I Can't Turn This Person Off...

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PD2012
@pd2012
2 years ago
20 posts

Hello Everyone, I just joined today and I'm so thankful that I found this forum!

I've always known that I had an intuitive or empath gift but I've never spent time learning to hone my skills. There was a time that it caused marital problems so I literally had to push any insights to the back of my mind. It's been within the last 4-5 years that the ability to tune people out is becoming impossible. I think the draining started after bringing my elderly mother to live with me. She can be quite cynical and downright insulting most of the time. Consequently most of my energy is spent fending her off emotionally. Also during this time I found myself in a whole new career in retail helping my husband's business. If anyone out here works or has worked in retail then you'll understand the diverse personalities that you encounter every day.

My real concern and what I'm hoping someone out here can show me is how to get rid of this negative energy that's attached itself to me, somehow? I've never come across this before. We are presently working with a couple whom initially I only spoke with the wife on this project. The very first conversation with this woman, I felt overwhelmed with emotional sickness. I made the mistake of laughing at one of her jokes which has turned into a nightmare of daily calls, drop in visits to our store. This woman literally attached herself to me and now considers me her long time personal friend. I've repeatedly explained to her that I don't have time to talk at work and have made every attempt to be respectful and kind as I'm sure there's a personality disorder involved here. However, last week, I lost patience with her after 3 calls within 20 minutes and flat out told her I hadn't the time to talk to her and promptly hung up the phone. Within 15 minutes, she was calling back and this time was completely hysterical crying that I didn't love her anymore and she cant' bear to live without me, she needs me in her life. I tried to calm her down and when she did calm down she told me she wouldn't hang up the phone until I told her I still loved her. WHAT????? I've never been anything more than business polite to this woman. I have no idea where any of that nonsense came from nor would I even attempt to try to diagnose what type of emotional disorder she might have that would allow her to believe there was more to this friendship other than business. Although, it wouldn't fall within the realm of disbelief to say that she's histrionic.

Since that call, I haven't been able to shake this awful feeling, it's depressing and quite honestly I feel emotionally violated. I don't like hurting people, especially someone that's emotionally unstable but I also want to claim my space. I feel like she's taken something from me and I won't get it back. It's almost as though her energy has attached itself to me and I can't peel it off. I certainly can't tune her out. Nothing I've done is working; I keep waking up with this same feeling of dread that stays with me all day long.

Does anyone know what this is and how I can remove this from me?


updated by @pd2012: 01/19/17 12:55:17PM
Umar
@umar
2 years ago
72 posts

I think you are very wise to say you want to claim you space. We all deserve our necessary physical and emotional space bubble, and we all deserve to define what this looks like.

I do not completely follow the situation you are in, but can you "cut the person off": block email, social media, phone number, texts, possibly a restraining order if needed or contacting her loved ones. As you say, you don't even know this person You owe her nothing. That sounds terrible, but you do not, and only very very special people are worth hurting ourselves over. If you are feeling a sense of guilt, realize it is there, and decide what to do about it: you can either act on it by doing whatever this woman wants or you can accept your decision as the right one (for you).

As for removing the negative piece stuck to you, have you tried something visual like cutting a cord. I wrote the following on another topic, and it may help here:

"Have you seen the Harry Potter movies? You know when Dumbledore uses his wand to pull a memory out of his mind; it comes out like a little wispy of light and energy, and he lets into fall into a pool so Harry and him can observe it? I imagine doing that. I recognize the energy signature not being my own, I grab onto it, and I slowly pull it up and out of my mind. It is similar to visualizing cutting a cord... like pulling out a thread of a sweater and letting it fall to the floor without ruining the whole sweater bc all the other threads shift to fill in the open space."

May you find peace :)

PD2012
@pd2012
2 years ago
20 posts

Hi Umar, yes I did read your other posting on both Dumbledore and cutting the cord. I've been reading many other posts out here also and started studying the empath training. I've never had an issue where I couldn't tune out someone else's energy. I've never learned any of the skills folks talk about out here, it's time I did!

Part of our business is general contracting so we were involved in some home projects for this couple. Her husband has repeatedly talked to me about her physical illness so I'm assuming that he believes her emotional instability is tied together. I think he tries to justify her emotional state as something caused from her physical disease. We have one more small project to finalize for them but are waiting for a product delivery so I can't cut the ties just yet. They've been adding to the original project which I know the wife is pushing and I firmly believe that she has been adding these projects just to stay in contact with me. The things she kept telling me in her emotional outburst that day were so beyond bizarre and unwarranted. I've had a very hard time working with this person, she literally saps all my energy within minutes of talking with her but last week, that was it for me.

I've never felt so off-guard, so blindsided and I certainly can't get her energy off of me. I've discovered that my smug attitude of "I don't need training" was a bunch of nonsense! So, off I go to read, read and read some more!

Umar
@umar
2 years ago
72 posts

haha don't worry, many of us, especially me, have the same "I don't need training" moments. It's like being trained how to hear; I hear just fine thank you :P

Have you spoken with your husband? Sometimes telling someone else allows me to let the energy start to fall way -like it isn't all my responsibility anymore. Maybe you can also both work together to get you slightly out of the picture: maybe like "PD2012's phone broke, you can call mine [husband's]"??

PD2012
@pd2012
2 years ago
20 posts

Oh, that's funny and yes, hubby knows all about it. On his first day on the job for them she went after him and his crew for "hugs" and pestered them all day long! He had to tell her on the second day to leave him and his crew alone; no hugs and they are there to work. She just doesn't take no for an answer.

It's the nervous, negative energy that I can't get rid of. It's an overwhelming sense of dread that I haven't been able to shake. I do feel better though after reading the other posts.

I've come across some negative influences in my life in the past but nothing like this that I wasn't able to shake them off. Her energy is so scattered, almost demented. It's been quite scary. Thank you for helping me today though, I feel a lot better.

Cat Whisperer
@cat-whisperer
2 years ago
728 posts
Have you tried smudging? You might also want to try a salt bath. They are both very cleansing for negative energy.
Goodenergyhealing
@goodenergyhealing
2 years ago
373 posts

sorry to hear. Yes, some people can be quite draining. Where do you get your energy from? I can only recommend grounding (e.g. visualize two beams of Light, coming up from deep in the Earth and connecting to your heels. They'll then pull out negative and stale energies and give you fresh energies up).

I just had a narcissistic, paranoid, schizophrenic boyfriend, who was very energy draining. There did not seem to be a way to protect myself completely, so I prayed that all energy that does get sucked off helps him heal (kind of including divine anti-schizophrenics; anti-paranoid, and anti-narcissistic et. al energies), and gets replaced for me asap. He did move about 2 weeks later (on a paranoid scheme of his own, and on his own accord). His healing journey is not finished, but my direct part in it seems to be over for now (which is good, as it did get scary towards the end).

I also like to use the analogy of pulling a thorn out of e.g. your hand. It is unavoidable to get pain with it, but it is healing pain, and it will prevent much greater pain and potential complications in the long run.

Love and Light!

Umar
@umar
2 years ago
72 posts

I am happy to hear I could help at least a little <3 I hope others can offer additional guidance to get you through this.

Karen2
@womanwhowalks
2 years ago
787 posts
Hi...you can sever links to people even when your working with them....you can severify links to anyone you want......after any contact with her do it...but also have to take yours from the other person....it goes both ways...what ever is wrong with her she can't help it...but she's not your responsibility....smudging is good...if you can get your hand on ceder...try puting it in your pocket...and scatter it around your work place too...around the doors...your home too...i'm sorry...you need to smudge your work place...and your home...that's definitely what you need to do...that just popped into my head...smudge both places and yourself...I think it's rather important. ..
Karen2
@womanwhowalks
2 years ago
787 posts
Sorry...you need to use a powerful smudge...abalone shell...white sage, ceder, sweetgrass, and a bit of tobacco...you need a feather too...to control and direct the smoke...open your doors...cover your fire alarms...start in the east and work your way north then west then south...then when it burns out...sprinkle the ashes outside your front door...across the threshold...those are your instructions...
karma
@karma
2 years ago
159 posts

I recognize the waking up with a feeling of dread - for me its like something forcing me to stay connected. I also identify with the nervous negative energy - You worry about hurting her feelings esp when she is clearly unstable... My situation was with a lad with learning disabilities so I hear you. Try your best not to feel guilty (easier said than done) you are not being mean, you are merely defending yourself from a mental attack - had she have been physical it would be recognized but, mental and emotional pain scars deeper.... you are, in effect under attack

- This lady has zoned in on you and where she has so much emotional distress and `trauma` you can only do what is right for you, that being taking care of number one.

I felt awful turning my back, saying things about the lad who projected himself onto/into me.... I eventually ran like hell and tried every possible technique to rid him - I dread to think what would have happened if I had not.

I cant say I know exactly what you are going through, the business situation especially.

You say her husband talks about a physical illness, he knows her better than anyone and cannot be deluded to her being a needy and an extremely unhappy individual (and scarily obsessive), maybe he actually wants you to be friends? - If this is the case, he is very wrong, just seems odd he hasnt really done anything here especially when a business project could fail because of it.

You need to do all you can to protect yourself, I am no expert, I am still trying to come to terms with the what I have been through the last several months, and trying to clear my space too. I (like Umar) cut cords, from everything that associated us - even down to his place of residence, his families house also, his day centre, my former coworkers etc..... its waning but, still not shaken completely so I know I have to try everything.

I wish you the best of luck

PD2012
@pd2012
2 years ago
20 posts

Hi Goodenergy; thank you for your response. I've never drawn my energy, (knowingly or with any skill) from anywhere. I never really talked to anyone in the family or friends about it. It always made my mother very uncomfortable when I was growing up, till this day actually; husband is the same; he's very uncomfortable with it. So, I've spent most of my life not talking about it to anyone. The only reason I researched a discussion forum was because of this woman. I've never had this happen to this much of a degree that I couldn't wash my hands of her or flick the switch.

After joining this site, I had a renewed strength, don't know where that came from unless I'm picking up on the positive energy in this forum. Folks out here are a lot more knowledgeable than I am. I'm actually an illiterate on this subject. I just know I have it, I'm tired of hiding it and I need to learn self defense mechanisms to keep myself balanced. The last three months for me have been nothing short of terrifying not being able to catch my balance. It's my own fault for not learning much earlier in life.

PD2012
@pd2012
2 years ago
20 posts

I read that on this site yesterday. I'm researching where is the most appropriate place to buy these materials. I've read that I should do every corner of the house? Is this so? Gosh, I hope not, I have a rather large house and basement; I'll be walking around forever.

I have one question though, if there were a spirit in my house, would they need to leave when I do a smudging?

PD2012
@pd2012
2 years ago
20 posts

Thank you Karma, I'm sorry for what you have to go through also. I hope you are able to resolve your problems soon and find peace. I know there's a reason for the journeys we take in life but I don't know, sometimes, I wonder what the powers that be are thinking.

She suffers from MS which has absolutely nothing to do with a personality disorder. Although, if you listen to her husband, they're tied together. He's constantly making excuses for her. And, he's insinuated more than once that my reluctance to becoming very close friends with his wife only happened after he hired on and paid for our services. Nothing could be further from the truth and I resent his accusation. Absolutely, he's looking to transfer the responsibility of her emotional state onto someone else and he doesn't care who that person is. I feel bad for him, I think he saw a light at the end of his tunnel and sadly that person isn't going to be the savior after all.

I know now, that I won't allow anything like this to happen to me again. I've had to take a step back and access what I must have done wrong for her to interpret a casual business relationship into something that she obviously feels was much, much more. Oh good Lord, I don't know where to begin with that analogy! I've also learned that I shouldn't have taken this gift so lightly and unless I become knowledgeable and learn to protect myself, I'm the one that will suffer.

PD2012
@pd2012
2 years ago
20 posts

Sadly no, I've never used anything. I was too smug; well let that be a lesson to me. I know now and why it took this long in my life before something like this happened to me? I don't know, I guess I just thought I was stronger... pppppfffffffffffffffffffff

Well, I used to take a lot of salt baths so maybe I was inadvertently helping myself.

Karen2
@womanwhowalks
2 years ago
787 posts

This one needs to leave...and you'll need help with it...the way it works normally is that most spirits leave if they don't like the smudge, on their own...the tobacco is the offering and invitation for the higher spirits who help with the more difficult spirits..to come in...and my words are to escort it back to where it came from...never with hate or fear...with respect and dignity...but yes...you need to do th entire house from top to bottom....the order in which to do a proper smudge is yourself 1st...anyone in the house...pets..etc...start in the basement...east north west and south...each room...bathroom too...2nd floor...same thing...work your way down to the main floor...same thing...open both doors front and back...so it can leave at anytime...when you are done...end with a prayer thanking the great spirit and all who have come to help...to please escort any spirit here to where they need to go...including the the dark one who is hiding in my home...place the smudge on a table and let it go out on it's own...you'll find you'll need to keep adding more sage to the bowl as you go...you'll get to know just how much you need as you go...but carry the sage with you so it's handy...and light the smudge with wood matches...

PD2012
@pd2012
2 years ago
20 posts

I think I already knew the answer but thank you for taking the time to put those directions together for me. I've been researching the materials that I need to buy, but haven't decided who's the best source. Is there a particular site that you could recommend? I just want to make sure I'm not buying anything that's not genuine.

Karen2
@womanwhowalks
2 years ago
787 posts

If there's a spiritual shop in your area....they should have those items...as for the tobacco...a small thing of loose pouch tobacco...of even a cigarette...bum one or buy a pack of 20...but take the tobacco out of the tube, ..I purchase my supplies from a vendor outside my city..I can find what I need in the city....but I find I get a better product that hasn't absorbed so much of the city environment...my preferece...lol...ebay also has sellers..if your wanting to buy off the internet...

PD2012
@pd2012
2 years ago
20 posts

Thank you so much Fancy for the kind words. I have to say that since I joined this group, I feel much more in control and have a much greater sense of balance. I feel badly for this woman as she really has some deep seeded emotional issues. I was advised out here to cut the cord, I didn't know how to do that so I researched it and practiced. While practicing, I realized I no longer felt her attached to me which is a great feeling. Emotionally, I'm between feeling angry with her and sympathy. It must be terrible going through life in her mental state.

What's very interesting though is that in speaking with her last week, she wanted me to call her back this week but I never did. She called this morning and when I saw her number come up on the phone I didn't feel any trepidation at all. She immediately went into the guilt trip that I hadn't called her back like she asked me to. She wasn't the meek, overly friendly, emotionally sad person she normally portrays herself to be. I got the distinct impression from her that she knew I cut the cord and she was angry. I don't know how that could be but that's what I felt from her. She did attempt to have a non-business conversation and I cut her short which she wasn't happy with either. I'm thinking there is some narcissism in there although I've never known a narcissist to use crying to solicit attention, I could be wrong there with that trait.

I'm happy with myself today that I took back my space. That's a very good feeling.

Karen2
@womanwhowalks
2 years ago
787 posts
Good morning....i've done that on occasion to my mother...cut her cord...and a short time later she's called me...almost like she felt me fiddling around...I think energy cords react the way..say.. a spider's Web does... letting the spider know where it's food is trapped...through the vibrations of the struggling bug...when touched these cords between humans vibrate to let each person know something's up...only most people aren't really paying attention...lol..if she seemed angry then she probably knows a bit more than she's letting on...and latched onto you on purpose...great that you caught on and got rid of her cords....awesome! ....
karma
@karma
2 years ago
159 posts

Wow! Even the husband is attacking somewhat. You have every right to resent his silly talk. You were a business associate, nothing more.

I wonder if she has done this to other associates or just honed in on you? (most probable the latter, considering his business deals would have been affected each time) Either way the husband can identify this as atypical and unwarranted behaviour. Having taken a step back and accessed what you must have done wrong I hope you can see that you did absolutely nothing wrong - Being a nice and friendly person was your downfall that`s the most unfair part :)

Its sad, this lady needs something/someone to assist with her obsessional and neurotic behaviours, I know my lad needed whatever `that` someone/something concerning his behaviours too..... But, that is the physical side, We though (empaths as a whole) are victims because we are targets of their non physical negative energy, it hones in on us and if we dont know how to protect ourselves we suffer considerably.... I do not know our lives purpose but, I do know it is not to suffer other people.

The complex part is the behaviours are visible - The mental connection is not, so the mental and emotional torment we are subjected to is not really recognized - We become viewed as the ones with the `problem` - Having a level head is paramount!

You said about narcissistic traits.... Hell yes, crying will be used if needed to accomplish a response. When all else fails, `Look how you made `ME` feel`. The narcissist ego knows no boundaries....

You should have never been put in this position and I find myself admiring you for having put your foot down so boldly, inwardly and outwardly.... Your space is yours and you are doing everything right to ensure that :)

Lavender&rose
@lavenderrose
2 years ago
82 posts

Wow. She does sound, as you mentioned, histrionic - and there are quite ruthless elements associated with histrionic personalities when their needs/demands are not met that remind me startlingly of people with full-blown NPD.

Hard to separate energetically if you have to resee and rehear her. I would try also a 'wall of pleasant' in my personal dealings with her. Pleasant, but sort of precoccupied with something, anything! else. Plus if you can, envisage (or state there is) a wall of very thick glass between the two of you at all times.

I use a lot of visualisation and strong statements of separation and protection. Had a woman (she still does it from time to time) attach to me heavily some years ago. Used to phone in a childstate and burst into tears. Contact gave me palpitations. I could feel her, also - on/and in me, also at odd times - it was awful. With her, I took up baths - seasalt from the supermarket; epsom salts, ditto; likewise baking powder - to help with the cleansing away of her energies. She eventually taught me most of what I know thus far about protecting myself energetically, but I would rather have not been forced to learn that way! Expensive in time, energy, books ordered online, and bath salts! I still know when she's in a state, at a distance. If I see her, she confirms it obliquely. Ugh.

But there's also the business of your draining elderly mother... Something has to give, so this sure is a crash course for you in empath (and normal human under pressure) self-care.

PD2012
@pd2012
2 years ago
20 posts

I'm sorry to hear that you've had to endure this type of an experience also. I've learned out here from everyone that to live with this ability you have to learn self protection. It's like walking through poison ivy for years without suffering the consequences and then without notice you have a full blown rash. No one is immune forever. That's what a complacent attitude will do for you. Crash course is right. I spent last week trying to cram all sorts of information in my head and then realized there's no way I'd retain all this so I'll read a bit slower going forward, practice and then concentrate on another area.

It can be an emotional drain taking care of an elderly parent but there was a time that she was my best friend so I try to remember how great our relationship used to be. It's not easy getting older, becoming forgetful and the general aches and pains. I also don't want to be her doormat either simply because I'm the one in her line of sight every day so it's a narrow road I'm walking there.

I'm also really angry that I allowed for one second, some neurotic energy vampire into my space. I knew within minutes of our first conversation that this woman crossed social boundaries but in business you meet all types of personalities.

You learn as you go I guess. It's a good feeling to have found a positive source to lean on; that being this forum... A really nice group of people.

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