A word of advice to empaths

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The Importance of Being Jonny
@the-importance-of-being-jonny
2 years ago
794 posts

We are intuitive beings and intuition comes in many different forms. It could be a feeling you get, something that your gut tells you or you can be the only one paying attention to the truth when it's shown when everyone else is oblivious to it.

If you try to tell the truth about someone or a situation and the person you are telling it to does not want to accept it, the more you push the issue, the more you look crazy. We are far too gifted to have the perception going around that we are crazy because the things we see or know but can't explain because the situation doesn't obviously show what you know. One of the things I have told myself in the past was that I would not let any amount of people make me believe I was crazy because I'm trying my hardest to tell someone what is. It may not be meant for you to reveal the truth to the people in the world. They will eventually come to it in their own time.

Being an empath is hard enough without the world thinking we're crazy. And yes, it does bother us. Why shouldn't it? I'm as sane as they come but I realize the more I push the issue, the less credible I seem. So do yourselves a favor and drop it and move on with your life. Unless the truth will end up hurting someone physically, leave it be and try to be happy in life without the stress of people never believing you affecting you emotionally. <3

Jonny


updated by @the-importance-of-being-jonny: 01/13/17 04:44:34AM
karma
@karma
2 years ago
159 posts

I grasp what you are saying - We are definitely here to express ourselves if others can benefit but, to push the issue puts peoples backs up and we end up feeling we have failed - That is not to say I am perfect lol, I do try and explain and or express things a little too much - not great at it either :)

Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
2 years ago
1,185 posts

Hi Jonny,

I totally agree with you. In the past, I felt it was my job to keep people from jumping into the pool without checking to see if there was any water in it first. What I found was that they resented being told the pool was empty, jumped in anyway, and then blamed me for how stupid they felt for jumping! Every time they saw me, it reminded them that they hadn't listened to me, and brought up bad feelings. Classic "Kill the messenger", rather than acceptance of personal responsibility and acknowledgement that I had cared enough about them to try and warn them.

I've finally had enough of being hurt by giving unasked for advice, and every morning, as part of my exercise and meditation routine, I tell myself over and over "You are not here to FIX anyone, you do not have to be RIGHT, if someone wants to create a DRAMA that is their business." It is still very hard to keep quiet. I wonder why I have this ability if I'm not going to use it much, and constantly have to remind myself that other people may have chosen to have these difficult life lessons, and maybe I should just be supportive after they stumble, instead of trying to prevent it.

I have also gotten tired of letting people know I can tell when they lie and having them continue to lie to me anyway. I almost always pick up the same things from their minds when this happens and it goes like this: "You can't possibly have that ability. If anyone had it, it would be me, not you." The vanity surprises me! Or, they simply do not believe in what they would call "paranormal" abilities at all, so they refuse to see that what I told them in detail has come to pass, and they pass it off as coincidence, to prevent their belief system being shaken up.

None of this is easy for me. I have become quite the hermit because of it, restricting myself to people who are either HSP or empaths and a couple of very old, dear friends who are at least open to what we do, even though almost all of these people live far away from me. It is lonely, but I've found it far better for me than being in a room full of "normal" friendly people who are nevertheless so very different from me that I honestly have trouble believing they are members of the same species that I am. Can you relate?

Cheshire Cat

Sammie
@sammie
2 years ago
106 posts

Thank you so much for that. Much needed.

Daydra
@daydra
2 years ago
172 posts

Thank you for this Jonny much appreciated.

Karen2
@womanwhowalks
2 years ago
787 posts
Cheshire Cat....I FULLY 100%...relate to this....letting people get close is next to impossible with this ability....people don't want to know the truth...not about anything it seems....it's a catch 22 as far as i'm concerned....I have this ability...it makes up all of me....yet i'm not allowed to share it or include it in my association with others because it makes them feel uncomfortable...or the unbelievers will make a big issues and proclaim me insane...deny it's existence to make others feel better...which makes me feel like an outsider and not trust others to accept me as I am totally...but I keep trying...in small ways...so as not to deny to myself the existence of this cool ability...which I wouldn't give up for the world for anyone...lol..and if others think I should...they don't deserve my attention...lol...
Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
2 years ago
1,185 posts

Karen,

I no longer care if they think I am insane. That helps! I figured out at some point that people who are going to like you will like you anyway and those who won't will not anyway, so I am going to be me from now on no matter what. I do tell people, but go entirely by whether I pick up that they can handle it. Sometimes it is very advantageous to keep it to myself if I sense someone is dark and I have to interact with them.

I totally agree that anyone who thinks you should or could give this up without denying the very basis of who you are doesn't deserve your attention. The amount of self-deception most people engage in throws me for a loop also; I believe it's called a "normalcy bias".

C. Cat

Ecila
@ecila
2 years ago
898 posts

".....to have the perception going around that we are crazy.." made me smile:) Yea, good advice to avoid that! It helps sometimes to gently make suggestions so that maybe they will come to the same conclusion while thinking they arrived at it by themselves. I never make claims to be psychic to anyone...and sometimes "the truth" can be so variable and elusive and subject to perceptions and the strange indefinable, questionable thing known as reality.

Karen2
@womanwhowalks
2 years ago
787 posts
I still have to find piece with a few thing...lol...insane and crazy...lol
Karen2
@womanwhowalks
2 years ago
787 posts
I'm laughing at myself and also serious... I know where it comes from...but not sure what to do with it...
LaoG
@laog
2 years ago
137 posts

yeah i can relate but i wonder if im just not outspoken enough i only get more 'extroverted' under stress, and that is when i can be 'heard' other than that i am usually mild mannered and so any truth i expose may not be accepted because other than another empath a lot of people probably cant sense the emotion behind what i do most of the time.

i also feel like i can just 'break' people like i know what can make them tick from just a limited amount of interaction and i feel like if i say something that can help they will explode and usually im right with this. everyone has their breaking point though and what is worse than non-empath ticking is probably an empath ticking.

when you think about it a lot of stuff is crazy and nobody makes sense not me not anyone that doesnt necessarily mean they are bad because of it its just that nobody makes sense, well, rather, nobody can know if they make sense, and assuming they do means they wouldn't be open to not making sense and then they would start to not make sense. if i 'spoke up' on every situation it would be really sad because not everyone can handle the reality, and likewise idk how much emotional damage exposing my own situation could do to me since i dont make sense myself, and even if i asked for help i could still potentially get hurt emotionally if the 'help' was brutally honest.

if someone hears something and they arent ready they can get into trauma or just go insane cause their whole illusion crumbles or whatever you wanna call it. telling the truth of every sensed emotion and revealing it would make ppl go nuts thats why the governments hide so much stuff they know people would go nuts. seems like thats just the way it is

Dice
@dice
2 years ago
284 posts

Jonny,

You are so right. I think that the struggle for me is just what you are describing here. So you feel others around you and while you would like to speak up.. often times it is just not the right time, nor your place. I have learned this more than anything else. It has to be when someone is ready and asks for help. You cannot force another person to hear you no matter. Even when a person asks for help you still haveto be careful how you do that.

We all have lessons to learn and people that come into our lives for a purpose. I guess the questions stop becoming what can I do with this, to what should I do and"is this person mine to help". That is why it is important for each of us to listencarefully tothose who guide usand see the whole picture. Many timespeople see whatthey want to see. One choice canchangethe course of everything. As always, your insightis appreciated and valued.

Cat Whisperer
@cat-whisperer
2 years ago
728 posts
Oh, I can soooo relate to this! It is very frustrating to see the deception in this world...from almost everyone that you come in contact with. Why can't people just be honest? Even when exposed? I wish that when this happens that people would just come clean about it. But I know that old ego won't have it. It is as if they think that if they adimately stick to the lie it will somehow become truth. Now THAT is crazy.
Mamooth888
@mamooth888
2 years ago
41 posts

I have to say that I hide my abilities from people. Come on now. If someone told you guys that they can read every emotion you have and know what you think pretty much all the time and then proved it, would you feel comfortable around that person?

Or sometimes people lie but only to cover themselves up and to prevent some awkwardness. Not every lie is like big evil lie and stuff. Would you like to tell every little thing about yourself to every person?

I just wanted to tell my opinion guys. Give ppl some space. :)

Justme
@justme
2 years ago
11 posts

I completely agree with your stance here, when I initially found out I was an empath a year or so ago, (well figured out this thing has a name and that there are others like me!) I went into helping ppl overdrive, I felt strong and on a roll and wanted to tell the world! Not to boast about my "gift" :) but to help ppl that I care about to understand me better. I have a couple of good friends who I've told who are open-minded and understand me perfectly, they too have "gifts", one has premonitions, another is a spiritual healer so I'm lucky I guess to have understanding friends like this. On the other hand, I told another friend I was an empath who completely shot me down, riduculed me and told me that I was basing my personality on a Star Trek character! I was depressed for weeks after this and needless to say, I'm no longer in contact with that person...I no longer associate with people who do not treat me with the respect....but that said, these days I tend to keep it zipped. I doubt I will ever tell my family, far too conventional to believe in any "hocus pocus" concepts! It's probably best to keep them in the dark....as much as I would love to be able to enlighten them! As I always try to put myself into the shoes of another person, I feel that if I was not an empath and someone told me that they were and that they could feel everything I was feeling as if they were feeling it themselves, I would probably feel uncomfortable too. Intrusive is the word that comes to mind! Yes people need their space, our thought processes are not always 100% healthy, we're human, a little flawed here and there, and when a person knows you're picking up on their negative stuff, the majority of people are going to feel freaked out and awkward! I personally don't enjoy freaking people out!

Ecila
@ecila
2 years ago
898 posts

None of us is obligated to explain ourselves to other people and I don't see that as lying. There is some self-protection involved. Most will think you nuts and it can be wise to avoid that especially if you need to keep a job and associate with certain "normal" people who don't and never will understand. I've always reminded myself that it wasn't that long ago they killed people like us (considered witches and of the devil...LOL). It would be great to be able to freely talk about everything to everyone but I'm not comfortable with it and there have been times when I did say things only to be given the weird look, and felt and knew that I wasn't being taken seriously, even by my close family. Not a good feeling.

Justme
@justme
2 years ago
11 posts

Wise words Ecila, you just reminded me of a Maya Angelou quote that I've always liked "You don't have to tell everything you know, but let what you do say be the truth as you understand it." :)

Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
2 years ago
1,185 posts

Hi Cat Whisperer,

Crazy is right, IMO. Just a couple of examples:

I have told a neighbor who was a thorn in my side that I knew she was lying and told her word for word what I picked up as truth from her brain. At first, she looked shocked, as you might expect. Then she looked me right in the eyes and told an even bigger whopper to try to cover it up. You can't fix stupid. I just walked away. (A few months later we put up a 6 ft. solid fence between us and life is a lot better. )

I have listened to the worst and most constant pathological liar I've ever known yell at his son repeatedly to "stop telling lies". Where does he think the kid got it from? He truly is so wacko he has no idea that he's lying!

We empaths may be a minority, but I sometimes fear we are the only sane ones left.

Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
2 years ago
1,185 posts

Hi Justme,

I do see your point and totally agree that we need to keep our abilities to ourselves with many people. As Ecila said, this is especially true in the work place. I also keep my mouth shut around those I perceive as dark, since it is to my advantage in many ways that I don't tell them.

I do tell close friends, because time is precious and shorter than we think, and I wonder if you aren't just a little bit glad that you found out this person who said you modeled yourself after a Star Trek character was not really a friend. I would have been glad to find that out and not waste any more time on that person. I am not just saying this as an abstract concept....

In the past few years, many of my friendships have gone by the wayside as I realized I had limited time and energy, found out why I was so different from most people I know, and did not want to waste any time. The hardest for me was that my closest friendship of 54 years duration ended earlier this year, and this was not all of what went wrong, but her scoffing at the very idea of my abilities was part of the reason. I am 64 and very ill, and looking back, one of my biggest regrets was that I wish I'd not wasted SO much energy and so many years banging my head against a wall, trying to get close with the wrong people. Telling them is one way to separate the flowers from the weeds, at least for me. I don't have to read them every minute either. I can and do shut it off most of the time. People who stick around once they know I'm an empath are people who are mostly honest, so I don't need to intrude on their privacy.

I also agree with you that some lies don't matter. The small lies of kindness, like "No, you don't look fat in that dress" are not necessary with me, but I do not mind them.

As far as picking up negative stuff, I freely admit to my own negative traits and I think that puts my friends at ease about knowing that I accept theirs, or at least I hope it does. Also, if I have some negatives going on that I am not aware of, I want to know so I can work on them, or on the mistaken perception I am giving off, if that is what it is.

I am sorry if this was not too clear. I haven't had my coffee yet, lol. :-)

Have a blessed day,

Cheshire Cat

Justme
@justme
2 years ago
11 posts

Hi Cheshire Cat,

You were very clear. I can relate to every bit of your message, thank you, I'm new to the site and am finding it very encouraging, most posts on here I feel could have come straight out of my mouth. It's nice to know I'm not alone here :)

You are quite right, although the experience I had with the "friend" that was insulting was extremely upsetting, I realised afterwards that it was a blessing in disguise that our contact came to an end. Time is precious, yes and our free time should be shared with people who respect us (well not just our free time, all time, wouldn't that be nice!). Perhaps I may have subconsciously told him about my abilities to test our friendship, which I had already been having doubts about...so yes, sometimes you just have to let some people go...when this all happened it brought home the importance to me of setting boundaries. It was perhaps a lesson in self-love from the nice people upstairs :) So I've been working on the self-love thing a lot this year and am learning to say no more often than I used to. I am certainly less afraid to let someone know when they cross the line with me these days. Putting myself first in such situations has always been hard, but I just have to keep reminding myself I'm an empath not a bloomin' martyr! I understand what you're saying about time being short, I wish I could tell my family, my parents are wonderful people and important to me, in some ways it might put them at ease to know that I am not mentally imbalanced :) but I fear the worst there, so for now I'll keep schtum, maybe I'll get some guidance about what to do about that in the future :)

I am sorry that you are very ill, and I hope with all my heart that your health may improve. I hope you have a blessed day too.

Justme

Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
2 years ago
1,185 posts

Justme,

Welcome to EC! It sounds like you've really got yourself together pretty well, which is really great.

I am just now learning how to set boundaries at my age. I feel my inability to set any before is one reason why I succumbed to a serious disease. I've let people use me to the point where I've lost trust in people and instead of trusting until proven otherwise, I now mistrust until proven otherwise over a long time, and even then, I am now too afraid to completely trust anyone after what happened with my best friend, whom I felt was the one person I could always count on to be there for me, even more than my husband, sad to say. It still hurts every day,and part of me still can't believe it is over. Like many empaths, I think friendships should be for life, and that is simply not how all others view them.

I recently set a boundary with a new friend as soon as an issue came up, instead of letting it fester until a blow up occurred, and I think that was the very first time in my life that I set a boundary right away. I expected her to drop me, but she was quite reasonable. I have come to expect people not to care enough about me to make any compromises in what they want to be with me, since so many were just using me as a free shrink.

I am very happy to see that you know how important it is to set boundaries, and will hopefully not end up worn down to your last nerve like I am by the time you are my age.

I hope someday you can tell your parents, especially if they think you are mentally unbalanced (!), but having wonderful parents like you say you do is something to be grateful for right now, IMO. As you spend time on EC, you will find that many of us did not have good parenting, and that a need for self-protection may have contributed to our development of heightened senses.

My mom was long dead before I realized that I am an empath and that she was too. It explained so much of what I once thought was "weak" about her, and I can only apologize to her spirit for not being understanding enough at the time. I can look back at that and see why non-empaths don't "get" us, since I didn't "get" my mom, despite being an empath myself.....I wasn't self-aware enough then.

Thank you for the kind thoughts,

C. Cat

Rene''
@rene
2 years ago
1,194 posts
Yes, I relate. You have a million people that believe Christ died on a cross for our sins (included myself) and arose from the dead but do not believe a person can feel or see things others can't. If I was not a believer and looked at it with a different perspective , there are millions of crazy people thinking one man can give his life for everyone's sins. How can so many have such opened minds to their religion but not in individuals ?If I care enough to share my thoughts and abalities with someone, and they roll their eyes then , I'm done. I'm not her to persuade them. I live among many people take does not believe in me but thats ok because I believe in myself.
Rene''
@rene
2 years ago
1,194 posts
Animal empathy is one of my strong points . I do get some strange looks while I'm laying in the middle of my yard with my dogs looking at the sky,. But, some need to look at who is laying beside them. Lol.
Justme
@justme
2 years ago
11 posts

C.Cat,

I really understand the complete heartbreak of losing a best friend.

I also lost a childhood friend about 10 years ago too, a friend I had had since the age of 3. She was my best friend, someone I grew up with that I thought would be there for me forever as I undoubtedly would have been for her. I still haven't got fully over it, I think I have forgiven her but it still stings. It's hard to put into words what actually happened and probably a bit too personal to put on here on an open forum, but I felt very betrayed by her and when at the time I questioned her about her betrayal of me, she turned the situation right back round on me and lied repeatedly to me and to other friends in our circle in an attempt to discredit me. I ended up not only cutting ties with her but a wider circle of friends who bought her bs. The injustice of the whole situation led to a nervous breakdown. It's a time in my life that I would never wish to repeat but like you said, it's better to realise when a friend is not a friend and to let them go rather than continue being friends with someone who does not have your best interests at heart. I have less than a handful of really good friends these days, but I feel I can count on them no matter what. When I lost my friend 10 years ago, I had major issues trusting people for a long time, and I still do, but I'm getting there. The healing process takes a while I guess...

On the parent note, well they're not perfect by any means, I have struggled with both my mum and dad over the years and my sister who is so foreign to me sometimes, perhaps they're not really that wonderful to be honest, they have views about certain things that make me shudder...but they are the only mum and dad I'll ever have and well if they tell me reading books written by Eckhart Tolle will turn me into a brain-washed hippy, I simply try to see the funny side of it and love them no matter what :)

The Importance of Being Jonny
@the-importance-of-being-jonny
2 years ago
794 posts

I think it's safe to say that most of us hide our abilities from people because it's not for people to know.

Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
2 years ago
1,185 posts

Hi Rene,

You are so right about the hypocrisy. If you look at any of the religious dogma with an outsider point of view, it looks at least as crazy as what empaths are able to do. It's hard for most people to step outside and be an impartial observer.

I love your Golden Retriever Avatar. I miss our Golden Ret. every day. He's been gone about 5 yrs. now. I miss all our other pets who have gone home too. I get the same funny looks as you do when I have conversations back and forth with animals, especially cats, but only from people who don't share their lives with animals and don't know what zany individuals they all are. I'll take four legged creatures over most two legged ones any day. :-)

Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
2 years ago
1,185 posts

Justme,

I am very sorry to hear you lost a best friend too, and that there was another betrayal to follow it, involving still more loss.

I am happy to hear you have some real friends though! Most people are lucky to have 2-3 real friends in their whole lives, so you are not unusual. You're just seeing what most people don't and probably not counting acquaintances as friends like so many people do. To me, a REAL friend is someone I can call at 3 am if I really need to, and they will help me with no questions asked, and vice versa of course. Empaths are often said to require much deeper intimacy than most people. That is definitely true of me, but I am also a Pisces, and that also is said to make one want fewer, but deeper relationships.

You have a very good attitude of accepting your parents the way they are and being tolerant. The whole world could use a lot more of that!

C. Cat

Karen2
@womanwhowalks
2 years ago
787 posts
Hi...I can definitely relate to the parent issue...went through a very rough patch with mine...and even though I know. ..kind of...that they had my best interest at heart...I can't help but feel like they let me down by not giving me the benefit of the doubt concerning my mental health...now i'm afraid to mention anything about my gifts....and if i'm asked as question concerning my hearing voices...I feel I have to lie to protect myself...the incident with them has left a pretty big wall that I can't let go...out of fear and distrust...they won't believe a thing I say and i'll end up...again in a place I should not be...and yet my mother exhibits some of these same gifts...but doesn't or can't recognize the similarities on that issue...so I lie about it...and feel awful...because I shouldn't have to lie about something very important and wonderful...i'm still working through all that...lol
Justme
@justme
2 years ago
11 posts

I'm a pisces too! Yes a good friend always has your back and is there for you no matter what! I thank my lucky stars that I have 2 of these ppl in my life, I don't know if I would have survived without them so far. Things to be grateful for! :)

Justme
@justme
2 years ago
11 posts

Hi Karen, it's a tough one. When I had my breakdown 10 years ago, my mother told me I should probably seek councelling for my manic depressive disorder. I can't tell you how that made me feel, well quite depressed actually! Ironically. I think the thing that helped me overcome my mother's judgement of me was realising, once finding out that I was an empath, that most empaths are judged this way. You can see why, our moods when we have absorbed too much negative energy swing low, to an outsider we look like depressives. I guess the knowing has helped me a lot. You're not lieing if you don't tell your parents Karen, you don't have to tell them if you're not comfortable about it. I'd like to tell mine too but it just doesn't feel like the right thing to do right now. Time will tell :)

Karen2
@womanwhowalks
2 years ago
787 posts
I think the only time to tell her anything is after she passes...when she pops in to visit...i'll just tell her...mom...I don't believe you exist...I can't hear you...so go away...lol...and I do know that someone in my spirit family has said that she intends to talk at length with my mother...when my mother arrives...lol...so...that tends to make me feel very good...lol...
Cat Whisperer
@cat-whisperer
2 years ago
728 posts
CC, in your second example.....do you know my ex? :)
Cat Whisperer
@cat-whisperer
2 years ago
728 posts
Looking at all of your replies it appears that you sure struck a chord Jonny. I agree, it is something that we should really keep to ourselves. Unless you are certain the person is ready for that kind of information it will probably not have a good outcome.
Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
2 years ago
1,185 posts

Cat Whisperer, I am very sorry to hear that your ex was like that, but not surprised.

This person is an ex-inlaw. He is an EX because he is gone from my life as he is too toxic. He is a full blown Narcissist with some sociopathic tendencies, as well as being a fundamentalist zealot who thinks God tells him what he wants, and is dumb as a box of rocks. He is also a major thief, a perpetrator of fraud, an attempted murderer by neglect and abandonment of one, and a successful murderer by neglect of one other relative. We've done everything we could legally afford to do and justice has not been served. My battle with forgiveness and seeing this person as "one with me in the unity of all" is major and ongoing and not the subject of this thread.

It is no secret that narcissists and sociopaths are drawn to empaths like moths to flames. I am very glad you said my description reminded you of an EX. It is good he is behind you and I hope you are thriving now. Living well is the best revenge, after all.

In line with the topic of this thread, he is someone I would NEVER tell about my abilities. I'd been reading what he would do ahead of time to prepare for it and it helped ease the shock a bit. I have zero to do with him now and haven't for years, though it is very hard to avoid him.

C. Cat

Rene''
@rene
2 years ago
1,194 posts
Yes, that is my Red. He started his journey without me a year and half ago. I miss him so much. He was coming back for short visits for a while but hasn't in a couple of months. I do miss him so. He was so wise.It's so sad I can't share my thoughts and insights with my husband. He's mind is shut with a do not desturb sigh on it when it comes to talking about my spirituallity.But I have to say it's so nice to be with this group of people here that does not judge me.That is why I do not attend church.
Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
2 years ago
1,185 posts

Hi Rene,

How wonderful that your Red came back to visit! I would love it if one of our pets had done that. We did have one cat that started chasing it's tail like the one that just died had. The living cat had never, ever chased her tail before. My husband took that as a "visit". I guess I need more solid proof.

I'm sorry about your husband's attitude. That would be unbearable for me. Mine is totally open to this and interested in it, but sometimes does not believe me when I tell him something is gong to happen if it's not what he wants to have happen, despite all the times he's seen my premonitions come true. He doesn't want to face bad news, so he refuses to prepare for it. Despite knowing it's coming, I can't force him, but I have to live with the consequences, which have been severe in some very important areas of life. Still, I would find not being able to talk about spirituality with him even harder, so I pray that your situation changes. Miracles can happen.

I'm also sorry you went to a church that judged you. Mine is not like that at all. However, I got to be good friends with our minister and found that her actual life was mostly the opposite of what she preaches. I also had experiences that changed my mind totally about some of their teachings, due to things I've found out while expanding my abilities, so I no longer attend either. Nature has always been my real church anyway. A lot of us here find we end up leaving many things behind once we start on this journey, but once you know something you can't unknow it, so we keep moving forward.

The Importance of Being Jonny
@the-importance-of-being-jonny
2 years ago
794 posts

Yes, I'm trying to keep up with the replies. I didn't think it would resonate the way it did. Let me explain what made me write this:

I volunteer at a place called MECCA and I am the Volunteer Coordinator there. I'm assuming that since this business has been a thing, I am the first VC to work on the floor closely with the volunteers. So being an empath, I see and observe and hear what goes on in the store. Some is not always nice. So a lot lately, I find myself emailing the Executive Director over things I observe that bother me. Some being personal others being general behavior. I feel like I have emailed her so often that to email feels foreign now.

Anyway, last week my BEST friend who struggles with mental illness and is very honest about it came to work emotional like she has a tendency to do. And she called my name and tried to show me something when I was having a conversation with 2 people. My attention was divided so it appeared that I was blowing her off which I was not. I acknowledged what she wanted to show me, then I resumed my conversation with the other two. Next thing I know, she approaches me at the front desk and says she's disappointed in me and as I'm trying to find out how she means, she accuses me of dismissing her and making excuses and I'm just lost at what the hell she's talking about because what she is saying did not happen. So that turns into a blow up where she's irate at me and emotional in front of customers mind you and here I am being put in a compromising position that I did not put myself in.

I tried to find out what was bothering her when she further blew up and blew me off by dismissing all that I was saying and at that point, I got annoyed real quick. So long story short, because I had observed this behavior in the store before, where she got emotional and unprofessional with customers about, I thought it was time for me to let the Director know that one of the beloved volunteers, who is a friend to us all, can have unprofessional moments. The Director made it a me and her issue and it wasn't a MECCA issue and I'm trying to explain to her that this is a MECCA issue because you have a volunteer working for you that is unstable and is prone to blow ups in the store. Because she chose to blow up at me does not mean it's a personal issue between me and her.

So the entire back and forth just frustrated me because you try to explain something to someone who otherwise is oblivious to everything and they only see something they wanna see and that led me here to writing this topic. So I'm done with trying to open someone's eyes. If they don't wish to see, they don't wish to see. I'm gonna move on and continue living my life. Additionally, it's time for me to leave MECCA. My presence in the store is too relied upon. You know, typical for an empath. People rely on me and it can border on using and there's just too much drama in the store that I am no longer comfortable with and if it's anything I can teach the world, it's to stand up for your morals and your convictions. If something is not right, boycott it, walk away. It's no longer a place I want to be associated with.

But aside from how I now feel about working there, my now EX best friend abandoned our almost 3 year friendship over a misunderstanding. More to the point, this was our first fight and like another former friend, from here actually, who was mentally ill as well, there was one moment where she saw I wasn't there for her out of the 50 times I was there for her whenever she called me, and decided to turn on me like I had done something so unforgivable. Unfortunately, with some people with mental illness, that's all it takes and you are suddenly dead to them. Because I have been through it before and tried to make it right for the sake of our relationship, I just have to move on instead of worry about why she's being this way.

Jonny

Bookworm
@bookworm
2 years ago
85 posts
Karen my parents I know I will probably never be able to tell because I know they wouldn't understand and in fact I'm pretty sure it would terrify them - my mother in particular even though I believe I may have inherited these traits from her. When I was growing up, as much as my family loved me they also saw me as something of the black sheep of the family, too sensitive and just almost impossible for them to understand where I am coming from most of the time. It hurts because I do want to be able to tell them and feel accepted for who I fully am, but I have come to understand that they, and my mother in particular who I think has repressed her natural gifts as a way to cope with a world which can be cruel sometimes, they are just doing the best they know how and I just try to accept it, at least I know they do love me.As for Cheshire Cat and Justin - your whole conversation about friendships was like hearing myself! I seem to take friendships much more seriously than most other people and have been seriously hurt by others who are not the same in the past. But it is so amazing to find others who don't just get how I feel but actually feel the exact same way in fact verbalise it before I do! I guess being this way can make us feel pretty lonely sometimes. Really glad I joined :) sorry for rambling haha x
Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
2 years ago
1,185 posts

Hi Bookworm,

Welcome to EC. We are glad you joined also! You are certainly not alone. It is just that at 5% of the population, we seem to be scattered far and wide, so it is often times hard to find each other. If you live in a large enough area there are Metaphysical Meetups where you have a better chance of finding others like us. You can look them up online. You can also try shops that sell crystals, tarot cards, sage, etc. As you said, many of us feel the need to hide it for many reasons, and as a result you may even work with another empath and not know it unless you spend enough time around them that you pick that up from them or vice versa.

My mom was also an empath and never knew it. She was overwhelmed by the way people behaved and bawled her eyes out watching the news every night. I learned from that never to watch the news. She ended up never leaving the house for the last ten years of her life and I rarely leave my home anymore either. I think it would be different if I lived in the country where I belong, but we live in a densely populated city due to my husband's job. I hope you'll give the Empath Survival section on the home page a good looking over. There are things there that may help you with being able to handle that "cruel" world out there well enough that you can function well in the world.

Bookworm
@bookworm
2 years ago
85 posts
Thanks for the warm welcome :) just talking to people on here and reading posts has already helped me so much and I am so grateful! I definitely don't want to turn my back on the world or on any part of myself (if that makes sense!) Just knowing there are other people who understand really does help in si many ways!
Justme
@justme
2 years ago
11 posts

I feel just the same, I joined the EC only a few days ago, and it's been a very positive experience for me, I tried to go it alone for about a year, but it helps so much to hear from other empaths, it has allowed me to regain a lot of belief in myself, that I was beginning to lose... Today I had a wonderful meeting with a mature lady who owns my local health food shop, I went in to find some citrine after reading the helpful advice on here as she also sells crystals, incense etc. We had the most amazing discussion as it was so in line with what we have been discussing on here following Jonny's post... and it all came from this lovely lady! If I have ever doubted the fact that I have a spirit guide, I never will again! Somehow mine guided me to this lady today. Her advice too was to tell only those people you think are ready to hear the truth, if not keep your counsel and retain your inner peace. We also talked about the importance of being kind to ourselves and of the importance of being in touch with our inner child. We even said Namaste when we parted, I just wanted to share that, it felt so great :)

Cat Whisperer
@cat-whisperer
2 years ago
728 posts
I have also been in situations where you try to open eyes to what is going on and NO ONE will listen. I have found that people will either find out on their own or will stay oblivious to the obvious. We have to remember that everyone has their own journey/learning experience and that maybe we need to let them learn it. This is hard, for I feel drawn to helping make others lives easier too, but then, they cannot learn what they need to.
Cat Whisperer
@cat-whisperer
2 years ago
728 posts
Also, sorry to hear about your friendship. It is hard losing friends over stupid stuff, but maybe it is time for new friendships. When one door closes, another will open. Sounds like it is time to switch up your place of volunteering too. I have just recently done that as well. When you no longer get joy out of what you are doing, it is time to move on. It's like I told the place I left...I was doing a disservice by no longer wanting to put in 100%, where someone else might want to put in that 100%. That made room for me to do something that has been calling to me and that I really enjoy doing and seeing that I can bring peace to so many that need it. Hope you find your next calling.Shine on....
The Importance of Being Jonny
@the-importance-of-being-jonny
2 years ago
794 posts

Thank you. :)

I quit MECCA last week. I plan to do many great things with my new free time!

Rene''
@rene
2 years ago
1,194 posts
Sorry. I just seen your moment and I don't usually come right out and say this but your soul (or spirit ) is so cozy and sweet. Like little pink flowers. But I guess you get this a lot. Lol. Sorry didn't mean to invade. It was a strong feeling.
Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
2 years ago
1,185 posts

Hi Rene,

I'm not sure if you're talking to me, or Jonny, or Cat Whisperer......

Your comment is right below mine, so if it was me you are referring to, thank you, but nobody has ever told me that before. It sounds nice. I wish I always felt cozy and sweet. I am not always sweet. I have a monumental anger problem and a serious illness, which are related, as the physical damage causes the anger. Around people who live up to my ethical standards I am sweet though, and I love all kinds of flowers and have a huge garden. I don't feel it was invasive.

If the comment was for someone else, then they are lucky to have such lovely things in their aura. :-)

C. Cat

Rene''
@rene
2 years ago
1,194 posts
Yes mam, I was your aura. I didn't feel the anger though. So sorry for your illness. The anger is justified though, serious illness is like entrapment. Feelings of "no way out" is enough to make anyone angry.
Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
2 years ago
1,185 posts

Hi Rene,

"No way out" is exactly how I feel, so you picked up on that too. Thanks for being so understanding.

Bless you. :-)

ChrisApril
@chrisapril
2 years ago
5 posts

Not saying anything is difficult.
I guess in way I was lucky as I always had people approaching me for "advice" and I learnt quickly it's not an "advice" they want but attention ( classic "friend zone" case - a nightmare when you're in college ;) ). And I gave it to them, But I dont say anything if not asked.

I guess I understand why people are like this: we all have right to make mistakes, it's not necessarily bad things if we learn from them.
It does get difficult when someone we care about keeps denying things that so God damn obvious, but hey, life, right?

And again I'm lucky as I know two people who share my abilty so I have actually someone to talk to about it and dont have to hide it from everyone.

Anthony
@anthony
2 years ago
4 posts
I have the fear of breaking people from time to time. Most people say I'm odd, or creepy because I usually pick up on something personal so quick. Liars are always funny to me. They cling to lies like sinking life rafts.

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