Encountering resistance when trying to help people
updated by @e-crawford: 01/10/17 07:06:53PM
They could just be scared. Most people will get kind of freaked out if they encounter someone who knows how they're feeling, and can tell if they're lying. On quite a few occasions I have asked a friend, "Hey, you okay?" and their face lights up with surprise and then confusion as to how I would know such a thing. One of my teachers even seems to shy away from me out of nervousness, which is really strange considering it's a full grown adult intimidated by a 14 year-old'spresence. There isn't much you can do, other than projecting positive energy around you and being nice.
But, all people are different. If you're finding it hard to help someone, try first getting to know them really well and have them comfortable around you. They should have an easier time opening up and not getting freaked out.
I find that using force always meets resistance. I don't mean physical force, but far subtler than that. If we give advice or even suggestions and we are invested in the other person heeding them, then they are far more likely to resist what we say.
Can you think of a time when someone told you what to do, and you immediately didn't want to?
Show me a 'Keep off the grass' sign and I'll be dancing in the middle of the lawn before you know it
There's a verse in the Tao te ching (10) which contains the lines
Giving birth and nourishing,
having without possessing,
acting with no expectations,
leading and not trying to control:
this is the supreme virtue."
There's nothing wrong with giving advice when asked, but then we have to step back and let go of caring that our advice is taken.