I think this may be my first ever post in the main forum, after two years of happy membership here. I am totally confused and need advice. Sorry it's so long.
I have been BFFs with someone since we were 12 years old, and that is a 52 year history. She got me out of a very bad jam in life once, for which I feel I owe her, and we had many good times together, but ever since she moved to the place she's lived for awhile now, she's changed dramatically, and she and I see things so differently we can't seem to communicate.
We've not lived in the same location since 1968, and she now lives almost 4,000 miles away from me. I've been changed by experiences I've had and so has she. I believe we are both in the same place, ie. we love each other like family, but no longer like each other much. We do have enough in common, that if we met now, I think we'd still end up as friends, just not nearly as close.
I've become fearful to open her emails, since she constantly talks down to me as if I am stupid, making little digs at me that she must think I am too stupid to pick up on. I barely noticed this until coming here and becoming good friends with some people like me, who give as much as they take. After experiencing getting as much as I gave for the first time ever, the contrast could not have been more stark.
I write to her, pouring out my heart over feelings about events in my life like most empaths, and I get back a strictly factual catalogue of events in her life with no feelings or opinions in them, and no addressing of anything I've said in my previous email to her. (We can't talk too often, since I must keep our phone line open for the business we run). I address everything she says with interest and ask questions about her life, only to get no answers.
I am also now required to divide paragraphs into just two sentences each, though she claims nothing is wrong with her eyes. I am not allowed to include any jokes because the ones I send are not intellectual enough, no articles or essays unless they are at her level, like from The New Yorker and agree with her politics which are now opposite of mine, and nothing at all about politics or any issue she can't change. Btw, I am eligible to be a member of Mensa, so I am not dumb, despite her implying it, in case you're wondering.
Some of you who know me know I am very, very ill. Recently, with new drugs, I had the best day I'd had in months and felt like a normal person. I was so happy! Then I opened an email from her which made me cry. For the first time in all these years I just could not keep quiet. I wrote back and said: "These digs really hurt", which was a lot less than I wanted to say, since I was very angry, but I controlled myself. She wrote back and said: "They are not meant to be digs. That's all I have to say".
I call B.S. on that. She said my belief that people often don't overcome addictions for fear of losing their peer group who all have the same addiction and my putting a label of "peer group" on anyone is "teenage". How is that not a dig? That is just one example. It got a lot nastier.
Someone here has told me recently that my illness is partly due to not accepting people as they are and being too picky and judgmental, but I really feel I should not let anyone talk to me that way. A friend here read her picture for me and says she is a phoney with a carefully crafted public persona, and that she is jealous of me because I have a committed marriage and she does not. That shocked me. She always acts like her life is better than mine in every way; perfect, in fact.
We empaths tend to hang onto people for dear life, so I think of all the good times we've had and my heart breaks. What would you all do in my place? Any ideas welcome, including telling me I am wrong and why. I am so confused!
Thanks for listening,
updated by @cheshire-cat: 06/01/17 05:48:31AM