Anyone else identify?

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karma
@karma
2 years ago
159 posts

I initially came to this site concerning a very traumatic year of almost becoming someone else and realizing what exactly was happening, I have since begun to understand I have been empathic throughout my life without the knowledge of being so.

After reading through responses and discussions I have come to note that empathy is not so black and white as to we are all the same in traits. I sit here reading wishing I had some traits that some of you have as life would be a lot easier.

Many people here are with a good judge of character as part of their empathic ability and can stay away from negativity..... I tend not to have this ability, in fact I cannot make judgements in any shape or form

I am someone who sees the good in everyone regardless of how rude, aggressive or negative they may be. I instantly respect they may have issues, that they are sad, unhappy, angry etc for a reason and that reason (whatever it may be, because I do not instantly know the reason) will overpower any means to walk away from the person. The anger, frustration etc is what draws me to them because I overwhelmingly know and feel they need understanding not rejection regardless of how difficult it is to be round them

I see both sides of every argument (which annoys many people no end) but, I intuitively place myself in anothers shoes without second thought and grasp their anger, frustration etc even when that anger etc is misplaced, I still understand it

Even when I am in an argument or debate of my own, I spend most of my argument/debate understanding where the other person is coming from - I find this extremely difficult because the point I am attempting to get across is valid hence my need to get it across.

Does anyone else identify with this? If yes, how do you confront these situations?


updated by @karma: 10/31/17 04:48:43PM
Gem
@gem
2 years ago
220 posts
Yes yes yes I identify a lot with this. I seem to have been a magnet for traumatic experiences most of my life.I also saw the good in everyone and tried to fix people, usually to me detriment. There were exceptions though..people who I barley knew directing much hatred towards me and I spent years agonising WHY? Something about me obviously bothered them. These were very hateful, bullying, self centre and ego centric. Oh they hated me. It made me very ill in a different way than when it was someone with negative issues who was essentially just in need of help. I didn't know I could be an empath at that time. I didn't know how to shield myself and kept looking for 'what was wrong with me?' Nothing was wrong with me...I can't tell you how liberating that realisation is.I still struggle but am getting better with putting myself first when someone is taking liberties. My natural thought pattern goes like this;I don't want them to feel bad if I say somethingI don't want to feel their annoyance, frustration or hate if I say somethingFollowing the above led me to two nervous breakdowns in a 6yr period.Now I isolate myself from everyone except immediate family when I start to get ill with negative situations because I still struggle with what will happen if I speak the harsh reality to those who need it. (they don't do subtle lol...these are truths that couldn't be said in a gentle way) so I accept they'll heap blame/name call or whatever because I've removed myself because rather that than let them suck the life out of me!Now ways to help (because becoming a hermit like me isn't fun lol)Regular grounding meditationsRegular energy vampire meditationsRegular healing light meditationsAromatherapy; lavender (protection/calming/clearing) frankincense and clary sage are good for spiritual matters/improved intuition/clearing negativityOrange and bergamot are good mood enhancers to give yourself some 'happy' when you feel zapped.You can add some (in a carrier oil like sweet almond oil) to a bath with epsom salt. It'll sooth and cleanse anything you've picked up.Good crystals I've found (I'm new to them so others may have better suggestions) are black tourmaline (protection from others negative stuff)To boost that I sometimes use/carry clear quartz alongside the black tourmaline.The clear quartz should also boost your intuition and if held during meditation enhance the experience.Angelite and blue lace agate for seeking guidance from guides/angels during meditation.I've also started using a clear quartz pendulum for when I feel I need clarification about a thought/intuition etc.Hope you find some clarity.BlessingsGem x
karma
@karma
2 years ago
159 posts

Thank You so much Gem

Yep. that is me, I feel bad even when thinking about what should be said, my care for their emotions outweigh my own, I just dont do hurting others feelings even when it very well maybe a saviour to my own. I also irrationally? believe others will think bad of me if I say anything confrontational even though I know people know me enough to know I would never be confrontational unless pushed into a corner.

I struggle putting myself first at any given time, I have never known how to shield myself and am a little confused in my research because people say dont shield yourself as it blocks and can put a wedge against everyone even loved ones.

I fully respect and identify with a lot pf people here when they say (as you have too) that we have all felt at some point there was something wrong with us, even to a point of feeling crazy or detached from almost everyone.

I have had many narcissists target me throughout my life (yet did not see the pattern until very recently) I have not so much tried to fix them but, indeed been sucked in to caring too much and being too understanding.

I do feel a higher source steps in at some point though (my higher self maybe?) because (after much trauma and exhaustion) I have somehow managed to walk away (unfortunately till now, without having learned a darn thing lol).

I have finally come to note it is a pattern though and a pattern I now MUST learn from because only recently I was actually saying `This lad is killing me` and he truly was - he was a lad with learning disabilities, extremely selfish, negative, and self absorbed... Narcissistic traits, I spent two years with him one on one, the last year and moreso the last few months I was absorbing him excessively I became extremely ill and even very resentful of being around him.... Of course I now have guilt for having felt this way regardless of knowing I was actually him a huge percent of the time

Thank you for the advice, I carry clear quartz with me in my bag but will keep it closer, need to invest in more stones, I have my chakra stones and try to carry my turquoise when need to speak to people because since having began to work with my one to one I spoke of above, I became less able to verbalize myself (he finds it hard to do this) I am hoping I regain the ability since having left him (as I am many scenarios and situations)

Will indeed get a black tourmaline as a need to ward off others negativity as I am desperate for a time out at least lol

Thanks again, you have been a great help, will take your advice with a Lavender, Sweet Almond and Epsom Salt too big hugs xx

Cat Whisperer
@cat-whisperer
2 years ago
727 posts
The realization of knowing that you are an Empath is the first step in feeling better. You have to take care of yourself first before you can help others. Otherwise you will find yourself drained, which will enhance the guilty feelings along with other self-negative feelings. Treat yourself like you have been treating others. Remember, you are your own best friend. I had struggled with this all of my life. The realization of what I am opened the door to having more empathy for myself.Shine on....
karma
@karma
2 years ago
159 posts

I hear you....

I often say to myself, I want a quiet life, I am here to live not struggle. So true, no instruction manual and such a difficult burden that many see as a gift, as yet, I have helped no one, been to hell and back too many times and I havent grasped the up side so to speak.

Although, I am told I am a lovely person, but this has been a burden when people abuse it.....`too nice` is what my daughter says she gets frustrated with me often because I care too much about everyone and everything esp injustices and/or I will contemplate on why people do the things they do rather than judge them - Although my daughter is a lot more sensitive than she lets on.... She is very strong outwardly but, then so was I at 22 lol..... Where has that side of me gone???

If I could switch it off I would because I know I am burdening myself.... just cant switch it off so I hear you

I am becoming more reclusive the older I get (am only 41) I do not know if this is a subconscious getting away? just happier away from people

karma
@karma
2 years ago
159 posts

It sure helps, the last few months I thought I was going crazy (understatement)

Everything I was going through, Anxiety, confusion, stress, anger etc I was literally my one to one, even to the point of inability to express myself verbally. I was extremely exhausted and drained

Thank you, I will try my hardest to look after myself, Gems advice to carry certain stones reasonates and I will be doing this, any other tips would be appreciated :)

Gem
@gem
2 years ago
220 posts
Gosh we're so so alike even down to my old job for years was working in a secondary school one to one with several statemented children (mine were mostly physical/medical or on the spectrum) I loved my kids mostly but I do hear you about too much time with certain ones could be detrimental to you. I actually found my line manager and a few of her 'favored' support workers to be more detrimental to me than the kids. I had to leave it made me very ill how toxic our department had become.Shielding doesn't have to block everything..just the negative from sticking to you.YouTube have some good ones! I'll send you some links later to the ones I use so you can try it out.It really sounds like you need to pamper and recuperate after such a traumatic time. It's trauma that made me finally figure the Empath thing out and led me here! So I know how long it can take to return to some sense of normalcy after such a draining time.BreathMeditatePamper (oils etc)Extra sleep where possibleProtect (stones + shield from negative only)Once you begin to feel more recovered you can explore more.. Learn to hone your ability etc.Also maybe have a chat to Trevor Lewis here about a clearing (I've had one facilitated by him and found it very helpful and enlightening..so much so I got him to clear my almost 3yr old).I'll inbox you some links later :) x
Gem
@gem
2 years ago
220 posts
I've never heard of that one :) it always good to hear of new ones to try out! I'll be looking that one up! X
Dice
@dice
2 years ago
284 posts

I can identify!!
There is a quote I used to use quite often in fact:
"I am cursed with the ability to see both sides"
I AM
So many times it makes it impossible for me to have an opinion. I keep returning to the fact that there are two sides to every story. It is not so much that I know both sides, but rather what is true in my situation. It does not mean there is a right and a wrong answer, but a truth for what I need to do.
Typically I am going to try to help. As time goes on I learn that people need to learn lessons, and see when my help will not benefit a situation. I help those that help themselves.

I do not judge, but I do know what I can or cannot get involved in at the time.

I realize that I can be a drain on others if I allow myself to. I have tried to give back when help is given whenever I see a way. Under normal circumstances I do not see people or they do not reach out to me for help. But when things get really low I will get calls like you can't believe. I do feel fortunate that people who are in darkness would see me as a light in those times. I do not think about the why's so much anymore.

I try to help those that I KNOW have helped me or would help me, or sometimes a complete stranger. I do not have alot to give other than a listening ear and advice, and my time to do that lessens the last few months. In many cases I believe I have gone through such hard times so I can understand and help those around me find a way to keep going. I do filter what I say because sometimes I do not have a way to say what I need to. I am more.. don't tell me.. show me.

Hang in there! Sometimes truth will set you free :)

Cat Whisperer
@cat-whisperer
2 years ago
727 posts
Very well said FG! And very true :)
Gem
@gem
2 years ago
220 posts
I've just ordered myself a black jet pendant! I'll let you know how I get on with it after I get a feel for it! Should arrive next week. I'll friend request you to let you know how I get on with it if that's ok? Blessings x
karma
@karma
2 years ago
159 posts

Thank You so much Gem, I really appreciate it. It means so much because even though people (loved ones) know I have been through a tough time no one really understands what I am talking about lol - I do still feel worn out and confused at times.

I know I need recover before exploring in any way. Look forward to those links Thanks again you`re a star!!

karma
@karma
2 years ago
159 posts

Am going to order some stones today... Will add Black Jet, Do You want my feedback too? :)

karma
@karma
2 years ago
159 posts

BlakPanther.... Coming here and speaking to you and a few others has been a breath of fresh air, I have been wandering aimlessly for a while thinking the world is not right, peoples behaviours, attitudes and words being so wrong, brutal and just downright ugly. I did not believe many people viewed humanity like I did.

My biggest problem is fitting in (I dont really want to, yet I have to as a means to get an income and live.... Which in itself is so wrong, This world was created free yet man has taken (stolen) it and taxed it all, even the natural elements, pay to stay warm, for clean air, pay for land you live on, water bills.....) People say `thats life and or `who says life was fair` etc.... It drives me round the bend - It is not life, and life is only not fair because people govern people, there is no freedom.....

I am already in a new job (in a kitchen of a carvery - Am Vegan).... I am not happy of course the meat everywhere, the smell of it and all the new people I have to pretend I can cope with being around, when all I want is to get away from everyone and everything esp after this last year.

I could sit a write so much here but, will read your threads and respond in accordance :)

Whereabouts are you? I am in South East England

karma
@karma
2 years ago
159 posts

Thank You Dice....

I totally identify with at times the difficulty in having an opinion, I always see the both sides, I will often say (and mean) I get what someone is saying yet, that can annoy others too.

I also see life as lessons on continuum(both for myself and others), this of course is a struggle when others do not view it that way, its their way or no way - that can be hard, I will help anyone when asked I would not be able to sleep nor function well if not.

I too respect I can be a drain on others if I allow myself to be, I step back, keep my words, feelings and thoughts to myself at times - Filtering what I say does not come naturally of late, I have found expressing myself extremely difficult since taking on my ex one to ones traits - verbally I am pretty lost.

I need a time out, I need a stress free period and will use all techniques until find the right one...

Thanks Again :)

karma
@karma
2 years ago
159 posts

Thank You Fancy Girl

What you have said makes so much sense and I truly need learn how to judge character because I am indeed a magnet for narcissistic individuals whether long term or fleeting. I need to spot the narcissist from the genuine or at least the potential deliberate energy sucker from the genuine person.

What you have said about childhood hit a raw nerve and I believe I was meant to be jolted `again` by reading them... I was raised in a very psychologically, emotionally and physically brutal household that was not even my own, I ran away on continuum until 14 when I took myself to social services and refused ever to go back.... I recognize the patterns of almost everything I do, even down to the running away today, I need get away somehow like I used to be able to, even if it does not fix the problem by doing so

I meditated recently and my childhood self came forward very angrilly but, I have pushed this aside due to all the other stresses I am dealing with - But, I know deep down this part of me is what I need address today and now - maybe it is why I am where I am today? I just feel overwhelmed by so much and do not know where to start - I am very complex even to myself because the hurt and trauma from childhood I have pretended for 30 plus years did not happen, pushed it aside or have even sympathasized with those who did what they did.... I try and see their side and at times forgive - yet at other times I am so angry.

You say about turning down the chatter.... Any advice on how to do this would be greatly appreciated :)

karma
@karma
2 years ago
159 posts

Salut!

I am very boring and English lol.... Cant speak another language unfortunately, A very basic french and that`s about it (and I mean very basic lol)

Kit Kat
@kit-kat
2 years ago
230 posts

You wrote, "I intuitively place myself in another' shoes without second thought..." I relate to this more than I can express.

And I also relate to almost everything that you said :)

I must admit that I don't confront these situations as well as I wish I did. But I think combining validation of the other person's feelings with your own thoughts and opinions is the best way to go.

water_lily
@water-lily
2 years ago
90 posts

I definitelyrelate to this. It is my first reaction to everything; a wonderful trait if you are being a peacemaker between two arguing parties, but kind ofawful when you need to help yourself.

I, like, many people on here, have the rare Myers-Briggs personality type,INFJ. Not all empaths are INFJ and not all INFJ are empaths, but someone once gave me a warning about my personality type that is helpful in these situations. If you are in a business meeting with 11 other people and you are discussing ideas, your first response will be to listen to everyone's point of view and come up with some sort of compromise with your own. However, when you do that, your view only gets 1/12 of a 1 voice when everyone else's gets a full voice. I try to keep that in mind with my empathic side as well. Yes, my instinct is help everyone, but I have to remember that I am a person as well, and I need to be as much of a priority as anyone else, especially in my own life, because if I don't fight for my emotional well-being, who will?

The empath survival guide and other tips people have mentioned can help you just make it through walking down a crowded street; however, I still find it difficult to deal with friends and family members just because when I feel close to people I have an emotional connection those people. Sometimes, I am even quite aware that they are acting badly towards me, but I justify it and let it go on for far too long. Many people see this as a sign of weakness and will continue to take advantage.

In the end, I've found the thing that works the best for me is to take non-empathic stock of what is going on in this particular relationship. I do this much better when removed from an emotionally charged place, like while going for a walk in the woods. I center myself and think of how I feel about this person and their actions. Rather than think thoughts like, "Are they taking advantage of me?" which can lead to all sorts of justifications, I ask myself if I "Has this person done anything that has directly led to me being hurt?" "How do I feel about this person?" or "How do I feel when I am around this person?" If I come to the conclusion that a person is hurting me, regardless of the reason, I make up my mind to talk it through with them to try to work through the problem and I make mental note of all the reasons that I feel that way (so that I can hold onto them during the discussion when the other point of view seems to take precedence over my own); while confronting there person, I try to actively not put myself in their shoes and just champion my own point of view (I am usually only semi-successful in this attempt, but semi- as better than not at all). If the other person is not willing to work through the problem with me, then it doesn't seem reasonable that I should spend so much effort making their world better especially at the expense of my own emotional well-being.

Nearly all of the advice people give about arguments is geared towards people who struggle with empathy and putting themselves in other's shoes. You are on the other side of the spectrum so in order to survive in the world, you kind of have to do the opposite, haha. Seems like bad advice, but you have to do what you have to do to fight for yourself because no one else is going to do that, well no human that is. Even doing this sort of thing, I still am told that I am sweet and too nice. Even being what I consider to be mean, I apparently act in a way that most people consider to be overly kind; you are probably the same way. Find your balance and fight for yourself; you will probably still be a lovely person with the added bonus of being personally happier :)

Gem
@gem
2 years ago
220 posts
I just wanted to thank you for the above advice and I'll come back and re-read this before any difficult discussions I need to have where I need to have my voice heard!Great tips for all of us who struggle with this! Blessings x
karma
@karma
2 years ago
159 posts

Thats so true water lily, people only ever seem to see that someone need be more empathic yet disregard empathy itself as a real thing and or if someone is too sensitive to others it is viewed as a weakness or hindrance :(

Me too lol.... I think I am being mean (and worry people think I am mean) when all I am trying to do is voice myself (I blame this on my inability to voice myself - am such a mouse at times)

karma
@karma
2 years ago
159 posts

I try lol... :)

I will try harder, Thanks Kit Kat :)

karma
@karma
2 years ago
159 posts

Thanks Fancy Girl

I am very much stuck in a rut, I have pushed so much aside and pretend all is good as most people do,

I have a counsellor, which is odd as she is lovely but, most of our sessions are discussing work (where I discovered I was becoming who I looked after - I of course have not explained any of that we instead talk around my anxiety at that time (which was his) and the stress (which was his) - we have come to agree I have been through a very tough time lol.... she would not respect me as an empath in discovery of course - I would dread the pity look on her face, I think (being this day and age) having a counsellor will help regarding time off work if need be (I have dived straight into another job, which is truly proving to be a mistake, we discussed this, this evening)

We are supposed to talk about the past but, I avoid it without intent although there is common ground concerning the angry younger self, maybe we will look at that some day soon?

I spend most of the session knowing her ideals will work in some cases but, in others are just too far removed from what I have been going through, she my help more with the past than the present?

I will definitely read the links concerning chatter :) Thank You Loads it means a lot :)

karma
@karma
2 years ago
159 posts

Oh Wow... Went straight to the link of turning down the volume, visualized the dial and it kept pinging back up....

Will practice this everywhere several times a day :)

water_lily
@water-lily
2 years ago
90 posts

I'm glad what I said helped someone :)

Gem
@gem
2 years ago
220 posts
It's been a lifelong problem for me too. Ironically I'm able to voice myself no problem within my own family (my mum, dad,brothers) it's the outside world an in laws.. People who blatantly are takers, only about themselves and feel their opinion is the correct and only one.I'm starting to realise through this awakening that my lesson in this life is to learn to say no and not worry myself to death with all the thoughts of how I'll make them feel. To learn to look after myself against these types in a way that protects myself but isn't unkind.. If that makes sense.At present the best I've managed is isolating myself completely from them but I know it won't be long before that's challenged..given I'm working on saving my marriage to their son. I'm also having to deal with/support my husbands major inner issues that came from growing up with such toxicity.It's such a tough one.Baby steps in the right direction is all we can do. Look into ourselves for what we need to enjoy our existence. Boundaries are so important... I am determined to learn to implement and stick to mine!Blessings x
karma
@karma
2 years ago
159 posts

Thanks Karina.

I do have a problem with boundaries, I worry I am being too harsh if I say no.... I know I need firm up and I recognize (more so since joining this site) that I should have more control over myself as a means to protect myself from negativity....

Am trying to learn how to :) I, like your Grandmother do tend to allow people to be unkind (even make excuses for them.... Well, thats if they are unkind to me, if unkind to loved ones/animals or even injustices of the world, I tend to be more assertive and am ready to fight back) It is definitely a `me` thing.

saramel
@saramel
2 years ago
8 posts
I can relate. I am however learning to put myself first and stand up for myself. No one has a right to make you feel bad. I was naturally helping people till it began to drain me. So i have pulled back and thought of myself. I don't know why when i needed help i was helping everyone else as that wasn't me.
Bookworm
@bookworm
2 years ago
85 posts
I wanted to tell you this because it's something which had helped me a lot.I, like you, always see the best in people. Even when I sense negative aspects in certain people often in the past I have allowed myself to turn a blind eye to that because of the potential I can see within them.However, I have begun to learn that for me, and I think for many empaths I have seen/spoken to online, this seems to stem from a deep desire to help others. Yet by always placing others before myself I ended up making myself much weaker, drained, unhappy - all kinds of negativity! Realising that if I don't take care of myself and listen to and actually try to honour my own needs, has helped me see that I in fact am then much less able to help those who would turn to me for help or support. This has really helped remove a lot of the guilt I was feeling. When you take care of yourself first you are making sure you are ready to help when truly needed. It's not selfish! Also; I have to remind myself sometimes that I can't 'fix' other people or their problems, only be there to support them when they need it. This has again been an important realisation for me, as rather than feeling responsible for every single person I come into contact with, I can remind myself that if they are able to help themselves instead of me trying to make things better for them, they will be empowered and enriched from that experience and I shouldn't feel the need to try and make things better for everyone, if I do I can actually be taking away something which could be a very beneficial experience for them.Everyone is different of course but these realisations have helped me a lot when I was struggling with similar feelings to what you seem to be describing, so I wanted to share in case it helps (of course, the desire to help never goes away ha ha) :) xx
karma
@karma
2 years ago
159 posts

I too can only voice myself to certain and close individuals...

I too find isolation my only way to any form of contentment (which now with a new job is very difficult the hours are long, the environment stressful and I am struggling)

I feel for you. you are in an emotional turmoil, i can touch wood, my virtual in laws (unmarried but in my relationship 13 years) would never interfere with my partners life (they would support him in anything but, have never, to my knowledge judged me outwardly nor have they interfered)

You are picking up the pieces of a toxic past and that has got to be tough on top of all else you as an empath have to contend with - its all too easy for me to say, dont let them get to you, look after number one etc, but, I know it just is not that simple.

You make a lot of sense hon, I know I need enjoy my existence, I want to. Just not sure how or where to start lol - I worry about everything I say and do affecting others and of course this in turn affects me. I am not even sure I know how or where to set boundaries I am a bit of mess lol

I still have not gotten round to doing the meditation either, so overworked at present and shattered every night.... I have a day off coming up (cant wait!!!)

karma
@karma
2 years ago
159 posts

Such a good point raised Saramel.... We help everyone but ourselves and we do it to a point of causing distress to ourselves.

I at present have not gotten a grip on helping myself without causing myself more upset, I wish I had because I am indeed aware of the trauma I am inflicting on myself, My inate personality? I do not know but, I am struggling daily to recover, stand up for myself, voice myself, ground myself and so much more that I need to do.

This site is helping me, A few people here are giving me fantastic guidance I know coming here was what I needed to do :)

karma
@karma
2 years ago
159 posts

Bookworm

What a beautiful understanding - You are so right too!

Its true my wanting to help could indeed be a taking away someone else`s potential to help themselves which would of course be enriching and beneficial to them to have done so.

But, as you say the desire never goes away :) and.... I will always fear I turned away at the wrong time (see how annoying I am lol)

My biggest problem is the learning how to turn my intent on helping inward, or even liking myself... I find this extremely difficult because I, in my 41 years have never done so. I have so many realisations on where I am going wrong but, have no clue on changing myself (I have tried but, its a struggle that drains me more)

You have helped though :) - Knowing people understand me somewhat and your having responded means a lot as there are not many people wanting to cover this topic with me verbally, I try and keep a lot of my thoughts and feelings to myself so I do not drain anyone (primarily my daughter and boyfriend) - So Thank You :) xx

Karen2
@womanwhowalks
2 years ago
787 posts
Hi...maybe the thing to do is to find the root of your dislike for yourself and take care of that issue...i've known where my problem is....and I understand how difficult is is to deal with...especially with a family who are not able to understand me and the way I am....I am me...and i'm a good person....I get caught up in stuff just like the rest of humanity...but there's nothing wrong with me....and nothing wrong with you....when you keep so much to yourself....you are in fact draining yourself....I do the same thing....hold back when what I REALLY want to do is....well....voice my objections...especially when it comes to people who are mistreating me....lol....I think your wording your using for yourself is too harsh....your not going wrong....my parents used to sit me down and tell me I HAD to change in order to be better whenever i'd done something bad.......but i'm also told I should love me the way I am....and that's the confusing part....which part should I change and which is good enough to be..well...good enough to be acceptable ?....so....I decided to go with the 2nd ignore the 1st...whatever I learn in life is what's gonna change me...it already has...and letting go of unneeded energy from the past will change me...it already has....and it does so at it's own pace... why rush?...and why worry?...I still worry...but it's much less than it was...lol...loosen up on yourself. ...
Skeletubbie
@skeletubbie
2 years ago
40 posts

I can totally relate! I'm a very nice person, but I can't associate with people that aren't on the same emotional level as I. It's far too complicated for me. I end up feeling guilty for it, but I shouldn't have to. I care too much about other's feelings, and I don't want to upset them by telling them the truth. I'll get attacked, and feel their energy flow into me.

I've been wanting to switch off all of this since I was young. It's all way too much for me to handle sometimes.

Stay strong! You're not alone. :)

karma
@karma
2 years ago
159 posts

Thank you Skeletubbie (love the name)

This is how I have become, I am finding it harder and harder to associate with others.

I realise now, I have had this all with me a long time but, did not connect the dots, now I know why I behave the way I do and feel the way I do, I am no longer in a conflict to be `normal` for my own sanity but, I do feel a more sizable urge to remove myself from the everyday world - Just have no idea how?

Skeletubbie
@skeletubbie
2 years ago
40 posts

Thank you!

Yeah, I've been like this since I was young. When I moved to where I live now, it all started happening a lot worse. I made friends that weren't necessarily healthy for me, but I proceeded to allow them in my life, anyhow. I wanted to feel normal, and have friends like everybody else.

I know now that it's not a need in my life to have negative people, especially when the negativity effects my daily living.

I have no idea how to completely remove myself from society itself. You can't really escape it. Every day gets harder for me to socialize and get to know other people. I don't feel a need for it at all anymore.

karma
@karma
2 years ago
159 posts

I hear you....

The message of `be yourself` but only so long as it does not affect others... Everything we say and do will affect another in some way or another

Thats my problem though, I dont really know who I am, fear my words will be taken the wrong way regardless of people knowing me will know I have no untoward intent.

I do admire people with confidence and ability to speak their minds in a just manner - When alone, in my head I sound fair and intelligent enough to be understood - verbalising is very difficult.

I am working on learning to accept myself more - I do wish I could just take time out and go somewhere (where???) I have a strong feeling this is what I need right now.... Dont know where to start though

Dice
@dice
2 years ago
284 posts

Karma,

Verbal... oh the struggle.

I have found that the ability to feel others (since as far back as I can remember) made it difficult for me to speak to people. Having said that I can be in a room full of people that would not talk to each other because they are so different, but I can speak to all of them and appreciate their differences.

We do have the ability to speak many languages without using different lingo. Sometimes this is hard so I simply show by my actions instead of words. Words can really make a mess sometimes.

Cultural differences influence our use of words and can contribute to the blinders that people wear. It can be hard to find another person to speak freely to.Having the ability to feel another person gives the opportunity to hear them. I find I have relied on this my whole life. And yes, it can annoy others that you can "get" what they say. You would think they would be happy about this, but when you are a "feeler" it can irritate everyone. Ohjoy :)

Small moves right? A common phrase for me is "show me, don't tell me". It has guided me all of my life(I tireof empty words..). It helpsfor someone to feel they areheard so they cangive that in return. I have been accused of not caring.. but this is simply not true.I find that when someone is ready to hear me.. they will. Even though it is often in the lowest times.

I also have to admit that this is the second time I have written this. The first suddenly disappeared. I made a remark on the firsttry about me babbling on. When I am "inspired" to say things and not sure why..I feel as though I am crazy.

Iwant to bring up that answers are often in the "background". The everyday moments that we do not normally pay attention to.If you take special notice to everything around you and watch the world as if you are watching a movie ~you may see what I mean. When youobserve this,you can point out what should be obvious and bring it to the forefront. It will not be comfortable per se, but this is sometimes imperative for the changes you seek.

Grounding has been the best thing I have learned so far. :)

May you find calm in rough seas and always have a lighthouse view.

Dice

karma
@karma
2 years ago
159 posts

`That` I do relate to - getting away from society...... work is the hardest association of all

I rushed straight into a new job in fear of income loss, and after all my last job put me through....

I find it hard to socialize and am becoming more and more socially awkward I truly wish for a time out and away from people/society.

karma
@karma
2 years ago
159 posts

I at times feel inspired to babble on lol.... I know so much goes over others heads (not because they are not intelligent but, that they are so conditioned into believing only one perspective on so many things) For example `Who said life was ever fair?` I despise such expressions.... Life should be fair, man made greed and power and control obsessions took fairness away - Life itself is fair, we were all born to be a thinking/feeling someone.....

I have to quieten my rants and babbles on religion, money, education, government, life in general, fame, media brainwashing etc because I know people dont care about any of it (which worries me because even though no one sees affecting their lives directly it actually does) The world around us is a system of robots without empathy, not even sympathy for the lesser priviliged. This is because it is taught from an early age, the only way forward in life is to earn yourself respect by working for others and sh~~ing on others to do so. The more money you make the more successful a person you are, the more respected you are.... I hate it!! I could go on but wont.

I find I am becoming more and more despising of human behaviour and actions and dont really think I want to switch this off?

I know my meloncholy persona is doing me no good right now but, how to enjoy life when everything about is so wrong?

I am being so somber, forgive me, I am actually fine lol.... this is just the crap I have going through my head daily :)

Bookworm
@bookworm
2 years ago
85 posts
I didn't realise quite how much I rambled on ha ha! I hope I didn't sound too preachy, just wanted to share some things I have personally found helpful. Karen has some really useful advice too and it sounds as though, if you are able to, you might find it helpful to spend some time just getting to know yourself and how you really feel about things, it can be hard when other people's emotions are constantly pushing in to your consciousness.I find being in any kind of water really helps me to relax and get back to myself when I've had a hard day, even a long shower can really help. Maybe try some different relaxing activities to find what works for you and don't be afraid to take some time for self reflection, I hope that doesn't sound patronising in any way, I just feel you are a bit like me and often feeling guilty whenever you take some time for yourself you start to feel selfish. It's really not selfish though as I said before and never forget you are a beautiful person as worthy of love and care as much as any of the people you encounter and want to help :) xxx
karma
@karma
2 years ago
159 posts

Not at all preachy lol, I appreciate the having listened to me and the having responded more than words can express :)

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