overwhelmed by negative emotions at work (aka help!)

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Bookworm
@bookworm
2 years ago
85 posts
So I don't know if anyone can help or relate but I don't really feel like anyone else understands so I thought it would be worth a try just explaining how I'm feeling.About a year ago i was promoted and promised to be trained up to manager within a year. I was thrilled and tried really hard to live to my director's expectations, but we had people leave and a lot of upheaval and I really started to struggle. I could sense that my boss was not happy with my work so i tried to talk to her, get some constructive feedback about how I could improve; the only solid feedback I ever got was that I'm too emotional when receiving criticism.Then suddenly it was decided that a new manager would be hired from outside the company with more experience, instead of me being trained up. I was completely heartbroken at first but have come to terms with it now I think as I can see I don't really have the experience to handle it and I don't think I would have been happy. I tried to explain how upset i was and that it really rocked my confidence to the director after they told me this decision had been made, but all she said was that it was understandable I would feel that way which didn't really help.Ever since then I've felt like the director had completely lost faith in me, and my confidence is just in tatters. I've tried really hard to get over these feelings but it just seems like nothing I do is good enough and they shoot down all of my ideas where before I felt listened to even if things didn't always go my way. I've been really miserable and trying to hide it but obviously not doing a very good job. Today the new manager took me aside and said that I am responsible for the bad atmosphere in the team because of my negativity and behaviour like crying at my desk. I've tried not to do things like that but clearly it hasn't worked and now I feel crushed emotionally as well as afraid I'm going to lose the job, because unfortunately I need the money. I have started looking for other jobs but I think the fact that my confidence is gone is not helping and I just feel at the end of my tether and I don't know what to do!Sorry for the long post but am just feeling completely overwhelmed by my emotions and like I can't get a grip on them so if anyone has any advice at all or has been through anything similar would really appreciate hearing about it, I feel just desperate and I don't know what to do.
updated by @bookworm: 02/26/17 08:08:22AM
Karen2
@womanwhowalks
2 years ago
785 posts

Hi...that's a tuff one..it sounds like you haven't really gotten over this experience....it sounds like you were extremely hurt when they passed you over...it wasn't a nice thing...that's for sure...I've noticed when people say mean things or hurt another person...even if it's not meant...there's an actual disturbance in the energy field of the person getting hurt...the words actually land and leave a dark spot or bruise in your energy field...maybe it was the way they said it...those 'barbs' in your energy field should be removed...any psychic links to all individuals who said those things should also be removed...you have to remove the emotional stuff....management NEVER wants to hear about emotion....and admitting you've lost confidence to management...NOT good...they don't like hearing that at all...it turns them completely off...they want people who can take a hit and keep on ticking....it's like they expect us to shut down being human...lol...they really aren't worthy of you wasting your worry on them...go in...work and leave...plus...you may be picking up other co workers who aren't happy there too...so some of it may not even BE yours...square your shoulders raise your chin in determination and say...to yourself...lol...SCREW YOU...I can DO this job.....at least you can say to youself if it doesn't work out you gave it your best shot...inspite of the bs.....

Karen2
@womanwhowalks
2 years ago
785 posts

Never let management see you sweat...most people don't know how to critisize without sounding mean....so...take the critisism...listen...then go home and let off steam...it sux...but at least you'll work it out in somewhat of a positive way....and they'll see your working on things....and stop crying at work....not good for your image....if you need to cry...go to the bathroom...wash your face and bring visine...be prepared...I work for a male orientated company....and I tell ya...it can be very tuff...that's one of the reasons I drive a bus...I don't have management hanging over my head watching...and why I work at night to stay off their radar and make it as difficult for them to call me up to see em if they want to see me about something...lol...

Karen2
@womanwhowalks
2 years ago
785 posts

Another thing you can do cheer your work space up....steep some white sage, ceder, and sweetgrass in hot water...when cooled pour it into a spray bottle...I have a small one I carry with me...and spritz your chair...and around your desk....that will take care of some of the build up of negative energy...and make u feel better....when you run low just refil with water b4 you use up the last...negative emotions hang around a long time...they need to be cleansed..anyone who enters your space will also feel the effects and they will feel better too....in fact as you enter the building...just quickly spray around the door ...and do it every day when you arrive...and when you leave...it's only herbs in water...so no one should mind...people will walk through and feel better...you will find the atmosphere will lighten up...

Karen2
@womanwhowalks
2 years ago
785 posts
Ummm...sorry...you might want to change your chair...if there are any available...and put the chair somewhere where no one will use it...if there isn't one then put a gel cushion on it so your not in actual contact with it...and really spray it down with the spray...regularly....and tell it to quit making you cry...so I gather your chair has a problem...lol...
Bookworm
@bookworm
2 years ago
85 posts
Thank you so much for your reply. You are right I've gotten into this spiral of negative thoughts about myself and about feeling like a failure and I need to break out of it. I will try your suggestions, just knowing there are people here who don't judge me or think I'm crazy for feeling overwhelmed by these emotions does help. Thank you xx
Bookworm
@bookworm
2 years ago
85 posts
Karen thank you so much for your reply. I know you are right I need to not cry at work it's really annoying that The bathroom is directly next to my manager's desk so it's hard to sneak in, but I can get those herbs to try the cleansing spray I'm willing to try anything at this point! I know other people are also unhappy so perhaps I have been taking that on without realising, this is all still pretty new to me so probably why I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed right now! So strange that you would pick up on the chair - it was my director's before it was given to me. I never thought of it but maybe that is also not helping. Thanks so much for taking the time to read and reply, I felt completely crushed last night and just knowing there are people here who will listen and want to help I already feel more hopeful, so thank you xx
Karen2
@womanwhowalks
2 years ago
785 posts
The chair was a surprise for me too...it was niggling Lil thing which I was ignoring but then bam...I had to say it...wouldn't leave me alone until I did...sometimes when our moods change or we seem unable to help our actions there could be an outside intrusion...if the mood suddenly pops up...and continues for no apparent reason start looking around for other sources...that's what i"ve learned...lol...
Bookworm
@bookworm
2 years ago
85 posts
Thanks Karen having your support means a lot! I already feel a million times better than yesterday can't say how much the support on here has helped <3 :)
Karen2
@womanwhowalks
2 years ago
785 posts
Your quite welcome...no worries....lol
Bookworm
@bookworm
2 years ago
85 posts
Hi Fancy Girl,Thanks for your reply! You are so right I have been doing a lot of thinking and I have been unhappy for some time and part of that is due to this situation, but also a lot of it is I think because I have changed so much since I started this job three years ago. I mentioned I have been looking for a new job, what I didn't say is that I have been looking for something which is essentially exactly the same as what I'm doing now but working for a charity instead of a for profit company. I think this is partly why my current position is not really giving me the satisfaction it used to, but I do want to make the most of my time left in this job and hopefully leave on a really positive note. There has been so much going on both in and out of work for me this year, I'm actually really glad now I didn't get promoted as I think it would have only made me unhappier and taken me in a direction I don't think is right for me. It's taken me a while to get to this point but I hope I can use this as you say as a positive learning experience. Thanks so much for reading and for your advice it does help knowing there are people who understand and care, I feel like I am already finding my confidence again even if my director has lost faith in me I know I can do this job in fact I can do it well and I just need to make sure I'm showing that. Thanks for your support! :)
LindseyAnn
@lindseyann
2 years ago
15 posts

So sorry to hear that you are going through this at work. Make a list of all the things you like do and treat yourself everyday to something that you like, even if its a bubble bath, a bar of chocolate your favourite TV and do things for yourself to help build your self confidence. Also, list the things that you can do and are good at and maybe you can think of another job you can apply to where you might be happier. Is it the job itself or just the environment? A negative and pressurized environment will get you down even though you may love the job itself.

Oh just seen that The Dreamer suggested some of the same things - great minds think alike.

Are you in to herbal essences? - I don't have enough knowledge but getting some that you can use to calm yourself either by putting some on a hanky and sniffing it now and again and spraying it around your area at work or on your clothes could also help. Lavender helps me. Also some yoga positions may help with stress and help balance you out a bit as well as walking,

Hope your situation changes for you soon, so sorry you feel this way

Where are you in the UK again?

Lindsey

Bookworm
@bookworm
2 years ago
85 posts
Hi LindseyAnn,Thanks for your reply :) I definitely do need to work on my self confidence and that is an ongoing thing which I know I should be able to improve. It's really a combination of a very negative environment where many people are very unhappy (they really struggle to keep people long term, and that is partly because the management tend to grind people down with their negative behavior); where in the past my director did listen to some of my suggestions about how we could improve things that has now gone completely out of the window and it's been really hard for me to adjust to that change. But it is also because I have changed over the past 3 years and although I like the work (when I am able to do it and not being told to make changes, make more changes, then no actually put things back how they were originally - very frustrating!) but I think I would get a lot more satisfaction if I was doing a similar thing but working for a charity. So I've started applying for jobs and I'm going in to see an agency who specifically match people with charities next week. It feels really positive and like the right direction for me.I used to enjoy having an oil burner with essential oils I will definitely have a little research and try your suggestion, thank you!I'm in London at the moment which I need to be because my boyfriend (who has been very supportive and helped me cope with this) has just started studying here, but I am from the countryside originally and I so miss it. I'm hoping one day we will be able to move but it won't be anytime soon unfortunately.Anyway thanks for taking the time to read and reply, I have probably said this a million times before but just knowing that there are people who understand and don't think I'm crazy because emotions affect me so powerfully has already helped so much :) xx
LindseyAnn
@lindseyann
2 years ago
15 posts

I lived in Kensington (off Kensington Highstreet) when I was at college in London. I went to the Montessori Centre International that is opposite Selfridges (Balderton St) - so am used to London and how it can sometimes get you down because of the fast pace, people are too busy and often rude etc, but I did love the cultural aspects. When I was in the UK last, for 3 years, my daughter and I used to travel down to London regularly, as we like musicals and usually stayed at a Travelodge for a few days.

I am from Middlesbrough, which is near the coast and Yorkshire countryside and I miss that terribly here in the US and the freedom of being able to go places I like. So I do understand. When in London though I used to like to sit in a park or go to the library/museum to soak in some calm.

Take care,

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