Irrational fear sparked by empathy

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Emmy Long
2 years ago
484 posts
I've said it before, I'll say it a million times again, I LOVE THIS GIFT. But there's no denying that it makes us hyper-aware of emotions. Thats kinda the definition if empathy, right?Well today is the birthday of a dear friend of mine, and eight days from now marks the anniversary of her suicide. It's all bittersweet. I should be younger than her, I was/am younger. But now in reality I'm older than she'll ever be. Such a weird and sad feeling.I'll never forget the day or the phone call when I learned Natalie committed suicide. I had been gone away at college for 2 years and she had stayed behind at home, but I still remembered to call her and wish her a happy birthday.I told her i loved her, then eight days later she killed herself.After I got that call, I had an irrational fear of answering my phone for months. Everytime it rang I let it go to voicemail just to make sure it wasn't someone telling me a person i loved had died.I think as empaths we FEEL MORE than most. Where some people could take that call, deal with it over the course of time, and move on. It took me longer.I felt Natalie's pain, her fear, her guilt, her relief. I felt it all in that phone call. An I never want to feel it again. Has anyone ever experienced somwthinf like this and had it lead to an irrational fear of something silly, like just answering a phone call? As the anniversary approaches, I feel my fear of answering the phone creeping back up. Such a simple thing.
updated by @emmy-long: 01/17/17 10:04:43AM
Kit Kat
2 years ago
230 posts

That's so sad... <3 I hope that you can heal from this experience, and feel better. You're right, we feel SO much.. it's hard to process all the feelings. But at least we can know that we are different in a good way :)

2 years ago
303 posts

I'm so sorry about your friend. I don't like the sound of phones ringing in general, but sometimes I notice that they sound different when the person on the other end is anxious. I can't really describe it.

Nobody ever recovers from a suicide. It's the worst thing in the world. You can't say it's God's will or bad luck or anything like that. You can't say it's old age, or it was her time to go. It destroys everyone around you.

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