I'm normally good at shielding myself from others feelings & by that I mean being very picky about who I hang out with for long periods of time. That being said, I have a close friend I met almost 3 years ago. We're very much opposites, but it works for us. We've helped each other grow through our friendship, even if we don't see eye to eye we've respected each other, been non-judgmental & all the good stuff that friendship adds to life. Recently though she's been struggling emotionally with a bad break-up. I wasinadvertently her rock after the break-up, going everywhere with her to help her feel less lost & just be her friend. It's draining but I feel as though it's worth it because we're friends & have been for a while & I feel as though the feelings would be reciprocated. That's my expectation I know, but history has shown the reciprocation to be reality...
Anyways, we recently had a tiff because of a guy that's been in my life since I was 8. He came over to my place one night when she was there & she excluded herself from us & tried to manipulate the whole situation. It was as if her energy filled my whole apartment & I was just sitting in the corner. She left to go to the store & when she made it back my friend left due the uncomfortable feeling that came along with her attitude. I haven't felt anything like this EVER! Her negativity/manipulation/selfishness was so HUGE after he left that I was SEETHING! I kept a tight lid on it, but she showed me herself in a different light that night by trying to make me feel bad because HER emotional state was effected; which frankly I do not appreciate. I voiced all this to her -- she eventually apologized. I know she's in a messy place emotionally... I'm just really messed up about all of this.
I feel like I've known these qualities about her for sometime, but maybe I dismissed them? They're so glaring right now to the point of hurt. I'm in emotional pain because I feel as though I'm losing my friend, but I'm also questioning was she even a friend to begin with? I would always take her problems on as my own & not judge her. Right now I feel judgment from her & also lack of care about my life... as if the relationship is one-sided.
Feeling confused & needing guidance, grace & understanding <3
updated by @stugglebunny: 01/17/17 07:21:08AM