sorry to hear. Yes, some people can be quite draining. Where do you get your energy from? I can only recommend grounding (e.g. visualize two beams of Light, coming up from deep in the Earth and connecting to your heels. They'll then pull out negative and stale energies and give you fresh energies up).
I just had a narcissistic, paranoid, schizophrenic boyfriend, who was very energy draining. There did not seem to be a way to protect myself completely, so I prayed that all energy that does get sucked off helps him heal (kind of including divine anti-schizophrenics; anti-paranoid, and anti-narcissistic et. al energies), and gets replaced for me asap. He did move about 2 weeks later (on a paranoid scheme of his own, and on his own accord). His healing journey is not finished, but my direct part in it seems to be over for now (which is good, as it did get scary towards the end).
I also like to use the analogy of pulling a thorn out of e.g. your hand. It is unavoidable to get pain with it, but it is healing pain, and it will prevent much greater pain and potential complications in the long run.
Love and Light!
This one needs to leave...and you'll need help with it...the way it works normally is that most spirits leave if they don't like the smudge, on their own...the tobacco is the offering and invitation for the higher spirits who help with the more difficult spirits..to come in...and my words are to escort it back to where it came from...never with hate or fear...with respect and dignity...but yes...you need to do th entire house from top to bottom....the order in which to do a proper smudge is yourself 1st...anyone in the house...pets..etc...start in the basement...east north west and south...each room...bathroom too...2nd floor...same thing...work your way down to the main floor...same thing...open both doors front and back...so it can leave at anytime...when you are done...end with a prayer thanking the great spirit and all who have come to help...to please escort any spirit here to where they need to go...including the the dark one who is hiding in my home...place the smudge on a table and let it go out on it's own...you'll find you'll need to keep adding more sage to the bowl as you go...you'll get to know just how much you need as you go...but carry the sage with you so it's handy...and light the smudge with wood matches...
If there's a spiritual shop in your area....they should have those items...as for the tobacco...a small thing of loose pouch tobacco...of even a cigarette...bum one or buy a pack of 20...but take the tobacco out of the tube, ..I purchase my supplies from a vendor outside my city..I can find what I need in the city....but I find I get a better product that hasn't absorbed so much of the city environment...my preferece...lol...ebay also has sellers..if your wanting to buy off the internet...
Wow. She does sound, as you mentioned, histrionic - and there are quite ruthless elements associated with histrionic personalities when their needs/demands are not met that remind me startlingly of people with full-blown NPD.
Hard to separate energetically if you have to resee and rehear her. I would try also a 'wall of pleasant' in my personal dealings with her. Pleasant, but sort of precoccupied with something, anything! else. Plus if you can, envisage (or state there is) a wall of very thick glass between the two of you at all times.
I use a lot of visualisation and strong statements of separation and protection. Had a woman (she still does it from time to time) attach to me heavily some years ago. Used to phone in a childstate and burst into tears. Contact gave me palpitations. I could feel her, also - on/and in me, also at odd times - it was awful. With her, I took up baths - seasalt from the supermarket; epsom salts, ditto; likewise baking powder - to help with the cleansing away of her energies. She eventually taught me most of what I know thus far about protecting myself energetically, but I would rather have not been forced to learn that way! Expensive in time, energy, books ordered online, and bath salts! I still know when she's in a state, at a distance. If I see her, she confirms it obliquely. Ugh.
But there's also the business of your draining elderly mother... Something has to give, so this sure is a crash course for you in empath (and normal human under pressure) self-care.