past hurts I was holding onto, plus other things that I'm still working on accepting/releasing :)

I think you can continue to look to the outside for the solution to your CF, forever, but that will only cause more distress in your mind, adding to your mind/heart pain which adds more physical symptoms as well.

If I was a doctor (or just a really good friend), I would suggest that you give yourself a break trying to figure out what's wrong with you, and forgive yourself and everything and everyone from your past (I know, that sounds like a lot, but work on it a little each day). Practice having compassion for yourself, the kind that you so easily show to others. Because, truly, you are hurting on the inside, and it's showing on the outside.

So, my "prescription" for you is:

Relax, self-care, and joy (based on your tastes, such as: read, walk, nature, animals, art, music, meditation, yoga, cooking, playing, baths, hugging yourself, good cry, good laugh, journaling, etc...).

Your body is saying STOP and take care of you. You have been ignoring/neglecting something about yourself, but once you tend to it, you will improve.

And as far as not being connected spiritually, I went through a dark/cold time as an atheist, then my doctor (who treats symptoms with nutrition and lifestyle changes) recommended Eckhart Tolle's "The Power of Now." The logical/realist/left-brained me was able to grasp onto the "proof " I needed that spirituality did exist. Though for several months I had spiritual beliefs and I believed, I did not FEEL spiritual...I did not feel the "magic" in the world, so to speak. But when I practiced grounding myself (energy flow) with the additional help of an energy healer, a blockage in my energy flow was cleared and I suddenly felt spiritual, like a light switch had been turned on in me. That was the moment of my spiritual awakening.

I feel that so many people have experienced trauma and pain in their lives and their hearts close off. All the negative experiences get stored in the body if not released and this creates blockages and illnesses and prevents people from even experiencing joy.

Look within for your own truths. They are there. I wish you the best. And remember that we have to go through the darkest moments to get to the light. It is the only way.

Love and light~

Lotusfly

Alison
@alison
2 years ago
71 posts

Hi Lotusfly

Thanks for your long post ... I appreciate you taking so much time in replying.

I appreciate what you're saying. The problem is I have been practising loving kindness, forgiveness and self care towards myself for the past I don't know how many years and my CFS is still here. In fact, it's got worse this year. Over the last few years, I've begun to favour an integrated approach which covers many different aspects of health. It includes the spiritual but also covers diet, lifestyle and environmental factors. I like this because it seems a common sense approach ie if one thing doesn't work, try something else.

I just think that spiritual work only is not always the only answer. In fact, my intuition is telling me to look into environmental factors.

Thanks again :-)

EVIE63
@evie63
2 years ago
2 posts

I understand what you are saying and can relate. My abilities are so strong that I can't even touch most people anymore because if they have any pain in their bodies, I was feeling it when I touched them. If there is an energy imbalance in their aura I am naturally repelled because I don't want to be around negativity even in the air! I have found ways to help with some people and projects that are comfortable to me and I hope that you are able to find ways to help as well that don't hurt you. Thanks for being yourself and sharing:)

Lotusfly
@lotusfly
2 years ago
410 posts

From what I read in your posts/comments, it seems like you've tried and done everything...except for your spirituality, which you said is lacking. At least, that was my interpretation of your post/comments.

I too believe in a well-rounded approach. Spirituality is one part of our health composite. My doctor told me :) (Btw, In addition to my Fibro, I deal with GI sensitivity, headaches, skin issues, etc. I'm under a lot of stress from thinking too much, and it increases my body pains.)

My doc recommended, since I was atheist for years when on medication, "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle. He said many of his patients like and can't relate to the book. Well, what was in the pages of that book was just the "proof" that my logical, left-brain mind needed to believe that there was something "more" to life than just what is in front of us.

After having the spiritual beliefs, I still didn't feel spiritual though, until I practiced "grounding" to help with the flow of chi through my body, and with the help of a medium/intuitive/healer, an energy blockage was cleared from my body and I instantly, in that moment, felt spiritual :)

After that experience, I asked my massage therapist to do reiki on me. She did, and that further helped me health-wise and with feeling more spiritual.

See, I did everything...I'm physically very healthy as far as nutrition, exercise, and my lifestyle...but I could only go so far with what is offered here in the western world. Once I incorporated energy healing, which to me is not spirituality but a form of eastern medicine, I progressed a lot more with the state of my health.

All the best to you! <3

Loving light~

Alison
@alison
2 years ago
71 posts

Thanks Lotusfly.Really glad that the energy work has helped you so much.The Power of Now is one of my favourites too!

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