How do you deal with just about everyone NEEDING you all the time?

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The Importance of Being Jonny
@the-importance-of-being-jonny
2 years ago
794 posts

I spend most of my time helping people and I do that through volunteer work. In the 3 years I have been there, I have been elevated to a position of power and respect just by being me. And because of this so many rely on me and need me and can't seem to function without my presence including the Director of the store I work at. I have to remind myself that unlike her or a few of the staff there, I am a volunteer so I can only give so much of myself, my time and energy before i begin to feel burned out and want to get away from it all. As an empath, I have many days like that where I need me time. You would think I'm one of several paid bosses at MECCA which everyone just assumes about me. Volunteers, customers and total strangers. Working there has made me into something more than I am.

As much as I love MECCA as an outlet for helping people, I've grown tired of being around a select group of people, once my friends and people I enjoyed being around. They eventually became people that take my time and energy for granted and not only expect me to be there all the time, but to help them out when they need it without so much as communication from them on any work related subject to me who needs to know things. I've brought it up time and time again that people need to communicate with me but apparently once I leave the scene, everyone's memories get erased and they go back to mistreating me and being disrespectful of my time there. I pretty much stopped giving so much of myself scaling back my hours to every other week since while being frustrated, I am also dealing with health problems. I'm recovering from two stress fractured feet. No one there so much as gives a crap about it. Friends I've made don't reach out via text or call, they don't ask how I'm doing when I do see them and they also go back to acting like nothing is wrong.

So I ask myself, why does this happen in the life of an empath? What is it that makes this happen? Why are we always needed to a fault and people we've grown to like and trust over the years begin acting cold and disregard us? I'm getting to understand light and what it is and how it brings people to us. People of all kinds and they recognize us as someone who can help them. But why in our personal relationships do we get treated like crap like we are not there? What is it about us that can turn a relationship from loving to pure detestable? In my life, I dunno who I can trust anymore based on their treatment of me. It just makes me feel used and abused for the number of years I have been a loving friend to them when they needed me and even when they didn't.

Jonny


updated by @the-importance-of-being-jonny: 01/21/17 08:20:08AM
Lulip
@lulip
2 years ago
36 posts

It can get really draining when everyone is nagging at you for a conversation, advice, company, etc. As much as it makes you feel good helping people, you are not obligated to. You have the right to step back and put yourself before others. There is nothing wrong about doing so, and is necessary for your own mental health.

As for friends/people growing cold, I don't know your situation so I can't say. My best guess is that you might be pushing them away without meaning to, projecting negative energy because you feel so drained and unhappy.

I would try making a new group of friends. Some people are so drawn by empaths, they befriend you simply for that, and don't take your similarities, interests, and personality into consideration, which ends in a bad friendship.

The Importance of Being Jonny
@the-importance-of-being-jonny
2 years ago
794 posts

Now more than ever I'm about myself and not others. Especially in a work environment where I feel people there don't take into account my personal life. As much as I love to help people, that is no longer an issue with me. Recently talking to the store director, she asked me to work while I recuperated. Totally overlooking what I just told her about needing to take time off to heal. It's weird stuff like that that make me not want to talk to some people anymore.

Someone on here said that to me before about me projecting negative energy resulting in them treating me cold. All I can say is there's like a clique at work and everyone is all part of this big inner circle. As that grew tighter, my relationships with several people grew more distant. I know when I may or may not have been projecting something negative and it just doesn't add up to me why everyone on a grand scale all treat me the same. This isn't new either. While I may be noticing behaviors more now, this goes as far back as last summer when emotionally, I was in a great place. No negativity to project.

I have so much of the same types of relationships when it comes to friends so I don't go out of my way to befriend people. I try not to be cold or rude to people, but simply, I don't try to make friends anymore. Because I have such a disconnect for why things happen the way they do, it makes me feel that I shouldn't be in one place for too long. I think that's a valid determination when this same thing happens in just about every relationship or situation I am in. I don't know about others, but in situations like this, I come to ridiculous but real conclusions like not staying in one place too long. Just being me makes me feel like a huge freak.

Lulip
@lulip
2 years ago
36 posts

I understand how it feels to be let down by people over and over again, but withdrawing socially isn't good either. Maybe you are/were looking for friends in the wrong places; where no one had anything in common with you, and you just couldn't connect well.

As for projecting negative energy, maybe it's the mentality you go around with? I used to be extremely anti-social and introverted before I knew I was an empath, and went around telling myself I had no intention of making friends, because I "hated" people. And because of this, I noticed people tended to shy away from me. A few years later and awakened, however, plenty of people go out of their way to talk to me and it usually always ends in them asking for some sort of advice.

The Importance of Being Jonny
@the-importance-of-being-jonny
2 years ago
794 posts

I try not to be negative by thinking a certain way and not seeing what I may be doing from another perspective. But on the friendship front, all I can see in front of me clearly is how I have been there for them when they needed a friend and how they are not here for me now when I need a friend. It hurts me and I don't know how to get past it. I'm very cynical when it comes to friendships because in college when I was at the height of my life, I was in a social setting making new friends, hanging out. Being normal and I enjoyed every minute of it. And like a tornado came and swept up all I knew, all I had, just about every best friend I made suddenly turned on me. One after the other and I thought it was because of me. Ironically, that is what led me here. Directly after losing my 3rd friend who I loved with all my heart. I wanted to know why this was happening and I found my way here.

Lulip
@lulip
2 years ago
36 posts

Have you ever thought of talking to one of your old friends about why you stopped talking/interacting? Or even tuning into them and looking for the answer that way? It might seem weird, but you might be surprised by the responses you get. Maybe something happened that you didn't realize and could be affecting all your friendships.

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