updated by @kate: 01/29/17 08:31:49PM
Hmm... a good word for how the place makes me feel is almost... dysfunctional for some reason. Mental and non verbal communication, the balanced noise and spectrum people should naturally have around them, the natural inflow of creativity in certain places that you should have... they are being reduced to a minimum, to almost 0. What is this? :/
I believe i have problems with it because naturally i do not accept such things and seek to find ways out, but i am very unsure of howmuch i should react as my... enthusiasm and curiosity in general haven't been that well received by that many either, althoughit definetly started getting better than when i was younger.I use to stare into space for long period of time while having conversations in my head but sometimes i will look at people in that way that they will look back at me so scared and wondering what i am thinking about them and only then i am able to realise they might havefoundme intrusive, even though i do thatnaturally,and when i was a kid people didn't mind:/. What i do not understand is why every other being sees this (looking at someone's heart and noticing the kind of thoughts someone has)as something positive (children, certain older people or those who prefer honesty in their relationships, and animals, everythign related to nature) but not acertain group of people. i can't bethe one doing the wrong stuff always can I?I do not confine to old negative patterns and thus i appear highly different and with a different beat even to the people who never thought of such things previously; even if i do my best to hide it under a dignifiedpers. that totally isn't sobotheredby all the things and unsettlednessgoing on around^^ xD
Well, i still want to overcome the feeling but i do not know how other than go abroad with my studies >_>
I know this is quite a while after you posted, and I hope you found some relief, but in case you haven't...
Last year I moved to a much bigger city with a much different climate, and I had a lot of trouble adjusting, partly due to seasonal changes, partly due to the feelings of the people and partly due to my disconnection from nature. Your description of your feelings seem almost identical to some of what I've been feeling. I posted a question related to this, and got a very helpful response from someone called Leafherder. To paraphrase, when you can't get to nature or a happy place to recenter yourself and keep yourself sane look for places that have the feeling you are looking for (an empty cathedral, a museum, an empty theatre, whatever works for you.)
Personally, I have absolutely no interest in staying in this city after I finish what I need to do here. I know it is bad for me to be here, but I also know that the direction my life needs to go requires me to be here. Since I feel strongly enough about this, I try to think of my time here as a growing experience. If I can spend five years or so facing this, I will probably be a much stronger person and maybe I'm supposed to do that to accomplish whatever I should do in the future. Maybe this experience will help you too, or maybe you should get yourself out of it. Only you can tell